ChandlerNWilson | I'm Starting T??? + My Gender Dysphoria | ChandlerNWilson @ChandlerNWilson | Uploaded March 2017 | Updated October 2024, 11 hours ago.
I'm an afab nonbinary person who uses they/them pronouns. For the longest time, I was convinced that I would never start testosterone because I kept going back and forth between wanting to take it and being apprehensive. I finally figured out that I've been apprehensive about it because I've been scared about how doctors/companies/businesses will react to me. Recently however, I've been struggling an incredible amount with my gender dysphoria. I mean having literal mental breakdowns multiple times a day because I cannot handle how crippling my gender dysphoria is. For me, my gender dysphoria is spiked *the most* when I am called she/her/lady/miss/girl/ma'am/etc. When I am seen/perceived as a female, I am so deeply uncomfortable and miserable.

I decided to finally put my own mental health before my fears and go ahead and look into starting testosterone. I will still be agender and still use they/them pronouns. My identity has not changed. My appearance will. I would rather be seen/perceived as a male because it means that at least I'm not being seen as a girl. Think of this as more of a "social transition" from female to male. Our society is extremely binary oriented, so I know most people will immediately gender me either male or female. So I just want to be perceived in a way that is *more* comfortable for me. I'm not a boy. But I would rather people misgender me as a male than as a female. I've talked with other afab nonbinary people, and we have agreed that we would rather be seen as male because it means we aren't being seen as female (as we have been all/most of our lives). I like being seen as a boy because it means I'm not being seen as a girl. I'm not a boy.

My goal is to take testosterone to the point of getting a deeper voice and a more muscular build. I don't think I'll be taking testosterone for an extended period of time... just long enough to get some permanent masculine traits so that my body can be more androgynous.

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