Uploaded February 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
[Verse 1]
I like the bassoon over every other instrument
And that includes the human voice
It seems like every time I hear the bassoon playing
It drowns out all the other noise
If a song contains the bassoon
The bassoon can’t help but elevate it
If I hear one in a song
It automatically gets added to my playlist
[Chorus]
Someone decided that the bassoon
Wouldn’t occupy an orchestra’s top position
And if I ever meet that person
They’re gonna need to see a physician
That’s the only time in my life
I’ve been known to advocate violence
If I were a top conductor
I’d put them above the so-called violins
[Verse 2]
There are settings on sound systems
That will amplify the bass
I hired an engineer to make a special setting for me
That blasts bassoon right in your face
When people come by and I turn that setting on
They look at me like I’m crazy
You can keep your Geddy Lee and your Charles Mingus
I’ll keep my Monica Ellis and my Andrew Brady
[Chorus]
Someone decided that the bassoon
Wouldn’t occupy an orchestra’s top position
And if I ever meet that person
They’re gonna need to see a physician
That’s the only time in my life
I’ve been known to advocate violence
If I were a top conductor
I’d put them above the so-called violins
[Bridge]
I’m single now but I was once in a relationship
But that relationship was doomed
Because the only reason I dated them
Was because they played the bassoon
Turns out that love of the instrument
Was the only thing we had in common
Well, that was enough for me
But for them that was a problem
So they dumped me.
Whatever.
I still have my records.
[Final Chorus]
Someone decided that the bassoon
Wouldn’t occupy an orchestra’s top position
And if I ever meet that person
They’re gonna need to see a physician
That’s the only time in my life
I’ve been known to advocate violence
If I were a top conductor
I’d put them above the so-called violins
[Outro]
People ask me what about the contra bassoon
Friends, I don’t want to go that deep
I’m like a person who likes sauces
Mild and flavourful without turning up the heat
[Verse 1]
I like the bassoon over every other instrument
And that includes the human voice
It seems like every time I hear the bassoon playing
It drowns out all the other noise
If a song contains the bassoon
The bassoon can’t help but elevate it
If I hear one in a song
It automatically gets added to my playlist
[Chorus]
Someone decided that the bassoon
Wouldn’t occupy an orchestra’s top position
And if I ever meet that person
They’re gonna need to see a physician
That’s the only time in my life
I’ve been known to advocate violence
If I were a top conductor
I’d put them above the so-called violins
[Verse 2]
There are settings on sound systems
That will amplify the bass
I hired an engineer to make a special setting for me
That blasts bassoon right in your face
When people come by and I turn that setting on
They look at me like I’m crazy
You can keep your Geddy Lee and your Charles Mingus
I’ll keep my Monica Ellis and my Andrew Brady
[Chorus]
Someone decided that the bassoon
Wouldn’t occupy an orchestra’s top position
And if I ever meet that person
They’re gonna need to see a physician
That’s the only time in my life
I’ve been known to advocate violence
If I were a top conductor
I’d put them above the so-called violins
[Bridge]
I’m single now but I was once in a relationship
But that relationship was doomed
Because the only reason I dated them
Was because they played the bassoon
Turns out that love of the instrument
Was the only thing we had in common
Well, that was enough for me
But for them that was a problem
So they dumped me.
Whatever.
I still have my records.
[Final Chorus]
Someone decided that the bassoon
Wouldn’t occupy an orchestra’s top position
And if I ever meet that person
They’re gonna need to see a physician
That’s the only time in my life
I’ve been known to advocate violence
If I were a top conductor
I’d put them above the so-called violins
[Outro]
People ask me what about the contra bassoon
Friends, I don’t want to go that deep
I’m like a person who likes sauces
Mild and flavourful without turning up the heat
