Phil the Conquistadork | Card Thief | Review | Sneakin, Cards, and Thieving Magpies @ElConquistadork | Uploaded March 2017 | Updated October 2024, 22 hours ago.
We’ve been in a weird void when it comes to mobile games, lately. It’s possible the bloom is off the rose when even cultural events like Pokemon Go ultimately prove to be a flash in the pan. At least, that’s what it turned out to be for me: a big, needy, pet-abuse-simulator flash in the pan. Plus, I actually have to go outside and interact with nature to get the most out of it? What is this, the dark ages? You gonna ask me to slaughter my first born son to prove my loyalty to Yahweh? Cause I fell for that one before, and fool me once, shame on you.
Part of it, I think, has to do with the free to play model. It seemed ideal at first, particularly for people who aren’t used to the idea of shelling out cash for a game they’re going to play on the phone while they’re pooping. Eventually, though, that led to enough microtransaction-fed nothingness games to fill Scrooge McDuck’s vault. These games were almost always the same, with the same mechanics, the same rules, and variations on the same themes. It used to be that you’d find the game that fit your mold the easiest, and you stuck with it. I played the Jurassic Park mobile game for a little while: built up a happy little nest of Dilophosaurus. I quickly gave that one up for the Warhammer 40K Horus Heresy game, which was essentially the same damn thing with the Emperor’s finest instead of Pleiseosaurs. And I’ll probably leave that one behind the moment they find out a proper way to create that game using a combination of characters from Aliens, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and SEC Football, which… Christ, guys: it’s so obvious. Just make it happen.
Recently, however, I’ve been noticing more and more games out there in the App Store that are actually charging money for a finished product. It’s really the damndest thing: I’ll never know where they got the idea from. My favorite recently has been Card Thief.
At two dollars, Card Thief is hardly the most ridiculously priced premium game I’ve seen on the App Store (Looking at you, Final Fantasy 9: I mean, what the shit). And even with such a innocuous price tag, I’ve yet to see any microtransaction opportunities. Although, it is a single player game, so that makes sense. I mean, what sort of single player game would go out of their way to add microtransactions: that’s stupid. Ahem. Never mind.
As the name suggests, Card Thief is a card game. You play a thieving magpie under the cover of darkness who makes its way through various castles and manors, avoiding guards and traps and stealing everything that isn’t nailed the freaking walls. It’s a fairly simple game to get the hang of, and that really works for the stealth aspect of it. The majority of the gameplay centers around your stealth points, which you spend as you remove guards, torches, and other obstacles from your path. You can regenerate these points by picking up stealth boosts or even ending your turn by hiding in a barrel. As you progress, you’ve got to spend your points wisely, because if you’re caught in the light without any stealth left?
Feel free to subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/subscription_c...
Or follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/ElConquistadork
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Here's what you're going to get at ElConquistadork:
Thought-provoking geek commentary that smells vaguely of gin and smoke. Game reviews and Let's Plays that cover everything from the super indie to the AAA to the "made around 700 years ago" category.
Phil The Conquistadork also maintains a healthy love to interacting with his audiences when they aren't assholes (and sometimes when they are).
What you will not get at ElConquistadork: ugliness (the host's face notwithstanding), drama (the host's bank account notwithstanding), or cat videos.
...Huh? He's put a cat in a few of his videos already? Shit.
......Okay, maybe you'll get a few cat videos.
"Sneak A Little Drinky" written and performed by The Butterscotch Bros: Carlos Avendano and Dan Ross.
We’ve been in a weird void when it comes to mobile games, lately. It’s possible the bloom is off the rose when even cultural events like Pokemon Go ultimately prove to be a flash in the pan. At least, that’s what it turned out to be for me: a big, needy, pet-abuse-simulator flash in the pan. Plus, I actually have to go outside and interact with nature to get the most out of it? What is this, the dark ages? You gonna ask me to slaughter my first born son to prove my loyalty to Yahweh? Cause I fell for that one before, and fool me once, shame on you.
Part of it, I think, has to do with the free to play model. It seemed ideal at first, particularly for people who aren’t used to the idea of shelling out cash for a game they’re going to play on the phone while they’re pooping. Eventually, though, that led to enough microtransaction-fed nothingness games to fill Scrooge McDuck’s vault. These games were almost always the same, with the same mechanics, the same rules, and variations on the same themes. It used to be that you’d find the game that fit your mold the easiest, and you stuck with it. I played the Jurassic Park mobile game for a little while: built up a happy little nest of Dilophosaurus. I quickly gave that one up for the Warhammer 40K Horus Heresy game, which was essentially the same damn thing with the Emperor’s finest instead of Pleiseosaurs. And I’ll probably leave that one behind the moment they find out a proper way to create that game using a combination of characters from Aliens, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and SEC Football, which… Christ, guys: it’s so obvious. Just make it happen.
Recently, however, I’ve been noticing more and more games out there in the App Store that are actually charging money for a finished product. It’s really the damndest thing: I’ll never know where they got the idea from. My favorite recently has been Card Thief.
At two dollars, Card Thief is hardly the most ridiculously priced premium game I’ve seen on the App Store (Looking at you, Final Fantasy 9: I mean, what the shit). And even with such a innocuous price tag, I’ve yet to see any microtransaction opportunities. Although, it is a single player game, so that makes sense. I mean, what sort of single player game would go out of their way to add microtransactions: that’s stupid. Ahem. Never mind.
As the name suggests, Card Thief is a card game. You play a thieving magpie under the cover of darkness who makes its way through various castles and manors, avoiding guards and traps and stealing everything that isn’t nailed the freaking walls. It’s a fairly simple game to get the hang of, and that really works for the stealth aspect of it. The majority of the gameplay centers around your stealth points, which you spend as you remove guards, torches, and other obstacles from your path. You can regenerate these points by picking up stealth boosts or even ending your turn by hiding in a barrel. As you progress, you’ve got to spend your points wisely, because if you’re caught in the light without any stealth left?
Feel free to subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/subscription_c...
Or follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/ElConquistadork
Or like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Phil-K...
Here's what you're going to get at ElConquistadork:
Thought-provoking geek commentary that smells vaguely of gin and smoke. Game reviews and Let's Plays that cover everything from the super indie to the AAA to the "made around 700 years ago" category.
Phil The Conquistadork also maintains a healthy love to interacting with his audiences when they aren't assholes (and sometimes when they are).
What you will not get at ElConquistadork: ugliness (the host's face notwithstanding), drama (the host's bank account notwithstanding), or cat videos.
...Huh? He's put a cat in a few of his videos already? Shit.
......Okay, maybe you'll get a few cat videos.
"Sneak A Little Drinky" written and performed by The Butterscotch Bros: Carlos Avendano and Dan Ross.
