Pit Crew
In Frostys Pub on a Snowy Day - My Little Pony Winter Lofi
updated
No witty banter on this one. Written in a hard time, when it felt like even the things I love the most were dragging me down. The important thing, my dear friends, is to remember that you have folks who care about you, that no hard time lasts forever, and you're always allowed to be happy again, no matter where you find your heart at the moment.
mp3 available for download here: https://u.smutty.horse/mledsrtkdwl.mp3
Sitting on the floor in sugarcube corner,
Smile’s gone and the laughter has worn her out
Where’s the warmth the yovidaphone hornist?
Gone with the moment, and gone with the mornin’
N’ sun’s up,
Seems the time for the fun’s up
Party of one
Sweep the crumbs up,
And thumbs up
Never let em’ down
Never fuck up, you dumdum
Ev’rypony needs someone to hug em
N You’re someone
So,
Hooves out
Give this damn world a bear hug,
Mare hug, don’t you dare quit
Shoulders squared up
Cubed up the truth is
Your battered and bruised but
You’re not even used up
By half, you’re a huge one
Face the deluge with no raft and
No life jacket
Just a rubber duck you stole from the bathtub
You might hack it, you might not
Fuck, damn drown down in the white rapids
But as your gaspin' on this water
you’re gonna die laughin'.
Come on everypony,
Smile, smile!
Fill the world up with sunshine, sunshine.
Every step is a
Mile, mile
When the motherfuck can she unwind, unwind?
Don’t got nothin if you don’t got style,
You can sleep with the sunshine, sunshine.
Brain broke and the world went wild;
Just pretend it’s a fun time, fun time.
Carefully curated commentary,
Calm and steady.
Collect of the day,
Whether or not your ready,
Hot and heavy.
Optimistic, first thing in the morning:
That’s what the fuck you’re getting.
Open her mouth and hope comes out like vomit.
(Mom’s spaghetti.)
Back on the rock form, that’s where she taught herself that the world was pretty,
Maybe dark and hard and modeled in a washed out brush with fifty
Shades of maudlin.
Would have been so easy just to leave these
Dreams she’s coddling,
But this is Ponka Pink she bottled them,
And drank those dreams up with a silly straw like vodka, when
She sings her silly songs that’s when she’s strongest,
At her Ponkest.
But she can only go so long;
The parties leave her somnolent,
And argue with biology,
But it’s too hard she’s spent.
It’s so damn exhausting: burning
Fuel she didn’t know she had, and
Sweet as sugar frosting,
Even when her heart is hurtin' bad.
She can bend and bend,
But she can never break,
Even when the voices in her
Tell her every word she says is fake.
Come on everypony,
Smile, smile!
Fill the world up with sunshine, sunshine.
Every step is a
Mile, mile
When the motherfuck can she unwind, unwind?
Don’t got nothin if you don’t got style;
You can sleep with the sunshine, sunshine.
Brain broke and the world went wild;
Just pretend it’s a fun time, fun time.
What if the real her is
The one that’s real hurt?
What if the way she feels
Can steal her?
And if the smile drops
Who even is she?
Cause that’s the bedrock
Of her identity.
If this is Pinkie Pie
Then why the fuck is she cryin?
Is she lying to everyone
With every smile?
And has she always been?
Is that her whole life?
And if she’s not now
Will she ever be alright?
Come on everypony,
Smile, smile!
Fill the world up with sunshine, sunshine.
Every step is a
Mile, mile
When the motherfuck can she unwind, unwind?
Don’t got nothin if you don’t got style
You can sleep with the sunshine, sunshine
Brain broke and the world went wild
Just pretend it’s a fun time, fun time
You know what I think? I think we’re running outta steam
Better grab the shovel and the coal and a couple memes
Never felt better is the whole damn philosophy
Better laugh a little if I don’t wanna fuckin scream
Heaven knows that’s as good as any etymology
Guess that’s why Santa called me Chuckles back in 18
Sex, silly songs and a present lemme set the scene
Cheer is the target and I’m charging up my laser beam
Half fuckin crazy, daily with the greatest wife
Heart pumping veins be straining when her lazy eyes
Facing my way cause lately I’ve been breaking my
Basic arrangements just tryna stay alive
Balls to walls. My Hoof is to the heckin floor.
We about to stall, so we cant wait a second more
Better post the haul, the pictures and the presents or
Ima roast your balls, that ain’t a fuckin metaphor
It’s incredi-bo
Scratch that, inedible
Cum in the better bowl
Know that’s my fetish though
This ain’t the chronicals of narnia
Where Santa Claus brings all of ya
A gift, it’s just me and these bionicles
Chain around my neck reppin sonichu
Rainbow Dash and sonic booms
Shopping Target cloppin smokin chronic too
Hot cocoa with cool whip or barbasol
Santee wanted shimmer, so I got the kid some Barbie dolls
Paint the fuckers yellow with a can off Krylon aerosol
Spin these ponies round like I’m vinyl on a carousel
Care about these carols if I have to fucking care at all
Tearing off my bra and panties dammit I’ma bare it all
Four hooves with a body this
Mare gon’
Force you on the naughty list
Swear son
Porn groove with a hotty it’s
Bare bones
Horse tunes so I kinda don’
Care tho
Hop to it miss
Gotta sock it to em with Christmas
With a quickness
Like a spit blitz
Sinister minister symbols and semaphore
Sippin a Guinness and tickle my penis or
Pen it’s a metaphor. It’s a medical menace like needles or people in Canada
Slicker than slippery, driven by misery
Misinformation and missing a limit each
Picture and pickle I’m picking like Peter
And pushing my pipes to appoint punctuation
Hopping on Pinterest.
Hacking the craft like it’s criminal mischief
Till I’m their losing interest
And turning the jets gonna finish by Christmas
Barely on the wagon-taking drags on
A cigarette a fag-thank goodness that I’ve got this fuckin dragon
This letter chad CardSlut and never had
A better lad
Don the fuzzy letter jacket, sweater hat and
Climbing down the chimney just to reminisce
About the friends we
Made along the way
Plus the enemies
Turn em into maids
And sweep, sweep
Like rarity’s boutique-tique
Sleeping til the day
Playing keep away with the freaks these
Peeps they want a treat each
Leaf around my tree goes in wreaths see
Saw waves, blades well buck it’s all the same
You wanna fuckin play
Stomp, sway
So merry gentlemares never rest a wink
Just grab yourself a drink
And drink until you're puking in the sink
All my freaking pegasisters spread your wings
We’ll wrap it up in spring
Til then, I wanna see you people sing
Four hooves with a body this
Mare gon’
Force you on the naughty list
Swear son
Porn groove with a hotty it’s
Bare bones
Horse tunes so I kinda don’
Care tho
Big ol' thanks to Chompy for coming in on the hook!
I know it's bad form to criticize your own stuff publicly, but although I'm satisfied with this, I generally feel like the more cursing there is in a song the more obviously its lyrics need polishing, and I swear altogether too much in this song. I suppose that's what happens when you're crunching for a deadline, since this was done for one of the Busty's get-togethers. Also, I reckon the third verse probably needs to be cut...buuuuuut I couldn't be arsed tonight. I've got to go write a gospel music song about a goo pony!
A’ight Chuck!
Gotta show em that you’re a real hard nut.
No more of this cringecore stuff.
Gotta stay tough.
No more ponies. No more horses.
Gotta stay focused on the verses.
Nopony can take you seriously out hear, y hear?
Aight here comes the drop,
No mlp, no clop, no matter what,
Make em believe you’re a hot product.
That’s
One step, just a little one
But a giant leap for the gentlemen
Fuck Hennessy only drink horse linamint
Til my ass gets tanked-Tiananmen
Fuck squares, motherfuck being there
I’m like Schrodinger's cool cat
Don’t fuckin care If my ass breathes air
Or a rap beat
That means strapping in cleats
Like an athlete
At least
Half breed and I’m half obscene
Half inner demons and half deceased
Bring it back to fucking Scrodingers half pussy
Am I dead or alive with a rap disease
With a trap wife packing massive feet
And I rack slides, slapping magazines
With a jack knife cappin’ cats in streets
Oh gosh I’m fucking lying I fap to these
Applejack thighs Fluttershy’s happy squees
Pinkie Pies pies pies that’s a masterpiece
My fucking my like disaster scenes
Life’s like Katrina, catastrophe
Better call FEMA, no actually
Better not, since we caught them in action see
If we learned anything since they jacked Orleans
The only worse agency is Hasbro's team
Now the motherbuckin hook didn’t sound very good
Without a little bridge here to darken up the mood
Drop the bass in to the beat everypony stomp your hooves
Motherfuckers on your feet, let me see your asses move
My Little Pony, friendship and pink toys
Stable full of waifus, futas and twink boys
Hit em with the beat and the whole kitchen sink noise
Get em on they feet with the Macintosh deep voice
My little Pony, Harmony n Magic
Rarity a hoe, and you know she into wack shit
Up inside the bedroom, Luna is a bad bitch
And I wanna coom inside a Rainbow Dash kids
Three to the one from the one
To the twenty ten
You can call me Trixie
See? I begin again
Wait this the same rhyme scheme What an idiot
I don’t got enough time for this
I ain’t Eminem
Better mix it up, pick it up, better switch it up
Get out there and smash bros
You can call me Jigglypuff
Writing FlutterDash prose
Shits getting serious
Even Littlepip’s ass lookin bi-curious
Lyrics: injurious
Spirit: Impervious
Sittin’ on my golden throne
Feeling: Imperious
Various flows, and I go multifarious
Marry, hold close, poke nose: hilarious
Think I’m gregarious? Kid I’m just fairy gold
All an illusion to cover up the scary old
Hermit like Zecora, a witch, Triss Merigold
Skipped LittlePip just to marry a Gary clone
Very own wife: kind eyes, iron thighs
Activates fight or flight, every time that she smiles
Her design: iodine-heals my heart and my mind
Kiss her and my fever like 110 Farenheit
That’s about 40 for the rest of you motherheckin
Rick and Morty, wait, gosh damn that’s the wrong fandom
Little Pony stans, what I meant to say
And I’m allowed to say it; I was born this way
My Little Pony, friendship and pink toys
Stable full of waifus, futas and twink boys
Hit em with the beat and the whole kitchen sink noise
Get em on they feet with the Macintosh deep voice
My little Pony, Harmony n Magic
Rarity a hoe, and you know she into wack shit
Up inside the bedroom, Luna is a bad bitch
And I wanna coom inside a Rainbow Dash kids
Yes well, wrapping up and rolling out
I’d make a Transformers reference but I dunno shit about it
Red and blue guy is Optimus Prime
And I pretty sure that at the time of writing he had died
And i didn’t give a shit
Cause he ain’t a little pastel
Pony with the cutie mark
Plastered on his ass well
Ride in on your waifu
Throw her in the trash pail
Celly like, “Bitch let’s fly to the castle.”
My Little Pony, friendship and pink toys
Stable full of waifus, futas and twink boys
Hit em with the beat and the whole kitchen sink noise
Get em on they feet with the Macintosh deep voice
My little Pony, Harmony n Magic
Rarity a hoe, and you know she into wack shit
Up inside the bedroom, Luna is a bad bitch
And I wanna coom inside a Rainbow Dash kids
Eeyup
I love Derpy so gosh dang much, guys. She fills me with joy and happiness and just makes the world better. I love to see her resilience, making mistakes but getting through them and over them, facing tough moments and choosing to overcome. It's inspiring and I love it. This is just a cutesy song for her. Hey, I know the mix maybe isn't spot on. I'm not the best at sound design, but it' Secret Santa season, so I'm already stealing time from the event, and also what better song to be a little, y'know, imperfect. One sweet story, the name Derperella J Muffins comes from a short voice clip that Tabitha St. Germaine did a few years ago for a friend, telling him about all the ways that things might not always be perfect, but sometimes those trials lead to exciting new things, and that we just need to keep putting one hoof in front of the other and remember that we got this.
Many, many thanks to CookieBoy011 for letting me use the gif; it was just the perfect one for the song! Find more of his work here:
deviantart.com/cookieboy011
derpibooru.org/profiles/cookiehorse011
She’s got bubbles in her soul
Bubbles in her heart
And you know she’s got a lot of bubbles on her butt
Things are going wrong
She don’t know what’s up
And I can’t get enough
The mare with bubbles on her butt
Get back from the mail route, settles in
Verifiably a letter flying veteran
Wings hurt, hooves hurt,
Grab the kettle n’
Tea bags, muffin tin
That’s the best medicine
Blueberries in the batter
Nothing else matters
Thoughts scatter
Fill the house with laughter
And she’s humming to herself
Pulling sugar from the shelf
Topsy-turvy
Might fly backwards
I lack words
For how she makes me feel
And she’s healing every part of me
The chapters
Of the story she reveals
She’s a
Silly, sweet dichotomy
Me oh my
When I see her fly
With her wings spread wide
In the evening sky
No matter what the trouble is
I know how to cover it
I’m just gonna cuddle this
Snuggle miss Bubbles
-in her soul
Bubbles in her heart
And you know she’s got a lot of bubbles on her butt
Things are going wrong
She don’t know what’s up
And I can’t get enough
The mare with bubbles on her butt
I know the world can be a little wild
Truth told I just want to see her smile
And hold her close and stroke her mane a while
So she knows I’ll be with her through any trial
Through any tribulation
To any destination
No matter what went wrong,
With love and peace and patience
And even if she doesn’t always get it right
I’ll be by her side
Deperella J Muffins,
She was meant for lovin
Huggin and
Her eyes are like an oven
And ice is just a season
It’s just another reason to
Cuddle by the fire and
Lie between her wings and
Blowing bubbles on her bubble wand
Snuggle till the break of dawn
Take a little break and make another song
To sing when she’s feeling blue…
Best Pony, Miss Derpy Hooves
-in her soul
Bubbles in her heart
And you know she’s got a lot of bubbles on her butt
Things are going wrong
She don’t know what’s up
And I can’t get enough
The mare with bubbles on her butt
In her eyes I see the endless skies
Of friendship tinted lives
A princess lifted high
A gift to call my own
A gold and silver pone
And she can love the world
Atop her muffin throne
She’s got bubbles in her soul
Bubbles in her heart
And you know she’s got a lot of bubbles on her butt
Things are going wrong
She don’t know what’s up
And I can’t get enough
The mare with bubbles
in her soul
Bubbles in her heart
And you know she’s got a lot of bubbles on her butt
Things are going wrong
She don’t know what’s up
And I can’t get enough
The mare with bubbles on her butt
The way cringecore should be listened to! Squeaky voices and fast tempo!
A nightcored version of: youtu.be/nMRLR-ShX2M
Thanks again to ArwenCuack for the wonderful art of my cringy girl. I love her so much! Find more of Arwen's work here:
twitter.com/ArwenCuack
ko-fi.com/arwencuack/commissions
Fairy wings plus the vampire fangs
Too late to ever change
Sparkles up in her mane
Cringecore gosh dang
No cynics up where she hang
The minute that she’s arranged
Gosh damn the game change
No chains, no brains, no shame
Silly name, filly came
To rave until the day
With the OC gang
And the only thang
That’s left is to bang with
Alchemystra Hopefang
Draw Motherfucker, Draw Motherfucker, Draw
Hooves on the holster, coaster on the bar
Go, sir, on your mark
Get ready, get set, start
The melody on the spark
Spaghetti up in the pockets
Ready to talk, got pages up in my moleskin
Pedal to the floor and all four hooves coastin
Plan in motion, solely postin boll-shi
OC Mary Sue fanfic then I ghost bitch
Chrimmus past future
Get your ass to the
Front of class grab the chalkboard
Scratch to it
Now doodle like your name was Selenophile
I mean I take the piss with my tunes im a demon child
Call me Cozy Glow
And when I chose this show
I could’ve only known
Where this approach would go
All my Cs are O and all my Gs are O
I’m the OG OC holy smokes
Fairy wings plus the vampire fangs
Too late to ever change
Sparkles up in her mane
Cringecore gosh dang
No cynics up where she hang
The minute that she’s arranged
Gosh damn the game change
No chains, no brains, no shame
Silly name, filly came
To rave until the day
With the OC gang
And the only thang
That’s left is to bang with
Alchemystra Hopefang
Way to based to trace shit from Hasbro
Way to dang wasted to make this from scratch tho
Pay comish to a chick from the chat blow
Half the damn paycheck on OCs and jack off
Slap a horn onto her face, she’s an alicorn
Saved Equestria from Discord ima warn you
Ima stay for porn too, courtesy of morons who
Dig my scenecore cutie so you better learn to
Like her, love her lust for her
Freckles on her butt fuck it I’m a bust a nut for her
Write a new chapter in her fanfic to fap to
Where she goes lesbian for applejack and dash too
Cum, feel shame store it in the back too
How could I do it to my pure sweet
ROUND TWO
Buck it she’s a full grown mare
I swear the dappled flanks plus face ain’t no fair
Fairy wings plus the vampire fangs
Too late to ever change
Sparkles up in her mane
Cringecore gosh dang
No cynics up where she hang
The minute that she’s arranged
Gosh damn the game change
No chains, no brains, no shame
Silly name, filly came
To rave until the day
With the OC gang
And the only thang
That’s left is to bang with
Alchemystra Hopefang
You can fuckin chalk it up to
Me bein chuckles in a slut
For these multicolored butts
Man I love em
White knuckles on the keys and
A hundred different DMs
Talkin to my artists put a target on OCs friend
Grodie on the Kirin
Gobi on the ears and
Floral shitpost on the cards for the year send-
Pictures to Celestia
Twiggles and the rest of ya
Color scheme guaranteed
Banned from Equestria
Let my obsession impress
The competition
I guess the best decisions
To flex instead of listen
She’s a mess on a mission
In a dress in the kitchen
Bitch it ain’t misogynistic
If she’s pro tradition
She’s my little puritanical into
Yuri, tentacles
Kirby, Antonymph and
Tradwife girly manacles
Multihued and moltin too
New dragonfly wings like a brood of
Changelings
She containing multitudes
Fairy wings plus the vampire fangs
Too late to ever change
Sparkles up in her mane
Cringecore gosh dang
No cynics up where she hang
The minute that she’s arranged
Gosh damn the game change
No chains, no brains, no shame
Silly name, filly came
To rave until the day
With the OC gang
And the only thang
That’s left is to bang with
Alchemystra Hopefang
Thank you, as always to ArwenCuack for the incredible art. Find more of her stuff here:
The artwork done by the ever-talented ArwenCuack, who you can find here:
twitter.com/ArwenCuack
ko-fi.com/arwencuack/commissions
Fairy wings plus the vampire fangs
Too late to ever change
Sparkles up in her mane
Cringecore gosh dang
No cynics up where she hang
The minute that she’s arranged
Gosh damn the game change
No chains, no brains, no shame
Silly name, filly came
To rave until the day
With the OC gang
And the only thang
That’s left is to bang with
Alchemystra Hopefang
Draw Motherfucker, Draw Motherfucker, Draw
Hooves on the holster, coaster on the bar
Go, sir, on your mark
Get ready, get set, start
The melody on the spark
Spaghetti up in the pockets
Ready to talk, got pages up in my moleskin
Pedal to the floor and all four hooves coastin
Plan in motion, solely postin boll-shi
OC Mary Sue fanfic then I ghost bitch
Chrimmus past future
Get your ass to the
Front of class grab the chalkboard
Scratch to it
Now doodle like your name was Selenophile
I mean I take the piss with my tunes im a demon child
Call me Cozy Glow
And when I chose this show
I could’ve only known
Where this approach would go
All my Cs are O and all my Gs are O
I’m the OG OC holy smokes
Fairy wings plus the vampire fangs
Too late to ever change
Sparkles up in her mane
Cringecore gosh dang
No cynics up where she hang
The minute that she’s arranged
Gosh damn the game change
No chains, no brains, no shame
Silly name, filly came
To rave until the day
With the OC gang
And the only thang
That’s left is to bang with
Alchemystra Hopefang
Way to based to trace shit from Hasbro
Way to dang wasted to make this from scratch tho
Pay comish to a chick from the chat blow
Half the damn paycheck on OCs and jack off
Slap a horn onto her face, she’s an alicorn
Saved Equestria from Discord ima warn you
Ima stay for porn too, courtesy of morons who
Dig my scenecore cutie so you better learn to
Like her, love her lust for her
Freckles on her butt fuck it I’m a bust a nut for her
Write a new chapter in her fanfic to fap to
Where she goes lesbian for applejack and dash too
Cum, feel shame store it in the back too
How could I do it to my pure sweet
ROUND TWO
Buck it she’s a full grown mare
I swear the dappled flanks plus face ain’t no fair
Fairy wings plus the vampire fangs
Too late to ever change
Sparkles up in her mane
Cringecore gosh dang
No cynics up where she hang
The minute that she’s arranged
Gosh damn the game change
No chains, no brains, no shame
Silly name, filly came
To rave until the day
With the OC gang
And the only thang
That’s left is to bang with
Alchemystra Hopefang
You can fuckin chalk it up to
Me bein chuckles in a slut
For these multicolored butts
Man I love em
White knuckles on the keys and
A hundred different DMs
Talkin to my artists put a target on OCs friend
Grodie on the Kirin
Gobi on the ears and
Floral shitpost on the cards for the year send-
Pictures to Celestia
Twiggles and the rest of ya
Color scheme guaranteed
Banned from Equestria
Let my obsession impress
The competition
I guess the best decisions
To flex instead of listen
She’s a mess on a mission
In a dress in the kitchen
Bitch it ain’t misogynistic
If she’s pro tradition
She’s my little puritanical into
Yuri, tentacles
Kirby, Antonymph and
Tradwife girly manacles
Multihued and moltin too
New dragonfly wings like a brood of
Changelings
She containing multitudes
Fairy wings plus the vampire fangs
Too late to ever change
Sparkles up in her mane
Cringecore gosh dang
No cynics up where she hang
The minute that she’s arranged
Gosh damn the game change
No chains, no brains, no shame
Silly name, filly came
To rave until the day
With the OC gang
And the only thang
That’s left is to bang with
Alchemystra Hopefang
Had a lot of fun doing the lyrics for this one; it's always fun to write something in an accent and explore new possibilities. My favorite I think was, "Hmmm, I need a good long 'a' rhyme to go with 'hey'...of course! 'Feet!'"
The accent, of course, taken from Equestria Narrator's wonderful coverage of the series, which you can find here:
youtu.be/sSEQqApx5CY?si=YlmrqSXv07Qgl--b
The artwork done by the ever-talented ArwenCuack, who you can find here:
twitter.com/ArwenCuack
ko-fi.com/arwencuack/commissions
I’m the hero of the wasteland
Take a shotgun to the face and
Shake it off baby todays plans
Don’t involve me getting laid dead
Minotaur trying to lay hands
But I’ve got a better replacement
Wires and iron, my dang leg
Connects and your ass gonna face plant
My plans involving no
Friendship or harmony
Honest to goddess
Iconic with subtlety
Call it ironic
A shot to the bonnet
Leaves me with a
Marvelous optical monocle
Darn it
You think if I want it
Then all of these chronic face injuries
could be avoided
Well honey
I might be moronic
But put me in stomping range
And you’ll be a goner
Hi team!
I’m the hero here in Paradise
Might seem
My demeanour isn’t very nice
(but if you’ve seen)
What I’ve seen
Then I swear you’d be aware that life’s
Mean,
And I have highbeam cybernetic laser eyes
Nose to nose with the steel rangers
They’re the one’s here in real danger
This wasteland needs a gay saviour
And hay man, that’s what I’m made for
Touch serenity face my anger
You’ll be living in great pain for
Bout a second then your brain’ll
Paint the drapes in gray vapor
Caped crusader or crazed raider
Put em all down with a haymaker
Punch first and pray later
Kickin in doors like “Hey, neighbor!”
Frankly I’m in great shape,
Not counting the bullets or blades, thanks
Once you can look past my face, hey
Only prosthetics are two of my feet
I’ll clean up this sin city
N’ anypony who ain’t friendly
Gonna meet with a grim n’ grisly
End when they contend with me
Last name of Gun, first Hired
Army of one, and I’m wired
Ready to burn like a Wild Fire
Time to run, and I’m tired
Can’t a mare just take damn nap
Without getting captured and handicapped?
Making me think out my plans n tactics,
“Kill em all.”
Fantastic.
Back in the day they said friendship is magic
But now I’m grenading a balefire catapult
Strapped to my back on my saddle and tapping the
Trigger so call me a madmare or radical
Hi team!
I’m the hero here in Paradise
Might seem
My demeanour isn’t very nice
(but if you’ve seen)
What I’ve seen
Then I swear you’d be aware that life’s
Mean,
And I have highbeam cybernetic laser eyes
I’m seeing ghosts but mostly
Makin em
Cutting it close these colts I’m
Taking ‘em
Ready to roll, filly in tow
Flare is a whole other level of
Hoe-
Ly smokes
And cuddling colts
I’m totally broken
Doped up opium toking
Hope I can roll with the blows
Drop into SATS and I’m living in Slow Mo
So!
Gimme dat Med X
Oh!
I’m seeing red-next
Foe!
Put em in bed rest
Go
Hit em with lead legs
Feeling horrendous
Popping syringes
Choking on friendship
Like it’s oranges
Rifles and wrenches
Right to the finish
Locking your door
And I’ll kick in the hinges
Just you wait
I’m on a date with Haze
Hate to say I’m
Feelin gay for days
Maybe crazy hay
But to escape malaise
I’ll take a break from hatred
While I chase the day
Pray to Luna while I
Play my tunes I’m gonna
Draw and shoot like it was
High Noon
Since I saw Foundation in a tight noose
I’ve been breaking faces and my sights true
Cut loose on a whiskey binge
Only way I can forget my sins
Is when I’m high as enclave
Raptor’s I’ll shave
Chapters off these
Bastards y’all
Call me a megaspell ready to spark
Sun in my eyes while I live in the dark
Puttin the horse behind the cart,
‘Cause doll the game was rigged from the start
Hi team!
I’m the hero here in Paradise
Might seem
My demeanour isn’t very nice
(but if you’ve seen)
What I’ve seen
Then I swear you’d be aware that life’s
Mean,
And I have highbeam cybernetic laser eyes
Something of a spiritual sequel to Sunnytime Vibes, because sometimes when you're a bit down and out you need a pretty orange pony to give you some hope and remind you that, hey, you aren't alone out there.
__
Alarm clock plays, gonna be her day, solar rays
Hair braid, dope shades, strap on roller blades
She’s headed out the lighthouse,
Spread the joy and light out,
Meeting every morning with a hopeful face.
She’s got a Sunny smile
She’s got a Sunny soul
And always happy to help you know you’re not alone
Her heart is hope
And she’s hoping that you’ll hear her say
You have friends
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Little hooves, lighting lanterns by the moonlight,
Paper balloons, see her smile as it takes flight
Her dad says she’s a dreamer
And he can see it in her eyes
But he’s a true believer
And says he’s always here to help her shine.
He taught her “Sunny we can do our part.”
And make things better say it, “Hoof to Heart”
With friends to call your own
You’ll never be alone
Even if I cannot be there when you’re grown
She’s got a Sunny smile
She’s got a Sunny soul
And always happy to help you know you’re not alone
Her heart is hope
And she’s hoping that you’ll hear her say
You have friends
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Princess Pipp, Zipp, Hitch and Senor Butterscotch
Izzy, Minty, Misty-must be interesting to watch
Even Misses Posey knows
This is just a glowing soul
Little pony full of hope like smoldering coals
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Come visit us! Come visit us!
Light a lantern of friendship today!
Come visit us! Come visit us!
Lift your hooves and let it fly away!
Come visit us! Come visit us!
You aren’t alone and I want to hear you say,
“Come visit us! Come visit, visit, visit, visit…”
She’s got a Sunny smile
She’s got a Sunny soul
And always happy to help you know you’re not alone
Her heart is hope
And she’s hoping that you’ll hear her say
You have friends
You have friends in Maretime-
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Come visit us! Come visit us!
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Come visit us! Come visit us!
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Come visit us! Come visit us!
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Come visit us! Come visit us!
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Come visit us! Come visit us!
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Come visit us! Come visit us!
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Come visit us! Come visit us!
You have friends in Maretime Bay
Come visit us! Come visit us!
Seriously, though, I did have a good time writing and working on this song. Thanks as always to Chompy and Snowy for rendering their thoughts as I fumbled through the mixing process.
wav file available here: mediafire.com/file/xihc1edzs84wkns/ControlTheCrowd1.9w.wav/file
Lyrics:
Let me help you get to sleep
Spread out your wings and breath deep
Even when the dreams keep crawling
Even when the breeze keeps calling
Even even even when your feathers keep falling
Weather keeps squalling
Even keeled evening even when panicking everything’s calm
Everypony stomp your feet
See? Everything’s sweet
Everypony find the time
See? Everything is gonna be fine.
Shine. Find your lifeline
High time take to flight
My my lookin’
Fine-
I’ll be your waifu
(Not the first time)
So let’s draft another song
Pull the stops and hop on
Hip hop bops and drop bombs
Pipp pop target stalked and locked on
Tip top clip trot clips to clop on
Princess hits with vids and pics
So buy my merch and get subscriptions
Oh I might be a princess
And I might play the part
But know my confidence is
Instrumental an indispensable heart
And might be quite intense
Since heavy is the mane that wears the crown
And maybe little but I’m
Still Pipp Petals
I control the crowd
Oh, oh, oh, oh
I control the crowd
Oh, oh oh, oh
And never let you down
Everypony follow me
P, I, Double P
Pleased to be here
Up on the beat
Just skip through the intro
Just like you’re meant to
Walk your plot down to
Mane Melody
My team painting hooves
And
My team raising roofs.
And
Might seem crazy too
But
My dream, I mean, made it true.
Got my face on my own perfume, and
Everypony gapes when I hit the room
Who’s that beautiful, tasteful, gracefu
Bracelets, lace and bangles too?
Slip the guards, and
Hit the boulevard
Tipsy getting carded
Every single bar.
I’m just so frickin smol
They think that I’m a foal
But everywhere I go
The show knows I’m a star
So Start That Beat
Everypony
Eyes On Me
Supercharging
All I See
So welcome to my
Melody
Oh I might be a princess
And I might play the part
But know my confidence is
Instrumental an indispensable heart
And might be quite intense
Since heavy is the mane that wears the crown
And maybe little but I’m
Still Pipp Petals
I control the crowd
Oh, oh, oh, oh
I control the crowd
Oh, oh oh, oh
And never let you down
No votes
Unlikes
Don’t choke
Just try
Get subs
Cope Cry
Flop Fail
Then Fly
Oh I might be a princess
And I might play the part
But know my confidence is
Instrumental an indispensable heart
And might be quite intense
Since heavy is the mane that wears the crown
And maybe little but I’m
Still Pipp Petals
I control the crowd
Oh, oh, oh, oh
I control the crowd
Oh, oh oh, oh
And never let you down
Oh, oh, oh, oh
I control the crowd
Oh, oh oh, oh
And never let you down
https://files.catbox.moe/8u1l7x.wav
Lyrics:
So I guess I kind of backed off the music this year, you know, doing the backend stuff, and last year really pushed me beyond my limits trying to do both. And I know it’s the same shit for everyone, I just, you know, hoped that maybe some new friend would write a few parodies or something. It’s been a big part of the season for me, so you know, sometimes I just have to sing how I feel.
Where the fuck is the music without me?
High key wanted you to take me out back with the backbeat
And oust me
Do I really need to go round announcing
I can’t do this shit anymore
Every ounce of my ass it’s exhausting
And my brand new life as a housekeeper
Trad wife Santa pone my, I’m a crowd pleaser
And I never find time like a broken metronome
In the loudspeakers
By the time I get home feel old and alone
And a little bit cold and and my foot still hurts where the bone broke
But it’s run, run, run
On this old road
And it’s go, go, go motherhecker
No slowing down til the checker flag rolls
Better
Luck next time
Drunk text my next lines
Straight to my ex
With a dick pic sex time
Gosh damn that’s a weird flex
Like Arnold Schwarzenegger in a sweater vest
I can be your terminator in a turtleneck
Treat these lyrics like a Kennedy, I murder text
But remedy I couldn’t guess
Prolly just me, full of vinegar and winter sweat
Not a winner, just a little pest
Best case scenario, I’m quitting when I finish this
Just guess that I miss 2018
Stories and songs going strong like the A-Team
Don’t get me wrong you belong it’s a great thing
Just wish I had time for the making
I’ll keep it short cause I don’t got the spare time
Just to spin a tall tale for y’all in a mare rhyme
Pull my hair out mane and tail too
Hooves gnawed short cause I’m worried that I failed you
Envelopes mailed tracking numbers in the inbox
Stacking up like Maud pie piling the gem rocks
Pony Sex wife beater, panties and the gym socks
I’ll corrupt the youth til they got me sippin hemlock
Fuck TikTok, skip Pipp’s ClipTrots
You can call me Littlepip, pistol grip and flip stock
I can empty whole clips I don’t need a trigger finger
Or a middle finger, two hooves flipped off
Chip on my shoulder cause I wanna hug the whole globe
But I can’t through this damn computer so they won’t know
Holy coke smoke maybe I’m a slowpoke
Not a very clever pony, Chuckles, but it’s no joke
Nope, nope, nope there’s too many broken folks
Hurting in this fucking bitch I can’t keep my throat closed
Singing in the shower with my sweater on, clothes soaked
Breakfast just a soggy piece of waterlogged oat toast
Face the day with the folks I love the most o-
Ver compensating everytime I hope post
Shake it like I’m derpy in a snow globe, go, go!
Back on the beat, and I’m going til I croak yo
Just guess that I miss 2018
Stories and songs going strong like the A-Team
Don’t get me wrong you belong it’s a great thing
Just wish I had time for the making
I swear I’m not upset or anything. Really, I know everyone is busy. It just feels not quite the same without a whole bunch of songs coming out during the event about the OC bullshit and all. It’s part of the Season to me, and maybe that’s just because I did a whole bunch of them, who knows? I just needed to make something, you know, and you have to write what you feel if you want it to mean anything.
Yeah so you should sing a song.
Not far away in a town we all know
A stallion walks slowly, his head hanging low
There's purpose and drive in his eyes as he goes
The wind in his mane and hooves caked in snow
And there in the square of that quaint little town
By the door of town hall is where he hunkers down
He pulls his scarf tighter to fight off the cold
Strums a guitar and carols alone
Happy Hearth's Warming, and if you find time
Give thanks for your blessings, ahead and behind
It isn't a chore or a bore, soon you'll see
Most important of all are the smallest of things
So please, everypony, I beg hear my cry,
Happy Hearth's Warming all, after all, It's Hearth's Warming Time
There's not very much to the song that he sings
It's simple and sadder it should rightfully be
The world turns around him and nopony sees
Past guitar, and scarf, and the things that they need
Sweets and surprises are sold in the stalls
And the stallion has nothing to sell them at all
There's presents to wrap and there's garland to string
Through the din of their thoughts they scarce hear him sing
The streetlights come on and the ornaments glow
Ponies head home to escape from the cold
Hearth's Warming came and joy did abound
To all that did dwell in that quaint little town
But then so much later, the following year
There was somehow in town just a little less cheer
No one could place it, but something was gone
A stallion, a scarf, a guitar and a song
His absence not noticed, but still to this day
What exactly is missing, nopony can say
And there by the door of the sprawling town hall
Past wagons and streetlights and vendors and stalls
The wind blows the snow while nopony sings
Perhaps what is missing is the smallest of things
I'm sure were he there he would say full of cheer
Take stock of the things that you truly hold dear
Happy Hearth's Warming, and if you find the time
Give thanks for your blessings, ahead and behind
It isn't a chore or a bore, soon you'll see
Most important of all are the smallest of things
So please, everypony, I beg hear my cry,
Happy Hearth's Warming all, after all, It's Hearth's Warming Time
Definitely a good golden age fanfic and worth your time for the nostalgia if nothing else.
Many thanks to Gobiraptor, a for real life tea-and-crumpets-person for bringing her wonderful voice to Octavia.
Catch more of her endeavors at: twitter.com/Gobiraptor
https://bsky.app/profile/gobiraptor.bsky.social
Big thanks to ArwenCuack for the artwork (done months ago, lol, this song has languished in a folder for a long time waiting for Halloween to come around. It was actually done for a Busty's back in like April or something.) Find her art and comms at:
twitter.com/ArwenCuack/status/1682091059340255241
ko-fi.com/arwencuack/commissions
A monster attack? Blast!
How am I meant to practice with a monster?
Two room loft in Canterlot
Split the rent with a loud, obnoxious
Hot and gorgeous
(What am I saying?)
Rude and boisterous,
And a slob.
And her pants are off,
And her rooms a mess!
To be fair, in her defence,
She does the does the dishes, and the cups
She cleans them…with wubs.
Wakes up in the dead of night,
With her eyes all red and her coat is white
Dark, nocturnal
That infernal creature
Has me drooling- wait
I didn’t mean that…did I?
And I’m staying up til midnight
Just to spend the time with Scratch;
There’s a catch.
Bloodbag in the icebox,
Then our eyes locked,
And to my shock,
The fangs came out and
When they sank down
It was time to flip the lights off.
Teeth in my jugular
In the struggle blood
Pours and so do words
I’m in love with her
And it sounds absurd
But those aren’t the eyes
Of a murderer
Final kiss, final breath, final instant
But I guess that I broke through her instinct
So warm with her chest on my chest
Now I’ll lay me down to rest
But the death that lies
Behind those crimson eyes
Dies and I
Might survive to see the daylight
She’s a motherbuckin’ bloodsucker
Got the fans starstruck
Eyes red, undead creature of the night
With the too wide smile and the eyes like fire
Don’t deny it, Vinyl
My roommate is a vampire
Better be careful
Or you’ll end up a werewolf
It’s a miracle
That I’m here at all
Cause my roommate mare
Is nuttier than a pair of balls
Can’t bear to fall.
And I swear to all
The princesses
In Canterlot
I should be scared,
But the truth is dear,
I’m too damn queer to be
Scared at all.
No fear! That’s the spirit
Cello’s out, and it’s time to hear it
Drop the bass while I wash the taste
Of rabbit clear. Cheers! Oh dear it
Seems the fifth of gin and tonics gone
And so’s my phonics, darn,
Not even dawn so, Vinyl, darling
Grab another bottle; pop!
Let’s get lush,
Let’s get lit,
Let’s unlive a little bit.
Might be undead but
(Please excuse the language)
I don’t give a shit.
Whiskey down the hatch-
Next!
Tipsy have to laugh-
Just!
Call this track a smash-
Hit!
Half liquor and half-
Sex!
Like Katy Perry’s cherry chapstick
I’m addicted to this halfwit
Brash, erratic, captivated and
Snap a photo she has “Ze Magics”
Ghoulish grin with a girlish soul,
Break and enter and break the rules,
So damn loud and so damn cool,
No wonder I’ve been filly-fooled
She’s a motherbuckin’ bloodsucker
Got the fans starstruck
Eyes red, undead creature of the night
With the too wide smile and the eyes like fire
Don’t deny it, Vinyl
My roommate is a vampire
Know damn well she’s dangerous.
But are those fangs, or just
The way she grins? Delicious,
Lackadaisical and languorous
Intimate,
Physically indecent
Every day is an incident
I’m the tinder, and she’s the flint
And our kindred spirit lit this bitch,
Like gelignite in a rubbish bin
And the bomb goes off when the bass drops in
Vicious sinner, sinister and
Anything but innocent
Inner Circle, hitter, fixer
Big intimidator, bitch
Slugger, thug, enforcer horse.
And holy shit I’m into it.
She’s a motherbuckin’ bloodsucker
Got the fans starstruck
Eyes red, undead creature of the night
With the too wide smile and the eyes like fire
Don’t deny it, Vinyl
My roommate is a vampire
She’s a bloodsucker
Got the fans starstruck
Eyes red, undead creature of the night
With the too wide smile and the eyes like fire
Don’t deny it, Vinyl
My roommate is a vampire.
Available for download here:
https://files.catbox.moe/luftmw.wav
You can call me Trash god
Twilight Sparkle but I’m half off
Laugh at me now but I’m gonna leave ‘em
Slack jawed keep believing Ima blast off
Faster than a whip crack, batty as a crackpot
Master of the knickknacks, chatty as chatbot
Tripping every trap when my ass walk
Grasp straws
Every challenge is a path trod
And the paths long
Thank Scott I got the brass balls
Best friend Sunny that’s my bffs
Funny how it feels to have her stunning
Smile brilliant and burning
Eyes to light me up and optimism
Foil to my autism
Long as I’m along with em
Stronger than a Kong “hit em”
Moon bow. Moon bow.
You can call me.
Moon bow. Moon bow.
You can call me.
Moon bow. Moon bow.
You can call me.
You can call me.
Izzy. Izzy. Moonbow.
Kick the frickin rhythm get em
Grinnin spittin spinnin
Dizzy like I’m sippin venom
Sniffin Sunny smells like cinnamon
And I’m a gremlin
I’m a goblin. I’m your Robin Hood your Dalai Lama
I’m the sparkle in your fuckin aura
I’m the harlot, I’m the carnal pleasure
I’m the starlet, im the supernova in the darkness
And this is how a unicorn spits spits
Slick victorious and vicious
Glitter lesbians with the lipstick
Hit this you can call me fickle but my friendships
Solid as a brick fist
Mystic. Back in Bridlewood and I’m a misfit.
Sprout got me on a hit list.
Bitch!
Moon bow. Moon bow.
You can call me.
Moon bow. Moon bow.
You can call me.
Moon bow. Moon bow.
You can call me.
You can call me.
Izzy. Izzy. Moonbow.
Moon. Bow.
Goon. So.
Me n my crew glow.
True gold.
Music in the room grows
Whosoever choose so
You can do it to
Gonna bloom you’re a new rose
Screw it Ima do it too
What a loophole
Up high, too slow
I’m the dynamite and
And my fuse low
Tick, tick tick Boom!
How the fuck did you think
This concludes yo??
True chaotic in a world
Of true neutral
And I’ll only ever snooze
After- afternoon goes
If you ever need a blue
Mane unicorn the tune goes
Sea pony shoo bee doo yo
Moon bow. Moon bow.
You can call me.
Moon bow. Moon bow.
You can call me.
Moon bow. Moon bow.
You can call me.
You can call me.
Izzy. Izzy. Moonbow.
Written for Busty's 44: Drugs, and I mean, I think it came out decent for a square who has never illegally drugged. Big thanks to Chompy for always being down to throw a bro a hoof.
You can get the WAV for free download over here: mediafire.com/file/s4gca5lcrk6b8cz/Potion+Shop+ft.+Chompy+WAV1.wav/file
Hello! Welcome to Pony Potions, where every potion is perfect and every is an experience! What can I get for you today?
Uh, I dunno…what do you got?
Well…
I go the uppers and downers
And pcp by the gallon
I got a fun futa potion
To turn a mare to a stallion
And psychedelics, a hill of them,
also codeine and Valium
An got that sodium chlorine* in powdered form for your salad
I’ve got elixirs and mixers and liquor
Pictures of Nyx and her sister
Kissing so dicks’ll get thicker
Strippers and stickers and glitter
Damn I got everything
You a fan of amphetamines
I got meth I got methadone
I got kettles of ketamine
pack of pegasus feathers
To get you higher than ever
And leave you looking at rainbows
Like you were walkin on weather
But it get better and better
I got the salt and the pepper
You got the bread and the cheddar
You want it I can go get her
“You got the sparkles and glitter glue?”
Motherbucker in red and blue
Purple, orange and burgundy
Do you know who you’re talking to?
Unforgettable edibles
They be silly and funny
I got em special from Pinkie Pie
So they lookin like gummy
Got the morphine it’s medical
Robitussin, incredible
My concoctions and chemicals
Too advanced to be ethical
Like I said I’m the potion shop
And I’m sellin overstock
I’m as dope as my dope yo an holy
Smokes we don’t ever
“STOP!”
Kick the door down
Hit the floor now
Bitch we going to the potion shop
Get the horse
This what we lookin for
Flip the scoreboard til we grope the top
Blow a line that
Buckin blows your mind
And gulpin coke and lime
While jokin smokin pot
Know it’s time
For goin spoken rhymes
So take a toke and dime
And throw a bro a scotch
Hey that’s pretty good, but hey, I’m looking for something a little special. Is that all you got?
Is that all I got? Maaaan…
I got the coke in the back,
You want a key I got stacks
I got the heroin
“Black?”
Don’t even narrow it down
About a billion pills like I’m
Fillin millionaire deals
Even Sacklers can lack words
About the dope that I shill
I got your ecstasy next to me
No flex just the best pony
Sex and fetish for medi-scene
Checks in the melody
Call it a felony fella sellin
This hella cream
Sweet as sugary saccharine
Laughing snacking on gelatine
And I fill em with jealousy
But they never be jailin me
Spittin words like a spelling bee
While I’m selling my jelly beans
Oxy, boxes and buckets and barrels
Carry em Buck it and bare em
Poppers I suck em and share em
Barely enough for my harem
horn of a unicorn
Eye of newt and thistle thorn
Got my recipe coded
Like it’s written in cuneiform
And my uniform vest
Has got a plate in the chest
Because the haters attempt
To put a blade in my breast
Got the sunshine and celery stalks
Clover and berries in stock
Clever economy stocks
End up in pillory stocks
Homophone, homonym
Thank the moon, not a hominid
I’m a goon of a pony
With all the juices a lot of them
“Time”
Pick up the items you took
Scribble the price in the book
Eyes on the prizes and vices
I got these fish on the
“HOOK!”
Kick the door down
Hit the floor now
Bitch we going to the potion shop
Get the horse
This what we lookin for
Flip the scoreboard til we grope the top
Blow a line that
Buckin blows your mind
And gulpin coke and lime
While jokin smokin pot
Know it’s time
For goin spoken rhymes
So take a toke and dime
And throw a bro a scotch
“So…uh yeah I guess give me some glitter…some alicorn sparkles and like an 8 ball of coke?”
*I know it's chloride. This sounded better.
Many thanks to Chuckles editing the video. I could never have done it without you. And thank you for the amazing background artwork! See the link below!
Lyrics:
Now I'm back in the saddle and I say okay
Cause I worked all night and I slept all day
But I'm back in the saddle, I'll get tossed no way
Let's give this sucker just one more play
So get back in your saddle so what do you say
Hey, go out and win this day
A win is a win by an inch or a yard
And winnin' don't come just by tryin' hard
Take your lumps and your bumps,
And your bruises and cuts
Blue ribbons don't come just by hanging tough
The ones who finally win, I'm sure you'll find
Were the ones kept working past the finish line
But when the lights go out and your vision gets clearer
Can you even stand to look in the mirror?
So I'm back in the saddle and I'm ready to ride
Been sittin' too long and I say it's high time
Once your back in your saddle with your friends at your side
You pull yourself up and continue the climb
Now your back in the saddle and I'm sure you'll find
The only thing I'm thinkin' bout is crossing that line
I'm preaching to the choir, but I hope that I inspire
Just a little bit of confidence in things that have transpired
That time you thought you fractured, well honestly and factually
Was shining testament to your amazing personality
Because when you reflect with optimism, retrospect
The things that broke you down were things you couldn't do without
So it's time to dust it off, take the L, walk it off
Cause partner there's a worse thing than an isolated loss
So I'm back in the saddle and I don't care when
Cause I know I ain't stopping till I reach the end
Yes I'm back in the saddle you can bet my friend
I got sweat to spill and I got fences to mend
Oh I'm back in the saddle and I intend
To make the best of of the time I spend
Now spiritually and logically you're not quite where you want to be
But getting there ain't getting closer sitting melancholy
The world will keep on turnin'
Weather idling or burnin'
So you might as well keep swinging till you hear the bell a ringin'
I know that you can do this, buckle down and get on to it
Only one mistake you'll make is if you stop on working through it
'Cause courage is defined by those who fall and keep on rising
So friend we got a road ahead; I say it's winning time
So we're back in the saddle keep your eyes on the prize
You're better than the rest ain't no compromise
Yeah we're back in the saddle high time to realize
No time to look down, when your soaring through the skies
Yes you're back in the saddle got fire in your eyes
You been down in your lows, keep your head held high
Thanks to floralshitpost for the chilled-out background art.Find more of her art here! (NSFW): twitter.com/floralsh_tpost
Available for download here:
mediafire.com/file/nkg40t2mrabt9d5/CherryBerrysBalloonWAV1Cut.wav/file
She’s
Looking down at top mares
From her basket in the atmosphere
Tryna find what’s out there
Catch the magic breeze and let it steer
Every doubt she’s fighting
Lies beneath the clouds she’s riding
Up above the cirrus hiding
Higher than her fear
The sun and moon are glowing
Almost close enough for her to touch
And that ol' wind keeps blowing
Hear the bora bellow, zephyr rush
The world’s within her clutch
And even when the wind is rough
When all her problems lie below
The only road that’s left to go is up
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
An escape to the great bright blue in
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
What a view, when you’re higher than the moon
Fire up the furnace
Lightin’ up the burners
Off on an adventure
And promise she’ll return its
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Floating in an ocean
Made of golden sun and silver clouds
Rolling with the motion
Of the slowly flowing nimbus round
And the tolling thunder,
Isn’t scary when it’s under
Wanderlust like hunger just,
Accumulates in cumulus,
And
Peering down at pegasi
Beyond a care beyond the sky
She longs to see what she can find
Beyond the deep horizon line
And every sunbeam dancing
Beauty’s truly dream enhancing
Shooting through this bird's eye view
Inside the blue is so entrancing
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
An escape to the great bright blue in
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
What a view, when you’re higher than the moon
So fire up the furnace
Lightin’ up the burners
Off on an adventure
And promise she’ll return its
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
The fire
Burns inside her
Bids her fly and
Lifts her higher
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
An escape to the great bright blue in
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
What a view, when you’re higher than the moon
Fire up the furnace
She’s lightin’ up the burners
She’s off on an adventure
And promise she’ll return its
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
Cherry Berry’s Balloon
twitter.com/ArwenCuack
trello.com/b/9sKli91X/arwencuacks-commissions
Track available for download at:
mediafire.com/file/pufitdn07n5skgn/SunshineAndRainbows2.mp3/file
Welcome to the world
It’s dark and gray and feels like everyday there’s
Rain in the air and clouds are blocking out the sun
But I don’t care; if you’ll be there to
Set my world on fire
Somepony told me “Girl you’ve got to love someone”
And you’ll have
Sunshine and rainbows, these ol’ clouds won’t last forever
Sunshine and rainbows down every road we walk together
We’ll have
Sunshine and rainbows; we’re like two birds of a feather
You and I
And we’re gonna fly
We’re gonna fly
Ooo-ooo-ooo, Sunshine and Rainbows
We’ll have
Ooo-ooo-ooo, Sunshine and Rainbows
We’ll have
Ooo-ooo-ooo, Sunshine and Rainbows
You and I
You and I
I’m looking for the stars at night
But all I seem to find is thunder
It makes me wonder why I even want to try
But then you touch my hoof
And all the world falls out from under
And you keep telling me to fight that, fight that, fight that good fight.
Cause when the world is at its darkest place
We need a hero
We need a hero who will bring us back the light
And we’ll have
Sunshine and rainbows, these ol’ clouds won’t last forever
Sunshine and rainbows down e-ve-ry road we walk together
We’ll have
Sunshine and rainbows, and we’ll fix this broken weather you and I
We’ll clear the sky
We’ll clear it.
Sunshine and rainbows, these ol’ clouds won’t last forever
Sunshine and rainbows down every road we walk together
We’ll have
Sunshine and rainbows, we’re like two birds of a feather, you and I
And we’re gonna fly.
We’re gonna fly.
Synthesizers used were so-vits 4.0 and Controllable Talknet.
Download is available here:
mediafire.com/file/tc7uz27cxfwr70n/RarityInvestigatesFull4.4WAV.wav/file
Swag cap on with the trench coat, darling
Brass shoes if the perp starts brawling
Flask in the breast pocket
Next to the tech call it
Cap shooter yes cock it
Best get talking
Sex sells so I fell for another broad
When she walked in the door like “Oh sod.”
Here comes another one,
Back on the case
Pretty face
With a loaded gun
Don’t call me Zipp though
I’m dippin Zip codes
Street after street
Make it quick or it gets cold
Dive bar and strip club
Eyeballing victims
You got a hot lead?
Might get your dick rubbed
I’m the Dick with the balls of steel
All mare with a flare for dramatic reveals
Mind like a hacksaw
Leave ‘em all slack jawed
When I’m on the track now
Villains better back off
Hip flask with the sash and cape
When rarity investigates
Tipped hat and the fashion’s great
When rarity investigates
PI with the keen eye
And the sleek shine of my
Chic line
Hit the streets I
Get the beat line
And when I squeeze my
Wolverine peeps die
Never try to lie to me, fool
Seeing right through
You’re eye to eye
With a mind like a
Knife too
Life’s black and white
But my eyes stay ice blue
Gumshoe stuck to
The right case like glue
Chase clues
Take dues
Get laid while the
Bass grooves
Get fame
Kiss dames
Burn change
Like a cigarette flame
Punch thugs and I
Duck from slugs
Wake up, take drugs
Stay drunk, lay bugs
Make love, make discoveries
I uncover these
While I recover up
Under the covers please
Hip flask with the sash and cape
When rarity investigates
Tipped hat and the fashion’s great
When rarity investigates
Rarity investigates
You better bet your fates
I’ll never rest the case until
I check and mate
I’m a deck of aces and
I’m dedicated
My careers like my clothes
Highly decorated
Ray bans in the middle of the night
Better make plans cause a kiddo wanna fight
They lay hands but I lay hooves
And I might take a bruise but I
Break you
Take two
Gonna smooth talk a stallion
That a gun in your pocket or a whole
Damn battalion?
And what a gal gotta do
Round here for a clue
Pretty boy, wanna smooch?
Yeah I know that you do
Now I’m back on the road in the back end street
Wrap it up in a bow like it’s fashion week
Snappy quote and I’m back to the last boutique
Rainbow Dash doesn’t know what she has in me
Hip flask with the sash and cape
When rarity investigates
Tipped hat and the fashion’s great
When rarity investigates
Hip flask with the sash and cape
When rarity investigates
Tipped hat and the fashion’s great
When rarity investigates
Available for download here: mediafire.com/file/s4vtxnvya79jkq3/Shitposts,+Hand+Grenades+and+Horseshoes.wav/file
Thanks, as so often is the case, to ArwenCuack for the wonderful art, this time ponification of an old internet meme image. Find more of her here:
twitter.com/ArwenCuack
trello.com/b/9sKli91X/arwencuacks-commissions
The internet is scary?
What kind of a topic is that?
The internet isn’t scary.
The real world is scary.
The internet is where the ponies are.
So plug the fuckin modem in,
And load ‘em in
Like bullets in my Colt again.
Hold onto your scrotum;
Hit the road and let the show begin.
Roll it like it’s Roller Coaster Tycoon,
Crying, “I don’t want to go on Mr Bones Wild Ride!”
Go again.
Pull the lever down;
People please the crowd.
We can have another go around;
Princess Pinkie Pie can keep the crown.
I can keep the kilogram of semen;
You can keep it down;
Very hard to jack it while you’re laughing,
Jeezy freaking wow!
Can’t a pervert even jerk in peace now?
Creep around and deep into your DMs,
Sneak into your webcam?
Peepin’ out the lenses while your sleeping
With my peepee out?
Got my Rainbow Dashie mason jar and I drink it down.
In my stinky, musty
Basement with my minky plushy
Ponka Po with Pinkie pussy;
Teeny tiny weenie bustin’
Isn’t even interestin’
Thinking, “He’s just so disgusting,”
Talking to my daki while I’m boppin’
Call it my dis-cushion.
Hoppin’ on the intertubes just to make a shitpost.
Hand grenades and horseshoes, so I ain’t gotta get close.
Cloppin’ to a two dimension bitch and switch hoes.
Sparky Sparkeroni plus your waifu is a spitroast.
You might say I’m knuckle dragging; I know I’m a tip toe.
Tipping topping everything; well you know how that this goes.
I’ma scribble this prose; T pose in drip clothes;
Booping every snootle; bitches say that Nonny gets nose.
Mission after mission
On the internet, call it my E-mission
Bet that it be kissin’ mares and making
Erry single pony wet,
And every single person on the board
Just a little more annoyed
Than they were before I
Called their wife a silly whore.
Ordinary morning on the forum,
It’s a war zone:
Ayylmaoes and dougshit
Interspersed with pornos.
Gee Percenters thirsty for the
Spider legs and dog thots.
Season one purists
On a soapbox selling hog wash.
I can start a fist fight right now, here and now,
Just by posting Trixie and a trans flag. Gay pow’!
But with great pow’ comes a great responsibility
This ability to incite a hate crowd.
I ain’t even gotta believe the shit I’m posting
To leave the bitches choking on my
Creamy, memey weeby weenie.
Maybe I’m just coping, just to cover up
The openness.
If I make enough jokes
No one knows what’s serious.
Seriously friends I’m just dumb as fuck and depressed.
Roflcopter. I’m just joshing; don’t believe what he says.
Mommy says I’m very clever, she thinks I’m a genius.
I don’t think she knows what a year of whiskey drinks did.
Hoppin’ on the intertubes just to make a shitpost.
Hand grenades and horseshoes, so I ain’t gotta get close.
Cloppin’ to a juicy two dimension bitch and switch hoes.
Sparky Sparkeroni plus your waifu is a spitroast.
You might say I’m knuckle dragging; I know I’m a tip toe.
Tipping topping everything; well you know how that this goes.
I’ma scribble this prose; T pose in drip clothes;
Booping every snootle; bitches say that Nonny gets nose.
So dial up the broadband,
Gosh damn,
Logging on to cock spam.
Adblockin’ bots, while
I’m rubbing on my sock hand.
Watch me while I dodge bans,
Running from the cops, and
Long as I’m anonymous
I’ma fuckin’ bomb vans.
Kickin’ on the Crocs
Sweatpants and the top hat.
Damn looking hot: flat butt,
And I got fat.
Walk that line, and I dunno
When to stop that.
Typing while I’m fighting, gloved up
Like I’m Strong Bad.
Hoppin’ on the intertubes just to make a shitpost.
Hand grenades and horseshoes, so I ain’t gotta get close.
Cloppin’ to a juicy two dimension bitch and switch hoes.
Sparky Sparkeroni plus your waifu is a spitroast.
You might say I’m knuckle dragging; I know I’m a tip toe.
Tipping topping everything; well you know how that this goes.
I’ma scribble this prose; T pose in drip clothes;
Booping every snootle; bitches say that Nonny gets nose.
Hoppin’ on the intertubes just to make a shitpost.
Hand grenades and horseshoes, so I ain’t gotta get close.
Cloppin’ to a juicy two dimension bitch and switch hoes.
Sparky Sparkeroni plus your waifu is a spitroast.
You might say I’m knuckle dragging; I know I’m a tip toe.
Tipping topping everything; well you know how that this goes.
I’ma scribble this prose; T pose in drip clothes;
Booping every snootle; bitches say that Nonny gets nose.
Thanks to Snowy for "Yeah?"
WAV available for download over here: mediafire.com/file/hhzli9x5ewyqumw/Welcome+to+the+MagicNewWAV2Fade.wav/file
Welcome to the magic!
Welcome to the madness!
Welcome to the slapstick!
Welcome to the, to the, to the
Welcome to the magic!
Welcome to the madness!
Welcome to the slapstick!
Welcome to the magic!
The friendship lessons: believe ‘em.
This positivity: mean it.
When I speak I’m so unironic
The doctor says I’m anaemic,
And it’s not a meme it’s iconic.
I keep the smile it’s chronic ,
And I’m just the cream of crop
If you’re farming introvert autists.
But I won’t say that I’m sorry
That I’m rolling harder than Sonic;
I might not roll a Ferrari,
But I got a horse on the bonnet.
And you’re like, “Damn, feeling nauseous”
Cause I’m just more than you can stomach.
A dominatrix; this fandom
Can’t stand the randomness, nonsense.
Honest Applejack.
And I’m on it like apple crack;
Stepping up and I’ll Apple smack
You out the saddle. Slap!
Throw hands, throw hooves,
I throw noobs off the roof, but
Me and my crew will fight you
With kindness.
Send a nice gift to spite you.
Chill like ice cubes.
A Clydesdale, and you’re minute.
Screaming, “Bite me!” while I bite you,
Then throw a party for you and invite you.
Blow the mic out like fellatio;
Dunno what “ratio” means.
I’m too lame and old;
Before they made radios
Recorded my spits in old
Roman: made in stone.
Back when we bought shirts and shopped mech
Paid in gold.
Back when Pangea was a preteen and awkward,
And I’m so damn Derped that
I’m shipped with the Doctor.
Doc! Doc! I’m hurt!
The proctologist! stop her!
Hoof up my bum while she’s dropping my boxers
Down to my Converse.
Damn this a long verse.
Wrap that shit up, ‘cause I’m strapped for the strong words.
Drop the hook! Quick!
For I fuck up the song worse
Than Ponka Po filling the crosswords with
Clop words.
Welcome to the magic!
Welcome to the madness!
Welcome to the slapstick!
Welcome to the, to the, to the
Welcome to the magic!
Welcome to the madness!
Welcome to the slapstick!
Welcome to the magic!
Headed back to the internet,
Even though there’s no interest
In my negative intellect
Messages about intersex
Futa horses that intersects
With my fetish for spinnerets,
Spider ponies with cigarettes,
Keeping me in a minaret.
Locked up like Rapunzel;
In the dungeon, with my bum full
Of horsecock.
So damn hot;
It’s wonderful!
No homo though! I’m just cum fueled
I’m too pudge, dumb, and ugly to run;
I’m just gasping on mares by the lungful,
Stagger and stumble,
Asthmatically wheezing so
That Dash says I’m uncool.
Comma, conjunction.
No transition to the next patter.
No one cares; no one listens,
So it don’t matter,
Long as this shit keeps spinnin.
Spittin nonsense ‘bout the mares that I’m kissin’
While I’m sitting in a chair wishin’
I was there.
Listen I’m aware that I’m fishin’
For somepony to care;
I frickin’ swear to Celestia,
I’m just mad for Equestria,
Only difference with the rest of ya:
When I’m stressed I can rest my nuts
On a hydraulic press, press to bust
Then flex, and I wreck machines
Like I’m flecks of rust,
And When I thrust between
Then the rest adjust.
Get set, bust!
I might not know what I’m doing,
But I’m having fun while I do it,
N’ treatin Grubber’s dick like my career.
What I mean I blew it.
Gluing horseshoes
To my flip flops,
And skip, hop right off a cliff
Like I’ve been taught.
It’s been hot, friends,
Now the end.
Heres the sendoff:
Hey Snow?
(Yeah?)
Spin that frickin’ disc
Like it’s hip hop!
Welcome to the magic!
Welcome to the madness!
Welcome to the slapstick!
Welcome to the, to the, to the
Welcome to the magic!
Welcome to the madness!
Welcome to the slapstick!
Welcome to the ma-!
Welcome to the magic!
Welcome to the madness!
Welcome to the slapstick!
Welcome to the, to the, to the
Welcome to the magic!
Welcome to the madness!
Welcome to the slapstick!
Welcome to the magic!
Oh sweet Manehattan; it’s the city that never sleeps
There’s always something happening in your busy streets
The roar of a million voices, the score of a million feet
The stories of choices we make to share generosity
And in the workshop she sits there
Sweet cream and aquamarine hair
Unseen, unfair
‘Cause I need this mare
More than I need to
Eat, sleep and breathe air
There’s a sunset waiting for us past the cold concrete
And there’s a romance being written on these swarming streets
My heartbeat resonates like music in the steel and glass
She puts her hoof in mine
Looks deep into my eyes
And says “Put it in my ass,”
Oh, Coco Pommel
She sweeps me right off my feet,
What a treat, she’s like a sweet vanilla Angel
Oh, Coco Pommel
I’m in love,
She’s a cream coloured dove from above
And she likes doing butt stuff.
Oh she likes doing butt stuff.
We went walking down the Canterlot Boulevard
Our hooves were trottin, yeah, and she would clip and I would clop
Trading stories ‘bout her life and family and job
I learned that she was perfect
She learned that I’m slob
But she saw past my broken history
Leaned in close
And sweetly kissed my cheek
Tickly whiskers while she’s whispering
“Hey there sweetie,
What a lovely evening
Got that loving feeling
Maybe we can go
Back home
And do it in the butt”
Oh, Coco Pommel
She sweeps me right off my feet,
What a treat, she’s like a sweet vanilla Angel
Oh, Coco Pommel
I’m in love,
She’s a cream coloured dove from above
And she likes doing butt stuff.
My dear Dandere darling
The white dove to my starling
And each design she’s drawing
Has me falling and falling and falling for
Oh, Coco Pommel
She sweeps me right off my feet,
What a treat, she’s like a sweet vanilla Angel
Oh, Coco Pommel
I’m in love,
She’s a cream coloured dove from above
And she likes doing butt stuff.
She likes doing butt stuff.
Coco Pommel.
Track is available for free download here: mediafire.com/file/457n6c63fwt2kzm/Don'tKillThePartOfYouThatsCringe7WAV.wav/file
And, again, an enormous, a huge, a gigantic tanks to ArwenCuack, who is a wonderful friend and has done so much fantastic art for me.
You can find more of her work, and commission info here:
trello.com/b/9sKli91X/arwencuacks-commissions
twitter.com/ArwenCuack
She's currently building up a commission portfolio, so I really ought to be giving her commissions that, you know, make her look good. Instead she still puts up with my dumb ass asking to prominently feature her making a really terrible cringe pony. We even had a really nice conversation where I sent over a sketch and talked through like..."ok, she's pretty obnoxious, but what can we do to make her WORSE?" And honestly I'm just delighted with the outcome. This girl is so loud, so colorful, a fairy alicorn princess with the fishnets and the stripey socks and the hypersaturated body marking and I just love her. She's adorable.
Don’t kill the part of you that is cringe
Kill the part of you that gives even one fucking shit
Don’t kill the part of you that is cringe
Colour scheme, hot pink, lime, green, and orange
Show that shit to all your friends
And never listen to the cynicism, embrace the optimism
And all that matters in the end
Is that you had fun
So if you had some
Love the part of you that is cringe
So let me tell you ‘bout my sweet self insert
She’s pink and all her friends are real pleased with her
Inside her brain the season’s always winter
And she tries to smile when her inside’s been hurt
A little ditzy
And she can’t remember heck all
Not very clever
But hey, that’s what makes her special
She cares no matter who the folks might be
Yeah, what I really like about her
Is she’s kinda like me
Pink coat, and blonde mane
She wears a Santa hat in sun and snow or rain
She isn’t lewd but you all assume it anyway
HoHoHo-ok
Don’t kill the part of you that is cringe
Kill the part of you that gives even one fucking shit
Don’t kill the part of you that is cringe
Colour scheme, hot pink, lime, green, and orange
Show that shit to all your friends
And never listen to the cynicism, embrace the optimism
And all that matters in the end
Is that you had fun
So if you had some
Love the part of you that is cringe
So let me tell you ‘bout my sweet self insert
She isn’t sleepy and her knee’s not injured
She isn’t broken in a dozen places
And every morning she can always face it
Extroverted and she knows what to say
Her feet don’t hurt and her mane isn’t turning gray
She’s never angry, yeah my OC,
What I really like about her
Is she isn’t like me
She’s sweet. And she’s sane.
She doesn’t struggle with her eating or a broken brain.
And when I’m mad I stop and ask
“Well what would Chuckles say?”
HoHoHo-ok
Don’t kill the part of you that is cringe
Kill the part of you that gives even one fucking shit
Don’t kill the part of you that is cringe
Colour scheme, hot pink, lime, green, and orange
Show that shit to all your friends
And never listen to the cynicism, embrace the optimism
And all that matters in the end
Is that you had fun
So if you had some
Love the part of you that is cringe
So make that Mary Sue
Make your waifu marry you
Why should you care
If the hope can help to carry you?
The world’s too scary to be
Worried ‘bout their point of view.
And cringe is very, very (you).
So come on tell me ‘bout your cool self insert
Spill that spaghetti.
Ready?
Go full cringelord
Don’t be afraid of looking weird
You’re already fookin here’
And you’re beautiful, so fear no censure
I hope they’re married to your favourite pony!
And when you think about it you’re not lonely,
Come on and post that pretty art you drew
Yeah, what I really like about them
Is what I like about you
Cute snoot and pretty eyes
They make me chuckle, heckin holy heck I love you guys
And when you smile then I get to smile too, my friend
So post that fuckin cringe
Don’t kill the part of you that is cringe
Kill the part of you that gives even one fucking shit
Don’t kill the part of you that is cringe
Color scheme, hot pink, lime, green, and orange
Show that shit to all your friends
And never listen to the cynicism, embrace the optimism
And all that matters in the end
Is that you had fun
So if you had some
Love the part of you that is cringe
File available for download here: mediafire.com/file/xbx8kp4qf1s9rn3/Evening+With+TwilightWAV.wav/file
Up inside of Golden Oak
After twilight
By the fireside
Books on the right
To left baby spike lies
Quiet
So tired, but her eyes shine
Violet
It’s Twi-time
Silent as the night sky
Silver moon hanging bright
High
Bats flying by, shy wing flicker flitter flutter
To the shimmer, glitter glamour of the
Fireflies
Hooves on the ottoman
Books: got one, got two, got a lotta them
Cardigan blue, warm wool and mug of hot brew
Fill the tea pot new gotta start again
She’s so smart, call her Solomon; cute too
Maybe too cute, brute force brain with a screw loose
Drifting off to sleep, sweet dreams, in a book snooze
Owlowicious says she’s the who’s who of who’s who
In the stillness of the reading nook
Shadows in leaves of the branches and the books
Both rustle in the breeze blowing gentle after midnight
And I want to spend the evening with Twilight
There’s no story to these lyrics
Sorry if you came to get a giggle but my
spirit
Isn’t feeling brilliant or boisterous and until it’s right
I just want to paint a quiet picture here with Twilight
Flip, turn the page
Candle wick wiggles
It holds the flame
Bee wax dribbles
Dripping like a golden honeydrop
Slowly rolling down the taper only stops
With the morning clock
Flip, turn again
Midnight slips, slips, slips into another day
Tick, tock, tick
“Quick, quick, quick” the seconds say
Every minute spent is blessing and I want to stay
Till I slip away
Blue mane, two stripes, hooves like lavender and
Cute bright pupils in her peepers and they
Sparkle in the moonlight
Got no clue how she manages
Hooves on my heart wounds soothe like bandages
Two AM comes and Two AM vanishes
She’s so beautiful I could fill a million canvases
Sandman banished we can sleep when fire dies
Flip another page in the library with Twilight
In the stillness of the reading nook
Shadows in leaves of the branches and the books
Both rustle in the breeze blowing gentle after midnight
And I want to spend the evening with Twilight
There’s no story to these lyrics
Sorry if you came to get a giggle but my
spirit
Isn’t feeling brilliant or boisterous and until it’s right
I just want to paint a quiet picture here with Twilight
Many thanks to Chompy for hopping on the chorus to push it down an extra few semitones. I had to get up and record using my morning voice just to get the prechorus down to the fifth, but getting that extra octave is just outside of my range.
An EXTRA saucy song for Busty's "Acting Like Animals" theme, with many thanks to floralshitpost for the art to go with it. (Which, for the record, was on commission BEFORE this youtu.be/zPtMglIaroE came out. We're just having a hivemind moment here.)
Find more of her art here! (NSFW):
twitter.com/floralsh_tpost
Song available for free download here: mediafire.com/file/wfrvvki4qn6bf8i/AnimalWAV.wav/file
Whoa there Fluttershy!
Whoa there! No reason to be like that.
We can talk this through. Easy there, girl; easy there.
Whoa-whoa-whoa-back-back-back-back!
(You’re going to LOVE ME!)
Wahaha it’s a mare in heat
Coming at me Rarity
Head to my feet going weak at the knees
She gonna pounce and I’m scared to be here
Please be gentle carefully dear
Animalistic can’t even see clear
Cannibal vision she gonna eat that meat
Like jeezy petes she’s freaky
And she’s goin creature mode
Say the heat makes her explode
Begging please can I have your foal
Fluttershy bitch I told you no
Scratch that itch with a shaft and tip
She goin down like “how’s the trip”
G and PT disappeared my D
And like “how’s that for a magic trick?”
Twilight hump with a rule and compass
Running that bum like calculus
Just when she finish Pinkie’s twitchin
Shit well here we go again
I’m gonna hit that estrus ass
Dick as big as a Texas hat
And when I flex my checks and cash
I get a bitch like best in class
Mare in the Lexus wreck and crash
Ain’t no sweat gotta Estus flask
You got the breastes? I gotta pass
I wanna come in Rainbow Dash
Animal, animal
Want that
Animal, animal
Want that
Animal, animal
Want that
Animal, animal
So fulla heat like a mare in estrus
She tryna flirt it’s goddamn precious
Go get her friend for a threesome
See son, callin’ that trips, so y’all better check this
Like spike on a checklist, reckless
Pipp just texted sex pics; heck this
High tech, it’s my ticket
Straight to the moon when I fuck a princess
Queen Haven please believe me
I was behaving she tryna freak me
See these likes on her clip trot page
And her blogspot say I got dick for days
Zipp’s the same, even Hitch can say
Izzy told him it was just a phase
Back in the day with Apple J
We used to go for a roll in the (heeeyy!)
They hate me. Cause they ain’t me.
They gatekeep. Cause they can’t keep
Up, and I can’t sleep, cause I’m eight deep
In Pank call it hanky panky
I’m gonna hit that estrus ass
Dick as big as a Texas hat
And when I flex my checks and cash
I get a bitch like best in class
Mare in the Lexus wreck and crash
Ain’t no sweat gotta Estus flask
You got the breastes? I gotta pass
I wanna come in Rainbow Dash
Animal, animal
Want that
Animal, animal
Want that
Animal, animal
Want that
Animal, animal
The birds and the bees when
The herd hits that season
I can’t even reload
When she goin’
Beastmode.
Animal, animal
Want that
Animal, animal
Want that
Animal, animal
Want that
Animal, animal
Download is available here: mediafire.com/file/9hpo10xtzcec9cx/Can'tStopUsWAV4.wav/file
A new golden age.
The pony resurgency.
The renaissance.
It’s time to come back, so get your pony suit, get your plushy, and get your ass on the floor.
Let’s go!
Catch me on the dance floor
I’m the one
With the rainbow unicorn horn
Eyes shut while
I jump
I’m so high
The sky ducked
Ponies gimme a hard on
And I go off like a carbomb
In Belfast
You smell that
Beat (Hell Yeah)
That’s stardom
Cut a rail of that stardust
Like Twilight Sparkle power scaling
Alpha males and Hasbro markets
Thirstier than some bar nuts
Hard cut to the next-
Rhythm
Breaking my neck-
Get em
I’m gonna flex-
‘Tism
I’m having sex-
With em
Watch my inflection
Only one direction
Left to go and you should know it
Celestia, here’s the lesson
Headstrong, balls out
And here’s the callout
To all the motherfuckers
Who think it’s too late to start out
Golden age starts now
Get the markers out
Disposition so damn Sunny
You can call me Starscout
Outbound, out, proud
Outside of the box now
Inside of the chimney
Say it with me we gonna shout loud
Can’t stop us
Nah headed straight to the top motherfucker
Can’t stop us
And we got it on lock
Can’t stop us
Every time we let the beat drop no
Can’t stop us
So ponies lemme hear those hooves stomp
Straight to the peak of the mountain
Into the teeth of the dragon
Bringing the heat spitting fire
Tired but never retired
Burning desire for the
Good old days to come again
They never expired
We got the magic we only need the friends
We only need the rosy tinted lenses
Inspiration, instigating this insurgency
We only know how to win
We only know how to poni poni
We only know how to live
We only know that we’re going
Up cause that’s what I’ve got to give
We’re on a rescue mission
Never can rest the vision
Just to bring some joy so boyo
This shit is important, listen
We die when we tap out
When you wanna cry: shout
We’ll pilfer every silver lining
Out of every killer cloud
Outlawed
And outgunned
Our jobs
Just to have fun
Unbound
And undone
Countdown
Just to hit one
Can’t stop us
Nah headed straight to the top you
Can’t stop us
And we got it on lock
Can’t stop us
Every time we let the beat drop you know you
Can’t stop us
So ponies lemme hear those hooves stomp
So grab your marker pens
And colored pencils, time to begin
Quick design an OC pony
Bonus points for all the cringe
Into the breach, enter the beast
All of my energy into this beat
Hit ‘em with these spit that I speak
Until I’m beaten onto my knees
And even when I’m fallen I’m crawling
I’m brawling every cotton pickin varmint
Darnit and calling out every top and bottom
So let your mane down, and get those hooves up
To the music stomp those horseshoes
Let the groove fuck
The days new, the dawn sun shines like bronze yus
It’s on unto dusk till songs turn to dust
If I had a freaking dime for every time they said that we died
RIP the fandoms over, fuck it then I could retire
Buy an island, covered in diamonds, sapphire jet and learn how to fly
But I guess they were wrong about it every single time
So every kinky motherfucker drawing clop
Every single person sewin plush or writing bars
Never stop
Can’t stop us
Nah headed straight to the top motherfucker
Can’t stop us
And we got it on lock
Can’t stop us
Every time we let the beat drop you know you
Can’t stop us
So ponies lemme hear those hooves stomp
You can’t stop us.
Based on this familiar image/series twibooru.org/680688, this is a song about wasting the opportunity to dream about my sweet Derpy by staying awake. This is a bad thing. I think I ought to go to bed now.
Song is available for download here: mediafire.com/file/trc9yl403zle7lh/Five+Fifteen+WAV.mp3/file
Naming my mp3 files "WAV;" the absolute state.
The day’s never over
The work’s never done
The night’s getting older
At the nadir of the sun
But the weight pressing on my shoulders
Moves the clock to quarter one
When I slip below the covers
And my lullabies are sung
Singing lulay, lulay
Leave the word behind
Lulay lulay
You’re running out of time
With deep golden eyes
And a bright shining smile
I just want to lie here
And hold her a while
I know the dawn’s coming
But I’ll stay in her wings
For that short span of midnight
Until 5:15
Like clockwork celestial
The earth in its sphere
Spins onward perpetual
‘Til days become years
My labouring breaths and the
Gray by my ears
Say “Only in rest will
You outrun your fears.”
Singing lulay, lulay
Leave the word behind
Lulay lulay
You’re running out of time
With deep golden eyes
And a bright shining smile
I just want to lie here
And hold her a while
I know the dawn’s coming
But I’ll stay in her wings
For that short span of midnight
Until 5:15
Escapements unwinding
The bells start to ring
The day comes to find me
I’ve slept not a wink
I’ve wasted my time
And I’ve wasted my dreams
Another lost midnight
And now 5:15
Singing lulay, lulay
Leave the word behind
Lulay lulay
You’re running out of time
With deep golden eyes
And a bright shining smile
I just want to lie here
And hold her a while
I know the dawn’s coming
But I’ll stay in her wings
For that short span of midnight
Until 5:15
That short span of midnight
Until 5:15
youtu.be/rohvbRKHTnA
If you haven't seen it GO SEE IT. And give that fool a like and subscribe, cause holy toledo, what a great short. I mean like, good enough that I watched it late last night and had the song written before noon. Inspiring. It's great to see such amazing and incredible work still coming out of the fandom. Way to go friends.
Many thanks to LF0 for giving me the nod to use their content for this song and video, super appreciated!
WAV available for download here: mediafire.com/file/slbaibz89jvrlla/Flower,+The+Dumb+Robot+WAV3.wav/file
Hello and welcome to the demonstration
Here at Pony Laboratories
We create a world
Run by imagination
What we envision is
A nation where our roboponies
Change the face of not just only
Enterprises but situations
Far beyond the scope of any
Hope dreamed of before but
I won’t bore you with the
Ordinary words I know that you’re impatient
So let me introduce:
The replacement you
Better than a human
you can see she got
The pony hooves
IQ a million
Chess playin’ brilliant
Put her on the microphone
She killin’ it
Up inside the laboratory chillin’
What a silly pony fully in
Defiance you can’t put her in a category
But you bet your ass
That she keter class
XK scenario
Every time she givin’ sass
And she ain’t never heard of three laws
Who the hell is Asimov?
Slacking off, hurt a human laugh it off
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
Fully uncontainable every time she go off
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
Hooves made of rubber and a brain made of cobalt
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
I’m trying not to think it but her stripy socks are so hot
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
I don’t need it anyway, she can have my whole heart
Mint green model with the fuzzy pink kicks on
Shit son, I think I’m freaking feelin’ things.
Is this wrong?
The way she “eee,” she don’t even hit the diphthong
My heart is a bowling pin
And Flower kickin trick shots
What a trip, she’s a freakin’ lunatic automatic
And the static in her system outta tick
Picture perfect pervy personality and pertinent
To our perpetual annoyance she’s a perky pony
Perpetrating periodic peccadillos
Ate eleven kilos
Of my cds as a meal so
For real though
Grab your steel toes, hi-vis and hard hats
We’re inside the danger zone and I have the scars that
Make me question why we gave her fangs in the first place
But dang it when she smile I’m in love again with her face
Curvaceous,
I love the way this
Bap pony breaks and
All that I can say is
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
Fully uncontainable every time she go off
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
Hooves made of rubber and a brain made of cobalt
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
I’m trying not to think it but her stripy socks are so hot
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
I don’t need it anyway, she can have my whole heart
Half crazy, and half lazy, and you amaze me
Flower are you doin’ it on purpose? Maybe.
And I’ve been thinking lately
Pretty lady, if it isn’t super shady
Maybe you could even date me?
Plug in and unplug
Twenty kilonewton hugs
And a struggle just to breathe
When she snuggles me
Please don’t save me
From her electric rabies
Going to her brain like HAL
Singing with me, Daisy, Daisy
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
Fully uncontainable every time she go off
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
Hooves made of rubber and a brain made of cobalt
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
I’m trying not to think it but her stripy socks are so hot
This is Flower, the Dumb Robot
I don’t need it anyway, she can have my whole heart
These days it seems like rest is mostly just a barrier in the way of accomplishing all the work and projects and socializing that needs to happen, but maybe it's ok to take a break every now and again.
Many thanks to Wonder Waves (DHM) for lending the voice to filly.
And once again, the amazing artwork here is coming from Franshushu, you can find the original here:
twitter.com/ArwenCuack/status/1634640128520986627
derpibooru.org/images/3061909
And more of her work here:
derpibooru.org/tags/artist-colon-franshushu
deviantart.com/franshushu
Download available here (rip in peace, Smuttyhorse):
mediafire.com/file/unosmlgiht78lv6/RestWAV.wav/file
You’re working hard all week
Snootle to the Grindstone
Hooves on the street skipping time zones
You’re a kind soul
In a blindfold
See how your life shines
Even with your eyes closed
And when you hold me close
You’re so warm like a snowmare
Making me chuckle
Ho, ho, there
Hold the phone, hold up
And now that we’ve grown up
I don’t think we’ll ever blow up
Big, never leave a limousine when we roll up
With mares in tuxedos
Like Joe Mr. Donuts
But it won’t hold us back
Nobody owns us
No one here to scold us
When we break the mold, yes
And here’s a bonus fact
You’re not alone, nah
Anywhere you go I’ll
Be there by your shoulder
So damn predictable
Happy with my old ruts
Count sixteen, take it to the chorus
It’s time to rest
Put your head on the pillow, with a purpose
You’ve tried your best
Sweet dreams little filly you deserve this
And while you sleep I’ll keep
You safe little sunbeam
Comf, coze and cuddly
And when you wake we’ll take
Anything the world tries
You and I we’ll fly
We’ll fly
And we’ll shine our lights
So close
Your eyes,
And hold me tight
And you say that it hurts
With the weight of the world
On your Withers
We can carry that together
And you only look around
before the pain inside your heart starts
Happy is a far mark
You’re a star spark burning in the darkness
Look into your calendar
Every days a long list
So
Queue the song list
You know who’s the strongest
Before the suns gone
We can make a small dent
So if you’re ever feeling low maybe lonely
Just remember that you’re my little pony
If you ever need a cry or a smile
Just for a while filly you can always hold me
And with our friends to remind us
Always there behind us we’ll take to the sky
You and I, yes
You can be the princess
Your royal highness
Now get your heinie into bed
Close your eyes, just-
Just Let me tuck you in so snug
You’re safe little stinkbug
I'm gonna turn the lights down
And I’ll pull the covers up
Just Let me tuck you in so snug
You’re safe little stinkbug
I'm gonna turn the lights down
And I’ll pull the covers up
It’s time to rest
Put your head on the pillow, with a purpose
You’ve tried your best
Sweet dreams little filly you deserve this
And while you sleep I’ll keep
You safe little sunbeam
Comf, coze and cuddly
And when you wake we’ll take
Anything the world tries
You and I we’ll fly
I've had such an amazing time at HarmonyCon every year I've been, and this was no exception. Thanks to all my dear friends with whom I got to spend this time. Lets do it again soon. Love ya. /)
Note: This song and video represent my own, personal (wonderful) HarmonyCon experience and are not sponsored by or associated with the HarmonyCon event, staff, or organizers in any capacity.
It’s party weekend.
And we up in the con
Singing songs, dancing, laughing and
Drinking.
Pass on that sleeping
Put a foot on the gas till the
Night passed sun starts to creep in
And the room up on floor ten
We can fit more in
And we won’t even close the door
Until it’s 4am
We don’t sleep
We only slumber party
We don’t count sheep
We counting out the body
Shots
Counting down before the con stops
Nonstop headbop jumping guess that’s why they call me hip hop
Until my head hits the pillow and my lids drop
We take this party to the tip top
Three day party weekend get the homies from the airport
Weapons grade autism got the hotel pretty scared for
What we prepared for; triple shifting janitors
But we keep it careful with the mare and horses therefore
Party room is squeaky clean
If we talking littering
If we talking horses then it’s
Criminally obscene
Got the body pillow fort
All my buddys from the board
Even met some from the
Dusty Busty discord
So let the liquor pour
Bouncing like a tennis court
You can call me Littlepip
Taking shots I can’t afford
Fifth of wild Pegasus
Got me kinda pistol whipped
We be getting dizzy
Till our eyes are crossed like Derpy Ditz
And I’m getting hit on by a lady in a ponysuit
Girl you ain’t my waifu I don’t care you thinking I be cute
You ain’t my pretty gray
Pegasus so hate to say
Pick another man but first
Please crank the music all the way
I only see y’all once a year and see I
I know you know that you’re all so dear To me
I feel the love and that festive cheer when we
Are close enough to hug right here
Before I even finish seeing, meeting, greeting people
They talkin “come to trot” like we was freaking needing sequels
I’m booping plushies; I don't know if that shits even legal
The Brits are leaving for the shooting range to finger Deagles
I see no evil, I hear no evil speak no e-vil
We here to party, friendship magic, buddies we chill
So grab somebody, pony plushie, brushie we will
Just keep it coming until Celestia lights up for real
You got your dakimakura
This weeb be chomping pocky up
But when in Rome I guess I’m Roman
Pour that sake in my cup
Hitting up that artist comm
Drawing clop until the dawn
Then Party in the parking lot
Cause someone set us up the bomb
And when it’s time to go home
I hope to heck that you know
I love you people and I always will
Just like I love pones
Wrap it up and we crash
And taking ten hour naps
I hope that you had a blast
Now one more time while it lasts
It’s party weekend.
And we up in the con
Singing songs, dancing, laughing and
Drinking.
Pass on that sleeping
Put a foot on the gas till the
Night passed sun starts to creep in
And the room up on floor ten
We can fit more in
And we won’t even close the door
Until it’s 4am
We don’t sleep
We only slumber party
We don’t count sheep
We counting out the body
Shots
Counting down before the con stops
Nonstop headbop jumping guess that’s why they call me hip hop
Until my head hits the pillow and my lids drop
We take this party to the tip top
mp3 available for download here: mediafire.com/file/f4iyd6q3stod2lg/Red+Zone.mp3/file
Welcome to utopia.
Rush of dopamine when I open up.
Smog choked, and the neon glows.
Is this a paradise?
Close enough.
Cold smoke in the stratosphere,
Atmosphere so thick you could capture fear;
Smell the ozone, got you folks in a chokehold.
Trapped like a unicorn captive:cracks appear.
Acid rain set to splash again;
Cash I make stained like the cracked terrain.
Sky to scrape-skyline is blast in twain.
If I’m feeling violent is that insane?
Am I to blame-why? If the magic left and left
Cyberspace chains like a spider's web.
Driver plate chimes like a castanet,
And the dynamos whine when I snap my neck.
Got my cyborg leg on.
I’m a cyber legend.
And my cypher’s dead on.
Take it right to the red zone.
Got my cyborg leg on.
I’m a cyber legend.
And my cypher’s dead on.
Take it right to the red zone.
Canterlot lost, and the cancer crawls,
When the land went rancid, I’m standing tall
With my four hooves planted; I’ll handle y’all.
Step to me? Panic and plan to fall.
Changed flesh for a carbon mesh;
Plastic Polymer pulses inside my chest;
Don’t sleep and my blood is blessed.
Only thing that’s equine-my seizing breath.
In my breast is the beat of machinery,
Matching step with the grease of the scenery.
Are these wings on my back? Well they seem to be;
Spread ‘em out like a bat with a steam release.
Eyes glow in the infrared,
And the telescope goes when I tip my head.
Silicone bones in this silly ol’ pone,
But the steel below bows when I kick my leg.
Got my cyborg leg on.
I’m a cyber legend.
And my cypher’s dead on.
Take it right to the red zone.
Got my cyborg leg on.
I’m a cyber legend.
And my cypher’s dead on.
Take it right to the red zone.
The moon is wrong; the stars are gone;
The concrete groans with the souls of a million pones;
The Monsters roam coated in flashing chrome.
My only comfort: this plasma gun.
Calibrate the beam to kill
When I calculate their strength to heal.
In the deeps of this city sleeps
The creeping Caliphate of Steel.
In the trash of the tangled warrens
Where I wear my mask when I ignore the warnings.
I’m the master, the shepherd, warden,
And my task to restore the morning.
So I face what the city brings;
The smoke and streets open beneath my wings.
Unprogrammed like broken strings,
And my code is the song I sing.
Got my cyborg leg on.
I’m a cyber legend.
And my cypher’s dead on.
Take it right to the red zone.
Got my cyborg leg on.
I’m a cyber legend.
And my cypher’s dead on.
Take it right to the red zone.
I've always loved the Derpy/Carrot Top friendship, and I've been feeling especially nostalgic for it lately. "I emptied your fridge" is an absolutely blessed tag that needs more content, so I wrote a song for it.
Thank you SO MUCH to Franshushu for the gorgeous art. I think it's gotta be my favorite so far. You should go buy a commission from her. You should go buy 10. Find her here:
derpibooru.org/tags/artist-colon-franshushu
deviantart.com/franshushu
And you can find the original artwork here:
derpibooru.org/images/3032657
mp3 available for download here:
https://u.smutty.horse/mljknzktxcg.mp3
I caught her breaking in the fridge again
It was half past four and the score
Was carrot cake and muffins
I had a padlock
She made a backdoor
With a hacksaw
Battleaxe and blowtorch
And in her backup plans
There was a saddlebag of C4
Derpy, Derpy Hooves and Carrot it
Never gets old
Perfect, perfect duo you could swear
We go together like Silver
And Gold
Best friends forever
And never, never, never
Find any ponies even half as beautiful together
My oh my and
I might not fly, but when I look in her eyes
I know we’re two birds of a feather
She flies this way
Her shining smile makes my day
Her happiness, immutable
Her heart is a song
And she might not know what went wrong
How can she be so beautiful?
I caught her breaking in the fridge again
It was just gone two and she knew
I had spinach puffs and dumplins
I had a laser grid
She had a laser saw
I reinforced the door
She employed a roboclaw
And where she got the
Plasma torch I’ll never know
Derpy, Derpy Hooves and Carrot it
Never gets old
Perfect, perfect duo you could swear
We go together like Silver
And Gold
Best friends forever
And never, never, never
Find any ponies even half as beautiful together
My oh my and
I might not fly, but when I look in her eyes
I know we’re two birds of a feather
Her heart is Golden as the Harvest fields of grain
A little Ditzy but I do believe she’s perfect all the same
She may be trouble, but she fills my soul with hope and bubbles
In fact I only have one wish:
Miss Derpy please stop ransacking the fridge
Derpy, Derpy Hooves and Carrot it
Never gets old
Perfect, perfect duo you could swear
We go together like Silver
And Gold
Best friends forever
And never, never, never
Find any ponies even half as beautiful together
My oh my and
I might not fly, but when I look in her eyes
I know we’re two birds of a feather
Arrangement based on the Heart Carol from My Little Pony by Daniel Ingram.
Performed by the long suffering Jade Arpeggio who basically had the sheet music poorly (very poorly) rendered out of Reaper because I wrote it out in piano rolls and just can't into MuseScore and thrust, terrible format and all, in front of him, then told "Ok, now make it good, we're gonna do two takes and then I've got to go."
Of course, I'd love it if I could capture the sound a little better; the church has a truly marvelous Schoenstein organ that simply isn't represented by the single shotgun mic that I brought to the table, but still hopefully some of that comes across. And just huge enormous big thanks to Gobiraptor for the beautiful art. There's actually a couple of Zimblestern pieces, and I had such a time choosing between them. You can find more of her work here: twitter.com/Gobiraptor
So backstory: the owner of the pictured OC, Zimblestern the Zebra, and I share the common, odd, real life backstory of having spent some time actually living in little flats at churches, and when I went to write a little green for her character I wanted to capture the feeling of being alone in a great big open space like a church (or, for Zimblestern, the great hall of a school) late at night with an organ. This great big instrument that fills up that empty space, or maybe sometimes doesn't, and just...it's special. Being in the dark up in a choir loft with none of the lights on and a big acoustic space and organ music. Honestly, I wasn't even sure at the time that rl Zimblestern's church would have had an organ, but it turn's out she did, and it was great resonance. I love it. You know what; I'll pull the cheese out and just go ahead and post the scene, why the heck not.
Be Zimbelstern the Zebra
The great hall of the school is different at night.
Not just quieter. Not just darker.
Something about the space changes when you take away the students and the bustle, leaving a hole in the atmosphere crying out to be filled, a hole that, when unattended, filled itself with old echoes and creaks, and the mysterious smells of spices and evergreen, even when the big tree hadn’t gone up yet.
The weight of that silence-the wrongness of it- always feels compelling for you; pressing you to turn the keys on the blower to fill the reservoirs and prime the bellows.
The grand organ on the second level is a towering affair of the old school, with a central clock, and a façade covered in darkly stained oak and silver filigree, with splashes of gold ornamentation accenting the hauptwerk and ruckspositiv.
Some of them move, too, in a display of craftsponyship unusual on any machine from the past two centuries. Pulling the Vox Equinas stop causes a wooden pony’s head beneath the clock to open and close its mouth, while the swell pedal rotated a silver moon and golden sun around the top to match the dynamic. The bassoon, for whatever reason, opened a little door and popped out a tiny wooden filly painted green like a cuckoo clock.
And, of course, atop the case, the many pointed star connected to your namesake zimbelstern spins and twinkles on command.
Above the clock the moon was out now, as you ease the shutters shut on the quiet melody. It’s an old carol, reworked only a little for performance at a slow and easy pace made for listening instead of singing.
Outside the hall an early snowfall is coming down onto the yet-unfallen leaves, just enough to speckle the trees and build tiny drifts in crooks and crannies, and a north wind does it’s best to match key with the song
The big tree won’t go up in the hall behind you for a little moment yet, but the weather tonight was asking for an early Hearth’s Warming nocturne. It’s hard to wait for the season to begin, and really, what harm is there in getting a little practice in before the season really starts.
It won’t be long before every corner has a brass quartet, every doorstep a group of carolers and every phonograph a well worn cylinder of holiday favorites.
Tonight though, with the trees still fiery in orange and yellow, Hearth’s Warming is your own private affair.
And that, you think as you pull the zimblestern and let the tiny bells sparkle, is just fine.
I keep most of my cards in a couple of binders, but I have just a couple, one or two from friends that I can look at and feel like I have friends there alongside me, being part of that Horsemas cheer. And I love that. And this is a song about that.
The Chuckles with hammer artwork here was done by the supremely festive Rasmustom, find more of his work here: derpibooru.org/tags/artist-colon-rasmustom and here: youtube.com/@UCTkxQMFbN4QI6EKWdewSEWA
mp3 available for download here: https://u.smutty.horse/mkudsdwefan.mp3
It’s Horsemas at the North Pole
Icebergs drifting by the front door
And on the factory floor
Elfen ponies working over
Time to reach the deadlines
While fillies stay up past their bedtime
To see if Santa Pone will come tonight
She just might
Right! The elves are working on conveyor belts and Santa Pone is
Busy making seventeen new types of cum tube hoses
Thirty seven equine rubber molds for all the colts and
Fillies
Cause the silly gifts they wish for in their silliness
A shaft of silky silicone ain’t even half the silliest
This year
It’s Horsemas in the Workshop welcome here
Here we are at the top of the planet
Every shooting star marks another wish we’ve granted
No matter who you are, well I hope you understand
How very very much you’re loved this time of year
In the Workshop well you’re always welcome here
Hear those silver sleigh bells jingle
Swim a lap with Missus Kringle
Friends around and time to mingle
Toys for every freakin single
Person full of merriment and cheer
In the workshop well you’re always welcome here!
The night is fast approachin
Sweaters, scarves and overcoats and
Snowflakes fallin, floating
Merry carols, fire’s smokin
Ponies working triple shifts
Searching, shopping, laughing, crafting
And wrapping up their santees special gift
It’s perfect
Yep! The air is chilly but the fire of friendship’s burning brightly
The borealis dances like a string of Horsemas lights see,
High above us moving ever toward that special night we
Might be
Less than always perfect (but)
I see all your extra work and
I think you are heckin worth it
Dear,
In the workshop, friend you’re always welcome here
Here we are at the top of the planet
Every shooting star marks another wish we’ve granted
No matter who you are, well I hope you understand
How very very much you’re loved this time of year
In the workshop well you’re always welcome here
Hear those silver sleigh bells jingle
Swim a lap with Missus Kringle
Friends around and time to mingle
Toys for every freakin single
Person full of merriment and cheer
In the workshop well you’re always welcome-
(Loved and cherished, saying, “well done”)
Workshop, well you’re always welcome here!
Can I get an F down in the comments to commemorate his inevitable loss?
mp3 is available for download here: https://u.smutty.horse/mkvmnlavnzw.mp3
I got my shades down.
Spaced out.
Lounging in the shade by the
Waves now.
Listen to the sea breeze and the
sweet sound
Of the seagulls; gonna drink until I’m
Face down.
Well I’ll be chilling on the beach with a bottle of rum;
I’ve got my mane in the breeze and my feet in the sun,
In the shade of the trees, and I’ll be living life easy
When they see me saying, "Kiwi gonna Rest In Peace."
And I’ll be upside down with my hooves on the ground,
And it’s no wonder that the underside when you come around
For Merry Christmas in my hemisphere it’s summer in your winter, dear
So stow that coat and put on your bikini to lounge.
I’m glad to be where the daiquiris
Are gonna be flowin' free ;
Laughin', have to be, and I’ll concede
That I know my philosophies ain’t exactly Socrates
Cloppin, to my doctor and
Tossin, all my soccer games.
Lying cozy in the shade;
Dying almost every day;
Find me in a hammock,
Or maybe find me at a wake.
Lazy by the ocean, and I’m
Swaying to the motion
Of a crazy little notion known as
Mixin up a potion.
You can freeze in your Snow White
Season well it’s all right;
Grab somepony, hold tight.
I prefer a colt;
I keep on taking my time
Shakin' up a mai tai;
Eyein' up those mighty fine
Stallion butts.
My, my...
Sippin' margaritas
While you folks are blasting heaters,
And if Santa Pone don’t cheat us
Day’ll be here soon.
Life is way to short and risky,
And my boss ain’t gonna miss me,
So I’ll pour another whiskey,
And I’ll sing me a tune.
(And it goes)
Well I’ll be chilling on the beach with a bottle of rum;
I’ve got my mane in the breeze and my feet in the sun
In the shade of the trees and I’ll be living life easy,
When they see me saying, "Kiwi gonna Rest In Peace."
And I’ll be upside down with my hooves on the ground,
And it’s no wonder that the underside when you come around
For Merry Christmas in my hemisphere it’s summer in your winter, dear
So stow that coat and put on your bikini to lounge.
Yeah I’ll be chilling on the beach with a bottle of rum;
I’ve got my mane in the breeze and my feet in the sun
In the shade of the trees and I’ll be living life easy,
When they see me saying, "Kiwi gonna Rest In Peace."
When they see me saying, "Kiwi gonna Rest In Peace."
When they see me saying,
"Kiwi. May he Rest In Peace."
If I had a Secret Santa (If I had a Secret Santa)
I'd get them a plush
-I would get them a plush
If I had a Secret Santa (If I had a Secret Santa)
I'd get them socks for their new plush
-Something with a high thread count and stripes
If I had a Secret Santa (If I had a Secret Santa)
I'd get them a fluffy scarf
-With colors that would match their brand new plush socks!
If I had a Secret Santa I'd send them love!
If I had a Secret Santa
-I would make sure that they had a card!
If I had a Secret Santa
-I could make it from paper, it's not that hard!
If I had a Secret Santa
-I'd make sure to put a picture of their favorite pony in there
Oooh and a sticker. Oooo! Or a whole sticker book so they could put them wherever they wanted!
-Maybe some velcro or iron on patches
You know you’re supposed to say ‘hook and loop’ now.
-Well I guess it’ll have to be iron-on then.
If I had a Secret Santa (If I had a Secret Santa)
I would write them a green
-Just a cutesy little OC green for fun
If I had a Secret Santa (If I had a Secret Santa)
I’d write a song to go with that green.
-Nothing fancy just a couple of bars.
If I had a Secret Santa (If I had a Secret Santa)
Well I’d doodle them something cute
-Get the crayons out scribble on some printer paper
If I had a Secret Santa I'd send them love!
If I had a Secret Santa
-I wouldn’t have to go find friends!
If I had a Secret Santa
-I’d stay online and buy them gifts instead
If I had a Secret Santa
-We wouldn’t have to talk to our plushies.
But we still would talk to our plushies!
-Of course, just about holiday things for our santee!
And we’d decorate the plushies with festive antlers
-and tinsel and little strings of lights!
Like those Christmas light necklaces you buy at the store.
-yeah!
If I had a Secret Santa (If I had a Secret Santa)
Well I’d buy them a doll
-But not a Peanut Doll that’s cruel
If I had a Secret Santa (If I had a Secret Santa)
Well I’d buy them an art
-Lots of excellent vendors at your local cons
If I had a Secret Santa (If I had a Secret Santa)
I’d buy them a donkey
-If they waifu Octavia!
If I had a Secret Santa I’d send them love.
If I had a Secret Santa
If I had a Secret Santa
If I had a Secret Santa
I wouldn’t grinch.
A parody of If I Had a Million Dollars by The Barenaked Ladies.
You're a mean one
Sleigh Bell Scree
I'm shocked you've not been shot
You steal back food from orphan's mouths
and leave them all to rot
Sleigh Bell Scree
You're a bad omelette that Chompy just forgot
You're a monster
Sleigh Bell Scree
Your Santa should rethink
You deserve the worst of peanut's wrath
Should be thrown inside the clink
Sleigh Bell Scree
Why don't you take the jar and
imbibe your second drink
You're a cruel one
Sleigh Bell Scree
A bat with no remorse
You hold no love for Verity
Nor any colored horse
Sleigh Bell Scree
Your loyalty is so lacking that your waifu, rainbow dash, well..
She wants a divorce
You're so rotten
Sleigh Bell Scree
You'll not recieve that lamp
A chance you won't recover from
If given half the chance
Sleigh Bell Scree
You were held back five years in highschool with no option to advance
You nauseate me
Sleigh Bell Scree
You EEEE'd into my ear
You think a carol fixes things
It absolves you from arrears
Sleigh Bell Scree
You're a garrish green abomination between the marriage of malaligned merriment and misery compounded with cacophonous jingle jangle gibberish vehemntly hated by santa pone only slightly less than green peppers and deplorable to your peers
You're a foul one
Sleigh Bell Scree
A big green horses flank
Gave cash to starving children, put it right back in the bank
Sleigh Bell Scree
The three words that best describe your heart are as follows are and I quote
Shrink, Shrunk, Shrank
I'm not even gonna lie, the running anthrax/pipe bomb/sneaking into your house to lick your toes while you sleep gag is hilarious to me, and I'm not sure why. But I sure did do a song about it for this year's Secret Santa.
mp3 available at: https://u.smutty.horse/mklcovuvpvp.mp3
This is the year that I finally
Put the fire to vinyl
Heat proof, with ice in my style
Freeze you in time for revival
Peep you and see through your panties
Creep on my santee and handing
Handies and hoofsies like candies
Fantasy fanart by Fanny
Featuring fetishes: Leafy
Greens groping lettuces
Plus as proven by precedent
Stinky penises prevalent
Cheesy, memey, unseemly
I’m preaching peachy believe me
My genius keeps me upbeating
Plus all these sweets I keep eating
My teeth are rotten I’ve gotten all pudgy
Fudge eating shove in my tummy
Rumcake I’m baking so yummy
Come take the drum diddy dummy
Pa rump pa pa pump up the boombox
Rumchatta come set up the jukebox
Rumchatta and some in my juicebox
Cum gotta cum into these lewd socks
Shoebox of google docs
Printout pictures of nude docks and
Fetlocks, moon horse’s moon makes me swoon
Kung fu you like this was The Boondocks
Hit you like boom and I Zip like Zoom
Hit the room, and I slip right through
Dip, slide move and my dick’s like
Coom in their womb and I get my
Santee gonna sneak up in your house and
Anybody think make you my spouse
Contaminate the scene they’re gonna douse with
Antibody cream it’s going down, and
Keep calm and I’m gonna
Creep on ya
While ya sleep nonny
Up in your home
No locks or cops
Can cockblock or stop me
Under ya box spring
Watching and clopping
Till Dawn
I’m gonna tiptoe
To your window.
No-clip right into your den so
You’re straight, santee, I’m all bent though
It’s not gay if I act all fem yo
No escape when I mail you a dildo
You meme r4p3 but I’m all real though
Just kidding; I didn’t mean that
Still heads up, might get you a Peanut
No mail; coming dee-rect
Even though it’s not Halloween yet
Santa Pone said I’m too obscene, yep
Rap’s too dirty; I better clean that
Otherwise she’s gonna put me back
On the naughty list for the naughty fags
Or a body bag if I push too hard
So I’m sorry that I took this too far
And I spooked the shark when I shook the floor
Dropping bombs like nukes and I took the board
Fool of a Took and I booked this whore
Named Blizzard Boop and I scooped this chord
Courting these courtesans
All according to corporate
And while I’m driving accords I’ll be
Looking fly as a cormorant
Spicy like coriander
I’m course correcting meandering
My erection’s outstanding
And all these horses demanding
While they forcefully demand my schwing
I’m rambling in from random /b/
Unhand my damn OCs
I’m Loveseat Shambling
I’ll keep on pandering
It’s just a fandom thing
And I’m the fandom king
So let my anthem ring
Santee gonna sneak up in your house and
Anybody think make you my spouse
Contaminate the scene they’re gonna douse with
Antibody cream it’s going down, and
Keep calm and I’m gonna
Creep on ya
While ya sleep nonny
Up in your home
No locks or cops
Can cockblock or stop me
Under ya box spring
Watching and clopping
Till Dawn
This is the half verse to wrap up
Apples like Hapsburgs in hats but
Sexy like Miss Coco’s ass butt-
Sexing her half up my shaft I’m
Sure that you’re not missing it
Spits got ridiculous
Lyrics hit like pistols in
The fists of old Saint Nicholas
It’s victimless, it’s so benign
In fact I doubt you mind
I’ve padded out the time
Enough now bring that chorus line
Of course and Merry Christmas
I’m here to grant your wishes
Infamous as Icarus
I’ll get too close; I’m gonna visit
(You)
Santee gonna sneak up in your house and
Anybody think make you my spouse
Contaminate the scene they’re gonna douse with
Antibody cream it’s going down, and
Keep calm and I’m gonna
Creep on ya
While ya sleep nonny
Up in your home
No locks or cops
Can cockblock or stop me
Under ya box spring
Watching and clopping
Till Dawn
Five below, ice cold
Balaclava on my face like a robbery
Blowing smoke- out my nose
Call me Ben Grimm it’s time for clobbering
Gotta lotta these fiends try to stomp on me
Freeze all these jobbers like he’s in the watery
Seas like he Le-o I’m the fuckin iceberg
Easy as sodomy with my fuckin wife herd
You’re a nice nerd, me I’m the Ice King
See got that spice girl, Scary when I ice sling
Pitch like I’m lightning, bitch you can’t fight me
I’m the Mighty Mouse and I’m here to save the
(Psych!)
See I’m here to start fights, blind in the sunlight
Sunglasses low it’s a snow day alright
And I’m in the mood for a motherbuckin brawl
Got a fort in the yard now let’s motherbuckin snowball
FIGHT
FIGHT
Fill your hooves with snow
Keep your head low
No winter wrap up
We gonna snowball
FIGHT
Took a hit to the hat
Water down my back
Hardpack snow
I’m throwing that like
FIGHT
Got a shot to the flank
I can take that
Tank while buck these
Balls perfect aim and
FIGHT
Not a snow pone, still gotta throw blows
Scarf on my neck, tight sweater like a chokehold
I’m tryna reload, fillies got me pinned down
It’s a fucking rodeo in a barrel like a clown
A ball splashes on the ground right beside me (Shit!)
And I’m diving at these bushes tryna hide me (I’m hit!)
I’m hit, and another whizzes through my mane,
I take aim, buck a hoof and I hit face
Let another go to cover my escape
I tuck and roll while I’m headed to my base
If I can make it to the treehouse quick, I’ll be safe
Get to the ladder, shit, and I’m too late
It’s in the hooves of the enemy
Bucket full of snowballs, them tryna finish me
They didn’t calculate that earth pony in though
Bucked a snowman through the window, that’s how I buckin
FIGHT
FIGHT
Fill your hooves with snow
Keep your head low
No winter wrap up
We gonna snowball
FIGHT
Took a hit to the hat
Water down my back
Hardpack snow
I’m throwing that like
FIGHT
Got a shot to the flank
I can take that
Tank while buck these
Balls perfect aim and
FIGHT
So basically they’re facing a devastation
I was lifting weights while they were in the basement stroking their snakes and
I’m taking aim and letting ‘em rain with perfect placement
A minute ago I was the prey but now I chase them
Call me Frosty Flakes ‘cause I’m hunting like a carnivore
You’re my little fishes; I’m a shark in the metaphor
Metamorphosing me into a monster straight outta Kafka
A cockroach even a nuclear bomb can’t topple
I’m Godzilla mixed with Mothra: unstoppable
Elemental, force of nature, and going to war like a crusader
Snowball in my hoof Then I let it go like I’m Elsa
I’m like the opposite of a Primarch with a melta
I’m going to hell to make sure it freezes over
Opening fire so they duck and un for cover
You’ll fight in the shade cause I’m fixing to put the light out
Right now the blizzard conditions are a white out inside this snowball
FIGHT
FIGHT
Fill your hooves with snow
Keep your head low
No winter wrap up
We gonna snowball
FIGHT
Took a hit to the hat
Water down my back
Hardpack snow
I’m throwing that like
FIGHT
Got a shot to the flank
I can take that
Tank while buck these
Balls perfect aim and
FIGHT
Santa Pone statue art done by Maplecakes the Kirin.
One cold winter not that long ago
A shark was watching us from far below
It seemed that there was something we might need
That we were lacking in festivity
She took a risk on us and saw the good inside
Pulled us all together at Hearth's Warming time, and now
You should know
That before you came along I had nowhere to belong. But now you
Say you have to go
Know the gift you gave to us will be cherished for the rest of our lives. This is not goodbye.
Piles of letter, sleepless nights up late
Running sign-ups, posting Save the Date's
Showed us what friendship could really be
And good Lord, I can imagine some of the things you've seen
Through it all you always found the time
To pull us all together at Hearth's Warming Time, and now
You should know
That the work you put in here has spread warmth and festive cheer. But now you
Say you have to go
Know the gift you gave to us will be cherished for the rest of our lives. This isn't goodbye.
The seasons' upon us and I hope you'll say
That it was all worth it at the end of the day
We'll be there for you whenever you're in need
You gave us more than friendship, you built a family
From around the globe we let the magic shine
Let's all pull together for Hearth's Warming time. And now...
You should know
That the work you put in here has spread warmth and festive cheer. But now you
Say you have to go
Know the gift you gave to us will be cherished for the rest of our lives. This is not goodbye.
mp3 available here: https://u.smutty.horse/mkonboitehl.mp3
It’s Horsemas in Girafrica,
And the zebras gather round
To paint the baobab and stripes of red and green
From roots to crown.
A caravan of camels
Coming from exotic sands
Brought cardigans and flannels
And a 10 piece Germane polka band.
It’s Horsemas in
Girafrica.
Of course you’re welcome friend,
So yak it up
With yaks and antelopes,
Snowponies, Diamond Dogs,
And shoot the breeze with breezies
Even baps and moths.
A herd of wild wildebeest
Who don’t know what to do
On their very Hearth’s Warming Eve.
(Guess you could say they’re kind of gnu.)
The caribou can teach them
Of the snowy arctic north,
Where borealis dance the sky
Above the frozen earth.
And the snow
That sparkles in
The heavy sun.
(Oh, it hugs the horizon)
You can go;
You’ll be welcomed friend
Each and everyone.
(The worlds so surprisin.')
You should know
That they’ve gotten love to spend,
So go and join the fun.
(See the joy in their eyes, friend.)
But here and now,
Amongst the cheering crowd,
You’re in Girafrica,
And a giraffe is hanging up a star upon the highest bough.
It’s Horsemas in
Girafrica.
Of course you’re welcome friend,
So yak it up
With yaks and antelopes,
Snowponies, Diamond Dogs,
And shoot the breeze with breezies
Even baps and moths.
A swarm of changelings left their hive to be here,
In Girafrica with the gazelles and zebras.
The buffalo have turned out in force this year,
And the Kyrin are passing round their Horsemas "beer."
And all painting gourds up as ornaments under the sapphire skies.
(Hanging them up in the sapphire skies.)
And jam the savanna with laughter and happiness into the night.
(Party and play 'til the sunlight.)
Telling old tales 'round the tree while the fireflies flicker in flight.
(Twinkling beetles and glowbrights.)
Might not be the Horsemas you’re used to, but that’s why it’s right.
(Everything’s perfect with you by my side.)
It’s Horsemas in
Girafrica.
Of course you’re welcome friend,
So yak it up
With yaks and antelopes,
Snowponies, Diamond Dogs,
And shoot the breeze with breezies
Even baps and moths.
(Maybe a Letter Dragon or a Great White Sherk.)
mp3 available here: https://u.smutty.horse/mjrydrqsrbj.mp3
Gifting for you is easy gifting
Miss Squeezy to give a gift of love
And I’ve so much love
In my heart to give to you
You’ll never expect the gifts I’m sending
Miss Squeezy I simp- -ly am in love
My Hearths Warming Eve is complete
When I spend it with you
For you.
I might just be a fool with a gun.
Mesmerized, you rule me with one
Raise of your hoof,
Ma’am it’s the truth
And I’m the livin proof that
Gifting for you is easy gifting
Miss Squeezy I’d give the stars above
This Hearths Warming all that I ask is a gift of you.
For you.
I might just be a fool with a gun.
Mesmerized, you rule me with one
Raise of your hoof,
Ma’am it’s the truth
And I’m the livin proof that
Gifting for you is easy gifting
Miss Squeezy, I’d give the stars above
Living for you is easy living
It's easy to live when you're in love
And I'm so in love
There's nothing in life but you
mp3 available here: https://u.smutty.horse/mjqwpkbiqvw.mp3
I don’t want to set the board on fire
I just want to wear, a name with my art
In my heart there is but one desire
And that one is (you)s no other will do
I’ve got no ambition for money or fame
I’m just out here whoring for your love
I need your attention; it’s all that I crave
I’ve externalized all of my self worth such that
I don’t want to set the board on fire
I just want to wear, a name with my art
Now here I don’t want to start a flame war and set the board on fire
I just want to put on a nametag when I’m posting art
In my cold dead heart there is but one desire
And that one desire is (you)s no other will do
I’ve got no ambition for money or fame
I’m just out here whoring for your love
I need your attention; it’s all that I crave
I’ve externalized all of my self worth such that
I don’t want to set the board on fire
I just want to wear, a name with my art.
Inspired by the FoE Cherenkhoof green in the 2022 /mlp/ Secret Santa. Admittedly, it's not quite a perfect tonal fit for Fallout, but I thought it was close and I had lyrics in mind.
mp3 available here: https://u.smutty.horse/mkcvnpapvdf.mp3
I got a ‘non who doesn’t post;
Anytime I look he ghosts,
But I love him; yes I love him.
Mmm don’t mean to brag and don’t mean to boast;
I’m gonna fly from coast to coast.
Gonna find him, then I’m gonna ask him:
Is you is or is you ain’t my santee?
The way you're actin' lately makes me doubt.
You's is still my santee, Santee.
Seems our fire of friendships done gone out.
A nonny is a creature that has always been a shid.
Just when you think you’ve cornered him you’ll find he’s gone and quit.
Is you is or is you ain’t my santee?
Can’t these santees see they make me blue?
Or is my santee still my santee true?
Tell me Nonny. Is you still my santee? Where do run off to when I come by the thread? Did I upset you? Are you embarrassed because I know your little peccadilloes? Aww it’s alright, Anon. Just come on back to me, all I wanna do is talk. And after all, ‘tis the season, right? Just come on into the thread and we’ll snuggle up together real close like.
I got a ‘non who doesn’t post
Anytime I look he ghosts
But I love, yes I love him
Mmm don’t mean to brag and don’t mean to boast
Gonna fly from coast to coast
Gonna find him, then I’m gonna ask him
Is you is or is you ain’t my santee?
The way you're actin' lately makes me doubt.
You's is still my santee, Santee.
Seems our fire of friendships done gone out.
A nonny is a creature that has always been a shid.
Just when you think you’ve cornered him you’ll find he’s gone and quit.
Is you is or is you ain’t my santee?
Can’t these Santees see they make me blue?
Or is my santee still my santee true?
https://u.smutty.horse/mjywttvquzh.mp3
That's my santee
The one
with Pinkie panties
I sent them lewds and candies now
Yes, ma'm, my assignment
No ma'm, we ain't gonna hide it
Yes, ma'm, so get excited now
By the way, by the way
When we meet up at a con some happy day
I’ll say
Yes sir, That's my santee
The one with Pinkie panties
I sent them lewds and candies now
Well not just lewds and candies
Maybe a dakimakura too,
And a very special plush with secret pockets
And some accessor to go with it of course
Some brownies: with extra protein to keep them healthy
Naughty pictures of their waifu
I might have snuck a few of myself in there as well
A perfectly normal brushable
…in a mason jar.
Annnnnd a pipe bomb.
By the way, by the way
When we meet up at a con some happy day
I’ll say
Yes sir, That's my santee
The one with Pinkie panties
I sent them lewds and candies now
mp3 available at: https://u.smutty.horse/mjrcitxutde.mp3
The pones are the perkiest
The basements the murkiest
The ‘nons are the lurkiest
The circles the jerkiest
The fun the workiest
The grins the smirkiest
Hey at Pone (At Pone)
The cards are the sappiest
The dramas the scrappiest
The donks are the chappiest
The songs are the slappiest
The clop the fappiest
The friends the happiest
Hey at Pone
Don't know why I skipped the signups
I really must confess
Back another season,
Singing my song of poniness
The posters the creepiest
The jannies the sweepiest
The gifts are the keepiest
The logic the leapiest (The show?)
The shows the leakiest (And you?)
And I’m the sleepiest
Hey at Pone
(What about the mares)
The mares the prettiest (And the shids?)
Shids the shiddiest (And the gifts?)
Gifts the glittriest (And the trees?)
The trees the fiddiest
The jokes (are the wittiest)
The posters (are hideous)
Hey at Pone
The boops are the snootiest
The plush is the lewdiest
The docks the cutiest
Stars the shootiest
(The memes the funniest)
The scenes the sunniest
Hey at Pone
Don't know why I skipped the signups
I really must confess
Back another season,
Singing my song of poniness
The anthrax the sporiest
The greens are the storiest
The tourists the touriest
The oldfags notorious
The arts the horniest
The Hearths the Warmiest
Hey at
Hey at
Hey at Pone (No place like Pone)
Sweet Pone
Mr. Paw artwork was decapitated from a beautiful piece by Fannytastical, go stare in awe at her lovely talents.
Used this instrumental beat over here so do all the nice things to them: youtube.com/watch?v=7jeDqH1_I8E
mp3 available to download here: https://u.smutty.horse/mjsvvgdffsz.mp3
The dogs of the under bark
The diamond king
Pizza cutter bad beast
I like that y’all consider me the bad dog
Slap box everywhere, splinters when I smash rocks
My blood beastmode, never need to trash talk
And I'ma door breaker; tearing out your padlocks
You live in fuckin' Underbark and snap claws
Your paws too short to touch stars; that’s raw
So watch a big mouth turn into a cracked jaw
Watch a big house turned into a trash spot
Hit ‘em with the double barrel brass shot
I’m the kettle, and I’m callin out the black pots
I’m the old hat bastard in a past walk
Run faster if I catch ya it’s a wrap doc
Blow the mic out and barking when I blast vox
I sip scotch, set the volume up to CAPSLOCK
Forty years and never opened up my cashbox
Who’s your ghost of Chrimmus present, bitches THAT’S PAW.
It’s Mr P; I’m the biggest dog on the block
It’s Mr P; ain’t no one can fuck with the bark
It’s Mr P; you should never fuck with the geezer
It’s Mr P; toss ya and I’ll box ya like peetzer
It’s Mr P; I’m the biggest dog on the block
It’s Mr P; ain’t no one can fuck with the bark
It’s Mr P; you should never fuck with the geezer
It’s Mr P; toss ya and I’ll box ya like peetzer
These are borderline coroner rhymes
Take a piss on the corner so all the other dogs know it’s mine
It’s Hearths Warming Time
Ordinary words don’t apply
Your grampa Paw, Krampus with a forty and nine
A forty of shine, and keep the bottle in my pocket
Knockin on my balls, so when I’m thirsty I can cock it
Pups can fuckin talk the game, but I already walked it
Preaching in the desert like a motherfuckin prophet
If you think you got the gospel then you need the truth
If you think you gonna scare me then you meet the brute
It’s Hearth's Warm all year; I never need a truce
I bring the winter pony party; I don’t need to shoot
This year? It’s a miracle for Chompy too,
Sentimental, cute, if you don’t’n I’ll be chomping you
I never ran in my life, I got my walking shoes
You gonna drop a little cheer, or am I dropping you?
It’s Mr P; I’m the biggest dog on the block
It’s Mr P; ain’t no one can fuck with the bark
It’s Mr P; you should never fuck with the geezer
It’s Mr P; toss ya and I’ll box ya like peetzer
It’s Mr P; I’m the biggest dog on the block
It’s Mr P; ain’t no one can fuck with the bark
It’s Mr P; you should never fuck with the geezer
It’s Mr P; toss ya and I’ll box ya like peetzer
Hearth's Warming 2022. It’s a time for love and cheer or swear to fuck I’m coming for you.
And for the unbelievably comfy animation that inspired this song, I'd love to thank a mysterious benefactor who seeks no spotlight or accolades, but sweet Celestia the first time I watched this animation I opened up the DAW and was all "well I guess I'm going to make something lofi for this today."
Liquorice Tea is a bookish cutie from the /mlp/ Secret Santa shared Neighborhood setting, and seeing her so cozy made for a great muse.
mp3 is available for download here: https://u.smutty.horse/mkgsirgltvx.mp3
Sittin in the window with a book on her knees,
Turnin’ leaves, sippin’ tea while the snow gathers on the eaves.
In the evening, keys jingle in her keyring, “welcome home”
When she opens up her door.
Long day at work; grab her name sake kettle, pour.
Little comfy corner with the snow fallin’ on her porch.
From where she’s perched
She can see the white birch
Covered in the snow dust;
It’s so beautiful it hurts.
It’s a winter wonderland outside the window.
She don’t even try to understand which way the wind blow.
Heart and soul rest inside a pegasis nest.
Got a sweater on her chest;
Truly blessed to be.
Smells of aniseed, sweeter than a honeybee,
Sunny as the summer, even funny like a comedy.
Nothing wrong with me; she can take my all-of-me.
Lucky just to witness misses:
This is Liquorice Tea.
The dark grey pegasus let her mane fall, messy and sweet smelling, over her shoulders, leaving them warm against the glass window, glittering with ice. Outside, snow drifted down in thick, sticky flakes, frosting the houses until they looked like a gingerbread village. In front of her, an old book, dog-eared and worn, was propped on a green pillow with a cup of her namesake tea perfuming the air. A record spun on the phonograph; it’s familiar melody a reminder that this season was full of friends and memories. There was much to do before Hearth’s Warming arrived, but, for the evening, she had time to relax under the snowy stars.
Frost curling on the windowpane,
Like a fern leaf flickers in the fireplace flame.
It’s the same dang everyday Neighborhood,
Fade away- the background painting while she
Lays in her duvet;
Splayed out in her comforter,
Pillow under her.
Hair down, don’t care,
Pair of favourite underwear,
Bowl of baby carrots and celery stick.
This mare was made to cherish. So incredible, it’s
Like a picture in a story book, catching a glimpse.
Her little smile when she grabs her cup, taking a sip,
And makes her glasses fog up.
Tears my heart up.
Wings like a starling-
Shimmer like they’re stardust.
On the wall clock ticking seconds away.
Yesterday slipping, and tomorrow’s today.
Holiday flavour, Neighborhood: savour everything
Friends call her Licky.
This is Liquorice Tea.


