Uploaded March 2021 | Updated September 2026, 2 minutes ago

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Don't Ask track 02. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: archive.org/details/filk_dont_ask
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Lyrics:

My grandfather's clock was too large for the shelf,
So it stood ninety years on the floor.
It was taller by half than the old man himself
Though it weighed not a pennyweight more.
And though years would congeal Grandpa's brain to Malt-O-Meal,
He'd one wish that would not be denied:
For his will said to bury him in the clock
When the old man died.

Now Grandfather's grandfather built him the clock
And he built it like no clock before.
But the old so-and-so built it so high and wide
That we can't fit it out through the door.
So when Grandma'd been calmed and Grandpa had been embalmed,
We discovered the clock was too wide
But the goddamned cadaver had gotten jammed—
He was stuck inside.

Now old Grandpapa's standing there in the hallway
At 917 Cherry Lane.
And he stands, the old cuss, making faces at us
Which we try to ignore just the same.
But we still think of him as we, haggard, pale, and grim,
Stagger into the cold morning's light,
'Cause at odd times, he's ringing the blasted chimes
Every goddamned night.

So at 3:22 A.M. (ding-dong, ding-dong)
“My god, there goes Gramps again!” (ding-dong, ding-dong)
At odd times, he's ringing the blasted chimes
Every goddamned night.