Uploaded October 2022 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago

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man. it's hard to believe i've been doing this dumb lil hobby (affectionate) for 8 years now. technically more if you count my windows live movie maker era. but i was NOT cataloguing all those disasters for this
ANYWAY. i was thinking abt editing recently and how far i've come and how this has just Stuck with me as a consistent hobby for years. through the entirety of high school, through different houses and steps and phases of life. i always came back to it. and it was always... comfortable, to come back to. starting off w/ the mash community - which was so closely connected to understanding my identity as a queer person - and building on silly lil videos with clips thrown together to random songs to learning to create something that held a deeper meaning to me that allowed me to express thoughts and emotions that i couldn't verbalize to being able to take those skills and just. make fun shit. even when i couldnt complete full videos, there was always studios & mep parts that i could throw myself into and keep up with the thing i enjoyed, and feel accomplished for it.
it's weird, to think about how different my life would have been if i didnt end up stumbling into the amv corner of youtube at a young age and being completely pulled in by the concept. as i've grown to understand myself i've realised that editing is definitely my biggest special interest, and it has been for a good while. it takes up so much of my thoughts and it just... brings me a lot of joy and lets me engage with music and media in a unique way that allows me to contemplate themes & imagery. even if these days it's sometimes hard to find the motivation or the inspiration... i'm glad to know it's there for me, and more often than not once i finally throw open vegas and get into it for a few minutes i'll end up hyperfocused for hours and feeling a lot more peaceful by the end.
another thing i'm grateful for is the kindness i've been shown by others in the community. getting feedback on the silly little things i create... that means the world. it means a lot that something i had a hand in has an Effect on someone. and it means a lot that people would take the time out of their day to tell me how it made them feel. for the animash community in particular - so many friendships i treasure to this day started there. so even if it's not my area of editing interest anymore, it still holds a special place in my heart.
i guess what i'm trying to say is... i'm proud of how far i've come, both in regards to editing and otherwise. i'm glad to have been able to cultivate this part of my life, and to share something that means so much to me with so many wonderful people. thank you, for all those years of having somewhere to turn to when the world got too loud.

challenge mode: spot the stuff i never uploaded + the ones in 2022 that are still wips

EDIT: xan reminded me after uploading this that i forgot the most important videos of my career: the dave x ian collabs. while i cannot be fucked adding them in because then i'd have to fuck around w/ my harddrives and move stuff around, i have to acknowledge my mistake and let you all know that i am ashamed that i forgot to add them here. please know that they are here in spirit. amen.

world's smallest violin - ajr
sony vegas pro 13