Uploaded May 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
They always interview the neighbors afterward
“He kept to himself”
“She lit up a room”
“Nobody expected a thing”
And every time I watch those shows
I think…
Well… somebody expected something too late
I trust my friends, I really do
But trust ain’t bulletproof
Sometimes all it takes is one bad joke
At the wrong barbecue
Maybe they thought I rolled my eyes
Maybe I missed a call
Maybe somebody shouted from across the street
Who I just didn’t hear at all
Maybe somebody thought I snitched
Maybe somebody got confused
Maybe there’s a face on a security tape
That sorta kinda looks like I do
And once your name gets scribbled down
On somebody’s private list
You can wind up in a gravel pit
Wondering what you missed
So every morning I draw a little vial of blood
Tiny drops in every place I go
Coffee shop, bus stop, pharmacy aisle
Just enough for the cops to know
And I brush against the hallway walls
Leave my scent on every door
Not because I’m itchy or clumsy
I’m just preparing for the bloodhounds if I don’t make it home
It’s preventative
Like vitamins or locking doors
Better safe than sorry
True crime taught me the score
Sure, I carry mace on my keychain ring
Took a weekend karate class
Bought one of those emergency whistles
Bright orange plastic on a lanyard strap
I text my location to three close friends
When I go out after dark
But if somebody stuffs me in a trunk someday
Well, then the real work starts
’Cause once you vanish into thin air
You become a puzzle piece
And detectives on television always say
“Forensics gave us our first leed”
So I leave a little breadcrumb trail
Like an overprepared Hansel and Gretel
DNA sprinkled coast to coast
It’s evidence in tiny speckles
Every morning I draw a little vial of blood
Tiny drops in every place I roam
Bookstore bathroom, bank machine
Underneath a traffic cone
And I lean against apartment walls
Rub my jacket on the railings too
Not because I’m losing balance
I’m just giving future K-9 units some scents that they can use
It’s preventative
Like seatbelts and winter tires
Better safe than sorry
When everyone in true crime’s a liar
Statistically speaking
I will probably die old
Complaining about soup temperature
Or slipping on the icy driveway in the cold
But every episode begins with somebody saying
“I never thought it could happen here”
And then forty-two minutes later
There’s helicopters and luminol everywhere
So if I disappear someday
Don’t say I didn’t care
There’s blood in twenty-seven locations
And fibers on at least six chairs
I did my part for the investigators
I tried to think ahead
’Cause you can’t help the police much later
When you’re possibly dead
Likely dead.
Yep, I’ll be dead.
Dead, dead, dead.
They always interview the neighbors afterward
“He kept to himself”
“She lit up a room”
“Nobody expected a thing”
And every time I watch those shows
I think…
Well… somebody expected something too late
I trust my friends, I really do
But trust ain’t bulletproof
Sometimes all it takes is one bad joke
At the wrong barbecue
Maybe they thought I rolled my eyes
Maybe I missed a call
Maybe somebody shouted from across the street
Who I just didn’t hear at all
Maybe somebody thought I snitched
Maybe somebody got confused
Maybe there’s a face on a security tape
That sorta kinda looks like I do
And once your name gets scribbled down
On somebody’s private list
You can wind up in a gravel pit
Wondering what you missed
So every morning I draw a little vial of blood
Tiny drops in every place I go
Coffee shop, bus stop, pharmacy aisle
Just enough for the cops to know
And I brush against the hallway walls
Leave my scent on every door
Not because I’m itchy or clumsy
I’m just preparing for the bloodhounds if I don’t make it home
It’s preventative
Like vitamins or locking doors
Better safe than sorry
True crime taught me the score
Sure, I carry mace on my keychain ring
Took a weekend karate class
Bought one of those emergency whistles
Bright orange plastic on a lanyard strap
I text my location to three close friends
When I go out after dark
But if somebody stuffs me in a trunk someday
Well, then the real work starts
’Cause once you vanish into thin air
You become a puzzle piece
And detectives on television always say
“Forensics gave us our first leed”
So I leave a little breadcrumb trail
Like an overprepared Hansel and Gretel
DNA sprinkled coast to coast
It’s evidence in tiny speckles
Every morning I draw a little vial of blood
Tiny drops in every place I roam
Bookstore bathroom, bank machine
Underneath a traffic cone
And I lean against apartment walls
Rub my jacket on the railings too
Not because I’m losing balance
I’m just giving future K-9 units some scents that they can use
It’s preventative
Like seatbelts and winter tires
Better safe than sorry
When everyone in true crime’s a liar
Statistically speaking
I will probably die old
Complaining about soup temperature
Or slipping on the icy driveway in the cold
But every episode begins with somebody saying
“I never thought it could happen here”
And then forty-two minutes later
There’s helicopters and luminol everywhere
So if I disappear someday
Don’t say I didn’t care
There’s blood in twenty-seven locations
And fibers on at least six chairs
I did my part for the investigators
I tried to think ahead
’Cause you can’t help the police much later
When you’re possibly dead
Likely dead.
Yep, I’ll be dead.
Dead, dead, dead.
