Uploaded March 2026 | Updated September 2026, 10 hours ago
Sonja Lyubomirsky is one of the most influential happiness researchers of our time.
Sonja moved to the United States from Moscow at age 9 in the 70s. She went to Harvard and Stanford in the 80s and began studying happiness in 1989 ... longer than almost anyone else alive! Positive psychology wasn't "founded" by Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi for another decade.
Sonja has published hundreds of papers including her Most Cited 2005 paper which defined the field by flipping a long-held assumption on its head: That happiness doesn’t follow success but causes it.
Sonja is now following up her bestsellers 'The How of Happiness' and 'The Myths Of Happiness' with a new book called 'How to Feel Loved', a joint effort co-written with relationship expert Dr. Harry Reis, which is a culmination of 30 years of research that all point to one central truth: that feeling loved (not just being loved!) is a crucial ingredient of happiness.
In this conversation we talk about the four horsemen that can ruin a marriage, what MDMA does to our brains, why small talk doesn’t build connection, the best advice for dating, how our brains respond to love, the single best way to feel happier today, and, of course, the eminent Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky's 3 most formative books.
Let’s flip the page to Chapter 158 now...
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0:00 Welcome to Chapter 158 of 3 Books
3:23 Sonja's History with Happiness Research
5:57 Sonja's new book: How to Feel Loved
16:53 Book 1: Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes
21:14 Inspired by Intellectual Courage
28:13 The Three Buckets of Happiness
33:18 The Most Powerful Happiness Booster
38:13 Book 2: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
44:56 How to Nurture Relationships
48:57 MDMA and Happiness
54:09 Book 3: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
58:15 Emily's Question for Sonja
1:01:43 Sonja's Rules for Dating
1:03:26 Fast Money Round!
1:08:50 Final Reflections
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SUBSCRIBE: bit.ly/2HHWPYg
Hey there,
I'm Neil and I spend a ton of time thinking, writing, podcasting, and speaking about living intentionally. I'm the New York Times bestselling author of six books including The Book of Awesome and The Happiness Equation. I've been lucky to speak at places like TED, SXSW, and Google. And I host a huge passion project called the 3 Books podcast.
Want more 3 Books? Check out my top interviews with:
Brené Brown youtube.com/watch?v=X5l-Auv7h8Y
Quentin Tarantino youtube.com/watch?v=VVFdvfiPB-w
David Sedaris youtube.com/watch?v=wzz8tqnz1mI
Want to read more of my stuff?
https://www.neil.blog/archive/
Want to check out my podcast?
3books.co
Want to learn about my live events?
globalhappiness.org/speaking
Want my monthly book recos?
1000awesomethings.com/reading-club
Want my articles on intentional living?
https://www.neil.blog/newsletter/
I am also on the following drugs:
Facebook: facebook.com/NeilPasricha
Twitter: twitter.com/neilpasricha
Instagram: instagram.com/neilpasricha
Lastly, thanks so much for watching this vid.
👊,
Neil
neil@globalhappiness.org
Sonja Lyubomirsky is one of the most influential happiness researchers of our time.
Sonja moved to the United States from Moscow at age 9 in the 70s. She went to Harvard and Stanford in the 80s and began studying happiness in 1989 ... longer than almost anyone else alive! Positive psychology wasn't "founded" by Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi for another decade.
Sonja has published hundreds of papers including her Most Cited 2005 paper which defined the field by flipping a long-held assumption on its head: That happiness doesn’t follow success but causes it.
Sonja is now following up her bestsellers 'The How of Happiness' and 'The Myths Of Happiness' with a new book called 'How to Feel Loved', a joint effort co-written with relationship expert Dr. Harry Reis, which is a culmination of 30 years of research that all point to one central truth: that feeling loved (not just being loved!) is a crucial ingredient of happiness.
In this conversation we talk about the four horsemen that can ruin a marriage, what MDMA does to our brains, why small talk doesn’t build connection, the best advice for dating, how our brains respond to love, the single best way to feel happier today, and, of course, the eminent Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky's 3 most formative books.
Let’s flip the page to Chapter 158 now...
-
0:00 Welcome to Chapter 158 of 3 Books
3:23 Sonja's History with Happiness Research
5:57 Sonja's new book: How to Feel Loved
16:53 Book 1: Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes
21:14 Inspired by Intellectual Courage
28:13 The Three Buckets of Happiness
33:18 The Most Powerful Happiness Booster
38:13 Book 2: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
44:56 How to Nurture Relationships
48:57 MDMA and Happiness
54:09 Book 3: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
58:15 Emily's Question for Sonja
1:01:43 Sonja's Rules for Dating
1:03:26 Fast Money Round!
1:08:50 Final Reflections
-
SUBSCRIBE: bit.ly/2HHWPYg
Hey there,
I'm Neil and I spend a ton of time thinking, writing, podcasting, and speaking about living intentionally. I'm the New York Times bestselling author of six books including The Book of Awesome and The Happiness Equation. I've been lucky to speak at places like TED, SXSW, and Google. And I host a huge passion project called the 3 Books podcast.
Want more 3 Books? Check out my top interviews with:
Brené Brown youtube.com/watch?v=X5l-Auv7h8Y
Quentin Tarantino youtube.com/watch?v=VVFdvfiPB-w
David Sedaris youtube.com/watch?v=wzz8tqnz1mI
Want to read more of my stuff?
https://www.neil.blog/archive/
Want to check out my podcast?
3books.co
Want to learn about my live events?
globalhappiness.org/speaking
Want my monthly book recos?
1000awesomethings.com/reading-club
Want my articles on intentional living?
https://www.neil.blog/newsletter/
I am also on the following drugs:
Facebook: facebook.com/NeilPasricha
Twitter: twitter.com/neilpasricha
Instagram: instagram.com/neilpasricha
Lastly, thanks so much for watching this vid.
👊,
Neil
neil@globalhappiness.org
