Uploaded July 2011 | Updated September 2026, 5 hours ago
↓↓↓ CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE FULL VERSION OF THE SONG ↓↓↓
http://dft.ba/-fatwizards
http://dft.ba/-fatwizards
http://dft.ba/-fatwizards
Sorry for the caps and multiple pastes, but a lot of people don't read the doobly-doo, and I'm really proud of the full version of this song. I want everyone to get a chance to hear it!
Edit: Both full-band and acoustic versions are now available for purchase. You can get them both for $1 (or more, if you're feeling generous) by purchasing the "album."
I came up with this song concept when I was thinking about how few of the characters in Harry Potter were overweight. I'm a very lazy person, so I'd imagine that being a wizard would make me unbelievably fat (well, fatter than I already am). As a note of clarification, there was a bit of lexical ambiguity in one of the lines of the song. When I say "house-elf-pies," I am referring to pies that are baked by house elves, not pies that are made of house elves. That's just gross.
If you want to help me out and tweet this link or share it elsewhere, here is a handy little shortened URL: http://dft.ba/-fwc
Song Lyrics:
Perhaps you could call me lazy
Or just a tad naive
But you wouldn't see me walkin' around
If I could drift along inside a pensieve
I can't be the only one out there
And I don't mean to assume
But I wouldn't be hittin' the elliptical
If I could fly around on a broom
'Cause if I were a wizard, I'd be fat as hell
You don't need muscle when you're casting a spell
And if I were a wizard, i'd be overweight
'Cause who needs to walk around when you can apparate?
You might say playin' Quidditch
Is physical, that's true
But that's like one percent of all wizardkind
That argument just won't do
I think that i'm convinced now
Of a vast conspiracy
They're hiding witch and wizard fatties in Azkaban
And that don't sit well with me
[Chorus]
How are all these kids so fit?
Stuffing faces with House-Elf-pies?
Flying high on a hippogryph
Is not exactly exercise
You may think that physical discipline
Is part of magic folks' m.o.
But honestly, I wouldn't lift a finger
I'd just yell, "Accio!"
'Cause if i were a wizard, I'd be fat as hell
You don't need muscle when you're casting a spell
And if I were a wizard I'd be quite obese
Crabbe and Goyle ain't got nothin' on me!
Yeah, if i were a wizard, I'd be fat as hell
You don't need muscle when you're casting a spell
And if I were a wizard, I'd be overweight
'Cause who needs to walk around when you can apparate?
---
Music: Fat Wizard Conspiracy by The Perfect Place
theperfectplace.bandcamp.com
© 2010 fecklessMusic
Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 United States License
---
Google+: gplus.to/fecklessman
Twitter: twitter.com/fecklessman
Daily Blog: fecklessman.blogspot.com
Facebook: facebook.com/fecklessman
Personal Channel: youtube.com/buelification
.
fecklessman "plain english" show "bud newman" buel english language education entertainment canon rebel t3i 1080p hd "harry potter" wrock "wizard rock" fat wizard conspiracy "the perfect place" "ministry of magic" "harry and the potters" "all caps" "the remus lupins" "alex carpenter" "the whomping willows" "the parselmouths" "luke conard" "kristina horner" electronic folk rock "folk rock" hogwarts gryffindor ravenclaw hufflepuff slytherin nerdfighters dftba awesome
↓↓↓ CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE FULL VERSION OF THE SONG ↓↓↓
http://dft.ba/-fatwizards
http://dft.ba/-fatwizards
http://dft.ba/-fatwizards
Sorry for the caps and multiple pastes, but a lot of people don't read the doobly-doo, and I'm really proud of the full version of this song. I want everyone to get a chance to hear it!
Edit: Both full-band and acoustic versions are now available for purchase. You can get them both for $1 (or more, if you're feeling generous) by purchasing the "album."
I came up with this song concept when I was thinking about how few of the characters in Harry Potter were overweight. I'm a very lazy person, so I'd imagine that being a wizard would make me unbelievably fat (well, fatter than I already am). As a note of clarification, there was a bit of lexical ambiguity in one of the lines of the song. When I say "house-elf-pies," I am referring to pies that are baked by house elves, not pies that are made of house elves. That's just gross.
If you want to help me out and tweet this link or share it elsewhere, here is a handy little shortened URL: http://dft.ba/-fwc
Song Lyrics:
Perhaps you could call me lazy
Or just a tad naive
But you wouldn't see me walkin' around
If I could drift along inside a pensieve
I can't be the only one out there
And I don't mean to assume
But I wouldn't be hittin' the elliptical
If I could fly around on a broom
'Cause if I were a wizard, I'd be fat as hell
You don't need muscle when you're casting a spell
And if I were a wizard, i'd be overweight
'Cause who needs to walk around when you can apparate?
You might say playin' Quidditch
Is physical, that's true
But that's like one percent of all wizardkind
That argument just won't do
I think that i'm convinced now
Of a vast conspiracy
They're hiding witch and wizard fatties in Azkaban
And that don't sit well with me
[Chorus]
How are all these kids so fit?
Stuffing faces with House-Elf-pies?
Flying high on a hippogryph
Is not exactly exercise
You may think that physical discipline
Is part of magic folks' m.o.
But honestly, I wouldn't lift a finger
I'd just yell, "Accio!"
'Cause if i were a wizard, I'd be fat as hell
You don't need muscle when you're casting a spell
And if I were a wizard I'd be quite obese
Crabbe and Goyle ain't got nothin' on me!
Yeah, if i were a wizard, I'd be fat as hell
You don't need muscle when you're casting a spell
And if I were a wizard, I'd be overweight
'Cause who needs to walk around when you can apparate?
---
Music: Fat Wizard Conspiracy by The Perfect Place
theperfectplace.bandcamp.com
© 2010 fecklessMusic
Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 United States License
---
Google+: gplus.to/fecklessman
Twitter: twitter.com/fecklessman
Daily Blog: fecklessman.blogspot.com
Facebook: facebook.com/fecklessman
Personal Channel: youtube.com/buelification
.
fecklessman "plain english" show "bud newman" buel english language education entertainment canon rebel t3i 1080p hd "harry potter" wrock "wizard rock" fat wizard conspiracy "the perfect place" "ministry of magic" "harry and the potters" "all caps" "the remus lupins" "alex carpenter" "the whomping willows" "the parselmouths" "luke conard" "kristina horner" electronic folk rock "folk rock" hogwarts gryffindor ravenclaw hufflepuff slytherin nerdfighters dftba awesome
