flatsound
flatsound | you said okay
updated
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hello! billie and i now have a video podcast. is that... cool? i hope so. please go subscribe to the channel!
open.spotify.com/album/3ji1UfbjrBIxcGAdJ4BDOr?si=RVGBr5NSTc61EJOJ4vAB8A
this beautiful little music video was made in collaboration with Alison
colectivoalison.com
wait inside
it lasts forever
things are nice
but i still feel it all the time
intertwined
atop a mattress
in the night
my clothing feels like plastic
a different life
do you believe in magic
hold me tight
i close my eyes
you’re laced in black
and hurt the sky
the ways that i would justify
the empty head and vacant eyes
but never mind
you’re walking around
with your hand on a knife
it’s all coming out
you wanted to die
i’m holding the towel
you’re gonna be fine
he’s calling them now
let’s go on a drive
let's go on a drive
i heard her say,
"when i go away
does it go away?"
you shouldn't start
i know who you are
when you're behind his back
you take it too far
but you say
we'll all reach a point
where we get too tired
and it all just goes away
and i wanted to
be here next to you
when our bodies all decay
set it off
go ahead and set it off
like a time bomb
or something we can't stop
i just wake up
like i'm supposed to
its been six months
since i got to hold you
i just want to
chase the money
buy a big house
out of nothing
i will be there
i will protect you
i'll do my taxes
i'll do what i'm meant to
for you
i'll do it for you
it's been a year now
since i got to hold you
i start to find comfort
in patterns we go through
i still get to watch you
and everything you do
it all feels familiar
like back when i knew you
i don't know what to do
but i've been thinking of you
i'm so confused
i've just been thinking of you
i'll wait for the news
while i'm just thinking of you
don't know what to do
i've just been thinking of you
there's a monster waiting at the door
leaving scattered organs on the porch
see a silhouette of a certain ghost
what goes on inside when the curtains close
do you dance alone
choose the mantra that you think you'll need
measure passing time by the falling leaves
back when we were kids we used to believe
one of us would make it on tv
but it couldn't be me
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it's crazy, isn't it?
how much they call you crazy
and it may be figurative
it's just they called my mother crazy
it just rolls off the tongue
and you swear that you don't even mean it as an insult
but you can go where you want
and i can't
it's got to the point
where i'm not destroyed
at least not quite like i used to be
it hits me in waves
and it spits in my face
and i say, "thank you" and go back to sleep
and you ask me how i always do that
i said, "i guess i've always had the practice"
but if i can only go and do that
without placing my body on the mattress
post-modern art
kaiser hospital parking lot
rose, corner shot
on a tv that no one saw
and you ask me how i always do that
i said, "i guess i've always had the practice"
but if i can only go and do that
without placing my body on the mattress
it would change my life
it would change my life
favorite life
is there something want, dear?
making strides
but i don't belong here
help me help me
help me help me
help me help me
why doesn't it help me?
i've been having such a fucked up dream
where you bite your tongue off sitting next to me
and my body's frozen like a figurine
and you say, "did you even notice that i began to bleed?"
and it all goes out of focus and i hear you start to scream
help me help me
help me help me
help me help me
god, wont you help me?
help me help me
help me help me
help me help me
you promised you'd help me
go ahead and work with your hands
form the calluses that harden them
and start molding something new out of clay
and in the dead of night it'll take a shape
just don't call me indescribable
because it makes me uncomfortable
i just wanted for you to find your way
without me
could you do it without me
because you want something i can't be
so promise me you'll work on yourself
don't waste all that love on someone else
because there's always something new in the way
sometimes i make a friend
just to make mistakes
so don't call me indescribable
because it makes me uncomfortable
i just wanted for you to find your way
and i've always had this fear that i'm
not real enough to be described
so i'm learning to adapt to everything
but i don't know if you want to
fall in love with a costume
i guess there's nothing to stop you
because doesn't it all go back to the way it has to
it always gives you a chance to run before it attacks you
so show me what you made with your hands
i treat the memory like contraband
and keep it in a dark hidden cave
but eventually it wants to see the day
that’s why i'm welcoming a wandering eye
it's the assurance that you'll be alright
if i wake up one day and decide
that the distance is more like a dimming light
because everything is just a compromise
between the out of touch and the stuck inside
and i'm stuck inside
but doesn't it all go back to the way it has to
it always gave you a chance to run when it didn't have to
please be the one that i saw in my dreams
turn an open field to my favorite thing
but i don’t know why the night’s so cold
i was closing both eyes in the dark
and i’m singing ‘la da da’
i don’t know where home is anymore
so i’m singing ‘la da da’
the vultures have clawed my eyes and picked my bones
i’m singing ‘la da da’
it feels like i’m made of blood and spit and rain
i’m singing ‘la da da’
i promise i’ll find you the second i feel okay
do you find it so much harder than me
to sit and watch me get eaten alive
by the thoughts that wake me in my sleep
on the nights that i feel everything
but i swear that i’m well aware
how i take curses and make them prayers
we’ll pretend that i wasn’t scared if you want to
i swear that i’m well aware
how i take curses and make them prayers
there’s a monster under the stairs
i think it wants you
i see it watch you
every time you walk through
now it’s black
and you’re in love with broken teeth
and every broken part of me
when it’s dark i feel warm beneath the sheets
i guess that’s why i couldn’t leave
but i swear that i’m well aware
how i take curses and make them prayers
we’ll pretend that i wasn’t scared if you want to
i swear that i’m well aware
how i take curses and make them prayers
there’s a monster under the stairs
don’t let it haunt you
because it’ll haunt you
when i think that i’m under fire
it feels like i’m underwater
i know that i must look tired
i hope i can meet your father
it feels like i’m under fire
i swear that i’m underwater
why does everything make me tired
i hope i can meet your father
tell me what to do
when i get home all
scratched and bruised
i'm licking all my wounds
anything to heal them soon
and i think
when i taste blood
inside my mouth
i feel alive
i feel alive
daylight, nighttime
what's the difference now
it all blurs into colors
and words i can't pronounce
i want to take a different route
but i don't know how
brace yourself under mistletoe
shaking hands underneath the snow
i hate myself for picking up the phone
i don't think you're ever coming home
remember the fruit of the past
i do not like to
i'm killing the tree that you left
i don't think i'm like you
your ashes arrived
and i don't think that i'm ready
i wasn't expecting them to be heavy
walk around the house
talking to daddy
talking to you like you're still here
i hate myself for picking up the phone
at least you could have died while you were home
remember the fruit of the past
i do not like to
i'm killing the tree that you left
i don't think i'm like you
show me beauty
do it loosely
feed it to me
whats your favorite movie?
coors light
candle wax
long drive
need a nap
wrestle in the backyard
nestled in your strong arms
i won’t eat today
i only have myself to blame
good dreams
every night
every night
every night
maple
in my eyes
in my eyes
in my eyes
carving through me
rustle through leaves
sugar pack sweet
it's anthropy
it's crazy
what you’re thinking
i just know it
listerine drip
laugh a lot
laugh a lot
dancing on
dancing on
the lawn
good dreams
every night
every night
every night
maple
in my eyes
in my eyes
in my eyes
good dreams
every night
every night
every night
angel
in my eyes
in my eyes
in my eyes
i can barely handle the thought
of me inside of a restaurant
with everyone watching me
lay in bed and play with my arms
i've been doing some pull ups
on a branch in my backyard
and the neighbors are watching me
it feels like everyone's watching
why is everyone watching me
walk in the night
see a light
dinnertime
i don't care
talk to a friend
on the phone every night
it's the same thing every time
i don't care
barely moving
hardly doing
anything at all
i don't care
barely moving
strangely soothing
i know you need more
passing time
terrified
suddenly i'm fine
i don't care
perfect mind
very shy
you’re everything i like
searing white
blinding light
in the sky and still
i don't care
think about
something else
just rest
i guess
every second i feel shame
everybody goes through pain
wishing wishing wishing for
someone else’s face
gas station eagle hat
basement dark basement rats
god its sad
god its sad
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
i’m afraid of losing my hair
i’m afraid of having nothing
i guess anything is something
anything is something
fall asleep at the movies
i've learned what my joy is
bus ride going smoothly
familiar voices
regrettable choices
i'm afraid of losing myself
when i've already lost so much
i'm trying to be normal
like i was before this
fall asleep at a friends house
wake me up for the sunrise
everything is perfect
tombstone in his bedroom
stay up late on thursday
and calling dad to get you
he's coming to get you
he's coming to get you
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
holiest water
a drink beside the cup
or maybe you couldn't keep up
water the garden so
the plants don't die
where'd you go
i don't know
all that's left
are your bones
we waste away
everyday
i can't wait
to take you home
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
share the most peaceful parts with me
with the beads in my hands
i just hope there's not
an eternity without you
you have always been here
i don't think i belong
the thought that i'll get to hold you
i'd worship any god
you have always been here
i don't think i belong
the thought that i'll get to hold you
i'd worship any god
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
savor your food as it goes down
green grass in front of courthouse
gives me a specific feeling
it's more than i can deal with
i wanna become a version
of myself that doesn't regret
everything i do
everything i do
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
had a dream
my brother tried
to stab out my eyes
i took the knife
we both cried
control yourself
i cannot help myself
i cannot help myself
light under the floor
see you at the door
don’t open it
can’t tell you where I’ve been
die soon
i just might
been alive for a long time
been alive and i love life
alright
hold me like a baby
lately
been feeling unholy
x2
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
i remember
when i didn't lash out in a temper
i guess it's the pressure
or the fear that the pain lasts forever
it was so easy
and care free
now it haunts me
it's dark and it's empty
i can't see
whats in front of me
because it shimmers
and it goes away
it shimmers
then it goes away
you're like a modern day queen
and i'm just a head full of bad dreams
tonight i'm wondering why i'm still alone
i'm afraid of my cellphone
i know that everybody wants to help me
and they want to know if this is helping
but i can't say
because it shimmers
and it goes away
the light always dwindles
it doesn't stay
you said lets wait until we're both thirty five
i don't see our parents alive
our bodies are velcro
i'm afraid of my cellphone
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
i wanna be a pop star
but i don’t have the voice for that
i wanna be a pop star
but i think i missed my chance
i wanna be a pop star
but i don’t like attention
i wanna be a pop star
but i don’t like to be looked at
i wanna be a pop star
but i work a day job
i wanna have a family
i wanna have a backyard
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
lets play a game
where you guess how i've been
and you get no hints from me
no tragedy
only pictures of my hips
in the dark i'm not very smart
i've been falling over a lot
i think i'm falling apart
i need you
i need you more than i want to
i want to wait for springtime
been sick for so long
it feels like a lifetime
i don't like my body
i know you like my body
sometimes i see my body
and it scares me
in the coming months
i will do my best
not to waste away
so when i step on scales
like they're broken glass
it's to make a change
i need you
i need you more than you need me
it's freeing to admit that
i admit that i hate myself more
when you're not here
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
be nice to yourself
be nice to yourself
be nice to yourself
i'm worried about you
i’m worried about you
soap in my mouth
wash it all out
pass by your house
lights are all out
i’m worried about you
locks of hair
in a parking lot
dripping snot
i’m worried about you
getting everything i wanted
constantly sick to my stomach
i'm covered in blood
i think i got cut
i'm worried about you
i'm worried about you
i'm worried about you
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
bring me a warm washcloth
bring me a painkiller
and ill give everything to you
forever
i wish i was stronger
i wish i was an adult
like my dad
like everyone on tv
like everyone that i see
that just seem so normal
that just bite the bullet
i know that i can do it
but i don’t know how
i’lll do it for franklin
i’ll do it for buttercup
i just hope i do enough
it’s fine
it’s fine
it’s fine
i’ve got a whole life
i cannot stress time
it’s always the best time
right now
right now
right now
think about where i could be
and yes i do feel lucky
think about library
and how i need to study
cause i don’t know enough
no i don’t know enough
no i don’t know enough
enough
enough
enough
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
carry around my body like a host
stumble around while walking back and forth
i don't know where i am
i don't know where this is
there's something about the distance
it's cryptic
so i don't think i'll go very far
i can't make it where you are so
i'll stay home and i'll do anything
i stay home to get it away from me
get it away from me
this feels like a dream
i don't think i'll go very far
i don't think i'll go out at all
i'll stay home and i'll do anything
i'll stay home to keep it away from me
keep it away from me
this feels like a dream
with just you and me
open.spotify.com/album/4oOxSVKaJLUtqzdghsUyTt?si=YTXM9I5oRsqu1fwJPOg2Tg
everybody wants to be here
everybody wants to try
to fix the worlds most broken person
born the worst day of july
you couldn't hold me closer could you
even if you wanted to
so i'll leave you there beneath the fabric
and make my way out of the room
and i'll try and be as quiet as i can
so you don't know that i've left you
in search of something i don't understand
but i can hear it
it goes do do do
i wanted to be alone
and to be left alone
i wanted to be alone
but then it comes back
i wanted to be alone
and to be left alone
it waits until i'm alone
and then it comes back
i can't help it
so baby don't you want to be here
don't you want to be with me
i'll move the earth to someplace quiet
so you don't have to hear the ring
that echos through my broken body
every night i hear it
it goes do do do
do you like me?
i don't