SpokenVerse | Danse Russe by William Carlos Williams (read by Tom O'Bedlam) @SpokenVerse | Uploaded April 2013 | Updated October 2024, 4 hours ago.
We know we're crazy. Sigmund Freud told us so.
We're not like other people. We do look like them, but actually we're something else. They don't have to try hard to seem normal but with us it takes effort. We're afraid of saying something that gives the game away. I didn't mean anything by that - there's no game. It was a just figure of speech.
If only they were easier to like. What is all that disgusting stuff they eat? It's so heartening when we get a glimpse of somebody just like us, who is struggling to seem normal too. If you know what I mean, blink your third eyelid.
We imitate those creatures well enough, don't we? We blend in well. Sometimes we astound them but they get over it. We soon learn not to lick our eyebrows in public. They're preoccupied with their body-fat, anyway. Of course, when we're alone in private we can relax, do our rituals, let our tails hang out and report to our Demon Overlords. It's unlikely anybody will look in the cellar.
Some of the others are faking too - different, but in a different way. Keep an eye out for them. It must be strange to have only two. They do odd things when nobody's looking. Like turning their faces inside-out to clean their teeth. They change their skin weekly, I've heard, trying to look younger. It works but you can still spot them - shrinkage makes them tight around the jawline. They can't smile convincingly. Some of them are called "celebrities". No, on second thoughts, forget I told you that. Did I say skin? I probably meant hair.
It's alarming that so many have been elected to public office, like the US senate. It's part of their plan. When the cameras are rolling and you speak with a forked tongue people will notice it, now and then. And why are they so obsessed with sanitation? That's a tell, right there. Who needs it? They think it will reassure the rest of us if they keep smiling. They'll have to try harder. I mean, if a fly bothers you, don't eat it.
There's a hum in the air. Can't you hear it? Soon they'll make their move. I've heard they plan to wipe out humanity to make the planet safer for their larvae. If they succeed there won't be much wriggle-room left for us. It'd be wise to lay away honey and cardboard now - enough food and bedding for a year, at least. If you want to stay in the human race, or near it, you will have to run harder - and use more legs.
Myself, I've been a bit green about the gills lately. Most of my wives say I never looked better. My antennae have been twitching, too. That's a good sign, it means change is coming. Or the pollen-count is high. It's hard to tell which.
An Explanation for our Long-Lost Transatlantic Cousins.
Sadly, there is a divide between us wider than the Atlantic: a breach that can't be broached. It's called Irony - an exquisite kind of humour that never made it across the pond.
Irony depends on the difference between sense and meaning. Few Americans have any perception of irony. I suppose that's why they're Americans. Long ago, they couldn't understand what everybody else was laughing at. They got really narked about it. So they all went away - as far away as they could - and formed a wonderful new society where everybody takes themselves very, very seriously all the fucking time.
In America, if anybody uses irony without warning you can shoot them. It's in the Constitution.
Some Americans think they like irony but it just makes them angry.They claim they watch BlackAdder, but that doesn't fool anybody. It just shows they're aware of their Mental Deficiency.
Trying to explain irony to an American is like trying to tell a colour-blind man the difference between Jazz and Swing. Listen to Alanis Morissete, a Canadian, singing "Isn't It Ironic" youtube.com/watch?v=Wnec6SmjHP0
There's not an shred of irony in it. It's all schadenfreude - and people who dig irony can't stand schadenfreude. Americans are really keen on schadenfreude. They just love making people unhappy and then laughing at their misfortunes. This evolved as compensation for missing out on the real fun.
They do a bit of heavy irony on the Jon Stewart show - but they use an over-enunciated drawl so the audience will know they're not being serious. When a Brit is being ironic he sounds really serious - that's the whole fucking point.
If a British guy says "I like your tie" then take it off at once, hide it, then dispose of it as soon as you can. Actually if I were you, I'd avoid British guys. Some are worse than me.
You'll never be able to tell when they're taking the piss.
NB - This is mainly schadenfreude - not so funny when it's aimed at you..
The Russian Dancer is Jaroslav Lobanovsky:
marialobanovsky.com/about-us
The morning painting: dadaoilpainting.com
It was hard to find a male nude that wasn't erotic and/or silly. nazimartist.com/artwork/2225083_STA_TORSO_APOLLO.html
We know we're crazy. Sigmund Freud told us so.
We're not like other people. We do look like them, but actually we're something else. They don't have to try hard to seem normal but with us it takes effort. We're afraid of saying something that gives the game away. I didn't mean anything by that - there's no game. It was a just figure of speech.
If only they were easier to like. What is all that disgusting stuff they eat? It's so heartening when we get a glimpse of somebody just like us, who is struggling to seem normal too. If you know what I mean, blink your third eyelid.
We imitate those creatures well enough, don't we? We blend in well. Sometimes we astound them but they get over it. We soon learn not to lick our eyebrows in public. They're preoccupied with their body-fat, anyway. Of course, when we're alone in private we can relax, do our rituals, let our tails hang out and report to our Demon Overlords. It's unlikely anybody will look in the cellar.
Some of the others are faking too - different, but in a different way. Keep an eye out for them. It must be strange to have only two. They do odd things when nobody's looking. Like turning their faces inside-out to clean their teeth. They change their skin weekly, I've heard, trying to look younger. It works but you can still spot them - shrinkage makes them tight around the jawline. They can't smile convincingly. Some of them are called "celebrities". No, on second thoughts, forget I told you that. Did I say skin? I probably meant hair.
It's alarming that so many have been elected to public office, like the US senate. It's part of their plan. When the cameras are rolling and you speak with a forked tongue people will notice it, now and then. And why are they so obsessed with sanitation? That's a tell, right there. Who needs it? They think it will reassure the rest of us if they keep smiling. They'll have to try harder. I mean, if a fly bothers you, don't eat it.
There's a hum in the air. Can't you hear it? Soon they'll make their move. I've heard they plan to wipe out humanity to make the planet safer for their larvae. If they succeed there won't be much wriggle-room left for us. It'd be wise to lay away honey and cardboard now - enough food and bedding for a year, at least. If you want to stay in the human race, or near it, you will have to run harder - and use more legs.
Myself, I've been a bit green about the gills lately. Most of my wives say I never looked better. My antennae have been twitching, too. That's a good sign, it means change is coming. Or the pollen-count is high. It's hard to tell which.
An Explanation for our Long-Lost Transatlantic Cousins.
Sadly, there is a divide between us wider than the Atlantic: a breach that can't be broached. It's called Irony - an exquisite kind of humour that never made it across the pond.
Irony depends on the difference between sense and meaning. Few Americans have any perception of irony. I suppose that's why they're Americans. Long ago, they couldn't understand what everybody else was laughing at. They got really narked about it. So they all went away - as far away as they could - and formed a wonderful new society where everybody takes themselves very, very seriously all the fucking time.
In America, if anybody uses irony without warning you can shoot them. It's in the Constitution.
Some Americans think they like irony but it just makes them angry.They claim they watch BlackAdder, but that doesn't fool anybody. It just shows they're aware of their Mental Deficiency.
Trying to explain irony to an American is like trying to tell a colour-blind man the difference between Jazz and Swing. Listen to Alanis Morissete, a Canadian, singing "Isn't It Ironic" youtube.com/watch?v=Wnec6SmjHP0
There's not an shred of irony in it. It's all schadenfreude - and people who dig irony can't stand schadenfreude. Americans are really keen on schadenfreude. They just love making people unhappy and then laughing at their misfortunes. This evolved as compensation for missing out on the real fun.
They do a bit of heavy irony on the Jon Stewart show - but they use an over-enunciated drawl so the audience will know they're not being serious. When a Brit is being ironic he sounds really serious - that's the whole fucking point.
If a British guy says "I like your tie" then take it off at once, hide it, then dispose of it as soon as you can. Actually if I were you, I'd avoid British guys. Some are worse than me.
You'll never be able to tell when they're taking the piss.
NB - This is mainly schadenfreude - not so funny when it's aimed at you..
The Russian Dancer is Jaroslav Lobanovsky:
marialobanovsky.com/about-us
The morning painting: dadaoilpainting.com
It was hard to find a male nude that wasn't erotic and/or silly. nazimartist.com/artwork/2225083_STA_TORSO_APOLLO.html
