Uploaded April 2018 | Updated September 2026, 7 hours ago
In loving memory of my Grandpa. The nicest man in the world, bar none. We won't see his like again.
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I tried to make a huge video but I kept crying so I stuck with the basics of this video I've posted.
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He had cancer for a year before he finally passed. Every single night he would ring the home phone and not have his hearing aid in. This resulted in a goodhearted shouting down the phone ( for example - "HOW ARE YOOOU?" "GOOD?" "I'M GOOD TOO!" etcetc We'd love him all the more for those moments )
He had this tiny phone and he believed that he could turn the volume up from his end so he could hear us - but in truth, after failing to explain the phone volume thing wasn't the way it worked, we just went along with it.
That wonderful wonderful man. I miss dropping EVERYTHING and listening to him talk every night. Sometimes he'd get confused and call in the morning around 9 to say good night to us all. He was like me - on pills and a bit out of sync…but talking to us each night was a time stamp - like a ritual. Mum loved him so much and it was always hard to find a topic for them to talk about, even then she'd figure something out. They were best friends. Closest friends. Mum was amazing with him.
I think being there was special - each time we'd go down there - we'd travel, all supportive and together to see him at the home or the hospital. That was tough but not as tough as when he finally passed.
I've just come back from there and I drew out some manga and tried to capture a moment that happened the last time I saw him alive. He was fast asleep but twitching a bit and as we spoke to him and told him everything would be alright and that we were all here for him, he raised his eyebrows and tried so very hard to look at us. I said in his ear that it was all ok, and we loved him and we'd not leave him.
Then he opened one eye and saw me - his eyes are the deepest blue imaginable - and I was so happy to know that he saw me and knew it was ok to go… It was time and we were with him no matter what.
He only did it once, I watched the emotions play across his face - frustration, worry, pain mostly. In fact I love to analyse body language and I'm proud to say that I helped when he couldn't speak one time and I knew he was in pain and fetched a nurse who confirmed I was right. That was against everyone else's thought pattern so yeah, I'm glad I could take away the pain for a bit - like a small reminder that we kept his head and his heart and his soul going on and on after his wife, my nana died and also throughout all the sad times with her losing her memory.
I wanted to draw his face with that one blue eye that I can still see now, and I have memory problems because of meds so it's tough and I need to get that done. The only regret I have about the eye moment was that I wasn't able to get mum in the room right then to see the micro expressions when he calmed and his opening his eyes for maybe 2 seconds (To me those seconds felt like a lifetime of love)
Need to support mum and brother as the house is full of mess and sadness and I'm going to make them smile no matter what it takes.
I saw his body in a coffin and he was so cold - true to form I had a panic attack when I entered the room and it all became real. I mean, I was coping, getting on with mum, listening to good uplifting music. But when the time came I just stopped breathing and tried to press my face into the wall. I'm going to try and link that memory with his BODY and the moment he saw me by raising his eyelid and showing that blue eye - I want to relate that with his soul - because he knew we came and he felt safe to pass on.
_____________________________________________
Now I've got to go - I'll sign off now… I can't stop crying. I don't have a clue how to stop crying. Maybe by making other people happy I can find out what happy feels like! It's an elusive little bugger of an emotion!
______________________________________________
Please share, subscribe, leave comments, like, etc
______________________________________________
Love from dani xxxxxxxxxxxxx
In loving memory of my Grandpa. The nicest man in the world, bar none. We won't see his like again.
_________________________________________________
I tried to make a huge video but I kept crying so I stuck with the basics of this video I've posted.
_________________________________________________
He had cancer for a year before he finally passed. Every single night he would ring the home phone and not have his hearing aid in. This resulted in a goodhearted shouting down the phone ( for example - "HOW ARE YOOOU?" "GOOD?" "I'M GOOD TOO!" etcetc We'd love him all the more for those moments )
He had this tiny phone and he believed that he could turn the volume up from his end so he could hear us - but in truth, after failing to explain the phone volume thing wasn't the way it worked, we just went along with it.
That wonderful wonderful man. I miss dropping EVERYTHING and listening to him talk every night. Sometimes he'd get confused and call in the morning around 9 to say good night to us all. He was like me - on pills and a bit out of sync…but talking to us each night was a time stamp - like a ritual. Mum loved him so much and it was always hard to find a topic for them to talk about, even then she'd figure something out. They were best friends. Closest friends. Mum was amazing with him.
I think being there was special - each time we'd go down there - we'd travel, all supportive and together to see him at the home or the hospital. That was tough but not as tough as when he finally passed.
I've just come back from there and I drew out some manga and tried to capture a moment that happened the last time I saw him alive. He was fast asleep but twitching a bit and as we spoke to him and told him everything would be alright and that we were all here for him, he raised his eyebrows and tried so very hard to look at us. I said in his ear that it was all ok, and we loved him and we'd not leave him.
Then he opened one eye and saw me - his eyes are the deepest blue imaginable - and I was so happy to know that he saw me and knew it was ok to go… It was time and we were with him no matter what.
He only did it once, I watched the emotions play across his face - frustration, worry, pain mostly. In fact I love to analyse body language and I'm proud to say that I helped when he couldn't speak one time and I knew he was in pain and fetched a nurse who confirmed I was right. That was against everyone else's thought pattern so yeah, I'm glad I could take away the pain for a bit - like a small reminder that we kept his head and his heart and his soul going on and on after his wife, my nana died and also throughout all the sad times with her losing her memory.
I wanted to draw his face with that one blue eye that I can still see now, and I have memory problems because of meds so it's tough and I need to get that done. The only regret I have about the eye moment was that I wasn't able to get mum in the room right then to see the micro expressions when he calmed and his opening his eyes for maybe 2 seconds (To me those seconds felt like a lifetime of love)
Need to support mum and brother as the house is full of mess and sadness and I'm going to make them smile no matter what it takes.
I saw his body in a coffin and he was so cold - true to form I had a panic attack when I entered the room and it all became real. I mean, I was coping, getting on with mum, listening to good uplifting music. But when the time came I just stopped breathing and tried to press my face into the wall. I'm going to try and link that memory with his BODY and the moment he saw me by raising his eyelid and showing that blue eye - I want to relate that with his soul - because he knew we came and he felt safe to pass on.
_____________________________________________
Now I've got to go - I'll sign off now… I can't stop crying. I don't have a clue how to stop crying. Maybe by making other people happy I can find out what happy feels like! It's an elusive little bugger of an emotion!
______________________________________________
Please share, subscribe, leave comments, like, etc
______________________________________________
Love from dani xxxxxxxxxxxxx
