Uploaded August 2026 | Updated September 2026, 6 days ago
Hi, and goodbye.
I wrote my magnum opus “Obscura” when I was 18. It only released when I was 19, due to delays in the MV production process. It was the year 2022.
youtube.com/watch?v=6TQbgoNVOJs
I was working for a long time on my “Chrysathelia Chronos” series. I wanted to make a story about love and freedom in the face of strife. I wished for people to pay attention to the story in my music. Make theories about the future of the project. But, I don't think I ever received that kind of reception.
2022 was quite a dark year in my life. I crashed so heavily from creating, and I ended up shutting down entirely.
When I listen back to the songs I released in 2022, compared to where I am now in life with my music, I feel sad. I poured in so much – but it felt like still nothing has truly come out of it, four years later. I witnessed everyone around me be rewarded for their efforts. With more followers, people who told them the emotional impact their work has. Building a community. Meaningful big opportunities to advance their career.
Not me.
I've improved my artistry and technical skills, especially after completing my studies. I'm writing new music behind the scenes. I even have a song surpassing Obscura as my new “magnum opus” in the works. But I'm worried and scared that my story won't find the people it needs to reach. I've kept trying, working hard in other avenues like singing, but I keep running into dead ends and unanswered calls.
At 15, I was already showing a lot of promise as a composer. When I listen back to those songs, they're a bit tacky, but there's seriously a lot of skill even back then. I think I had always dreamed that a big studio or something would notice me and pick me up for the talent I was showing from such a young age.
I wished that I could be a part of something bigger, that complements my artistry. I wanted more than this. I wanted to find fulfillment in some way, shape, or form.
I feel like I'm being stifled.
It still feels like, no matter what I do, no matter what I put my hard work into, it's not enough, and it will never be enough.
I've been making music online for 11 years. I've been composing music for 10 years. I recently completed university for music production education. All that, and I still feel like I haven't gotten my “chance” yet. My “big break.” I feel exhausted. I feel like my soul has been worn out.
Don't actually worry too much. The song title is “if,” after all. I am not fully saying “goodbye” yet.
The me of 2022 has still been mourning and crying for what happened, and what could've been. “Obscura” is a bittersweet song for me. If I listen to it in isolation, I'm proud of my work and what I have done. And if I remember the circumstances that surrounded that song, it makes me really sad. I don't think I've fully resolved that sadness at all to this day, four years later. I never expressed it due to wanting to keep a more clean image, but I've had enough of not saying anything.
Lately, these emotions all came rushing back to me, these regrets that I could not compose the way I wanted to, reach the people I wished to, lost so many things…
In the past, there is a “me” still crying, wondering why the world has forsaken me.
This song is a funeral to myself, to express all the grief I have held over the years. All the emotions I kept hidden, all the frustration, anger, and sadness – let it be sung here. Let me tell it to the world, let whoever hears this song witness my desires for “farewell” and departure.
I thought to myself of the song title when I was going to sleep on the night of August 8th, 2026. I envisioned the song in my mind as I drifted to sleep.
I thought it would be cathartic, at long last, to write a song as if it were my very last. A message to the world, that “This is what you've done to me, abandoning me like this. And this is what happens because of that.” Attention-seeking? Of course. That's the purpose of this song. To draw attention to these emotions I kept within myself for so long, and to the songs I've already written thus far that could never reach anyone. People communicate, and art is a form of communication, after all.
Catharsis is release. To say that I'm dying, saying goodbye like this, I’m glad I can finally tell the world how I feel. I'm glad I can stick it in your face how much you've been missing out on me, how much you should regret abandoning me, and how much I hate you for what you've done to me. I feel like maybe I can reach “acceptance” for this grief and regret plaguing me for 4 years. Or, at least, begin to.
I still have unfinished business in this existence, though. Even if I must endure pain for another four, five, or ten years, I will continue on this path.
I will give my heart to song and give every last drop of my blood into it, tenfold over if I must, draining my body and spirit completely. But I will continue even as my body gives out again and again.
It's the only life I've ever known.
Hi, and goodbye.
I wrote my magnum opus “Obscura” when I was 18. It only released when I was 19, due to delays in the MV production process. It was the year 2022.
youtube.com/watch?v=6TQbgoNVOJs
I was working for a long time on my “Chrysathelia Chronos” series. I wanted to make a story about love and freedom in the face of strife. I wished for people to pay attention to the story in my music. Make theories about the future of the project. But, I don't think I ever received that kind of reception.
2022 was quite a dark year in my life. I crashed so heavily from creating, and I ended up shutting down entirely.
When I listen back to the songs I released in 2022, compared to where I am now in life with my music, I feel sad. I poured in so much – but it felt like still nothing has truly come out of it, four years later. I witnessed everyone around me be rewarded for their efforts. With more followers, people who told them the emotional impact their work has. Building a community. Meaningful big opportunities to advance their career.
Not me.
I've improved my artistry and technical skills, especially after completing my studies. I'm writing new music behind the scenes. I even have a song surpassing Obscura as my new “magnum opus” in the works. But I'm worried and scared that my story won't find the people it needs to reach. I've kept trying, working hard in other avenues like singing, but I keep running into dead ends and unanswered calls.
At 15, I was already showing a lot of promise as a composer. When I listen back to those songs, they're a bit tacky, but there's seriously a lot of skill even back then. I think I had always dreamed that a big studio or something would notice me and pick me up for the talent I was showing from such a young age.
I wished that I could be a part of something bigger, that complements my artistry. I wanted more than this. I wanted to find fulfillment in some way, shape, or form.
I feel like I'm being stifled.
It still feels like, no matter what I do, no matter what I put my hard work into, it's not enough, and it will never be enough.
I've been making music online for 11 years. I've been composing music for 10 years. I recently completed university for music production education. All that, and I still feel like I haven't gotten my “chance” yet. My “big break.” I feel exhausted. I feel like my soul has been worn out.
Don't actually worry too much. The song title is “if,” after all. I am not fully saying “goodbye” yet.
The me of 2022 has still been mourning and crying for what happened, and what could've been. “Obscura” is a bittersweet song for me. If I listen to it in isolation, I'm proud of my work and what I have done. And if I remember the circumstances that surrounded that song, it makes me really sad. I don't think I've fully resolved that sadness at all to this day, four years later. I never expressed it due to wanting to keep a more clean image, but I've had enough of not saying anything.
Lately, these emotions all came rushing back to me, these regrets that I could not compose the way I wanted to, reach the people I wished to, lost so many things…
In the past, there is a “me” still crying, wondering why the world has forsaken me.
This song is a funeral to myself, to express all the grief I have held over the years. All the emotions I kept hidden, all the frustration, anger, and sadness – let it be sung here. Let me tell it to the world, let whoever hears this song witness my desires for “farewell” and departure.
I thought to myself of the song title when I was going to sleep on the night of August 8th, 2026. I envisioned the song in my mind as I drifted to sleep.
I thought it would be cathartic, at long last, to write a song as if it were my very last. A message to the world, that “This is what you've done to me, abandoning me like this. And this is what happens because of that.” Attention-seeking? Of course. That's the purpose of this song. To draw attention to these emotions I kept within myself for so long, and to the songs I've already written thus far that could never reach anyone. People communicate, and art is a form of communication, after all.
Catharsis is release. To say that I'm dying, saying goodbye like this, I’m glad I can finally tell the world how I feel. I'm glad I can stick it in your face how much you've been missing out on me, how much you should regret abandoning me, and how much I hate you for what you've done to me. I feel like maybe I can reach “acceptance” for this grief and regret plaguing me for 4 years. Or, at least, begin to.
I still have unfinished business in this existence, though. Even if I must endure pain for another four, five, or ten years, I will continue on this path.
I will give my heart to song and give every last drop of my blood into it, tenfold over if I must, draining my body and spirit completely. But I will continue even as my body gives out again and again.
It's the only life I've ever known.
