Uploaded August 2015 | Updated September 2026, 3 weeks ago

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Performed Tuesday, August 4th at Opening Bell Coffee in Dallas, Texas.
Hear more at soundcloud.com/helenaruthmusic!

Lyrics:

Well, you can’t get to heaven on roller skates
No, you can’t get to heaven at all
I’m sitting on the corner
Watching your few mourners
Pour right out of the funeral hall
I bet if I asked them
Bet if I asked them
Bet if I asked them they’d all agree
Oh, you can’t get to heaven on roller skates
‘cause you were so damn mean

Oh, you can’t get to heaven in a limousine
No, you can’t get to heaven with help
I bet when you died
No matter what you tried
They sent you straight down to hell
I bet you flipped Saint Peter off
I bet you tried to pick the lock
Or even bribe an angel choir
Oh, you can’t get to heaven in a limousine
‘cause you’re a doggone liar

Oh, you can’t get to heaven in a red canoe
‘cause God himself wouldn’t let you through
Can’t get there with love,
Can’t get there with hope,
Can’t get there with a letter signed by the pope
Can’t get there with a knife,
Can’t get there with a fight,
Can’t get there with a short and un-lived life
Oh, you can’t get to heaven in a red canoe
Unless God himself went and let you through

Oh, you can’t get to heaven on roller skates
No, you can’t get to heaven at all
I’m sitting on the corner
Watching your few mourners
Pour right out of the funeral hall
I bet if I asked them
Bet if I asked them
Bet if I asked them they’d all agree
Oh, you can’t get to heaven on roller skates
‘cause you were so damn mean

And it was awful early of you, girl,
To go at seventeen!

cc Helena Ruth 2014