Uploaded June 2012 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
So get this. I just had this most... peculiar of dreams. So I'm just this regular guy with a car, and I drive over to some petrol station for snacks. I don't need petrol, so instead I drive the car into the first floor of a multistorey car park sat right next to it and enter the place on foot. I go in for a chocolate bar and a couple of things, nothing special. It's eeriely quiet in there, as in, there's merely just the guy at the till. I'm just about to go and leave to go back to the car when all of a sudden through an entrance on the other side of the shop comes a bunch of burly, angry guys who then hold up the cashier, all of them holding AK-47s save the guy who appeared to be the leader, who had an RPD light machine gun. A freaking RPD. While this is going on, instead of running away I'm cowering behind one of the item stalls, watching what the hell is even going on, at which point things turn even more screwed up when the main guy forces the cashier into the room behind him and from the shadows on the wall and the screams I could hear I could only assume he was raping the guy. ...Yes, the guy. After a short while I then overhear something about they had just missed the truck that comes to collect the cash from the tills and the safe in the back room by about half an hour, at which point the guys rage a bit and leave the way they came in. Now I'm not sure if that's how money works in petrol stations but that's what apparently happened so bear with me. When the guys leave I am stood there behind the cover, shaking in a combination of fear and severe 'what the hell just even happened', and I shakily make my way back to the multistorey to get back in the car and sit there for a while to take a breather. I make it around the back of the petrol station... at which point I hear from outside a screech of tires, followed by a hail of machinegun fire and explosions from the opposide side of the building I'm cowering behind in absolute mortal fear. I think I end up passing out for a moment as well, because the next thing I remember is looking back around the corner after a while and seeing the blackened, smoked and shot to ribbons remains of the fuel pumps and the store. As I walk through the mess, I also see paramedics across the road treating a few bystanders... and in the ramp at the entrance, three body bags lie right there. Holding my mouth, I walk all the way back to the car park and slump at the seat of my car to try and calm down. ...Then out of nowhere I hear more chaos outside, as the group return and park up round the back of the ruined station, and this time there's two more pickup trucks full of them. And they just stay there behind the building, shooting absolutely everything that dared show its face to their line of sight. And I crawl over to the viewpoint in the car park and watch in absolute bewilderment as the men use exotic weapons such as a pair of FN P90's, and I just stand there thinking 'how the hell did they get their hands on THOSE?'... Naturally at that point I turn around and find myself being held at gunpoint by a member of that group of those who I could only now consider terrorists, wielding some kind of high caliber handgun. I take a few steps back, and back, and back... at which point I bump and fall out of the car park window and towards the ground... before I can even feel the impact of the ground to secure my fate, I wake up in the real world.
So get this. I just had this most... peculiar of dreams. So I'm just this regular guy with a car, and I drive over to some petrol station for snacks. I don't need petrol, so instead I drive the car into the first floor of a multistorey car park sat right next to it and enter the place on foot. I go in for a chocolate bar and a couple of things, nothing special. It's eeriely quiet in there, as in, there's merely just the guy at the till. I'm just about to go and leave to go back to the car when all of a sudden through an entrance on the other side of the shop comes a bunch of burly, angry guys who then hold up the cashier, all of them holding AK-47s save the guy who appeared to be the leader, who had an RPD light machine gun. A freaking RPD. While this is going on, instead of running away I'm cowering behind one of the item stalls, watching what the hell is even going on, at which point things turn even more screwed up when the main guy forces the cashier into the room behind him and from the shadows on the wall and the screams I could hear I could only assume he was raping the guy. ...Yes, the guy. After a short while I then overhear something about they had just missed the truck that comes to collect the cash from the tills and the safe in the back room by about half an hour, at which point the guys rage a bit and leave the way they came in. Now I'm not sure if that's how money works in petrol stations but that's what apparently happened so bear with me. When the guys leave I am stood there behind the cover, shaking in a combination of fear and severe 'what the hell just even happened', and I shakily make my way back to the multistorey to get back in the car and sit there for a while to take a breather. I make it around the back of the petrol station... at which point I hear from outside a screech of tires, followed by a hail of machinegun fire and explosions from the opposide side of the building I'm cowering behind in absolute mortal fear. I think I end up passing out for a moment as well, because the next thing I remember is looking back around the corner after a while and seeing the blackened, smoked and shot to ribbons remains of the fuel pumps and the store. As I walk through the mess, I also see paramedics across the road treating a few bystanders... and in the ramp at the entrance, three body bags lie right there. Holding my mouth, I walk all the way back to the car park and slump at the seat of my car to try and calm down. ...Then out of nowhere I hear more chaos outside, as the group return and park up round the back of the ruined station, and this time there's two more pickup trucks full of them. And they just stay there behind the building, shooting absolutely everything that dared show its face to their line of sight. And I crawl over to the viewpoint in the car park and watch in absolute bewilderment as the men use exotic weapons such as a pair of FN P90's, and I just stand there thinking 'how the hell did they get their hands on THOSE?'... Naturally at that point I turn around and find myself being held at gunpoint by a member of that group of those who I could only now consider terrorists, wielding some kind of high caliber handgun. I take a few steps back, and back, and back... at which point I bump and fall out of the car park window and towards the ground... before I can even feel the impact of the ground to secure my fate, I wake up in the real world.
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Being away from a thing for months at a time really does a number to your ability to do, well, anything. Still, getting to fool about with new things is reason enough to try and jump back in to the deep end, even if only for a short while.
Also I hadnt played on this map before. Unsurprisingly, I hate it.")
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With the added assistance of someone who actually knows what theyre doing most of the time.")
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This game is very strange.
By far my biggest criticism of the game is that the Team Customization is even more lacklustre than ever before. Not in the way of the aesthetics, those are fairly good. Im talking about the teams. Basically... you have one team. ONE TEAM. It starts off with 4 Soldiers, and you can use Coins to recruit the other three classes of Worm. However, Im fairly sure you can only have 4 of each Worm Type.
So you have one team with a maximum capacity of 16 Worms, 4 from each class. The teams are now called Formations, which are a collaboration of 4 of any of the worms from the main pool. Fair enough... except because its only one Team, you can only have one aesthetic style for every single formation you have. Its just... extremely annoying.
Aside from that one fatal flaw however, the game itself? Pretty damned solid. Rope physics are ridiculously wonky, thats one thing to point out. But everything else feels really good so far. I just despise the disappearance of team variety.")
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You can tell its an Eye run because the running time is that much shorter than the other ships. And with this, I either move onto the MkIIs or bug Bio about how to unlock the secret Jets because Google gives no answers. Thats obscure games for you.")
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All the money in the world and then some.
Also somewhat fitting considering whats going on right now-")
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I hate EA even more now for taking on RE into their wing. They might actually be somehow forgiven by the blind masses for their mauling of Battlefield and Dungeon Keeper..")
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Ever been swamped with more crew than you know what do? Try playing the worst ship in the game, seeing only two other potential crew in the entire duration, and then lose one of them to a cheap random event.")
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Shame I didnt have the Fire Beam I was using for the middle-game to add to the beamage, but then I wouldnt have been able to breach the shields. Theres only so much beam you can handle.")
