Upper Hand (Official Lyric Video) DeFord 2023-06-16 | I just want to feel like I'm fiending for somethingHeretic: Track 8- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- I know we're not on speaking terms right now but I think you should know I'm over it. It doesn't hurt me anymore. - ...Good. That was quick, I'm glad. I was worried you wouldn't take it well. -...That's it? - What do you mean?- You're not upset? That doesn't bother you?- No? Why would I be upset that you're handling it well?- I mean, that was the point, wasn't it? It really doesn't bother you that you can't hurt me anymore?- Woah, woah. Pause. You're aware that I like, love you, right? You're aware that I only did this because I had to? Because my life was falling apart waiting for you to get yours together? - Well isolating me from all my friends by telling them I abused you certainly didn't help me get my life together. - I.. You did abuse me? And I didn't tell anyone about it because I was afraid of you? You were the one who lied to my friends saying I abused you so they would abandon me? Please tell me you haven't been using drugs. - What parallel universe are you living in? That's certainly not what the history looks like in this one.- Maybe you're not taking it as well as I thought.
microplastics (Official Lyric Video) DeFord 2024-12-13 | Happy Friday the 13th, again. This is way way early for how little I have done of the album this is supposed to be on. My mother unexpectedly died in October and this was the only finished song in the vault that neither she nor you all had heard. I want to keep writing and keep producing for her if not for me, but I'm not sure how long it will take me to come back to it if I ever do, and if that time does come I'm not sure if I'll be in the mood for this album. So for the time being, I want you to have this. I regret that she never got to.You can find microplastics on:Spotify: open.spotify.com/track/5h8iGf7iXjSpp94ZdxJfsz?si=a36726773aab4ab1 Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/microplastics/1781035890?i=1781035893Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/microplastics---Last night I dreamt the house caught fireSmoke and asbestos in my lungs,Not quite a funeral pyre,Tough shit but I had a good run,At least it got me quick‘Cause there’s something in the food supplyIf that couldn’t kill me, cancer wouldLead-coated water pipesRight under where that halfway house once stoodAnd crumbled brick by brickBut hey, at least you got to pick your poisonI was born between white noise and cold dead airSay goodbye to the world you raised your boys inI’ll watch my heroes all feel fear and still not careMy body is a fireman’s denWe’ll see how long the light bulb lastsMy head is like a fountain butThe water’s full of microplasticsAnd it burns, it burns, it burnsI used to run like hell and not get tiredTurns out you can’t please everyoneWarm blood on cold barbed wireWhen I hopped those 10 foot fences just for funThere wasn't much to doI picked the wrong ghost town to break my heartDumb love’s the way into my willLife ends before it starts,When you're 15, bored, and sober, time stands stillSo good it can't be trueBut hey, at least I got my share of poisonWaiting on remedies like toys that God won't shareHunt me down, call my name and raise your voicesPush me around 'til I kiss ground and don't stop thereLeave my body in the fireman's denAnd treat me like a psychopath My head is like a fountainBut the water's full of microplasticsOh, microplasticsOh, microplasticsOh-oh,Don’t blame yourself for things you can’t controlIt’s not safe but it keeps me groundedOh-oh,Give up the ghost and let it break my soulTo touch base with the waves we drown inIt’s much worse than the way we found itThe cold grace of a chain reactionIt’s not good but I’m glad it happenedA shut case and it always has beenRotting in the fire we tendStill holding hope the tide turns backMy head is like a fountain butThe water’s full of microplasticsAnd it burns, it burns, it burns
WALKDONTRUN DeFord 2023-10-13 | Can’t have all these people knowing what I amHeretic: Track 12- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- Well, we had this dance at our Christian school where the girls ask the guys. I’m not interested in dances, but we had this girl who lived down the road from us who was struggling to make friends just as much as I was. Her parents wanted her to go. They asked my parents if I’d go with her, and one night mom told me “hey, you’re going with so-and-so to the dance.”- So neither of you really wanted to?- Well, I dreaded it at first, but I found things to look forward to. Like, maybe I’ll figure out what liking a girl is like, maybe it’ll be fun, maybe there will at least be some killer photo ops.- Did any of that happen?- God no. We tried to dance for a few minutes and it wasn’t our thing. She said she was going to the bathroom, and she never came back. I saw her sitting against the wall in the hall, so I went to check on her and she started sobbing and ran away. I didn’t want to intrude more than I already had, but I didn’t want the night to be a horrible memory for her, so I went searching. Couldn’t find her in the school, so I snuck outside to scope out the perimeter and the football field. Y’know, non-intrusively.- Right. Did you find her?- No, but I found him. He was slouched on a cardboard box under the bleachers with a bottle of Hennessy. He looked at me like a deer in headlights, kind of grinning but worried that he was busted. I didn't want to draw attention, so I looked around to see if anyone was watching and scurried under there with him. He said, “what’s the matter, want some?” I said I don’t know yet. He said, “how’s your girl?” I said horrible and probably crying in a dark room somewhere like a proper Scorpio.- He laughed, offered me the bottle and said, “sounds like you need it more than I do.” I asked what's wrong, he said “I always wanted to go to one of these, but I don’t know why. I couldn’t stand to go out with a girl.” And I asked why not, and he said, “not my thing, y'know?” I said there are plenty of other things to enjoy in life, and he laughed again and fidgeted with the bottle I didn't take from him. He went on, “you know what I like about you? You’re the only one who looks at me. I feel like a heretic at this holy ass school with how most people just look around me, but we lock eyes. I guess I was hoping that meant something.” Then it made sense. He was one of the bad ones, and maybe so was I. He went on, “but I saw you with that shed town girl and figured maybe you were just messing with me. God I shouldn’t even be.. you have to think I’m weird and gross now, swear to God it’s the booze, my parents have more than they can keep track of, I.. hope you keep looking at me.. sorry.” I said it’s okay, and I took the bottle and tried it, and I had only sipped the communion wine up until then so I was like..- Yeah haha, Hennessy’s got quite a burn to it.- No kidding. But it got him to laugh again. I’ve never felt better about anything. So I said I’m not leaving tonight without doing this with somebody, and I kissed him.- Magical.- It was kind of assault-y, actually. I’m not proud of it.- Well, we could discuss consent for the rest of the session, but you did stay together after, right?- Oh yeah. Life became a game of not getting caught. We’d give each other silly looks from across the pews in church. We’d sabotage our teams in gym if we ended up on opposite sides. We had sleepovers, for reasons, and we had to pretend to our parents like we were just bros.- That didn’t scare you?- It scared us more than God.
Gold Rush DeFord 2023-10-13 | Just like a fever, just like a dreamHeretic: Track 10- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- Dear journal,I don’t know where to start. I guess I feel interrupted. I don’t believe in black magic but it feels like some big astrological force has been using my life as its chew toy lately. It wasn’t always this way, someone came into my life a few years ago and really showed me what love means and recently he pulled the rug out from under me. Called me a parasite. Kicked me out of the house and everything, didn’t even let me figure out where to stay first. He probably just wanted to marry me for the joint tax benefits and decided even that wasn’t worth having to pretend to care about me for the rest of his life. He kept saying he was trying to help me, but I don’t need him. I mean, I do need him, just not his help..- Dear journal,Okay, so, first off I feel interjected. Like I was on this path and a bus ran a stop sign and totaled me. Maybe the path I was on wasn’t the absolute best optimal path, but I still think the bus should accept responsibility for hitting me. The entire time we were together he made it seem like it was my fault for getting hit because I didn’t take the road that would leave him room to run his stop sign. I don’t always follow all the rules of the road either, I get it, but I also really don’t get it. Hell, maybe I was going the wrong way on a poorly marked one-way, but as long as nobody hit me I could’ve gotten off in a couple blocks and been none the wiser. Especially when they run a stop sign, I mean, I get not checking for traffic from the wrong way, but I also don’t. He should have..- Dear journal,I don’t know what I feel, okay? I can sit here and ramble off the history of these past few months, or I could talk to you in weird convoluted metaphors that don’t make sense, but truth be told I’m just hurt. I loved somebody, I worshipped the ground he walked on like he was the second coming of christ, I looked at him and saw salvation, and I thought I was lucky. You know? They don’t really, whatever it is that makes us anyway, doesn’t really make very many of us. Us as in, like, guys. You know, with taste. I don’t know if I’ll ever find one again who isn’t so blind chasing the next big pair of boobs that he doesn’t see what’s right in front of him. I thought he was different, and he was, but he did this thing to me..- Dear journal,Why can’t I feel like I can talk to you? It feels like you’re judging me, it feels the same way it felt to talk to him. Not in the beginning, but after I kept him from running enough stop signs. I mean, I didn’t keep him from anything, the law did, I was just doing my thing. The metaphorical law, not the..- Dear journal,I hate someone I used to love. Not that I don’t love him anymore, I think I always will, if I didn’t then it wouldn’t hurt me so much that he pushed me away by..- I don’t need this. I didn’t want to write in it the first time and for good reason. I can’t believe I trusted Doc enough to even bother with this, he’s just as spineless as all the rest of them. None of them know anything about me and I don’t know why I keep paying them to pretend like they do.
Scapegoat DeFord 2023-10-13 | I'll still watch over your ghostHeretic: Track 2- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- You know what my therapist recommended to me this time?- What?- Meditation.- What do you got against meditation?- You believe in that monk shit? We literally dissed astrology together when we first met, do you not see that meditation is all the same scam?- Look, I didn’t think sitting down and doing nothing would do anything for me either, but you’d be surprised.- No, I can’t, I’m not sitting down and connecting with the sublime for an hour, I’m not writing in my stupid journal anymore, I’m not writing about my dreams, I’m not doing the relaxation exercises, this is a waste of time.- Well, I’m paying for your sessions, so you could at least try.- Why do you care so much about fixing me? I thought you loved me just the way I am.- I do, I just want you to be safe.- Why don’t you try letting me be the one to protect you for a change?- You’ve never offered.
Pay For It DeFord 2023-10-13 | Blind faith in the off chance I’m never gonna runHeretic: Track 9- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- And then get this? He tells ME that I was the one abusing HIM. I mean, is that not just insane?- Wow. Well, we don't like to use the word insane anymore, but it certainly sounds like you dodged a bullet. - THANK YOU. You know, I've known you three weeks now and I already feel way more comfortable and validated than I ever felt with my last therapist. If you don't have any clients tomorrow could I take you out for a beer or something?- Haha, well that is really flattering, thank you for the offer! As much as I'd love to, I'm a little worried about what that would do for our working relationship. I try to stay out of all my clients' personal lives just to make sure things don't get weird between us.- Yeah I totally get it! No worries. But like, you don't get it, I was months into sessions with this chick and she was like, 'mehh meehhh write in your stupid pointless journal mehhh' and I couldn't seem to get through to her that it just wasn't working. What was I paying her for?- Well, every therapist has their specialty, that approach really works for some people, but you have a right to be frustrated that she wasn't receptive to your wishes to change it up. Do you think it wasn't working because of the method itself, or because you only went to sessions because your abusive boyfriend wanted you to?- .. You know, I never thought about it that way. I came to you because I wanted to, and even on day 1 before I knew you'd good be a good fit for me, we had a way easier time setting goals and all that. - That's exactly what led me to wonder that! So if you don't mind I'm actually curious, she had to think that journal method would work for you for a reason, would you be willing to try it again and see if it feels different? That'd really settle the debate as to why it didn't work the first time, I think. I feel like you'd feel less vitriol toward your old therapist if you had a direct accurate cause to attribute it to. We want us to focus on blaming situations, not people, right?- Yeah, I guess so. It makes sense when you say it like that, I'd be down to give the journal one more shot. What, uh.. what does vitriol mean?- You’ve.. used it in a session before? You don’t know what it means? It’s like..
Human After All DeFord 2023-10-13 | And walk home praying God forgives meHeretic: Track 15- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I don't believe in that monk shit anymore. This is the last time I'll bother you about what we had and what we were, so I’m gonna try to make sure I get it all out there, and I just hope you can tolerate that enough to listen. I don't believe in happy endings anymore, but I do believe in closure.- First of all, I'm sorry I told everyone it was your fault. It wasn't. Maybe it was neither of our faults, but I was hurt and I tried to ruin your life. Nothing I say or do will make that okay. It doesn't change anything but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry I did it. And I mean that, I started going back to therapy just like you wanted me to. For a while I think it helped, but I think I needed him to affirm me for what I did to you. But I couldn't tell him what I did to you. I couldn't even tell him what I pretended you did to me. And so I told him off, and I stopped going, and I was finally free to do the only thing therapy wouldn't let me do without holing me up in a looney bin. - I wrote you a suicide note last weekend. I didn't think you would actually read it, but I hoped you would and that it would eat you alive, and I was so sure that I was gonna go through with it because I was finally coming to terms with the fact that I had lost the only bit of salvation this world ever offered me. And then I thought about how I never even addressed my mother in that note. Could you imagine? Your son just kills himself one day after all that work you put into him and the only thing he had to say about it left you completely out of the picture. What a spit in the face. I thought about rewriting it, but couldn't figure out how to say what I wanted to her and to you without the tone of one screwing up the genuineness of the other. And that's when I realized all that wrath I built up for you in my heart just didn't matter. I had to let go of one and I wasn't letting go of my mother, no matter what she's said to me these past few years. - So I burned it. I took that falcon head zippo you got me for my birthday last year and I set it on fire and I held it in my hand and I watched the flame eat all that nasty stuff I wrote you. I let it burn all the way down to the last few lines. "Don't blame yourself. I was a heretic anyway. See you in hell." That’s when it was about to burn my fingertips, and for a moment I thought “let it happen, your skin will grow back,” but the words wouldn’t. I put out that fire, and I let those words be the lone survivors, because deep down I think they’re the only ones I still believe. I care about you and yet I still can’t wait to watch you rot with me.- I can't believe you used to call me a saint. I can't believe it ended up like this, and I can't believe I caused it. I can't believe even after I mangled my image of you into this vicious monster with no love and no remorse, I'm still probably obsessed with you. I can't believe I'm never going to be able to do anything about that anymore. I know I abandon a lot of things, and a lot of people, but I can't believe that for a split second I meant it when I said goodbye that night, and I can't believe I almost just walked off and left you.
Cease and Desist DeFord 2023-10-13 | Now I’ve got nothing to die forHeretic: Track 11- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- I can’t believe you made me do this.- I didn’t make you do anything, you agreed to do this. You could’ve turned down my suggestion last session. Why didn’t you?- Because I, I- I fell for it. You’re a good swindler I guess, it really sounded believable when it came out of your mouth but then I sat down and tried it and I just..- I understand. I wasn’t trying to manipulate you into writing in a journal, I was just suggesting an approach and seeing if anything stuck with you. Next time you want to push back against me and change up the method, you just let me know, alright? Even if you don’t decide to until after the session, you can come to the following session and say ‘Doc, I didn’t do it, I think it’s stupid, let’s try something else.’ Is that fair?- Yeah.- Did you bring it with you?- The journal? Y- I mean yeah, I did, but I think I should’ve left it at home honestly, it’s not worth looking at, I didn’t even finish an entry.- Everything is worth looking at. Our process is still ongoing at the end of each session, but just because it’s not complete doesn’t mean it’s not valuable to you, right?- Well..- Well? We’ve made progress, haven’t we? If I’m misunderstanding that and you don’t feel like the process is doing anything for you we can start the termination paperwork right now, I’ve got a few specialists in mind I could refer you to.- No, you’re right, we’ve made progress, I just, it was going so well until now and I had this notion that we were never gonna struggle with anything, and that’s unrealistic.- Hey, it’s okay to be frustrated when your momentum gets messed up, I appreciate that you understand that it doesn’t have to be over yet. Can I see the journal?- …- This is good actually, you have a really poetic mind when it comes to how you articulate your ideas, I think we could pivot off of that in future approaches. I’m noticing a stuck point here. I could be reading it wrong, but it seems like right when you start to get into the detail of what your ex-boyfriend did, you stop the thought and start over.- What are you implying?- Nothing necessarily, I just wanted to know your thoughts as to why that might be.- I don’t really know, I didn’t pay attention to that. Do you have any ideas?- Well, my first thought is that it’s a pretty common trauma response for abuse victims. It’s just curious to me, because we’ve talked about some of those things together here in sessions. I want to know more about why you felt like these were the places to stop and start over.- Well, I don’t know, I mean I’m not repressing the memory or anything, we’ve been over it, but it just feels.. dirty to talk about, I guess? I feel like..- Like you’re being judged? Attempt 4 here mentions something about feeling like the journal is judging you.- Yeah..- Can books judge us?- It’s not that literally the book is judging me, it’s like, I’m making a record of this that could be read by someone so I have to take more care than I know how to.- Only I’m gonna see these, I keep all client-produced material locked and confidential. You’re writing to me and you’ve told me the details before, are you afraid I’ll judge you?- No, it’s not you, it’s.. I don’t know.- In Attempt 3, you have these religious expressions that pop up, ‘I worshipped him like the second coming of christ,’ uhhm, ‘I looked at him and saw salvation,’ do you think maybe you’re afraid God’s judging what you write?- ..Actually yeah. That makes sense.- What’s your experience with religion?- Well, I just grew up in the middle of it. My aunt was our pastor, so when I was a kid mom had us at every mass, every vigil, every fundraising event. It’s how I met him actually. I didn’t enjoy it until then, but mom couldn’t stand to be judged by her sister.- You met your ex-boyfriend in church?- School, but it was owned by the church.. it’s a long story.- We’ve got time. How’d you get together?
Nothing to Lose DeFord 2023-10-13 | If I never love myself I’ll never break my own heartHeretic: Track 14- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- Dear,No matter how long I drag this out, I know I’ll forget something. Since I know you won’t be the first to read it, I hope whoever finds me makes sure this makes it to you. I want you to know that even though I don’t love you anymore, I do still miss you. I miss the poison that we had, because even though it would kill me, at least it was slow. All I ever really wanted was to slowly die with you, and if I have to settle for quickly dying without you, then so be it. As much of my own choice as this may be, I can’t help but feel like maybe you could’ve prevented this. And I don’t blame you for choosing not to, but the little bit of human left in me sometimes wishes that you did. And then the little bit of me that still has panic attacks when I’m high says what’s the point? And the little bit of me that still obsesses over you when I’m drunk says I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.Don’t blame yourself. I was just another heretic anyway.See you in hell.
Saving Grace DeFord 2023-10-13 | It’s not an omen, it’s a promiseHeretic: Track 3- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- I don’t know, I feel like I’ve lived my whole life being told this is the way, this is the truth, this is the life, and I followed that to a tee and all it ever made me feel is guilty. Don’t you think doing the right thing should feel better than that?- I mean, vegetables don’t feel great to chew on.- I guess, but like, then I met you and felt like I finally understood what salvation felt like, and they would’ve shunned me if they knew we were together. Like if I listened to them all the time I would’ve never felt saved by anyone.- You don’t think they’d get over it?- Never in a million years. They think it’s all a choice. I tried to choose otherwise for so long, and now I wonder why I ever wanted it any other way. What could possibly be worth pretending not to be myself for my whole life?- I hear you, I’m glad I got out of the whole suffering-based culture thing early. I still think about it sometimes. They get you in your formative years because they know you’ll never forget them.- They were still good people though. I hope they’re doing okay.- Good people don’t shun their own kind.- Maybe they do if they’re misguided enough.- This is why I love you. You’re crazy but deep down you’re a saint.- Pfft, sure, the patron saint of heretics, maybe.
First Impression DeFord 2023-10-13 | I’ve spent my whole life running circles ‘round youHeretic: Track 1- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- You know, I know it’s been like 5 and a half months, but I feel like every time I talk to you it’s like I’m meeting you for the first time.- You forget about me that often, huh?- No, no, not at all, I couldn’t forget you if I tried. It’s just I usually get bored so fast. I’m obsessed for a little while and then I’m just done. And with you I never get bored, because I feel like every day is the first day.- You really need to get checked for ADHD.- No I don’t. I’m a great multitasker. Look at me, forming completely coherent sentences while I’m drawing and everything.- How long have we been sitting here?- Stoooopppp… Hour and a half?- Close. 26 minutes. You really need to get checked for ADHD. - I love you but I hate you sometimes.
swell (interlude) DeFord 2023-10-13 | Heretic: Track 7- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——Dizzying dizzying dizzying clammy hands with shaky palms racing thoughts and try to stay calms and dizzying dizzying dizzying and cursing the world for the way that it made you and holding all your terrors close to your heart and asking why praying doesn't work anymore and dizzying dizzying dizzying letting the sweat on your thighs hug the vapor in the humid stagnant summer air and cursing the air that you breathe for closing your lungs like a sieve in reverse and dizzying dizzying dizzying feeling the pit in your chest sink into your bowels and shutting down and thinking about not thinking and not thinking about thinking and seeing so inside out you start to see outside in and suddenly none of it matters. You're free.- You're free free free and you're dandy and you're swell and you're peachy and all you can do is look down at yourself your dizzy dizzy dizzy so-called self and laugh at him because he feels everything and you feel nothing and you wouldn't want it any other way.- You finally feel nothing and now with no shelter from the sun you grow like ivy around the bricks in your liver and the stones in your heart and the walls in your brain that separate your reason from your emotion and you are bound by neither and you cross the lines that keep your You from spilling into your Other and you swell like a bruise and you itch like a scab because you're finally healing, you're finally so-called healing.- You've earned it.
Innocent Space DeFord 2023-10-13 | Thank you and I hope you forget meHeretic: Track 6- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic- Dear,I'm sorry that I spoke my mind. I'm sorry that I told you how I felt. I was always advised that honesty was the best policy, and I'm sorry that honesty hurt you. I’m sorry that gravity pulls you to the floor. I genuinely believed it was a virtue, and I was wrong. I'm sorry I was wrong. I'm sorry I didn't lie to you. I'm sorry I let you love me at all. I'm sorry that I existed in such a way that tricked you into saying you loved me, and that you wanted things to work out, and that you'd do what you can, and that you wouldn't get mad if things weren't perfect, and that you'd stick with me come hell or high water. I'm sorry that I made you lie to me. I'm sorry that I am writing to you in the only way I still can. I'm sorry that you blocked me everywhere else. I'm sorry that I thought for a second that you were ever happy with me. You were never happy with me. I hope you're happy with yourself.Sincerely,Heretic
Idiot DeFord 2023-10-13 | Of course I’m not a godHeretic: Track 4- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- I can’t afford to go halfsies. I really would if I could, you know that.- I paid for all of it last time. Minimum wage isn’t exactly living standard. I don’t mind treating you every now and then but I can’t be the only one pitching in.- I know, I just.. I know. I’m so behind at all this adult stuff, I don’t even know where to start, are you sure you can’t help me just a little bit?- I want to, believe me it hurts me so much to see you struggling like this, but every time I do it for you, you don’t learn from it. I’m worried about you. What if you have to do this on your own?- Are you planning on leaving me anytime soon?- No, that’s not the point. Do you want me or do you just need me?- Honey.. you’re really gonna make me choose?- I think you should need me less.
Heretic - FULL ALBUM DeFord 2023-10-13 | Dear defense mechanisms,The tenderness I know for You is unlike any otherThough my heart beats for no one now, it loves You like a brotherI fell for God, and fell for Manand cast aside by either's plans,I've come to understand that only You have loved me back.No one has loved me from the start like You; perhaps my Motherbut who she sees in me is just an Agent undercover,I've held the Scripture in my hand,and still I burn, forever damnedfor who I am at last, the Heretic who loves You back.Question your Faith, your Hope, and your Love.---Heretic: The Sophomore Album15 tracks / 53m 48sOctober, Friday the 13th, 2023- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic
Scorpion (Official Lyric Video) DeFord 2023-09-17 | You’re out of hiding placesHeretic: Track 13- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- Sometimes, when people experience dramatic changes in their lives, they go through what’s called an adjustment disorder. It’s not a serious condition, and it’s not a permanent one either; the brain just has such a hard time adapting to the change that it triggers some disruptive symptoms.- That feels a little too simple.- Sometimes it really is that simple. You don’t seem to have any history of past symptoms prior to when he broke it off. For some people, going from engaged to single is huge enough to trigger an adjustment disorder. I know if my wife left me I’d probably clear my schedule for a month. You’ve expressed worry about finding another partner since you’ve never had to engage in the dating scene after high school and you don’t meet other gay guys, do you think that could be playing a role?- I don’t know, maybe. I think it’s more that I’m just so attached to him, I’m not thinking about replacing him yet, I want him back.- I get it. So maybe there’s a way to make the change more gradual? Maybe stay in touch with some of his friends so there’s a little bit that stays constant as you get over him.- Oh I, uh, can’t do that.- Why not?- His friends won’t speak to me anymore.- They won’t?- Well remember, he said I was the one abusing him, I’m sure he told his friends that. I’m sure they don’t want to speak to an abuser.- Right. Well, you didn’t though, right? You said you got really close with them while you two were together, surely they’d want to know your side of the story.- They’re his friends, they’ll believe him.- So you haven’t tried to talk to them?- They’ve blocked my number, want to see?- I.. actually, sure, that means the message won’t go through, right? Let’s get your phone out, go to their number, and let’s type up a message together to them. They’re not gonna see it, so you can offload whatever’s on your chest without worrying about offending them. Sound good?- I.. don’t want to.- That’s alright. Why not?- I don’t know, I don’t think they should be a part of this, it feels wrong when they get involved. It’s like a cop-out, this shouldn’t be their fight.- You’d said that in past conflicts between you two, you’d always go to his friends for help. That’s why they understand you so well. Now it’s a cop-out to talk to them? And they block you without hearing you out?- …- Sorry it’s just, I’m having trouble following along here, it feels like there’s something you’re not telling me.- …- We’ve gone over what he did to you in great detail but you couldn’t put it down in writing. And his friends have such an intricate understanding of your relationship but shut you out without being able to realize which one of you is the abuser? Do you see why I’m feeling like something is off here?- You’re a spineless piece of shit.- Woah. What?- I come in here and lay down my heart for you. I tell you things I can’t even tell myself. I pay you to teach me how to get over being abused and discarded and you let me believe that you’re really gonna be the one to hear me out and now you’re accusing me of lying to you?- Not necessarily, I just don’t think I should be making any calls about guidance without knowing how all of these pieces fall into place. I’m sorry if I upset you.- I don’t think you should be making any calls about guidance, period. Quit your job and go work at a fast-food restaurant or something, get as far away from people as you can, scrub some toilets, mop some floors, maybe you can stack some boxes onto shelves and run into my ex-fiancé and you can get all friendly with him and manipulate some people together. I’m done paying you to treat me like I caused this mess. Don’t expect me to come back. Don’t email me to check up on me. Don’t contact my insurance company. Don’t speak to me if you pass by me at the grocery store. You picked your side just like everyone else. Commit to it and never speak to me again. I’m used to it.This video was hand-animated in Krita.
Not So Bad (Official Lyric Video) DeFord 2023-08-04 | Feigning indifference just to feel cleanHeretic: Track 5- Spotify: https://spotify.link/NTh7SvSFTDb- Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/heretic/1704579963- Soundcloud: soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/heretic- Bandcamp: deford.bandcamp.com/album/heretic——- Look, I've tried, but.. You're a parasite.- I really understand why you feel that way. I really do. I am starting to agree with you. I just.. wish you saw it from my perspective.- I do see it from your perspective, you're starting to agree with me.- I.. God, why do you always put words in my mouth like that? - I didn't put them there, you put them there, I'm literally just quoting you.- Every time you talk to me anymore I feel like you're just correcting me.- I'm not trying to be judgmental, I'm trying to help you, you're clearly struggling, do you want my help or not?- Help? This is what you call help?- Not sure if you noticed but I'm the only one paying on our mortgage right now.- Ever since we moved in together all you think about is the budget, the budget, the budget, I don't even buy food anymore because you make me feel so guilty about spending money, I eat one meal a day at most, and it's generous to even call it a meal. I haven't been called for an interview in two months, and I haven't gotten commissioned in three weeks. What am I supposed to do?- You don't get interviews because you only apply for jobs you want. The jobs everyone wants. Do you think I have fun at my job? The job I have? Do you think I find it satisfying that all my life amounts to right now is moving boxes on and off of shelves? But it's keeping us alive, isn't it?- Honestly? Why don't you just keep the house. Sell it, repo it, I don't care. If I'm that much of a burden to you, just either kill me or dump me already. There are people out there who have it so much worse than us. My uncle just got custody of his daughter's kid because she and her boyfriend fight so much that the kid started cutting herself because she thought she was the reason why. Don't you want to be a father? If this is all the pressure it takes for your true colors to start showing then I'm afraid of how you'd treat a kid. You're not happy. Why don't you take your own advice and do something about it?- ...Fine. Get out of my house.
were okay! (Official Lyric Video) DeFord 2023-06-04 | Can't face a little bit of heartache.- You never told us you were that miserable.- I couldn't bring myself to admit it. And then I realized I didn't have to.- But you could've. We thought you knew we were willing to change everything.- I know. I'm sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear.- No, we're sorry. We ruined you.- You don't have anything to be sorry for. You didn't know any better.- But that's no excuse. It doesn't mean you're alright.- Maybe not now, but I can feel it coming. The worst is already over.Heretic - Outtake 2Other places you can find this song:Spotify - open.spotify.com/track/4nTBPJpnwwMkIfGbEM6bWB?si=1feb217fca3444fcSoundCloud - soundcloud.com/defordtunes/were-okayBackgrounds retrieved from:- pinterest.com/pin/189010515593810664- 123rf.com/photo_58965789_blue-floral-seamless-hawaiian-background-with-hibiscus-flowers.html- vectorstock.com/royalty-free-vector/floral-seamless-hawaiian-background-with-hibiscus-vector-8227590
Papercut Nightmares (Official Lyric Video) DeFord 2023-01-27 | Just like me it intimidates only the people who don't understand how it works.- Have you ever had a dream that played out to you like a film?- There's no way that's a common thing.- No dramatic irony? No cutting-edge suspense? No musical number at the end that takes you a minute to realize it hasn't been written yet?- You're pulling my leg.- You're missing out.- I don't know, I feel like I'd get really tired of that after a few years, but it does sound good on paper.- It was about killing your mom.- Oh.Heretic - Outtake 1Other places you can find this song:Spotify - open.spotify.com/track/4l5qyUnjBWrLsszThmsZEQ?si=H2YeBse8Qs2GnvF68zYxMgSoundcloud - soundcloud.com/defordtunes/papercut-nightmares
Supermassive Black Hole [Cover Audio] DeFord 2021-10-01 | This is a full from-scratch rework of Muse's "Supermassive Black Hole", the lead single of their legendary 2006 album "Black Holes and Revelations". I made this purely for the sake of enjoyment, and not for profit. If this is still a problem, and if you happen to be Muse's publisher, I could not figure out how to contact you to discuss mechanical licensing. Feel free to reach out to me at defordtunes@gmail.com for inquiries on the matter. You can find the original song here: youtube.com/watch?v=Xsp3_a-PMTwWhile you're here, I implore you to check out my album, Social Crisis: deford.hearnow.com
Villain DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----These streets weren’t made to turn us into noble men.We don’t know how to give up, all we do is try again.Can’t afford to shake the ground, so this is how it stays.Asking nicely won’t work out, so we’ll resort to other ways,and it won’t be fun, but we’ll make a living,climbing to the top,Maybe we’ll die young if we chase the feeling(or live long enough to become the villain.)I can’t explain to you,how good it sounds.I’m not afraid of you,is it the other way around?No shame in getting what you want,by any means.I’ll lead you on, ‘cause myintentions aren’t quite what they seem.We always end up leaving offwhere we beginThis world’s not worth a secondthought, so just give in,‘cause evil always wins.These streets weren’t made by their creator’s pudgy hands.We didn’t mean to pave them (but we paved them just as planned!)Can’t afford to take them back without a little blood.We lost our innocence before they taught us what it was,and it wasn’t fun but at least we’re living,lonely at the topand if we die off, maybe someone different(will live long enough to become the villain!)I hate to break it to you,I’ve already won.if I don’t live forever there willalways be another one!I won’t feel sorry for you if,I crush your dreams.I’d give you back your freedom,but I don’t know what freedom means.There’s no such thing as heroes,but you can play pretend.Stand in my way or join me,that’s just how it ends‘cause evil always wins.-----------------Third track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services.You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
Wayside DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----I can be so hopeless,baby I swear,I’m not listening but I know what you mean.But maybe you’ll regret this,and I could not bear,to watch you lose your grip on everything.‘Cause it can get so pointless,baby I’m scaredyou might think I’ll hold you back from what you need,When it don’t mean nothing.Why should I care?Why spend all that time when love don’t cost a thing?And we can hustle to the wayside,Scrape the bottom if you don’t mindbeing stuck here with me,by the wayside,if we’re falling at the same time,we could hit the ground togethertogetherYou can be so heartless,baby I swear,‘cause you’re so obsessed with who you want to be.Don’t you know you’re perfect,going nowhere,and everything’s alright ‘cause you’ve got me.and I know I’m reckless,I don’t play fair,maybe it could come in handy once or twice.I know it’s unexpected,let it happen,‘Cause it’s really not that much to sacrifice. And we can hustle to the wayside,Digging deeper if you don’t mind,Going under with meby the waysideIf you step around the landslide,then you’ll break my heart forever,forever.You’ve been crying every single night,but you won’t tell me what happened. I guess you’re the queen of overdrive,and I’m the creature of habit.You get stressed there won’t be space for you,I’ve got some room on my mattress. And I’m not strong enough to lift you up,but I can show you where the ground is.If I’m not everything you wanted then I told you to leave,All you do is doubt me.If you’ve got plans then maybe you don't have a future with me.Tell me I mean nothing.Or we could hustle to the wayside,scrape the bottom if you don’t mind,being stuck here with meby the wayside,If we’re running all the red lights,no one in this world could stop us.No one in this world can stop us but ourselves.------------------The ninth track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services.You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
Who I Was DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----Life is like a memory:it’s always based on the past.I miss when you had faith in me,I’m sure two years must have passed you by so fast.They say good things will come to those who wait,and I’ve been counting the hours.Your friends avoid me like the plague.You drive great lengths so you don’t go past my house,but I’d be scared to let you in,all the layers underneath are rotten;Steps you take could break the ground beneath you.If it’s my fault every time,am I walking on eggshells or landmines?How much stretching does it take to reach you?But you don't even know who I am, who I was, it's not your faultI'm slow to learn, you're quick to judge.I followed all your rules,save the ones you made up along the way.It’s not enough to change your mind.And I don’t wanna let you downmore than I have to.but everything is different now, I swear,and I’ve already shown you how.If you can’t put it past you,tell me to my face that you don’t care.And I could tell you everything,but I know it wouldn’t help.These stains are older than you think;blood dries and neither of us can wash it out. Maybe Iask too much and can’t explainwhy I’m worth trusting this time.I’d say I’ve learned a lot from painbut I can’t prove that it’s eating me aliveand you’re sure that underneathall the layers of my skin there’s somethingpatient waiting for a chance to use you.And you can’t stand to share this space;it reminds you of a fool with my face:one who never learned how not to lose you.And now you don’t even know,who I am, who I was, it’s not your fault.This vicious cycle never ends.There’s nothing I can do,but at least I can tell you that I’ve tried.It’s not enough to make amends.I know I’m gonna let you down,no matter what, soI will give it up and face the facts.And I can never show you how,if you don’t look, soI will state my case behind your back,In spite of all that you do,I would never judge you,I would never shut you out.Don’t act like you don't blame me,time’s enough to change me,Nothing’s gonna save me now.I wish I could be someone else,to know for a fact thatI would never let you down again.But maybe I don't need your help.Don't call me back ifyou don't want to ask me how I've been.and I’ll tell you I’m fine,we do this every time,‘cause some things never change.----------------------Fourth track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services. Note: This track is meant to transition seamlessly into the next track, so the ending will feel unresolved. You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
Dangerous DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----I accept it, but it’s got no business right hereNo one wants to hear,my perspective, am I not being clear?(No!)If I must persevere,I expect it, you’d kill to dance on my grave,is it my turn to feeldisrespected, and then told it’s okay?Hating me, blatantly,everyone’s angry andnobody wants to behave.Don’t twist what I say.I’m not afraid, But I don’t like change and I’m starving for comfort.And that’s not okay.I’m not ashamed,I have a right to stay down and take cover.I just wanna say, if I don’t do know what it is then it’s dangerous,I trust nothing beyond what was made for us.If it gets in a two mile radius,God knows what I’ll do.I’m a skeptic, you best defend what you claim.God only knows,I’m an expert, I got licensed today.I guess I’ve got nofurther questions, if you can’t give me the truth.Not much room for change,don’t you test me, and say that I need more proof.Blaming me, shaming meIf I’m so crazy then,why don’t you lock me away?Don’t twist what I say.I’m not afraid, But I don’t like change and I’m starving for comfort.And that’s not okay.I’m not ashamed,I have a right to stay down and take cover.I just wanna say, if I don’t know what it is then it’s dangerous,no description beyond miscellaneous.If it gets in a two mile radius.God knows what I’ll do.I could let you stand up but what’s in it for mewhen you’re right where I want you,down on your knees,words of wisdom my daddy told me If you can’t take the hit there’s no reason to swing,and who says I have topractice what I preach?------------------Eighth track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services.You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
Social Crisis - FULL ALBUM DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.Find the album on your streaming service of choice, including Spotify and Apple Music, at deford.hearnow.comBuy the album in lossless quality (.wav) at deford.bandcamp.com to support releasing it on streaming platforms and in physical form.Add individual songs to your YouTube or SoundCloud playlists at:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisis00:00 - What's Up02:37 - Crossed Out07:27 - Villain10:42 - Who I Was16:59 - Erosion22:31 - Dust26:40 - Kids30:34 - Dangerous34:09 - Wayside37:52 - Dark Alleys
Whats Up DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----What’s up?What’s on your mind?I know the world is out to get us and we’re running out of time to getback up,You say you’re fine,all the tension in your voice would beg to tell me otherwise, but Igive up. When you’re living in a bubble, you won’t let it burst in front of someone else.But I could say the same about myself,‘Cause I would do the same if you said “how ‘bout you?”I’d be a hypocrite to tell you what to do.Can’t break the paradox we got ourselves into.So I’ve got nothing to say.I want to know if you’re at war all in your head,but I’ve been contradicting every word I’ve said.If you don’t care, I’ll keep it to myself instead.And I hope you have a good day.What’s up?Are you okay?I know life’s a social crisis and we’re running out of ways tobreakit up,You say you’re great,like you couldn’t feel the muscles stretching all across your face,but I give up.We’re all living in a prison, and we’re not allowed to count on no one else.We both know we’re weaker by ourselves.But I would do the same if you said “how ‘bout you?”Who gave me any right to tell you what to do?Can’t break the paradox we got ourselves into.So I’ve got nothing to say.We’re wounded soldiers in a war beyond our years,I can’t speak up when I inherit all your fears.What good is friendship if it leaves us both in tears?But we’ll still say we’re okay.Well I hope you have a good day,and I’ll see you around.---------------Opening track to my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com to support its release on streaming services.Closing track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services.You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
Dark Alleys DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----Sing to me, through the phone,take me back to how we felt before we wound up all alone,Learned to breathe, on my own,But I always thought the air would feel so clean.I’ve been thinking ugly things about the roads I didn’t choose,Saying things I didn’t mean and thinking every word was true,Talked to God last night and all he said was “tell me what you’ve done.”Leave these questions on my tongue, likeIf we’re alone why are we unhappy?Who really cares if we don’t know where to gowhen all the roads lead us down dark alleys anyway?Who would’ve thought it would be so empty,to hold our own when our hands can’t hold us up?Nowhere to run, but our legs are broken anyway.Was it me? All my fault?I thought distance was the answer; nothing changed when I ran off,if I bleed in the darkI’ll know no one’s watching when I fall apart.I’ve been waiting all these years, and nothing ever seems to change,Isolation is a paradise that quickly turns to pain.Spoke to God last night and all he did was turn the other away,before I got the chance to sayIf we’re alone why are we unhappy?Who really cares if we don’t know where to gowhen all the roads lead us down dark alleys anyway?Who would’ve thought it would be so empty,to take a stand when our legs can’t stand the weight?Nowhere to start, but our heart stopped beating anyway.I’m making promises that I can’t keep,I thought that I was only six feet deep in the dirt, in the dirt.I’ve always blamed my pain on other things,I chose the silence ‘cause it called my name, but it hurt.If we’re alone why are we unhappy?We could learn how to change, but what’s the use,when every turn leads us down dark alleys anyway?Who would’ve thought it would hurt this badly,to feel the same and be left with no excusewhy we don’t treat the world like it’s our family,why we’ve still been embracing our humanityby turning on our own.Take it back,start again.----------------Closing track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services.You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
Dust DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----I’ll watch the world turn to dust.Before it’s finished I’ll be gone. If there’s still hope left for us,then I don’t have to be the oneto save us from ourselves.I’m not a saint from beyond.I don’t know what prophecies you’ve heard.Already weighed the pros and cons. Everybody wants to save the world.It’s not my job.If I’ve got too much to lose, thenam I wrong?am I wrong?Why should I have to choose betweenthe things that I’m convinced I need andsolving all the problems that I caused?When they don’t mean much to me.When they don’t mean much to me.I’ll pray the world starts to cool.I’ll throw my worries in the sea.I’ll burn my stress up like fuel.It’s not my responsibilityTo lay down all my tools.There was a time when I had hope,but I never got up off the ground.I’ve had enough of your jokes.You’ve got no time to mess around.‘Cause it’s not my job.If I’ve got too much to lose, thenam I wrong?am I wrong?Why should I have to choose betweenthe chance I’ve earned to live my dreams andsaving all the people that I’ve robbed?When they don’t mean much to me.When they don’t mean much to me.-----------------Sixth track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services. Note: This track is meant to transition seamlessly into the next track, so the ending will feel unresolved. You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
Kids DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----Kids these dayswe told you everything we knowwe know you weren'tlistening but we don't want to say it's your faultit's your faultthere isn't much to understandwe would not hearif you cried, we don't see eye to eye or to handand I could give you knowledgebut I'd call youunprepared.You say the world is changing,but you don’t seemto be scared.Don’t you lie to me, turn your back on meI will fight you to the death,Ain’t it funny how, ain’t it tragic how,Someday you’ll be all that’s left?Kids these days,don’t gotta worry ‘bout a thing,we did so muchwith our hands just to meet your demands, so it seemsIt’s a shame,You don’t know how to hold the tools.When we break down,you won’t care to learn how to repair You’re a fool.And I could count the reasons,but I know that you don’t care.You say the world is ending,but you don’t seem to be scared.Don’t you lie to me, don’t talk back to me,I will fight you to the death,ain’t it scary how, so uncanny how,someday there’ll be nothing left?Man we’ve been down a long road,just to find it wasn’t long at all.We don’t want you to waste this,broke our backs so you could have it all.Don’t you act so entitled,you may never learn to be adults.Wake me up when it’s over,until then I’ll pray for good results.I’d help you right your wrongs but, I know you won’ttake the blame.And someday when you’re my age,maybe you mightsay the sameand I could give you knowledgebut I'd call youunprepared.You say the world is changing,but you don’t seemto be scared.Don’t you lie to me, turn your back on meI will fight you to the death,Ain’t it funny how, ain’t it tragic how,Someday you’ll be all that’s left?Someday you’ll be all that’s left.-----------------Seventh track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services.You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
Erosion DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----And I’ve been awake for the longest time,Losing my bets with the walls. I trusted you with what was on my mind.All I could hope was for you to move along and see thatI’ve been afraid for the longest time,that I’d put a hole in your heart,and I’ve run away from it all my life,so you’d never know that I can’t be what you want. I know you lie to me until I turn my back. I should have seen the signs, fine print between the lines,In your burning photos, I saw my face staring back. cut deep like severed ties,harsh winds and colored skies turning grey.Well, until backup arrives,I’ve got no place to hide, or to stay.If you mean it I’llgrab my keys and goYou don’t have to let me know how you feel,You didn’t make me out of stone.But I’d rather just erodethan be a burden to you.‘Cause I thought that yousaid that you’d be proud,I was scared to live out loud, but I didbecause you promised solid ground,but you crumbled at the sound,and let me suffer alone.Leave your bottles by the phone,‘Cause if I can’t feel clean at home,I can love me on my ownterms.And I’ve stayed away for the longest time,Getting to know who I’ve been all along,And I’ve learned that home is a flawed design,If I couldn’t say it’s where I know I belong, ‘cause when Icame crawling back after all this time, I knew that I’d need to claw at your door.You wish that I’d never been born sometimes,I wish that you weren’t afraid to call me yours.I know you’re there for me until I turn my back.I should have seen the signs, fine print between the lines.I’ll be here waiting ‘til you’re ready to attack.Cut deep like severed ties, dark clouds along horizons of grey.Well,No one could hear me cry,I told the empty sky I’m afraid.If you mean it I’llgrab my keys and goYou don’t have to tell me no anymore,You didn’t make me out of stone.But I’d rather just erodethan be a burden to you.‘Cause I thought that yousaid that you’d be proud,I was scared to live out loud, but I didbecause you promised solid ground,but you crumbled at the sound,and let me suffer alone.Leave your bottles by the phone,‘Cause if I can’t feel clean at home,I will love me on my ownterms.You can take away my pride.I don’t need you by my side.I will live my life on myterms.-----------------Fifth track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services. Note: This track is meant to transition seamlessly into the next track, so the ending will feel unresolved. You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
Crossed Out DeFord 2021-06-17 | Humanity's most dangerous enemy is disregard.----LYRICS----I wanna make this sound right ‘cause I care,By that I don’t mean I want to fool you, I justwant to make sure that you understand.But I’m not saying that I think that you won’t,In fact I don’t, but I thinkmaybe it’s a matter of trust.I mean of course I trust you, Maybe I don’t trust myself but that’s alright.I know I’m a mess, I’m doing my best, I’m sorry,I know I won’t get to try again.And by that I mean I don’t want you to have to feel like it’s your job to let me.I didn’t mean that this was your last chance to fix me,not that it’s your responsibility, butI appreciate the things you do.I want to be open with you.I’d tell you everything I think,But God, it’s just so hard to put it into words,Maybe you don’t care at all, but Iwant these words to feel good in my mouth.Not like that, I mean you probably weren’t thinking that, I’msorry that I thought that you might.Why do you think that I still deserve your time?I mean it’s your choice and not mine,I just know if I were youI would’ve given up on me by now for sure.It sounds ungrateful when I word it like that,which I’m not, just so we’re clear,it means the world to me.I know I can’t show you a thing.So call me out.Fill me up with anticipation,making light of the conversation,think out loud. Can we pretend like it never happened?Can we change how your friends reacted?Going south,Who am I to expect forgiveness,When I know that it’s not your business?Let you down.Clearly I’ve got a lot to work on,really I’d rather be at square onethan be left out.I want to make this sound right for the books.I’m not expecting you to read me, I justwant to give this page another look.I’m not suggesting that you don’t know a thing,‘cause you do,you’ve been through it with me most of the time,you know of course I need you,I mean I’m not saying you don’t have a choice. I know I’m a wreck, you’re all I have left, I’m sorryI don’t want to force you into this.And by that I mean I don’t want you to have to feel like it’s your job to help me.I didn’t mean to say that you don't really get me.not that it’s your responsibility, butwhat you’ve done is keeping me alive.And if I get to survive,I’ll tell you everything I think,But God, it’s just so hard to cut it down to size.Maybe it’s double-crossed my mind,if you don’t mind,I’ll tell you why I wanna get somewhere.I know it’s only in my head.So hear me out.I could butcher the explanation,blame it all on the constellations,but I’m not proud.I’m ashamed of my inhibitions,I’m a fool, I make bad decisionsfull of doubts.Who am I to expect forgiveness?Say no rest for the sacrilegious! Break me down.Maybe I’ve got a lot to work on,really I’d rather be at square onethan be left out.If my words can’t explain my vision,I would much rather be rewrittenthan be crossed out.--------------Second track of my album Social Crisis. Buy it on Bandcamp at deford.bandcamp.com in lossless quality (.wav) to support its distribution on streaming services.You can listen to the full album, transitions included, here:youtu.be/dNuSVnhinG8Add these songs to your SoundCloud playlist here:soundcloud.com/defordtunes/sets/social-crisisI'll be posting updates about my future musical endeavors as well as covers and memes on Twitter, which you can find here:twitter.com/defordtunesThank you so much!
