Name: Interested in the work of a death doula? @GoingwithGrace
Uploaded: 2026-09-22T08:17:00-05:00
Duration: 8 min 17 s
Description: Interested in the work of a death doula?

Interested in the work of a death doula?

Going with Grace 2026-09-22 | Interested in the work of a death doula?

Tattoos

Going with Grace 2022-07-28 | I recently got a new tattoo! And the entire time the needles were doing their thing into my skin all I could think about is that one day when I’m dead and this body is placed in a hot pink and orange raw silk shroud no more than 3 and a half feet underground, so I can decompose naturally in a green burial, is that this tattoo is still going to be there. It was like an hour-long death meditation!

This tattoo now serves as a memento mori—every time I look at it I remember that I’m going to die. People get actual memento mori tattoos of skulls and crossbones and some people get memorial tattoos to remind them of someone who has died in a grief ritual. Some folks preserve the tattoos of their loved ones and others get cremains mixed in with the ink. And now that this tattoo is healing I am thinking about the cycles of birth and death watching the old skin fall off and new skin come back—birth and death.

Maybe it's the death doula in me—maybe it's the maybelline—who’s to say? 🤷🏿‍♀️💀

What unintentional memento mori have you created for yourself?

Shout out to the GwG End of Life Training tattoo artist grads!! Looking at you Kit and Julz! If I missed you, holler.

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 🙏🏿⏳💜

~~~ For death doula training, visit http://goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
Apply for the End of Life Training Program today at goingwithgrace.com/application

Bodily Autonomy

Going with Grace 2022-07-07 | It has been a couple of weeks since the Roe v. Wade decision was overturned and I’m still mad, and angry, and upset—and yes, I still haven’t done my eyebrows in PROTEST!! Bodily autonomy.

Of the many things that bother me, frustrate me, and break my heart, are that as a death doula it is my highest call to support the individual’s right to self-determine and choose what it is that THEY want in THEIR death because THEIR death is about THEM. Not about me. Not about you. Not about anybody else. But about them and what they choose. The decisions about what they want to be done in their death should also naturally extend into their lives and when that gets eroded NOTHING is sacred anymore.

I am sad.
I pray, I hope, I wish.
And I will continue to fight. So that we all will be able to do what it is that we want to do with these bodies while we have them.

Obvs so much more to say but we’ve only got 60 seconds. Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 🙏🏿⏳💜

For death doula training, visit http://goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
Apply for the End of Life Training Program today at goingwithgrace.com/application

Song Lyrics

Going with Grace 2022-06-14 | Let’s play a little game where you finish the song lyric…Kiss From A Rose. 1994. Seal.

I’m going to sing it, excuse my voice. I’m not a singer, I’m a death doula—but I am in the bathroom for extra acoustics so here we go!“I’ve been kissed by a rose on the __________?”

If you said grave, G-R-A-V-E… EHHHH WRONG! If you guessed grey, G-R-E-Y…that is correct. What? What!?

All along I’ve been so grateful to Seal for pumping some extra death positivity into the world, talking about how we are going to love our loved ones who have died and we are going to be kissing graves. That is not what that man is talking about! Now I don’t know what he is talking about but it isn’t death.

Maybe it was the 16 year old budding death doula in me that heard grave or maybe I just can’t hear song lyrics but did you know? And if you did why didn’t you tell the rest of us? 🤷🏿‍♀️🫣

Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about this song. And thank you Seal for NOTHING! Just kidding, it still bangs. ⏳💜🙏🏿

For death doula training, visit http://goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
Apply for the End of Life Training Program today at goingwithgrace.com/application

Being Tired

Going with Grace 2022-05-19 | Y’all I’m tired. Are you tired? I AM TIRED.

And yet, somehow, here we are. Still living. Still alive. For now.

When I feel like this I just let myself BE tired because I’m not take a nap tired. I slept 9 hours last night and I’m still tired. I am Black woman tired. I am events in the world tired. I’m over it tired. And yet, still here.

Right now I’m focusing my attention on things that make me joyful to still be here. Like how fast these hummingbirds in this garden flap their wings. And these ridiculous platform yellow crocs that I’ve got on…I’m not going to show you because I’m too embarrassed. And also, how deliciously beautiful and rich the skin I live in is. Until I meet my big rest. Death.

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. ⏳💜✨

For death doula training, visit http://goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
Apply for the End of Life Training Program today at goingwithgrace.com/application

The Queens Death

Going with Grace 2022-04-21 | Y’all this is going to sound messed up but bear with me for a second. I think a lot, a lot, A LOT about the Queen of England’s EVENTUAL death (thanks dad for the edit). Not because of the rape and pillage and pain and suffering the institution has carried out over centuries, but rather because as a Death Doula and end of life planner it excites me to no end how detailed the instructions are for her death.

There are manuals down to the color of the shoes that the people who carry her body will wear and what the tv presenters will wear. There’s a whole manual on how the royal line of succession is going to change and the order that the public will find out about her death. There are obituaries already written, and code words about how her body will be displayed. The DJ’s got to play a playlist! I would love it if the DJ played Drop It Like It’s Hot when I die because this body dropped it like it’s hot. Yes?? Yes!! 🔥💃🏿

If we are going to learn anything from the royal family, let it be the invitation to make your end of life plans as detailed as possible.

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💀⏳💜

For death doula training, visit http://goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
Apply for the End of Life Training Program today at goingwithgrace.com/application

EVOLVE: Develop and Advance Your Death Care Business (Self-Study) now enrolling!

Going with Grace 2022-03-21 | If you are ready to EVOLVE your death care passion into a thriving profitable business, this comprehensive 6-week self-study mentorship course is for you! During this course, you will be given step-by-step guides to put what you learn into practice to begin, grow, or evolve your Death Doula Business. goingwithgracecourses.com/courses/evolve-develop-and-advance-your-death-doula-business-selfstudy

Each week you will receive instruction, assignments, and video mentorship from Alua Arthur and the Going with Grace team!
✨Week 1: Setting Your Foundation
✨Week 2: Developing Your Structure
✨Week 3: Defining Your Mission
✨Week 4: Practical Aspects of Business
✨Week 5: Marketing Your Business
✨Week 6: The Future of Your Business

Hear what past EVOLVE students are saying about the program:

"EVOLVE helped me to hit the ground running with my Death Doula business. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with how to start your business, and need some support, I highly recommend this class."

"I highly recommend the EVOLVE Course at Going with Grace. It helped me to create my death doula business from the bottom up. Alua is a wonderful instructor, and she made the course fun and accessible."

"I didn't expect a business course to be so all-encompassing! I feel that I became a better entrepreneur but also, and maybe more importantly, more in touch with my sense of purpose. Enrolling in this course was the best choice I could've made as an aspiring doula."

"This course is amazing! I highly recommend taking this course especially if you are trying to create or improve your death doula business. Alua is an insightful instructor, and provides helpful advice, guidance, and support."

Enroll Today - goingwithgracecourses.com/courses/evolve-develop-and-advance-your-death-doula-business-selfstudy

Mortal Course with Caitlin Doughty and Alua Arthur

Going with Grace 2022-01-12 | If you fear death– your own or someone else’s– you’re not alone. Your fears may be preventing you from being present in your life.

With our combined 20 years of work in death and dying, we created Mortal to help you excavate and face those fears. The goal here isn’t to fully banish your fear of death (no one has that power, alas). The goal is to make you aware of where your fears are coming from, and provide you with tools to bravely examine and reduce the fears when they do arise.

Alua Arthur is a death doula, recovering attorney, and the founder of Going with Grace, an end-of-life-planning and death doula training organization supporting people and marginalized communities as they answer the question, “What must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully?” Alua has been featured in the LA Times, Vogue, Refinery29, The Doctors, The New Yorker, and InStyle. She is inspired by the gift of LIFE itself and donuts!

Caitlin Doughty is a mortician, funeral home owner, and advocate for a better relationship with death. She founded the Order of the Good Death, a nonprofit and the home of the death positive movement. She has written three books about death, and her webseries, Ask a Mortician, has been viewed over 150 million times. As a nationally recognized expert, she has revived traditions that empower people to be more involved in their experience with death.

Learn more about the Mortal Course at mortalcourse.com

Dying Things Exercise

Going with Grace 2022-01-11 | Let's play a little game! I love a game. 🤸🏿‍♀️👏🏿✨

First, you're going to stop scrolling after you finish watching this video…I know that's a tall order. 🤷🏿‍♀️Then you're going to take a very intentional look around your space, and you're going to count the number of dead or dying things that you can see.

If you're outside it's probably easier than if you're inside, but it's still totally doable when you're inside. That piece of paper you're seeing used to be a tree. Your cotton pajamas used to be a cotton plant. Maybe you have actual house plants or you can go look in the fridge and see if there's anything rotting because we ALLL got old vegetables up in there. Don't forget things like your hair’s dead ends. And also don't forget to count your own body! YESSS, your own body. 💃🏿

Come back, let us know how many you found. The winner wins a better relationship with their mortality and the cyclical nature of things. I know you're probably expecting a cupcake, but this is much much, much better. Okay, GO!

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 🙏🏿💀⏳
For death doula training, visit http://goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit http://goingwithgrace.com/services

What bodies do

Going with Grace 2022-01-11 | I am a Death Doula and I am sick.

At first, when I got sick I thought for sure it was the you know what, but it’s not. And as I was waiting for my results I thought for a moment oh my god, what have I done to deserve this? Truth is, I have been up in every single street (and that is not an exaggeration😅) But then I remembered EVEN THOUGH I’ve been up in every single street, it is a disease. And nobody does anything to deserve it.

There are people who are triple vaxxed, double boosted, double dipped, AND stay inside and are still getting sick. They’ve done nothing to deserve it.
We do this to people though. When you’ve got lung cancer - well, you shouldn’t smoke. When someone dies from heart disease - well, they shouldn’t have been so fat. They shouldn’t eat fat or they shouldn’t even look at fat!! WELL FRIENDS, this is what bodies do.

They get disease. And they don’t recover from disease sometimes. And they die. And there’s no fault to the person who got sick. It is what bodies do. Let’s try to remember that during this season, okay? (And let’s also remember that the comment section on this post isn’t a discussion forum for your pandemic opinions or a place to judge the experiences of others 🙃)

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it! 🙏🏿💜⏳
For death doula training, visit http://goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit http://goingwithgrace.com/services

Death Doula Training Program

Going with Grace 2021-11-17 | So you want to be a death doula? Find out about Going with Grace's End of Life Training program in this video! Visit goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails for more information or apply today at http://goingwithgrace.com/application-apply/.

Video by Julian Milo at Hypodermic Productions

Apologies

Going with Grace 2021-09-14 | I just made a few major apologies this week, and let me tell you what, I feel like I'm walking on air. It is death prep at its core, but it also feels pretty good for life. I mean, who knew that preparing for death would make you feel better about living? 🙃

One of the key tasks for the living to do to prepare ourselves for grace in our dying is to reconcile our relationships. Take stock of them. Say I love you, and thank you, and take responsibility for when you were a shit. And then apologize for when you were a shit.

The reality is that I probably won't be laying on my death bed, thinking about how terrible I was to my dentist's office, but I might think about how I was not showing up for that man that I love so I say, I'm sorry. A lot of us seem to think that deathbed apologies are a major thing. But the reality is, there's not much energy, there's not much communication, and people are drifting in and out of consciousness. Is that the time you want to be like "Hey, remember that thing that I did that one time?" Nah! May as well get to it now. And who knows, you might also end up feeling like you're walking on air? 🤸🏿‍♀️✨

Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💜🙏🏿⏳

For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

Everybody Gets a Death Doula!

Going with Grace 2021-08-09 | The Going with Grace End of Life Training team is not going to like this one but it's my truth so sorry please forgive me. 🤷🏿‍♀️ I want the Going with Grace End of Life Training Program to go out of business because we have run out of students.

Why? Because it would mean everybody in society, has functional death literacy training.

Most of us are going to serve as a Death Doula for somebody in our lives. We live in community, we have parents, and uncles, and aunts, and kids, and friends, and neighbors. How cool would it be if we all lived in a relationship with our mortality? If we properly prepared ourselves and those we love for the end. If we knew the practical aspects of being with the dying, and we could hold space for people in their most tender, intimate, and vulnerable moments. That's the type of society I want to live in! ✨🤸🏿‍♀️

Since it doesn't do a good enough job already, a bunch of us got together and made the End of Life Training Program for those that want to learn how to do it. But eventually, everybody should do it because… you get a Death Doula and you get a Death Doula and EVERYBODY gets a Death Doula! Don't you want to live in that society? 💀🎉

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💜⏳🙏🏿

For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

Worm Food

Going with Grace 2021-07-27 | It's summertime! Do you know what that means?
Beach bodies! ☀️

And do you know what that means? Other than the very obvious bodies that go to the beach.
Cellulite! 🍑

And do you know what that means? Other than the equally as obvious little pockets of fat that sit beneath our skin that dimple it and causes SO MUCH agony while we live in these human bodies because of society's unreasonable beauty standards?
Worm food! 🪱

Yes, worm food - bare with me for just a moment.

If all goes according to plan and my loved ones put this very bodacious body in a hot pink and orange raw silk shroud no more than three and a half feet underground in a natural burial so that the worms and critters can get to it to help it decompose, all of this jelly is about to be a feast for those worms. Now how serious can something be if one day it's just going to turn into worm food? Might as well eat another donut to give them something to look forward to. Hope they're ready for all this jelly! 🍩🤸🏿‍♀️

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💜⏳🙏🏿

For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

Killin Some Time

Going with Grace 2021-06-21 | You ever find yourself trying to kill some time? 💀If there was ever a time, I was trying to kill some time, it would be now. I'm 11 days into a mandatory 14-day hotel quarantine in Australia. It is so strict that if I were to try to exit through the door I'd get arrested and the windows don't even open for some fresh air. Whew! 😅

When I first got here, I asked myself, "What am I going to do with all of this time?" Then I remembered that I'm a Death Doula and I spend time with people at the end of life where almost always they wish they had more time. So what am I doing? I'm young, healthy, and vital trying to kill off this precious, valuable resource of time that I've got. Instead, maybe I can look at how I'm using it.

I've been exercising, having long, luscious conversations with people that I love, reading, writing, and looking forward to my meals because #FOOOOOD. 🙌🏿🤸🏿‍♀️Since we've got a finite amount of time, the question is, how we are choosing to use it? Next time you find yourself trying to kill it off think about that instead. Maybe you won't be trying to tack it onto the end of your life.

Thank you for giving me a minute of your TIME to think about the end of it. 💜🙏🏿⏳

For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails

For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

My 43rd birthday

Going with Grace 2021-06-09 | It's my 43rd birthday and the sun has just gone down here in Puerto Rico where I am with ten of my very best friends, doing a beautiful celebration and retrospective thinking about when I was 5, then 12, and 17, 24, and 31, and 35. And I don't even remember what happened to those years. But this birthday is also particularly poignant, because my brother-in-law, Peter Saint John died when he was 43 as well.

I keep thinking about my life through the lens of his. If this were it for my life am I pleased with who I've become? With what I've said and what I've done?

After careful contemplation, I believe the answer is a resounding yes. I still have a few apologies to make. To myself for ever living out of my authenticity and to others for when my darkness bleeds over onto them. But overall, I'm grateful that people continue to give me grace, and that you continue to give me grace, and that you continue to give me all these minutes out of your life, to think about the end of it, and the end of mine! Happy birthday to me! 🙏🏿⏳✨💜

For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

How are you with endings?

Going with Grace 2021-05-04 | I'm on the beach in Mexico after a week, relaxing and regulating my nervous system. I am getting myself good and grounded for whatever it is that may come. We only have a few minutes left here in Mexico and I keep finding myself saying, "I guess all good things must come to an end."

But in reality, ALL things come to an end whether they are good or bad. This thought got me wondering how I am when bad things come to an end. Do I just rejoice and move on or do I spend time integrating?
How are you when good things come to an end? What about when bad things come to an end?

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💜🙏🏿⏳

For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

Letting Go

Going with Grace 2021-03-22 | As a Death Doula it is my role to support and empower the dying person and the circle of support through the process. For purposes of this video, I'm calling the dying person the dying and people that love them the living, although we're all dying all the time just so we're clear.
I often see that the circle of support, the living, say to the dying, "It's okay, you can let go." But in reality the dying person HAS to let go. There is no bargaining with death when time comes. It could be really useful for the living to hear, "It's okay you can let go of the dying." Because sometimes that is what is prolonging it. We refuse to let go and we hold on so tight. Whereas the letting-go of somebody that you love is the hardest thing to do while you are still living.

Has this been your experience?

Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💜⏳✨

For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

Glasses

Going with Grace 2021-03-22 | I'll bet you've never seen me in these before. How do I know that? Because I never wear them. 🤓

No, they're not new, and no I don't wear contacts. And yes, I can't see very well without them, but I'm in complete resistance to the fact that I have to put something on my face or in my eyes to make my eyes work like they used to. Of all the things that come along with aging this is the hardest one for me. Not the saggy boobs, or the knees that sound like I'm opening a bag of chips when I move, but my eyes deteriorating.

Don't get me wrong, I feel like I still see what it is that I need to see sooooo 🤷🏿‍♀️And before you tell me that I should wear them because blah blah blah blah blah I'm not going to. I'm in resistance, that’s what it means.

Is there any part of the aging process that you are in the resistance to? And thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it and you are never going to see these again. 💜⏳✨

For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

Immortal Jellyfish

Going with Grace 2021-03-03 | I need your help. I'm trying to figure out what on this spinning blue ball in space is permanent, if anything at all. I'm not talking about theoretical things like music and art and my undying love for @beyonce and french fries👸🏿🍟I'm talking about real things.

So far, I have styrofoam and the Immortal Jellyfish. If you're not familiar with them, they are a species that lives in the ocean that have the capacity to revert back to an earlier stage of life when the body starts to show signs of disrepair or aging. That's cool for them but you CANNOT pay me to go back to 15, even though these knees are screaming at me at 42.

The Immortal Jellyfish can still die, either by being eaten by predators or the reversion doesn't happen flawlessly, and they age and die, like EVERYTHING…like me…like you. 💀🤸🏿‍♀️So that leaves us with styrofoam, right? Help a sista out, leave a comment if you can think of something else.

Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💜⏳🙏🏿

~~~
For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

Expand Your Toolbox

Going with Grace 2021-02-22 | As Death Doulas it's our job to support people in having the best possible death for themselves under the circumstances. Societally we tend to think very grandiose about this like go to the Louvre and die in front of our favorite painting, but sometimes it comes down to something very simple, like having somebody matching your breathing as it slows down at the end of your life.

What if all Death Doulas were well versed in things like breath work or using Flower Essences also known as Death Medicines? What if we were able to use recipes with Essential Oils or know Music Thanatology? Or learn energy work like appropriately clearing our energy and working with the energy in the room? Or something like Psychedelics when it becomes available.

There are a lot of opportunities for creating the best possible death that don't always look like the BIG things, but rather they could be very, very, very simple. What are the simple elements of the best possible death for you?

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.💜🙏🏿⏳

~~~
Are you searching for ways to expand your skills in end of life care? I am excited to announce that I have teamed up with six leaders in the deathcare community to create an introductory course to support you. ✨Expand Your Toolbox: Intro to Holistic Modalities in End of Life Care is a 6-module, self-study online course, for anyone looking to build additional end of life skills or is curious about the ways we support those who are dying. I hope you will join!

goingwithgracecourses.com/courses/expand-your-toolbox

Forgiving Death

Going with Grace 2021-02-18 | What if we forgave death? We talk a lot about forgiveness in end of life, but often it is forgiveness of the other or forgiveness of self. But what if we forgave death itself?

Societally we think of death as that thing that comes to snatch away people that we love and cut our own lives short. We make death the enemy, rather than being with our incredible inadequacy in its face. If there were any enemy it would be our feelings of powerlessness that come with no control and our discomfort with the unknown and the mystery of it all. But rather than make that the enemy maybe we can just sit with those feelings, see what they have to teach us, and in doing so perhaps we could welcome death as just a natural part of life. The thing that makes this whole ride of life so magical to begin with! 🙌🏿✨🤸🏿‍♀️

Do you think you could forgive death? Would you invite it in, maybe give it a cookie? Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💜⏳🙏🏿
~~~
For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

The Mundane

Going with Grace 2021-02-10 | Yesterday, I was running all of my errands - grocery shopping, bills, laundry, dishes (BLEHH!) And while I was doing the dishes I was daydreaming about a very recent time when I was slow dancing and watching the sun go down on the beach and felt so alive, feeling like YESS THIS IS IT!

Dishes are not so much it, but while I was doing them a quote from a story in Buddhism popped in my head and it goes like this, "Alas! The living are few, but the dead are many." Whoa.

Out of all hundred and something billion people that have lived and died, only 7 billion are currently living. Which means living is the short part. Living is the interesting part. Living is the rare part. Grocery shopping and bills, while kind of mundane, are the juicy part!

The only other option is to be dead, which is coming anyways so we may as well make it as juicy as possible while we're here. (Even while we are going through our sock drawer, ugghhhh.)

Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.

~~~
For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

Ageism

Going with Grace 2021-02-02 | I have a request to make of you and I'm going to ask nicely even though I don't feel nicely about it.

Please stop minimizing the deaths of our elders. ✨👵🏿👴🏾

Ageism is rampant in death care and in grief. This is what it sounds like in grief in particular... At least she lived a long, full life. AND you got to spend 95 good years with her, and your grandma lived to see ALLLLL of this. Whereas, when a young person dies we say their lives were cut tragically short, and she had her whole life ahead of her and it's out of the natural order of things.

Here is something that's not really popular - death is a part of the natural order of things no matter how old somebody is. I know it's not nice, but it's true.

When we say things like she lived a long full life, we end up minimizing the experience of grief for the person who is grieving somebody who died, because it makes it sound like they can't be sad because the person was old. So stop doing that shit okay!?

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💜🙏🏿⏳

~~~
For Death Doula Training visit goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For End of Life Services visit goingwithgrace.com

Its not personal

Going with Grace 2021-01-07 | My little sister @abathegoddess plant died and that's an occasion we take seriously in my family - I mean look at this jungle behind me. 🌿🍃🌱So I offered to sit with her and her feelings about it to see if there was anything we could offer in the sticky parts to help her move through it.

And what emerged is something I offered to her and I will also offer it to you. Death is not personal. It is not a failure of some sort on your part. The human or the plant is not leaving you, it is just time for them to go.

In Aba's case she felt she could have watered it more or been more attentive to it or put it in new soil or something of the sort, but realistically nothing was going to stop it. The death was coming anyway, and that's the same for humans. So please, I hope that you can forgive yourself if somebody that you love died. It wasn't about you, it was never about you to begin with.

Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. 💜🙏🏿⏳

For death doula training go to goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For services go to goingwithgrace.com

Honoring Endings

Going with Grace 2021-01-04 | I'm in a beautiful tropical location honoring the ending of this past year. I love an ending! I'm a Death Doula and honoring endings is a pretty big part of the job description. But how do you honor an ending when that which preceded it was incredibly difficult?

People do it all the time when they grieve difficult relationships in their lives. For example, when an abusive parent dies. We all know that this human ride is not without its trouble and it is complex!

Looking at the beautiful, the devastating, the profound, the mundane, the complex and the simplicity of this human ride. How can you look back on this year honoring it for all that it was - for all that it brought you and also all that it took away?

Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it, and Happy New Year! 💜✨💀🙏🏿⏳

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For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails

For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

Grinchin It Up

Going with Grace 2020-12-21 | It's almost the holidays and without sounding like a complete Grinch, I really struggle with this idea of forced merriment around this time of year. I am aware that there are so many people who are grieving, a bunch of people that are experiencing their very first holiday without somebody they love, AND a whole slew of other people that know that this is going to be the last holiday that they spend with somebody that they love. There is so much meaning heaped upon the holidays which can create a sense of impending dread. The sense of loss is massive during this time and I can't help but feel it all.

Maybe these are big empath problems, but I struggle to get over it. Yes there are a myriad of ways to address the loss over the holidays. If you choose, it can be helpful to address the loss, inviting conversation about the absence. At a significant meal, you could keep an empty place setting, or keep a picture of your beloved on the table. You could create new rituals honoring the loss and try to find meaning where you can find it. But since it's my job as a Death Doula to meet you where you are, I want to acknowledge that you don't have to have a happy holiday.

Just have a holiday.

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it!

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For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/services

The Senses

Going with Grace 2020-11-18 | What's your favorite smell? What sound totally moves you? What do you love the touch of? What do you love the taste of? And aside for my spectacular visage, what site do you love to behold? What experiences of the senses are your absolute jam?

I sometimes undertake this exercise with my advanced disease clients because flooding the body with the hormones that are released when taking in sensory information that we find pleasurable has the capacity to increase joy and to decrease anxiety. The body is the means through which we experience the outside world and the senses are the means to which we bring information in and to me that's part of the real joy of being human is to be able to feel and to perceive and probably going to be one of the really wack parts about being dead, like for real.

So for now, I'm going to go to sniff those flowers and call my niece so I can hear her giggle. Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Unpopular Belief

Going with Grace 2020-08-20 | Here's what might be an unpopular belief. Religion, particularly those with a component of the afterlife, are a response to death anxiety. That's going to be particularly unpopular with my parents who are Christian ministers.

But at some point, I decided I can believe whatever it is that I want to believe and I believe that we have made up fantastical stories about what happens when we die because we're so afraid to die and so scared of the question, we'll take something that somebody is giving us.

You might think that people with strong religious convictions have less death anxiety. But I've noticed that even the most religious amongst us, in their quiet moments on the deathbed, when I'm sitting with them, still question their belief system. Here's why: Beliefs remain beliefs until they are tested. When they are tested, then they become knowledge, but up until then, still just a belief. And on the deathbed, those beliefs are about to be tested because they are about to find out the truth. Okay?

Okay, where do you see elements of death anxiety in your belief system? And thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Rest In Peace

Going with Grace 2020-08-07 | You know that saying rest in peace that we use on tombstones after the beloved dies that suggests if they've gone on to all of eternity? If there is eternity at all. I've been thinking a lot about it as I live in this very black body in this here America. And in order to rest properly we need to feel safe in order to do so and safety has elements of privilege written all up in it. And one day, this black body needs to feel safe enough to die.

In my work as a Death Doula I support people and cultivating the sense of safety within their own bodies. So they can finally surrender to that big rest. I often will whisper "you are safe" as somebody lays dying.

One of the ways in which we can prepare ourselves for the big rest is in the little rest, looking at the places in which we can cultivate a sense of safety within our own body. The big rest? Death. The little rest. Maybe a nap. So where do you feel safe enough to rest and how do you see elements of privilege within it?

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.
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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Why Im not an expert in death and dying

Going with Grace 2020-07-30 | I was recently called an expert in death and dying. I thought that was pretty funny. I'm not an expert in death and dying. As far as I know, I'm still in this body talking through this mouth, so I haven't done it yet. What I am is somebody who's been around dying a lot. I've been with plenty of people as they are dying. I've also been with people as they're contemplating the end of their lives through end-of-life planning consultations, through death meditations, people working through their death anxiety. Certainly teaching students in the death of the training program how to be with dying. But to die myself, I ain't done it yet.

Every single time I think I know something about dying and I walk into a client's house, they humble me real quick. Cause my job is to honor their unique lived experience. I can't bring all the rest to it. Each death has to be like the very first one. I have to stay curious about who they are and what the condition is so I can properly support them in their experience. What I am is an expert in truffle fries. Don't try me there. Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Supporting others through grief

Going with Grace 2020-07-10 | There is a lot of grief in the world right now. Between the masses coming to grips with where they have been complicit in a racist society and COVID-19 resurgences, I've often been asked what I am doing to support other people in their grief. The answer is not at all profound. I'm giving myself plenty of permission to grieve first.

Currently I'm doing my best to honor those places within me that are sad, frustrated, angry, helpless and hopeless, and those voices that say that the world is not a safe place and I can't trust anybody. When I can be with those uncomfortable feelings within myself, I give permission for other people to feel their feelings. I can also tell what is mine as opposed to what belongs to somebody else to avoid conflating the space between the two of us.

The best thing that you can do to support the grief right now in the world is to feel your own first. Feel it, back stroke in it. It's just uncomfortable. It will not kill you. I promise. If it does, get a death doula.
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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

One Minute on Stripping Down

Going with Grace 2020-05-05 | Is anyone else stripping down during this period of self-isolation? And yes I’ll bet some of y’all are naked all the time. I’m also asking about the ways in which what you are doing now reflects your value system. Many of us are going down to the basics and this is a lot of what it looks like at the end of life when there isn't much time or energy for much else. Are you stripping down? How does your stripping down look like the end of life experience? As always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

How are you spending your time?

Going with Grace 2020-03-30 | How are you spending your time during isolation? There seems to be a lot of pressure to PRODUCE something. So much of our worth as humans is wrapped up in what we are able to do, but lets remember that our legacies are more tied to who we are. And if who you are wants to retile the bathroom and write a play, go for it! But if who you are wants to put on pretty earrings and sit in the living room, congratulations! You have complete freedom to be human and not just a producing machine. As always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.
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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Make it Better

Going with Grace 2020-03-24 | About three years ago, I moved a lot of the Going With Grace operations online. I started traveling a lot for work and saw a need no matter where I was. I began hosting end-of-life planning workshop’s remotely. I kept my end of life plan and consultations remotely by using digital forms. And I also started seeing death doula clients online. I struggled with the decision at first because I wanted the in person juice. But sometimes there was a need and my travels wouldn’t take me to where the client was, and so I found ways to create support for people online.

Gratefully everything is still up and running in the age of corona. As long as I’ve got internet, I can support. Through the GwG online end of life training, we’ve trained folks in 12 countries so far and most of the states. There is a whole love army of doulas that are ready, willing, able, and trained to support digital death care. If you need support in caring for your loved one remotely or in figuring out how to do that online, let us know. How can we support you?

- Visit our website to learn more about our end of life services
http://www.goingwithgrace.com

- Or if you'd like to explore becoming a death doula yourself, apply today to our next End of Life Group Training (online group study begins April 5)
http://www.goingwithgrace.com/application-apply

Wherever you are, we are here to support you.

Embracing the Unknown

Going with Grace 2020-03-21 | Here’s a little good news in this somewhat confusing time!! So much of what’s causing anxiety right now it’s the fear is the fear of the unknown. We wake up still processing and integrating yesterday’s news before new things start to pop off! And each day we don’t know what new challenges will be coming our way. Well here’s the good news: you’re already a master at navigating the unknown. Each day you wake up unsure if you will take another breath. We don’t know much of anything (although we think we do) and we find our way day in and day out despite it. You’re a G. You’ve got this. We’ve got this.

This experience right now is a lot like what happens at the end of life. Gratefully I’ve spent a bunch of time with people who are dying and looking the great unknown dead in the face. I’ve noticed a few things about how to navigate that experience and I’d love to share some of the approaches to navigating the unknown with you if you’d like some support. Join me Monday, March 23rd at 4pm Pacific for a FREE live call where we will go over techniques that are made clear in the end of life experience and highly useful for us now in the age of the coronavirus. https://mailchi.mp/910b94eb4ae7/the-art-of-embracing-the-unknown

You can watch the webinar replay HERE - https://mailchi.mp/910b94eb4ae7/the-art-of-embracing-the-unknown

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For death doula training visit goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails

For death doula services visit goingwithgrace.com/services

A minute on the Coronavirus

Going with Grace 2020-03-12 | The #coronavirus has been causing a whole lot of anxiety and it sounds a whole lot to me like death anxiety at its root. I totally get it. There is a virus which seems to be spreading like wildfire that we don't properly understand and we fear its gonna kill humanity in one fell swoop. It literally is the stuff of horror movies.

While you are home in you self quarantine perhaps you can use some of this time to dig into what is causing you anxiety in the first place. What is still undone in your life? What planning do you need to do? What peace do you need to make? One day you will eventually die. Let's use this death anxiety for some good. If you need some support working thru death anxiety you can check out my death meditation course online goingwithgracecourses.com/courses/grace-in-dying

As always thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the eventual end of it. ⏳💜🙏🏿

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Happy Death Day to You!

Going with Grace 2020-02-26 | Do you ever think about the fact that every year, we unknowingly pass the date of our future death? We acknowledge the date of our birth every year whether we celebrate it or not, and after our deaths, the people who love us will also acknowledge the date of our death. What a trip. Do you ever think about your date of death? As always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it!!

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

EndWell 2019

Going with Grace 2020-02-10 | End Well is like the super Bowl of the end of life arena. There is no competition though, and no JLo and Shakira, but plenty of laughs, excitement, inspiration. And no men in pads giving each other brain injuries for our entertainment. So actually its not like the Super Bowl except in its impact and magnitude. And there is a whole lot of depth. Imagine a day of diverse speakers sharing how they are creating change and innovation around how we live and die. What a treat.

This past year I got lucky enough to get to grace the stage and share my story of coming into death work from a career in public interest law, and sprinkle it with a few nuggets of what I learned about how I can live more authentically using my death as the framework through which to view my life . It was fun, exciting, and I had some guacamole during lunch, so basically it was my own personal Super Bowl. With fly earrings. This year End Well is coming to LA! I'll be there. And if you'd like to see the vid of the talk I gave last year, here it is!

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

A minute on complex grief (Kobe Bryant)

Going with Grace 2020-02-03 | The public grief over the death of Kobe Bryant is rich. And it is complicated—just like his human life was. Even as a death doula I tousled with my own emotions around it. There was the initial shock that a seemingly young and vibrant man’s life ended so suddenly. This happens daily in far less public ways and is—at best—a reminder that our lives are precious and fragile. There was also the complexity around his legacy.

Kobe Bryant and I were born the same year and I watched his star rise even though I am not a basketball fan. I celebrated his wins and the expertise with which he played the game. And like many others, I felt disgust at the allegations of sexual assault and rape. His death flared both of those things and I determined for myself that both could be true.

His death and how we are speaking about it is highlighting the fact that we still have a whole lot of work to do around non-judgment of another. To be human is to be complex. None of us are wholly saint nor sinner. The complexity of human life is a precursor to the complexity we feel at the end of it. People still have to grieve complicated relationships and this death in particular is evidence of that. Even a serial killer has got a Momma and you bet I would hold her in her grief. Just as I will hold you in yours even if I do not understand it.

I got some vile private messages after one of my posts about Kobe. I am sorry you are hurting. Lashing out at me or anyone else online isn’t going to make it hurt less.

My hope is that we can find compassion for ALL of the expressions of grief now whether it shows up as people fully decked out in lakers gear or the violent triggers of rape survivors. Let’s be kind to each other when it hurts, even if we can’t understand why it hurts. And, as always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

A minute on legacy

Going with Grace 2020-01-07 | While in ghana, I visited the Dr Kwame Nkrumah memorial center. There is a museum, a monument, and the bodies of he and his wife. The site is dedicated to his legacy and it is a massive one. He led the fight for independence from British rule in 1957 and establish democracy in my lovely country. He also supported many other African nations to gain their independence from colonial oppression.

Throughout history There are only a small number of individual names that we will remember and even smaller amount of people that have entire monuments dedicated to them. Leaving a legacy is not optional. Some have more far reaching ones than others. But that makes ours no less significant. A smile to a stranger could impact them far more than you know. We are creating our legacy every day with every word we speak and action we take. What will yours be?

Thank you and rest in power Osagyefo Dr. Kwame Nkrumah. And, as always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. ⏳💜🙏🏿

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

A minute on Beg-endings

Going with Grace 2019-12-31 | I heard the term beg-ending the other day and it tickled me deeply. It's almost the end of the month, year, and decade. While it is the last, big possibilities await us on the other side of 2019. Who knows what if anything, happens after we die, but considering the possibilities which excite rather than cause dread and fear are immensely useful. What would excite you?

Thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.
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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

One Minute on the Flu

Going with Grace 2019-12-17 | So I'm sick. This may sound counterintuitive, but being sick actually makes me feel really, really alive. Not in the way which falling in love does or riding too fast on a motorcycle, but in the way in which I feel very fully embodied, like THE BODY IS IN CHARGE.

I'm having sensations I don't understand. Like how am I both freezing and sweating profusely at the same time? Or these chapped lips, what?! This is a luxury that those of us that live in generally healthy bodies have. Which is to not pay attention to the body until it has a need. Like sit down, or drink some water, or there's pain. And while the sensations I'm having are generally not pleasant, nobody ever promised me that being alive would always be pleasant. To those of your who live with chronic illness, you are my actual heroes and I proclaim it even when I am healthy. Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it.

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Clock on the Wall

Going with Grace 2019-12-10 | Do you have a clock on the wall with an audible second hand? If so, what do you hear? I've been staying at my sister's house for the holiday and the clock on her wall sounds like a countdown to me! Yes, I recognize this might have to do with the fact that I am ALWAYS thinking about death and how it relates to life, AND its actually accurate 😜

So much of our relationship with death is about our relationship with time and how we are using it, or not. For all of us there is a countdown occurring, yet most remain intentionally unaware of it until they can no longer avoid it. A diagnosis or some external factor typically brings the countdown into clear view that cannot be avoided. Our time is finite. The only question which remains is what you will do with the time left in your countdown. Tick tock baby.

As always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it! ⏳💜🙏🏿
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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Good Day to Die

Going with Grace 2019-11-18 | What was the last good day you had? Would that have been a good day to die? When death comes, it happens for most of us in an ordinary day and an ordinary moment--the sun rising and setting, children growing, and silliness happening in politics. For those of us who are living and not caring for someone who is ill or dying, our days are mostly ordinary days. Yet for about 250,000 people and those that love them, what we consider ordinary days, even good days, are the most extraordinary of their lives. Perhaps even the worst. What is a good day to die?

As always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it!!

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Fat Stacks

Going with Grace 2019-11-18 | You know that fat stack of paper you have somewhere in your house? It's probably on a desk, or in a corner, or a box shoved deep in a closet. Most of us have a stack like this somewhere in our homes. That stack we keep just in case we need a document in there but that we haven't looked at in a while except to throw more paper on it??

As a death doula, that stack of papers can be a nightmare after a death. Why? Because most of the knowledge of why that stack of paper is important dies with the person who created that stack and those of us left behind are trying to make sense of it. You can do those you love a huge favor by going through that stack of paper, checking to see if under your local laws you can get rid of the paper, or indicate why the documents are important. Thank you on behalf of those who love you and thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it! 🙏🏿💜

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

Fear of Death

Going with Grace 2019-10-23 | Struggling to "get over" your fear of death? I'm not at all surprised. Why? A fear of death is built into the way our minds work. Think of it this way--your brain is wired to keep you alive and your fear of death is a useful part of it. When you hear a loud noise, your fight or flight response kicks in to keep you safe. When you walk to the edge of a high cliff, fear keeps you from getting too close and possibly plummeting to your death. When a dangerous animal approaches, you run in the opposite direction so you dont get eaten. The brain is constantly saying STAY ALIVE. And your fear of death is a useful part of it.

There are certainly some things that you can do to help embrace the fact that one day you will die however. Begin to talk about your wishes so that your loved ones are clear. Make an advance plan to handle the affairs of your life. Find the elements that give you life meaning. And if you'd like to walk a little closer to it, take a death meditation course (Grace in Dying) with me and we'll safely walk you through your death and all the way back safely. "Getting over" a fear of death isn't the point. Learning to live like you will die is.

As always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it!! 🙏🏿⏳💜

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For my NEW! death meditation course visit www.goingwithgracecourses.com/courses/grace-in-dying
For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

One Minute on Pretty Things

Going with Grace 2019-10-14 | I recently moved into a new home and it is full of a whole lot of pretty things! Often people expect that as I work so closely with death and definitely walk my talk in preparing for the end of life, I would not have a lot of possessions. Incorrect. I have loads of things that make my eyes smile. This is likely because many people equate minimalism with good preparedness for the end of life--with fewer possessions, your loved ones will not have so many things to worry about getting rid of after death.

While there is a lot of value in decluttering your life to make it easier on those you love, I think its equally as important to make sure to forward your values for living into your dying. Here's an example: I value beautiful things in living. When I die, people in my life would be shocked to walk into my house and see only one pretty vase and half a pair of shoes cause as I mentioned, I like pretty things! They will likely be much happier to walk into a home that looks like ME full of treasures and magic from my travels as long as there is a clear plan on how to get rid of them after I die. That is the key.

What do you value in life and how can you forward it into your death?

As always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it!! 🙏🏿⏳💜

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/trainingdetails
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

A Minute on Retreat

Going with Grace 2019-10-07 | Do you practice retreat while you are living? If you’ve been following me for any time now, you’ve seen a couple of videos of me put in the wilderness or some
remote location solo, minding my business. Either as a part of my personality or as a part of my self-care as a death doula, its really necessary for me
to go inward on occasion.

It is not lost on me that people also often retreat when they are dying as a result of illness. We studied the signs of dying this week in the Going with Grace End of Life Training. A couple of weeks before death, people generally withdraw from the outside world and activities. Some days before death, they begin to withdraw from other people and slow down how often they are speaking. Even when they are speaking, it is clear that they have begun to disengage. Retreat is a part of dying and for people like me, its also a part of living. I like to think I am preparing myself for dying this way. What things do you while living that could be preparing you for dying?

As always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it!

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For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.goingwithgrace.com

What to say to a grieving friend by Death Doula Alua Arthur

Going with Grace 2019-08-30 | Grief is on my mind (and heart) lately. Realistically in my work as a death doula, it is never far away as death and grief are inexorably linked. I get so many questions about the right thing to say to someone who is sick, dying, or grieving, so here is my best (and short) answer: there is no "right" thing to say. Language is already so imprecise and the things that we say which we think can help often come off as insensitive or short sighted. Why? Because we are making it about ourselves and our desire to help. We generally give what we think people should hear rather than learning what they actually need from us.

There is no fixing grief. It just sucks. The best you can do is show up, acknowledge that you do not know what to say, and shut up. Let them lead the conversation. And if it requires you getting comfortable with their silence and your own, that's just what it is. Remember above all, that this is not about you. It is about them. Give them what they need and not what you *think* they need.

Thank you so much for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. ⏳🙏🏿💜

For death doula training visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services visit www.gingwithgrace.com

Trying to be the perfect death doula by Alua Arthur

Going with Grace 2019-08-22 | The first time I did something "wrong" at the bedside of a client who was dying, I beat myself up about it for days! I'd burst into tears while talking with a family member and I was so mad at myself because I'd wanted to be this "perfect" doula and professional. Turns out they were so happy that I'd been real with them. They appreciated my authenticity and my vulnerability.

Being with dying has taught me so much about perfectionism. Do things "right" and I'm gonna die. Do things "wrong" and I'm still gonna die! Only a very few of these right and wrong decisions have an actual impact on our mortality. And remembering that I'm going to die puts these seemingly huge mess-ups in perspective.

I still struggle with it and this week has been particularly tough. Yet, when I can look outside of myself and the moment of that thing that wasnt done juuuuust right, I realize that I probably wont be thinking about it on my deathbed. That's some serious perspective.

As always, thank you for giving me a minute of your life to think about the end of it. ⏳🙏🏿💜

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For death doula training, visit www.goingwithgrace.com/training
For death doula services, visit www.goingwithgrace.com