for all those cookiepawz hyperfix superfans checking the description again, first of all, you can do better than this. do your homework, go to work, read a book, get better at drawing or any other hobby, talk to a friend, hug a tree idfk anything that isnt ruminating on a dead channel. (this is actually advice to myself)
ive been thinking and analyzing my past self and i think i've realized the problem(s) with myself; i was a huge people-pleasing pushover who didn't know how to say no or set boundaries and felt a lot of pressure and anxiety to keep my channel alive. reading through my old descriptions, a lot of them were trying to come up with excuses for not being active, such as school or medical reasons. hell, i even apologized for being inactive because my dad was in the hospital!! like jfc u dont need to apologize for that, u dont owe anyone content or your activity, family comes first way more than whatever's going on online. i realized i felt like i had to find some sort of valid reason to justify being inactive or i would feel guilty. at the end of the day i don't owe anyone on here anything. i dont even make money off videos, yet i felt like if i wanted to take a break or leave just cause, then i was a bad person because i was abandoning loyal fans.
i didnt know how to create a balance and still dont know how, so completely cutting myself off was the best way to maintain my sanity.
at the start of my channel i was having fun making content and pumping out 4 videos in a day at somepoint! it was just a small close-knit community and i was enjoying it. but when i left i realized i wasnt happy with what i was doing anymore. i initially went on this site to entertain and get noticed in return, but i guess it slowly became meaningless and all i ended up focusing on was the numbers. i know younger me and a lot of my subs would think im crazy for wanting to throw away what i have, to throw away an audience, support, attention, etc. but it all became bleak in some sort of way, not to mention ive strangely been slowly feeling uncomfortable with being idolized? im just some average dude on the internet. i also feel like ive grown up from childish content, but my audience didnt really grow w/ me
i felt like my only value online was my content. i mean thats the case for most content creators, its not exactly a bad thing if thats ur career or hobby etc, but i think it just felt too dehumanizing for myself to be reduced to what i make. and i started placing my self worth into whether or not my content was good, and that mindset wasnt healthy. nobody really cared about me, only my content, and thats ok! u dont have to care abt the personal life of some stranger online, but ig that just wasnt for me.
and dont get me started on twitter. this can apply to most social media platforms but twitter (ermm acktually its called 𝕏 now 🤓☝) is a toxic site that only rewards gooner content and is full of engagement bait and racism and is littered with bots and blah blah. i remember when i was active on my second twt account, i wanted it to be a space where i didnt care if ppl liked what i posted, id just post doodles or random stuff that happened in my day. when i posted about fandoms and other things i liked, nobody gaf, and even my doodles didnt get much attention, but the moment i posted a low effort sketch of xomi that was a little suggestive, suddenly it blew up with likes. i know i sound like “we live in a society smh” but it was just discouraging.
i’m still in college, i didnt do well in some classes since i was still suffering from internet addiction, but i’m slowly making progress. and a few months ago i had to be hospitalized for awhile and am still recovering, but im doing better than i was before so yay
soo am i returning? yes and no. im still kinda anxious to post on my main channel, i dont rlly like having a lot of eyes on me anymore and ik i have compulsions to constantly check whats going on in my channel and that would distract me from college. and social media sites like twitter are way out of the question. however, for now ive decided to just chill and post art on toyhouse. its a lot more lowkey since u need an invite code to use it, and theres no urge to pump out content or get popular, i just post cause i want to without caring if ppl like it or not. so yeah, https://toyhou.se/cookaine
anyways, thank u for reading, thanks for remembering me even if my goal for awhile was to fall into irrelevancy and quit the internet haha. thank you for being a fan, i appreciate u a lot (parasocially). still tryna figure myself and my life out, but im getting there one step at a time.
for all those cookiepawz hyperfix superfans checking the description again, first of all, you can do better than this. do your homework, go to work, read a book, get better at drawing or any other hobby, talk to a friend, hug a tree idfk anything that isnt ruminating on a dead channel. (this is actually advice to myself)
ive been thinking and analyzing my past self and i think i've realized the problem(s) with myself; i was a huge people-pleasing pushover who didn't know how to say no or set boundaries and felt a lot of pressure and anxiety to keep my channel alive. reading through my old descriptions, a lot of them were trying to come up with excuses for not being active, such as school or medical reasons. hell, i even apologized for being inactive because my dad was in the hospital!! like jfc u dont need to apologize for that, u dont owe anyone content or your activity, family comes first way more than whatever's going on online. i realized i felt like i had to find some sort of valid reason to justify being inactive or i would feel guilty. at the end of the day i don't owe anyone on here anything. i dont even make money off videos, yet i felt like if i wanted to take a break or leave just cause, then i was a bad person because i was abandoning loyal fans.
i didnt know how to create a balance and still dont know how, so completely cutting myself off was the best way to maintain my sanity.
at the start of my channel i was having fun making content and pumping out 4 videos in a day at somepoint! it was just a small close-knit community and i was enjoying it. but when i left i realized i wasnt happy with what i was doing anymore. i initially went on this site to entertain and get noticed in return, but i guess it slowly became meaningless and all i ended up focusing on was the numbers. i know younger me and a lot of my subs would think im crazy for wanting to throw away what i have, to throw away an audience, support, attention, etc. but it all became bleak in some sort of way, not to mention ive strangely been slowly feeling uncomfortable with being idolized? im just some average dude on the internet. i also feel like ive grown up from childish content, but my audience didnt really grow w/ me
i felt like my only value online was my content. i mean thats the case for most content creators, its not exactly a bad thing if thats ur career or hobby etc, but i think it just felt too dehumanizing for myself to be reduced to what i make. and i started placing my self worth into whether or not my content was good, and that mindset wasnt healthy. nobody really cared about me, only my content, and thats ok! u dont have to care abt the personal life of some stranger online, but ig that just wasnt for me.
and dont get me started on twitter. this can apply to most social media platforms but twitter (ermm acktually its called 𝕏 now 🤓☝) is a toxic site that only rewards gooner content and is full of engagement bait and racism and is littered with bots and blah blah. i remember when i was active on my second twt account, i wanted it to be a space where i didnt care if ppl liked what i posted, id just post doodles or random stuff that happened in my day. when i posted about fandoms and other things i liked, nobody gaf, and even my doodles didnt get much attention, but the moment i posted a low effort sketch of xomi that was a little suggestive, suddenly it blew up with likes. i know i sound like “we live in a society smh” but it was just discouraging.
i’m still in college, i didnt do well in some classes since i was still suffering from internet addiction, but i’m slowly making progress. and a few months ago i had to be hospitalized for awhile and am still recovering, but im doing better than i was before so yay
soo am i returning? yes and no. im still kinda anxious to post on my main channel, i dont rlly like having a lot of eyes on me anymore and ik i have compulsions to constantly check whats going on in my channel and that would distract me from college. and social media sites like twitter are way out of the question. however, for now ive decided to just chill and post art on toyhouse. its a lot more lowkey since u need an invite code to use it, and theres no urge to pump out content or get popular, i just post cause i want to without caring if ppl like it or not. so yeah, https://toyhou.se/cookaine
anyways, thank u for reading, thanks for remembering me even if my goal for awhile was to fall into irrelevancy and quit the internet haha. thank you for being a fan, i appreciate u a lot (parasocially). still tryna figure myself and my life out, but im getting there one step at a time.
best, cookie 🧡CANDYMAN [100,000 SUBS AAAAAAAA]CookiePawz2020-08-01 | THIS TOOK AGES AND I ALMOST GAVE UP SO MANY TIMES AAAAA BUT IM REALLY PROUD OF IT
BUT ANYWAYS TYSM FOR 100K LIKE AAAA IM SO EMOTIONAL
i said most of what i wanted to say at the end of the video so yee qwq
also sorta based off my wip for my 10k special that i never finished: youtu.be/mA9N6E-toUg
also i guess the backstory is that bella (the bat, also i know i forgot the wings shh) is kinda like a vampire bat and squinky always liked her but she doesnt like him that much but shes craving blood so she acts friendly to him to get an opportunity to bite him idk
this is kinda a vent but dont worry about it i feel better after making this ;o;PEPPERMINT || memeCookiePawz2019-10-13 | hey whats up guys it's scarce here double upload today :D i was rewatching my older videos and tbh i kinda miss doing funny skit type videos with my ocs lol
sorry if i havent been as active, ive been trying to juggle multiple ap classes, been taking drivers ed, tutoring ppl, and trying to get owed stuff done and this was really time consuming to animate but i had fun and i like how it turned out qwq
also im not sure if im gonna still use them as my fursona or whatever cause i dont rlly connect with them anymore but i might switch in between them and cookie
programs: macromedia flash 8, sony vegasdont stop || FNAF [REMAKE]CookiePawz2019-08-21 | 12 yr old me defending foxy x mangle be like
ok i know fnaf is pretty irrelevant now and is only kept alive at the bottom reaches of the internet (besides help wanted and stuff), but like i just wanted to pay tribute to fnaf because i was obsessed with the games and videos surrounding it when i was younger and still enjoy them now and its rlly nostalgic for me and if i didnt get inspired by fnaf animators like sonic99rae and questionedturkey i probably wouldnt have started this channel and i made a few friends through liking it so its just rlly special to me yknow (ty description readers uwu)
also i know this is kinda lazy and probably isnt a big improvement but idc
also psst its okay to like fnaf or any other fandom or game, it doesnt matter if its cringe as long as you're enjoying yourself !!
programs: flash 8, sony vegasuproar || animation meme (rlly edgy)CookiePawz2019-07-27 | this took agess and im finally glad its done
pretty much this is some oc i made in gacha life but made it into cat thing lol
tbh melody meme was my only edgy banger
xomi's backstory: pretty much xomi is some cat succubus hybrid and died and as punishment for what she did (will tell another time) she was to spend eternity in the cubari world alone. since it was lonely there, she eventually figured out how to travel between worlds but could only temporarily be in a different world. later on she figured out that if she nearly kills someone she can take part of their soul to form a new being and bring it back to her world but in the process it corrupts the new soul. basically in this video she does that to cookie and forms this new being named coki. (if you've been on my discord you might know them lmao pretty much its cookie but uhh nvm) cookie then gets healed by someone unknown. (i know theres probably some plot holes but im working on it ok-)
programs: macromedia flash 8, sony vegas, cbt torture
i just realize how much i love to put my oc thru paina pimp named slickback || meme (hAPPY BIRTHDAY KAZUICHI)CookiePawz2019-07-01 | edit: this is old but i thought i should say im black, at the time of making this i wasnt rlly paying much attention to the lyrics, but i get kazuichi is obviously not black ☠️
HAPPY BIRTH EVEN THOUGH UR NOT REAL HAHA,,
hgdjfd this took way longer than i thought, im never drawing humans again lmao
anyways i love danganronpa and i lov kazuichi and like i know he look edgy but hes rlly conforting for me? like last year when i was having bad anxiety, looking at his fanart really helped lol
programs: flash 8, sony vegascrAsh || animation meme (edgy)CookiePawz2019-01-13 | im rlly glad how this turned out :0 i know its random edgyness but idc
programs: macromedia flash 8, sony vegasBer Zer Ker || animation memeCookiePawz2018-11-12 | DISCLAIMER: i didnt trace the hand. i was looking back and forth at the frame while i drew it cause i didn't know how to draw the claw and blood well so you could consider its heavily referenced
hey whats up guys scarce here double upload today
i wanted to do this meme for awhile and i rlly like how it turned out :'0 and i kno i suck at edgy lol
..ive been doing it for five hours straight help ;_;
using firealpaca to trace over and make the lines smooth is pretty time consuming oofKRIS IS THAT A POLICE || deltarune animationCookiePawz2018-11-11 | i told myself i wouldnt milk fandoms anymore but screw it deltarune is great B)
it feels good to be back :'D, sorry if the lines are messy, i dont have a touchscreen anymore and hafta get used to using a tablet :p
ive been doing alot better and even though schools a bit much, i hope to balance things out ^_^
i really enjoy doing story type things, i used to do them alot on my old channel and wanna mix them in every now and then. id want to do voice actors but tbh its a big hassle and just putting words is easy haha..
anywho thx for sticking around and thx for 70k!! ;D
im gonna go play deltarunewhen your laptop is broken and basically everything sucksCookiePawz2018-08-22 | song lol: youtu.be/unRldLdllZ8 also thx joz for editing xdd sorry for not posting for a month, ever since that vent i thought i was on the path to slowly feeling better but everything just feels 10x worse, i really dont wanna worry anyone but ive just been stressed especially since my laptop isnt working and idk what my dads gonna do about it. im able to use flipaclip and all but it has its limits and i dont wanna depend on it forever. ive been having alot of self doubt about the future and since im gonna be a sophmore soon i wanted to be able to focus on inproving my grades cause i really wanna help my parents and make them proud and have a good future but i also think about my online life and im just really conflicted cause i dont wanna quit but im hardly enjoying myself anymore and i feel kinda lost..and im panicking cause of my long summer assignment i hardly touched im screwed but i cant focus at all on it cause i feel bad,,,and i havent met any of my summer goals which sucks
either way i hope you're all doing well, thx for being great subs and supporting me ;w;
the secret message wasnt dafuq nor tide pods (its a long sentence) btw but somebody found itbirdie in the thumbnailCookiePawz2018-01-22 | also if u dont know birdie then u can just ignore the whole description xd ive been streaming for 8 hours working on this with art block so sorry that it sucks and im extremely tired but anyways.. uh first of all about the "birdie drama" if birdie wanted attention she wouldn't have made her vent account private and only exclusive to friends and also just stop with the false spreading of information, she never included fontik's address, the 'death threat' was a repost of what fontik said to themself, the main reason fontik deleted their channel was cause of feeling overrated and not improving and junk like that. she also asked not to have any rants made and all this stuff just gets blown out of proportion so some sick fucks can get a kick out of things. ok ok i know i sound like a white night right now but anyways yes it wasnt right for birdie to post fontik's face and last name but it was for venting and wasnt made public but i cant remember how it was leaked. anyways you can either think birdie wont do it again or just continue to distrust her and thats fine but dont go spreading misinformation for your entertainment, shes a human being with emotion and feelings and also sorry if this paragraph is a mess, i usually just be quiet and dont say shit but im really tired and im probably gonna wake up and come to my senses and regret putting stuff out here and i really dont wanna get involved but for now, here u go. cookie out~ --------------------------- anyways before you get your panties in a twist, i know stariaat doesnt use bots obviously
also ppl featured is my new friends toucantumblr and deletedpoptarts ;))))), uhh stariaat, yeagar, wolfychu and sweetotoons and birdie and probably someone else
and im kinda proud of this for being suckyv† X † CΛIN † | animation memeCookiePawz2018-01-15 | i wanna do less animation memes but meh
this is also my oc bella ive had a long time but im too lazy to explain the edgy story
hope you enjoy :D i had fun making this
original: youtube.com/watch?v=0ILhKOYmcWc discord: discord.gg/v2WcFHh programs: macromedia flash 8, sony vegasall eyes on me || memeCookiePawz2017-12-22 | this took me hours today and yesterday nearly non stop a c CK also before you ask, im still in a hotel and we didnt go anywhere today but thats bound to change
anyways i really like how this turned out :'0 ive gained confidence in my animation and art style and i hope you enjoy! :D
also this is my new oc and i really like their design. i was trying to make some sort of original species of aquatic armadillos but idk what species they are at this point. i also dont have a name for them rip q3qГлупые письма (silly letters) || animation memeCookiePawz2017-12-02 | edge tween and animation meem
i hate this but i couldnt stop listening to this song
actually dont cause life is goodchime || meme (commission)CookiePawz2017-10-29 | pfft sorry this took so long x'D but i hope you enjoy ! commission for SaltyLK saltylk.deviantart.com
original: youtu.be/Ag6jbprB-R0 song: youtu.be/iv7ZJecuu_oblush meme || commissionCookiePawz2017-08-10 | thanks for commissioning me dachshvnd sorry its late ^^; (a lot of people are saying this is moonpaw on scratch i guess it is :v they commissioned me on deviantart back in january)
deviantart (commissions will soon open) cookiedekitty.deviantart.com program: flash 8FISH STICKS SONGCookiePawz2017-08-02 | hai dere :3 I've been working on this for awhile with my oc darkmint which you probably never seen him unless you were subscribed for a long time
i also realized i used alot of my ocs in this (the cop and one of the hands is some other peoples ocs xD)
i wanted to animate this song for awhile XD and as cringy as it is i kinda like it
dude literally %90 of the comments are saying how they dont like fish sticks, i get it
song: youtu.be/XUdw35PRa04 deviantart: http://cookiedekitty.deviantart.comdROP tHE mAMBO || darlinqq birthday giftCookiePawz2017-07-06 | happy birthday darlinqq!! you're so talented, your animations are amazing your art style is so cute and bubbly and you're just an amazing person in general :3 you're finally 14 :D
hope you have a great birthday this is probably a little late XD
program used: macromedia flash 8COOKIES GENDERCookiePawz2017-06-11 | i was gonna trim the stupid message at the end but it says you cant change the vid it has too many views rip aflfhkfsh read PINNED COMMENT
audio: youtu.be/7Svrcatw0TY programs: flash 8, sony vegastea time memeCookiePawz2017-01-24 | i spent my snow day morning on this ^^ i know its a week early but happy b-day chai tea :D
im really proud of this :')) and tyasm for 9000???!! °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° [PROGRAM] Macromedia flash 8
••••••••••••••••••••••••••• [PROGRAMS] Macromedia flash 8 Sony vegas
[CREDITS] Audio idkRudolph the Red nosed ReindeerCookiePawz2016-12-18 | (ppl are starting to want to make one so..go ahead xD) Merry early Christmas :D (im actually making something different as the real christmas special) Anyways this was just me testing my art style with the other reindeer and the rudolph was a gif i made awhile ago using layers and this was testing what I could do using sony vegas XD ••••••••••••••••••••••••••• [Programs] Macromedia flash 8 Sony vegas
[Credits] REINDEER DESIGNS AREN'T MINE Song youtu.be/H16mXF6YM14ay yo phone ringing || FNAF SLCookiePawz2016-12-04 | not rlly proud of this but eh
audio is some ringtoneBite of 83 animation original || FNAF SLCookiePawz2016-10-11 | i hate this vid so much why does it have 100k views
NOTE: If you remake this please credit thxLETS DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL || Fnaf SL animationCookiePawz2016-10-08 | X'D calm down funtime foxy
the game finally came out :D ••••••••••••••••••• [PROGRAMS] Macromedia Flash 8
[CREDITS] Song: youtu.be/o4AFQc4ZrvA Inspired by keira fauthlucky lucky || meme || collab || 1.5K SUBSCookiePawz2016-09-22 | (reuloaded cus audio) Collab with SlenderMidget this turned out so well! :D
I haven't collabed in a long time also if you're doing a collab with me don't forget to get it done
pfff this is gonna be easy to make...THIS WAS HARD ;0; but I'm glad its done :D ••••••••••••••••••• This had to use so many layers;(the colors behind the character) and my crappy program couldn't take it so then my program stopped being able to open it but I found an incomplete version of it so i tried all these things to make it work so then I found this way to download Adobe Animate and then I could open it there and blah blah...
oy vey ••••••••••••••••••• [PROGRAMS] Macromedia Flash 8 Adobe AnimatePretty Please || FNAF SLCookiePawz2016-08-12 | lol ••••••••••••••••••••••••••• [PROGRAMS] Flash 8