Brian Murphy | How to develop relationship resilience in less than 1 minute @thisisbgm | Uploaded May 2024 | Updated October 2024, 3 hours ago.
It’s easy to listen when my partner says nice things about me. When he’s got an update that makes me happy. Warm feelings are fun.
It’s so much harder to listen when he’s frustrated at me. When he has feelings i don’t understand. When he wants something different than me. It’s harder to share my own feelings when I’m scared of them. When it feels super vulnerable. When I’m worried my feelings might hurt his feelings.
I learned from Esther Perez that “research tells us we have the capacity to listen for 10 seconds when someone tells us something we don’t agree with. That’s 3 sentences.”
But listening when it’s hard is a skill that can be practiced.
One of my roles as a relationship coach is to slow down conversations. When conversations get tough, when feelings get uncomfortable, it’s VERY tempting to switch to explaining, justifying, or problem-solving. But doing so robs you of the opportunity to listen and be present.
So I’ll make sure you REALLY understand what he said. I’ll help you understand what he did (and just as importantly DIDN’T say). I’ll get you to pay attention to the 84397 assumptions you just made about what he said MEANS or what he THINKS (but didn’t say).
You CAN practice listening for longer. And the longer you’re able to listen, the more present you’re able to be with the tough conversations? The more resilient your relationship.
Want to strengthen and deepen your relationship? Follow along for more!
It’s easy to listen when my partner says nice things about me. When he’s got an update that makes me happy. Warm feelings are fun.
It’s so much harder to listen when he’s frustrated at me. When he has feelings i don’t understand. When he wants something different than me. It’s harder to share my own feelings when I’m scared of them. When it feels super vulnerable. When I’m worried my feelings might hurt his feelings.
I learned from Esther Perez that “research tells us we have the capacity to listen for 10 seconds when someone tells us something we don’t agree with. That’s 3 sentences.”
But listening when it’s hard is a skill that can be practiced.
One of my roles as a relationship coach is to slow down conversations. When conversations get tough, when feelings get uncomfortable, it’s VERY tempting to switch to explaining, justifying, or problem-solving. But doing so robs you of the opportunity to listen and be present.
So I’ll make sure you REALLY understand what he said. I’ll help you understand what he did (and just as importantly DIDN’T say). I’ll get you to pay attention to the 84397 assumptions you just made about what he said MEANS or what he THINKS (but didn’t say).
You CAN practice listening for longer. And the longer you’re able to listen, the more present you’re able to be with the tough conversations? The more resilient your relationship.
Want to strengthen and deepen your relationship? Follow along for more!
