Uploaded September 2025 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
"I'm an Airplane Movie Censor, Baby"
[Intro]
I’m happy being the person
Who censors movies shown on planes
I remove swear words and extreme parts
So only safe stuff remains
[Verse]
Everyone can see what you’re watching
When you’re sitting in your seat
So I make the films OK for anyone to absorb
If they should take a peek
A 7-year-old headed to to the lavatory
Won’t see extreme things if they look
And If you need more plot than what I’ve left you
I suggest you read a book
[Chorus]
I get canisters of films from studios
They want shown on airplane screens
But Hollywood’s never found a line they wouldn’t cross
So I edit their flicks squeaky clean
My scissors snip out the bad parts
I drop em in a trash can next to my desk
Then I cover those clips with lighter fluid
And you can figure out the rest
I’m an airplane movie censor, Baby
I’m an airplane movie censor
[Verse]
Any foul language that appears
Is the first stuff that gets removed
Then I chop out any steamy scenes
Where the actors appear completely nude
For sure I’ll keep some action in
Just enough to keep things exciting
But nobody needs more than a minute or two
Of people who are fighting
[Chorus]
I get canisters of films from studios
They want shown on airplane screens
But Hollywood’s never found a line they wouldn’t cross
So I edit their flicks squeaky clean
My scissors snip out the bad parts
I drop em in a trash can next to my desk
Then I cover those clips with lighter fluid
And you can figure out the rest
I’m an airplane movie censor, Baby
I’m an airplane movie censor
[Bridge]
And of course films shown on an airplane
Can’t show any plane crashes
We don’t want passengers to get hysterical
And think they’re gonna end up ashes
But thankfully, plane crash movies
are the movies I never get sent
Studios know if I got a hold of them
In the end, there’d be no movie left
After I did all my edits
The only things left would be the credits
[Chorus]
I get canisters of films from studios
They want shown on airplane screens
But Hollywood’s never found a line they wouldn’t cross
So I edit their flicks squeaky clean
My scissors snip out the bad parts
I drop em in a trash can next to my desk
Then I cover those clips with lighter fluid
And you can figure out the rest
I’m an airplane movie censor, Baby
I’m an airplane movie censor
[Outro]
Malfunctions happen on a plane
And you don’t want to be going down
With your brain thinking the wrong things
Which it won’t as long as I’m around
Which it won’t as long as I’m around
I’m the airplane film censor, Baby
And I’ll get you into heaven, Baby
If your plane plummets to the ground
"I'm an Airplane Movie Censor, Baby"
[Intro]
I’m happy being the person
Who censors movies shown on planes
I remove swear words and extreme parts
So only safe stuff remains
[Verse]
Everyone can see what you’re watching
When you’re sitting in your seat
So I make the films OK for anyone to absorb
If they should take a peek
A 7-year-old headed to to the lavatory
Won’t see extreme things if they look
And If you need more plot than what I’ve left you
I suggest you read a book
[Chorus]
I get canisters of films from studios
They want shown on airplane screens
But Hollywood’s never found a line they wouldn’t cross
So I edit their flicks squeaky clean
My scissors snip out the bad parts
I drop em in a trash can next to my desk
Then I cover those clips with lighter fluid
And you can figure out the rest
I’m an airplane movie censor, Baby
I’m an airplane movie censor
[Verse]
Any foul language that appears
Is the first stuff that gets removed
Then I chop out any steamy scenes
Where the actors appear completely nude
For sure I’ll keep some action in
Just enough to keep things exciting
But nobody needs more than a minute or two
Of people who are fighting
[Chorus]
I get canisters of films from studios
They want shown on airplane screens
But Hollywood’s never found a line they wouldn’t cross
So I edit their flicks squeaky clean
My scissors snip out the bad parts
I drop em in a trash can next to my desk
Then I cover those clips with lighter fluid
And you can figure out the rest
I’m an airplane movie censor, Baby
I’m an airplane movie censor
[Bridge]
And of course films shown on an airplane
Can’t show any plane crashes
We don’t want passengers to get hysterical
And think they’re gonna end up ashes
But thankfully, plane crash movies
are the movies I never get sent
Studios know if I got a hold of them
In the end, there’d be no movie left
After I did all my edits
The only things left would be the credits
[Chorus]
I get canisters of films from studios
They want shown on airplane screens
But Hollywood’s never found a line they wouldn’t cross
So I edit their flicks squeaky clean
My scissors snip out the bad parts
I drop em in a trash can next to my desk
Then I cover those clips with lighter fluid
And you can figure out the rest
I’m an airplane movie censor, Baby
I’m an airplane movie censor
[Outro]
Malfunctions happen on a plane
And you don’t want to be going down
With your brain thinking the wrong things
Which it won’t as long as I’m around
Which it won’t as long as I’m around
I’m the airplane film censor, Baby
And I’ll get you into heaven, Baby
If your plane plummets to the ground
