Uploaded April 2021 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Written and performed by Andrew Clark
I'm afraid
I'm afraid that 5G's gonna cook my brain, slowly turn us all insane and turn my sperm to dust.
I'm afraid that China's gonna take away my rights to fly my flag or tattoo it on my face.
I'm afraid that Bill Gates bought an aeroplane that sprays chemicals into space to block out the sun.
And I'm afraid covid's made to depopulate the working man so the refugees can take our jobs.
And if there's any evidence we'll never see it.
It's being hidden by the BBC.
And if you disagree you're part of the problem.
If you never open up your eyes you'll never see the train that's coming, to take us all away.
I'm afraid that vaccines made from monkey brains that cause period pains are being given to you and me.
I'm afraid that transsexuals want to get into my bathroom stall and touch me places I might like.
I'm afraid that black lives might just matter more than my life does if black people get their way.
And I'm afraid that statues might have feelings and get upset when communists throw them in the sea.
And if there's any evidence we'll never see it.
It's being hidden by the BBC.
And if you disagree you're part of the problem.
If you never open up your eyes you'll never see the train that's coming, to take us all away.
I'm afraid when people hear this song they'll just sing along and think that it's all true.
I'm afraid that satire's is too close to truth, this country's lost it's sense of self and sense of humour too.
I'm afraid that even though it's a joke I might have said some things that you believe.
But mostly I'm afraid this diarrhoea will never end, it's why I'm here and not at work, and it's really getting on my tits.
Written and performed by Andrew Clark
I'm afraid
I'm afraid that 5G's gonna cook my brain, slowly turn us all insane and turn my sperm to dust.
I'm afraid that China's gonna take away my rights to fly my flag or tattoo it on my face.
I'm afraid that Bill Gates bought an aeroplane that sprays chemicals into space to block out the sun.
And I'm afraid covid's made to depopulate the working man so the refugees can take our jobs.
And if there's any evidence we'll never see it.
It's being hidden by the BBC.
And if you disagree you're part of the problem.
If you never open up your eyes you'll never see the train that's coming, to take us all away.
I'm afraid that vaccines made from monkey brains that cause period pains are being given to you and me.
I'm afraid that transsexuals want to get into my bathroom stall and touch me places I might like.
I'm afraid that black lives might just matter more than my life does if black people get their way.
And I'm afraid that statues might have feelings and get upset when communists throw them in the sea.
And if there's any evidence we'll never see it.
It's being hidden by the BBC.
And if you disagree you're part of the problem.
If you never open up your eyes you'll never see the train that's coming, to take us all away.
I'm afraid when people hear this song they'll just sing along and think that it's all true.
I'm afraid that satire's is too close to truth, this country's lost it's sense of self and sense of humour too.
I'm afraid that even though it's a joke I might have said some things that you believe.
But mostly I'm afraid this diarrhoea will never end, it's why I'm here and not at work, and it's really getting on my tits.
