Uploaded November 2020 | Updated September 2026, 1 day ago
I just needed to vent again - I was thinking about how bloody angry my 6 year old self would be with me. She’d scream and cry and tell me all the ways I failed her - I became a totally different person to the one she thought I’d be, in good ways in in bad...I guess me thinking turns into me needing to get it out into the world.
Even tho I try and try I still don’t feel like I do enough - i cannot seem to make myself proud for more than a couple hours and it hurts- it depletes my energy, but also keeps we awake. It makes me overwork myself, but want to procrastinate. It makes me hate myself, even If I know I’ve done really well.
I just need someone to tell me they’re proud of me and actually mean it - I want a reason why they’re proud of me and I don’t what them to say it because they feel they have to or I’ll go off the rails. I want someone too see me trying and for the soul reason they actually are - say there proud of me...I can seem to convince myself.
So pretty much - I’m sorry 6 year old me, In my mind if failed you in so many ways...I guess that mentality is also failing you but what can I do...I’ve waisted all my “I’m so proud of myself.” ‘s trying to fake it when I’m not proud that I can’t say it and mean it when I actually am.
(Swearing ahead)
My life’s fuckin complicated bro- honestly just why. Why me? Wtf did I do- its fuckin 2am on a Wednesday and I’m trying to convince myself I’m not a failure...this is just great - we love the non-existent mental stability I have
I just needed to vent again - I was thinking about how bloody angry my 6 year old self would be with me. She’d scream and cry and tell me all the ways I failed her - I became a totally different person to the one she thought I’d be, in good ways in in bad...I guess me thinking turns into me needing to get it out into the world.
Even tho I try and try I still don’t feel like I do enough - i cannot seem to make myself proud for more than a couple hours and it hurts- it depletes my energy, but also keeps we awake. It makes me overwork myself, but want to procrastinate. It makes me hate myself, even If I know I’ve done really well.
I just need someone to tell me they’re proud of me and actually mean it - I want a reason why they’re proud of me and I don’t what them to say it because they feel they have to or I’ll go off the rails. I want someone too see me trying and for the soul reason they actually are - say there proud of me...I can seem to convince myself.
So pretty much - I’m sorry 6 year old me, In my mind if failed you in so many ways...I guess that mentality is also failing you but what can I do...I’ve waisted all my “I’m so proud of myself.” ‘s trying to fake it when I’m not proud that I can’t say it and mean it when I actually am.
(Swearing ahead)
My life’s fuckin complicated bro- honestly just why. Why me? Wtf did I do- its fuckin 2am on a Wednesday and I’m trying to convince myself I’m not a failure...this is just great - we love the non-existent mental stability I have
