Uploaded December 2025 | Updated September 2026, 3 weeks ago

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Russian lyrics by: https://samlib.ru/s/shushakow_a_w/
English lyrics and vocals by: Zhuravliov
Music, mastering and voice changing by: Max Kranich

DEDICATED TO SIR TERRY PRATCHETT

[Lyrics]
Storm was brewing in the bar,
Fifth pint made it clearer.
Who says wizards need no more?
Bring another beer here!
Hey there, innkeep, pour it fast—
Or I’ll blast your attic!
’Cause a wizard’s staff has got
A knob that’s quite emphatic!
Yes, a wizard’s staff has got
A knob that’s quite emphatic!

Down the street the wizard strode,
World was slightly bending.
Then a band of thieves appeared—
Thought it was their ending.
Spells don’t work? Well, never mind—
Violence is classic,
When a wizard’s staff has got
A knob that’s so fantastic!
Yes, a wizard’s staff has got
A knob that’s so fantastic!

In a house with crimson lights,
He broke in, quite daring.
Dropped his cloak and hit the bed—
With a girl quite sparing.
Bit too old for feats of love?
Two hundred feels drastic...
But his wizard’s staff still has
A knob — and it’s elastic!
Yes, a wizard’s staff still has
A knob — and it’s elastic!

Tiny child approached his dad,
Eyes with questions brimming:
“Tell me, what is good, and what
Counts as wicked sinning?”
Dad just laughed and stroked his beard:
“Boy, that’s all semantic…
If your wizard’s staff has got
A knob that’s charismatic!”
Yes, a wizard’s staff has got
A knob that’s charismatic!