SpokenVerse | Common Cold by Ogden Nash (read by Tom O'Bedlam) @SpokenVerse | Uploaded September 2012 | Updated October 2024, 19 minutes ago.
Grandma had a saying "starve a cold and feed a fever". The problem is that it could mean one of two things which are contradictory. It might be mean that you should abstain from food if you have a cold but eat heartily if you have a fever. On the other hand it might mean "if you starve cold then you will feed a fever". Cold and starvation do in fact, temporarily strengthen the immune system. It's part of an evolved survival strategy - as is everything we think, feel and are motivated to do - although this can be hard to understand at times. The problem is that survival strategies work for our genes, not necessarily for our personal protection.
The cartoons came from the sites:
jakeandkims.blogspot.co.uk/2010/07/common-cold.html
srxawordonhealth.com/category/common-cold
earlshilton.org.uk/wp/2010/10/servere-man-flu
macmcrae.com/virus-germ-bacteria-monster
Go hang yourself, you old M.D,!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
In not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!
Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
Grandma had a saying "starve a cold and feed a fever". The problem is that it could mean one of two things which are contradictory. It might be mean that you should abstain from food if you have a cold but eat heartily if you have a fever. On the other hand it might mean "if you starve cold then you will feed a fever". Cold and starvation do in fact, temporarily strengthen the immune system. It's part of an evolved survival strategy - as is everything we think, feel and are motivated to do - although this can be hard to understand at times. The problem is that survival strategies work for our genes, not necessarily for our personal protection.
The cartoons came from the sites:
jakeandkims.blogspot.co.uk/2010/07/common-cold.html
srxawordonhealth.com/category/common-cold
earlshilton.org.uk/wp/2010/10/servere-man-flu
macmcrae.com/virus-germ-bacteria-monster
Go hang yourself, you old M.D,!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
In not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!
Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
