Uploaded July 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Why do you procrastinate even on things you want to do? And why do you blow things up right when life is going well?
Therapist Dr. Christine Hargrove answers the internet’s biggest questions on ADHD and self-sabotage. She explains why self-sabotage isn’t an official symptom of ADHD, but is still really common. It often builds over time from symptoms like trouble sensing time, harsh self-judgment, and a fragile sense of self.
She also breaks down the role shame plays in self-sabotage, why shame spirals are so hard to escape, and three ways self-sabotage can show up in relationships. Plus, she shares why “building discipline” is the wrong goal — and what to focus on instead to set the stage for what you want to get done.
00:00 Intro
00:25 Is self-sabotage actually a symptom of ADHD?
01:01 Why do people with ADHD procrastinate even on things they want to do?
01:53 Why do people with ADHD sometimes blow things up even when they’re going well?
02:41 Why do I start spiraling when things go wrong?
03:34 What role does shame play in self-sabotage?
04:32 How does perfectionism affect people with ADHD?
05:27 Why do I avoid doing important things until it’s too late?
06:29 I try so hard to be on time and I’m still late. Why?
07:49 Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes?
08:27 How does ADHD self-sabotage show up in relationships?
09:46 How do I build discipline with an ADHD brain?
For more on this topic
● Read: ADHD and time blindness understood.org/en/articles/adhd-time-blindness
● Read: ADHD and shame understood.org/en/articles/shame-adhd
● Listen: Sorry, I Missed This: The ADHD shame spiral from making mistakes in relationships understood.org/en/podcasts/missunderstood/sorry-i-missed-this-the-adhd-shame-spiral-from-making-mistakes
Questions about learning and thinking differences? Get answers and expert-vetted resources by asking the AI-powered Understood Assistant: understood.org/en/assistant?utm_medium=organic&utm_source=youtube&utm_campaign=assistant-agn-prod&utm_content=video
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give.
For more resources, support, and excellent memes, subscribe to our YouTube channel or follow us on:
Instagram: instagram.com/understoodorg
Facebook: facebook.com/Understood
TikTok: tiktok.com/@understood.org
Pinterest: pinterest.com/understoodorg
#SelfSabotage #ADHD #ADHDTips #ExpertsAnswer
Why do you procrastinate even on things you want to do? And why do you blow things up right when life is going well?
Therapist Dr. Christine Hargrove answers the internet’s biggest questions on ADHD and self-sabotage. She explains why self-sabotage isn’t an official symptom of ADHD, but is still really common. It often builds over time from symptoms like trouble sensing time, harsh self-judgment, and a fragile sense of self.
She also breaks down the role shame plays in self-sabotage, why shame spirals are so hard to escape, and three ways self-sabotage can show up in relationships. Plus, she shares why “building discipline” is the wrong goal — and what to focus on instead to set the stage for what you want to get done.
00:00 Intro
00:25 Is self-sabotage actually a symptom of ADHD?
01:01 Why do people with ADHD procrastinate even on things they want to do?
01:53 Why do people with ADHD sometimes blow things up even when they’re going well?
02:41 Why do I start spiraling when things go wrong?
03:34 What role does shame play in self-sabotage?
04:32 How does perfectionism affect people with ADHD?
05:27 Why do I avoid doing important things until it’s too late?
06:29 I try so hard to be on time and I’m still late. Why?
07:49 Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes?
08:27 How does ADHD self-sabotage show up in relationships?
09:46 How do I build discipline with an ADHD brain?
For more on this topic
● Read: ADHD and time blindness understood.org/en/articles/adhd-time-blindness
● Read: ADHD and shame understood.org/en/articles/shame-adhd
● Listen: Sorry, I Missed This: The ADHD shame spiral from making mistakes in relationships understood.org/en/podcasts/missunderstood/sorry-i-missed-this-the-adhd-shame-spiral-from-making-mistakes
Questions about learning and thinking differences? Get answers and expert-vetted resources by asking the AI-powered Understood Assistant: understood.org/en/assistant?utm_medium=organic&utm_source=youtube&utm_campaign=assistant-agn-prod&utm_content=video
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give.
For more resources, support, and excellent memes, subscribe to our YouTube channel or follow us on:
Instagram: instagram.com/understoodorg
Facebook: facebook.com/Understood
TikTok: tiktok.com/@understood.org
Pinterest: pinterest.com/understoodorg
#SelfSabotage #ADHD #ADHDTips #ExpertsAnswer
