Uploaded June 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder?
Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why “just try harder” is not only unhelpful advice — it’s based on science that most researchers don’t even believe anymore.
They talk about why impulsivity in ADHD adults rarely looks like the textbook version (hi, compulsive shopping and 3 a.m. tattoo urges). How shame and anxiety make executive function worse. And why learning to work with your brain’s patterns beats white-knuckling your way through every temptation. Plus why some ADHDers end up over-controlled — which comes with its own set of problems.
If you’ve ever told yourself you’re just lazy, bad at relationships, or fundamentally broken because you can’t seem to get it together, this one’s for you.
For more on this topic
Listen: ADHD and impulsive spending understood.org/en/podcasts/adhd-channel/adhd-women-impulsive-shopping
Watch: ADHD break-ups: Impulsive texts and overthinking regrets youtube.com/watch?v=TBem4zAjcOM&list=PL0Kjy0JtEbaQG26_d4num4Bh_VGY6b_RP&index=13
For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. understood.org/en/podcasts/sorry-i-missed-this/adhd-impulse-willpower
You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.
Questions about learning and thinking differences? Get answers and expert-vetted resources by asking the AI-powered Understood Assistant:
understood.org/en/assistant?utm_medium=organic&utm_source=youtube&utm_campaign=assistant-agn-prod&utm_content=video
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/en/donate?sc=SIMT0725YTO&utm_medium=organic&utm_source=youtube&utm_campaign=fundraising-agn-vid-sorryimissedthis&utm_content=video
For more resources, support, and excellent memes, subscribe to our YouTube channel or follow us on:
Instagram: instagram.com/understoodorg
Facebook: facebook.com/Understood
TikTok: tiktok.com/@understood.org
Pinterest: pinterest.com/understoodorg
#ADHD #Impulsivity #SorryIMissedThis
Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder?
Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why “just try harder” is not only unhelpful advice — it’s based on science that most researchers don’t even believe anymore.
They talk about why impulsivity in ADHD adults rarely looks like the textbook version (hi, compulsive shopping and 3 a.m. tattoo urges). How shame and anxiety make executive function worse. And why learning to work with your brain’s patterns beats white-knuckling your way through every temptation. Plus why some ADHDers end up over-controlled — which comes with its own set of problems.
If you’ve ever told yourself you’re just lazy, bad at relationships, or fundamentally broken because you can’t seem to get it together, this one’s for you.
For more on this topic
Listen: ADHD and impulsive spending understood.org/en/podcasts/adhd-channel/adhd-women-impulsive-shopping
Watch: ADHD break-ups: Impulsive texts and overthinking regrets youtube.com/watch?v=TBem4zAjcOM&list=PL0Kjy0JtEbaQG26_d4num4Bh_VGY6b_RP&index=13
For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. understood.org/en/podcasts/sorry-i-missed-this/adhd-impulse-willpower
You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.
Questions about learning and thinking differences? Get answers and expert-vetted resources by asking the AI-powered Understood Assistant:
understood.org/en/assistant?utm_medium=organic&utm_source=youtube&utm_campaign=assistant-agn-prod&utm_content=video
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/en/donate?sc=SIMT0725YTO&utm_medium=organic&utm_source=youtube&utm_campaign=fundraising-agn-vid-sorryimissedthis&utm_content=video
For more resources, support, and excellent memes, subscribe to our YouTube channel or follow us on:
Instagram: instagram.com/understoodorg
Facebook: facebook.com/Understood
TikTok: tiktok.com/@understood.org
Pinterest: pinterest.com/understoodorg
#ADHD #Impulsivity #SorryIMissedThis
