Uploaded January 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Kyle Collins, retired Deputy Fire Chief, in Episode 230 of the Transition Drill Podcast explores identity loss after service for firefighters, veterans, and first responders navigating retirement and life after the uniform. You’ll hear Kyle Collins on what happens when decades of trauma, leadership, and purpose collide with silence, and what it takes to admit you need help before you lose the people you love.
Kyle Collins spent his life inside the fire service. He grew up around the outdoors, learned hard technical skills early, and chased a path that eventually led him to become a paramedic, a firefighter, a company officer, a battalion chief, and finally a deputy fire chief. He didn’t just work calls, he carried them. Years on paramedic squad meant nonstop exposure to emergencies across wide areas. Child calls hit him the hardest, especially when they mirrored the ages of his own kids. He learned to compartmentalize because that was how the culture worked. You showed up, did the job, and moved on.
By the time Kyle retired in December 2019, he had given more than three decades to the job. He thought he was ready. Then COVID hit. Travel plans disappeared. His daughter’s family moved into his house longer than expected. The routines that usually keep retirees grounded weren’t there. The phone stopped ringing. The role that had defined him for decades vanished, and he didn’t know how much of his identity had been tied to it until it was gone.
What followed wasn’t what he expected. He wasn’t having nightmares or flashbacks. He was losing patience. Losing gratitude. Losing the ability to feel joy. He felt ashamed because on paper his life looked good. A pension. A long marriage. A family. Inside, he was coming apart. He kept calling friends at the department just to feel connected, then realized he had to let go because it was keeping him stuck.
The breaking point came when his anger spilled into his home and scared the people he loved. That night forced him to admit something he’d avoided for years. He wasn’t okay. Kyle reached out for help and was connected with a therapist who specialized in first responders. Through EMDR and months of work, he started unpacking decades of calls he never dealt with, including many he didn’t realize were still active inside him.
This conversation isn’t about weakness. It’s about what happens when strong people don’t get ahead of what they carry. Kyle shares what the job took, what retirement exposed, and what it actually looks like to rebuild when the uniform comes off.
The best podcast for military veterans, police officers, firefighters, and first responders preparing for veteran transition and life after service. Helping you plan and implement strategies to prepare for your transition into civilian life. Follow the show and share it with another veteran or first responder who would enjoy this.
CONNECT WITH THE PODCAST:
Instagram: instagram.com/paulpantani
WEBSITE: transitiondrillpodcast.com
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/paulpantani
SIGN-UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER:
transitiondrillpodcast.com/home#about
QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS:
paul@transitiondrillpodcast.com
EPISODE BLOG PAGE AND CONNECT WITH KYLE
transitiondrillpodcast.com/post/transition-drill-podcast-deputy-fire-chief-and-the-cost-of-an-emergency-service-career-kyle-collins
CHAPTERS
[0:00:00] — Intro: First question, transition help
[0:01:42] — Not prepared for retirement
[0:08:05] — Suck it up culture, ignored signs
[0:10:29] — Retired early, stress piled up
[0:14:26] — Calls with kids, family impact
[0:17:38] — Before fire, hard hat diver
[0:20:48] — Printing job, fire dream sparked
[0:22:21] — Hiring grind, sleeping in line
[0:25:00] — Paramedic school gamble
[0:29:23] — Hired in Chino mid-paramedic school
[0:34:06] — Prop W, district breaks away
[0:42:05] — Promotions and leadership path
[0:46:00] — Deputy chief life, coach, burnout
[0:52:29] — Retirement meets COVID
[0:57:47] — Nightmares, PTSD surfaces
[1:01:45] — Identity loss and purpose
[1:09:17] — Suicide calls and dark moments
[1:12:42] — Anxiety and anger, unraveling
[1:20:30] — Therapy and EMDR recovery
[1:47:13] - Esperanza Fire Almost Consumed Crew
SPONSORS:
GRND Collective
Get 15% off your purchase
Link: thegrndcollective.com
Promo Code: TRANSITION15
Blue Line Roasting
Get 10% off your purchase
Link: bluelineroasting.com
Promocode: Transition10
Frontline Optics
Get 10% off your purchase
Link: frontlineoptics.com
Promocode: Transition10
#transitiondrillpodcast #militarytransition #firstresponders
Kyle Collins, retired Deputy Fire Chief, in Episode 230 of the Transition Drill Podcast explores identity loss after service for firefighters, veterans, and first responders navigating retirement and life after the uniform. You’ll hear Kyle Collins on what happens when decades of trauma, leadership, and purpose collide with silence, and what it takes to admit you need help before you lose the people you love.
Kyle Collins spent his life inside the fire service. He grew up around the outdoors, learned hard technical skills early, and chased a path that eventually led him to become a paramedic, a firefighter, a company officer, a battalion chief, and finally a deputy fire chief. He didn’t just work calls, he carried them. Years on paramedic squad meant nonstop exposure to emergencies across wide areas. Child calls hit him the hardest, especially when they mirrored the ages of his own kids. He learned to compartmentalize because that was how the culture worked. You showed up, did the job, and moved on.
By the time Kyle retired in December 2019, he had given more than three decades to the job. He thought he was ready. Then COVID hit. Travel plans disappeared. His daughter’s family moved into his house longer than expected. The routines that usually keep retirees grounded weren’t there. The phone stopped ringing. The role that had defined him for decades vanished, and he didn’t know how much of his identity had been tied to it until it was gone.
What followed wasn’t what he expected. He wasn’t having nightmares or flashbacks. He was losing patience. Losing gratitude. Losing the ability to feel joy. He felt ashamed because on paper his life looked good. A pension. A long marriage. A family. Inside, he was coming apart. He kept calling friends at the department just to feel connected, then realized he had to let go because it was keeping him stuck.
The breaking point came when his anger spilled into his home and scared the people he loved. That night forced him to admit something he’d avoided for years. He wasn’t okay. Kyle reached out for help and was connected with a therapist who specialized in first responders. Through EMDR and months of work, he started unpacking decades of calls he never dealt with, including many he didn’t realize were still active inside him.
This conversation isn’t about weakness. It’s about what happens when strong people don’t get ahead of what they carry. Kyle shares what the job took, what retirement exposed, and what it actually looks like to rebuild when the uniform comes off.
The best podcast for military veterans, police officers, firefighters, and first responders preparing for veteran transition and life after service. Helping you plan and implement strategies to prepare for your transition into civilian life. Follow the show and share it with another veteran or first responder who would enjoy this.
CONNECT WITH THE PODCAST:
Instagram: instagram.com/paulpantani
WEBSITE: transitiondrillpodcast.com
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/paulpantani
SIGN-UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER:
transitiondrillpodcast.com/home#about
QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS:
paul@transitiondrillpodcast.com
EPISODE BLOG PAGE AND CONNECT WITH KYLE
transitiondrillpodcast.com/post/transition-drill-podcast-deputy-fire-chief-and-the-cost-of-an-emergency-service-career-kyle-collins
CHAPTERS
[0:00:00] — Intro: First question, transition help
[0:01:42] — Not prepared for retirement
[0:08:05] — Suck it up culture, ignored signs
[0:10:29] — Retired early, stress piled up
[0:14:26] — Calls with kids, family impact
[0:17:38] — Before fire, hard hat diver
[0:20:48] — Printing job, fire dream sparked
[0:22:21] — Hiring grind, sleeping in line
[0:25:00] — Paramedic school gamble
[0:29:23] — Hired in Chino mid-paramedic school
[0:34:06] — Prop W, district breaks away
[0:42:05] — Promotions and leadership path
[0:46:00] — Deputy chief life, coach, burnout
[0:52:29] — Retirement meets COVID
[0:57:47] — Nightmares, PTSD surfaces
[1:01:45] — Identity loss and purpose
[1:09:17] — Suicide calls and dark moments
[1:12:42] — Anxiety and anger, unraveling
[1:20:30] — Therapy and EMDR recovery
[1:47:13] - Esperanza Fire Almost Consumed Crew
SPONSORS:
GRND Collective
Get 15% off your purchase
Link: thegrndcollective.com
Promo Code: TRANSITION15
Blue Line Roasting
Get 10% off your purchase
Link: bluelineroasting.com
Promocode: Transition10
Frontline Optics
Get 10% off your purchase
Link: frontlineoptics.com
Promocode: Transition10
#transitiondrillpodcast #militarytransition #firstresponders
