5secondfilmsFrom: Chaz Michaelson (boss@newsolutionscorp.com) RE: Job performance Hello Collin, Just wanted to let you know you're up for review. Some of your co-workers, who shall remain anonymous, have filed several complaints that you're proving to be a disruption at work. Is there any particular reason you scream "Uhh" at the top of your lungs for the duration of your time at work each day? If you're confused about your action items, there are procedures for dealing with that as we discussed at last week's staff meeting. There's no need to be disruptive by voicing your confusion for 8 hours straight. Please see me tomorrow.
Late For Work5secondfilms2009-10-23 | From: Chaz Michaelson (boss@newsolutionscorp.com) RE: Job performance Hello Collin, Just wanted to let you know you're up for review. Some of your co-workers, who shall remain anonymous, have filed several complaints that you're proving to be a disruption at work. Is there any particular reason you scream "Uhh" at the top of your lungs for the duration of your time at work each day? If you're confused about your action items, there are procedures for dealing with that as we discussed at last week's staff meeting. There's no need to be disruptive by voicing your confusion for 8 hours straight. Please see me tomorrow.
Thanks,
ChazThe First Tramp Stamp #comedyshorts #funny #chaplin5secondfilms2024-06-24 | It was either this or the Chinese symbol for "Tranquility," which the tattoo artist would totally just ignore in favor of tattooing the Chinese symbol for "I'm in Black-and-White and This Is Happening Way In The Past." Now you know there's actually a Chinese symbol for that.Lady in Red #comedyshorts #tanning #comedy5secondfilms2024-06-21 | There's a special VIP section in the burn ward, where the Dom Pérignon can be attached to your IV, gift bags full of rare exotic aloe are dispensed, and best of all, only the pretty people get to go.Bursting5secondfilms2024-06-19 | Women: We don't dress like this for you. We dress like this because it makes us feel good when our bros squeeze our trembling tris and bountiful bis. So the next time you see a dude minding his own business, with his buttons straining to contain his pecs and his collar gap at least an inch wide, please leave him alone. He's obviously scanning the area for bros.Bursting #mensfashion #comedyshorts #bros5secondfilms2024-06-19 | Women: We don't dress like this for you. We dress like this because it makes us feel good when our bros squeeze our trembling tris and bountiful bis. So the next time you see a dude minding his own business, with his buttons straining to contain his pecs and his collar gap at least an inch wide, please leave him alone. He's obviously scanning the area for bros.Chad Tank Riddersons First Day at Work #comedyshorts #office #collegelife5secondfilms2024-06-17 | Chad went on to overcome his deep sentimental attachment to those halcyon days of bodyshots, drunken stand-up paddleboard races and second-story ziplines, and he quickly rose up the ranks at SkremCorp. Promotion after promotion, Chad never lost sight of who he was, keeping that green notebook in his increasingly large, oaken desks wherever he went. As he grew older, it became a beacon of inspiration to himself and to many a Bro Hire that came through the SkremCorp doors. No one ever knew the contents of that seemingly magical notebook but Chad, and they were but a mere 11 words: "Have Dad Bribe My Superiors So I Don't Ever Get Fired."Why We Cry #comedyshorts #funny #food5secondfilms2024-06-14 | Everything came flooding back: Summers in the mountains of Germany. That night in the gondola, during the Festival of Lights. The next morning with Peruvian coffee on the marble veranda, overlooking the cay as the first sun of autumn dawned. It hurt, but the pot roast cook-off was the next day and fond memories make for the crispiest onions.The Mayor of Sleepytown #jackquaid #comedyshorts #dad5secondfilms2024-06-12 | Dads, you've been there: Your baby's brain is busy rigging an election so it can continue being a silent film villain who ties women to railroad tracks, and all you want is some peace and quiet. The solution is to get out and vote. That's right, vote! Democracy needs you to make a difference in your infant's skull.The Mayor of Sleepytown5secondfilms2024-06-12 | Dads, you've been there: Your baby's brain is busy rigging an election so it can continue being a silent film villain who ties women to railroad tracks, and all you want is some peace and quiet. The solution is to get out and vote. That's right, vote! Democracy needs you to make a difference in your infant's skull.Flex to Impress #comedyshorts #fitness #workout5secondfilms2024-06-10 | Flexing is a rite of passage amongst young, hyper-jacked buffbros. But what happens when the babe flexes back? Few buffbros are able to deal or answer the question. Whether they can handle it or not is the sign of a true buffman.The Big Creep #comedyshorts #funny #comedy5secondfilms2024-06-07 | My ex-wife, may she rot in Yonkers, asked me to never take another case from a two-bit, -faced and-legged hood/dame ever again. It was suicide, she said. But to me, it wasnt suicide. It was Wednesday. Anyways, what do I care what a calendar thinks? With my brand of punch-drunk clientele, Boxing Days every day. I got the black eyes and blacker coffee to prove it.Hinge Date #dating #tinderdate #comedyshorts5secondfilms2024-06-05 | Being ghosted under the clown mouth. Staying left on "read" at the pig factory. Getting cucked in the virus swamp. God, I'm glad I got hitched before online dating took over.Hinge Date5secondfilms2024-06-05 | Being ghosted under the clown mouth. Staying left on "read" at the pig factory. Getting cucked in the virus swamp. God, I'm glad I got hitched before online dating took over.A**hole #comedyshorts #5sf #granturismo5secondfilms2024-06-03 | You know what they say: Ask for a stupid last request...Tapioca Balls #comedyshorts #boba #bobatea5secondfilms2024-05-29 | Obviously this isn't an accurate representation of where tapioca balls really come from, since they don't use red curtains anymore and cartoon factory music is now replaced by smooth jazz. We apologize for any offense caused.Tapioca Balls5secondfilms2024-05-29 | Obviously this isn't an accurate representation of where tapioca balls really come from, since they don't use red curtains anymore and cartoon factory music is now replaced by smooth jazz. We apologize for any offense caused.5SF On: Relationships5secondfilms2024-05-24 | Dating and cheating. Boyfriends and girlfriends. Love and hate. Truly, these are the flavors of the pizza of life. And we saved you a slice with this epic compilation.Smoochella5secondfilms2024-05-22 | It's an expensive weekend, that's for sure. But at least once in your life, you gotta road trip with your best buds out to the desert and just see some of the biggest kissers in the world. This year, Kendrick Lamwah is performing, and so is Dua Lip. They even got Lil Smoochi Vert.Smoochella #comedyshorts #coachella #musicfestival5secondfilms2024-05-22 | It's an expensive weekend, that's for sure. But at least once in your life, you gotta road trip with your best buds out to the desert and just see some of the biggest kissers in the world. This year, Kendrick Lamwah is performing, and so is Dua Lip. They even got Lil Smoochi Vert.Do it for Johnny #comedyshorts #funny #5sf5secondfilms2024-05-20 | Revenge quests: Best not embarked upon when you suffer from short-term memory loss.Think of the Children5secondfilms2024-05-17 | Nothing keeps a silly-voiced kid from getting picked on quite like saying "My silly-voiced dad beat up the Germans with a jetpack, so he can beat your dad up too."Lounge Lizard5secondfilms2024-05-15 | When the police came to apprehend him, all they could see was a brick wall and a floating microphone. Despite getting away with it, he would still be banned from performing at The Chuckle Bug.Lounge Lizard #comedyshorts #standupcomedy #chameleon5secondfilms2024-05-15 | When the police came to apprehend him, all they could see was a brick wall and a floating microphone. Despite getting away with it, he would still be banned from performing at The Chuckle Bug.Cool Teacher-Parent Conference #comedyshorts #funny #schoollife5secondfilms2024-05-13 | You only make cool tenure if you can hit a jukebox with your elbow and get it to start playing. Although these days, cutbacks are forcing cool teachers to perform the act on an iPad Pro, which has proven exceedingly uncool.Kelseys Maternal Instincts #mother #comedyshorts #mothersday5secondfilms2024-05-12 | When she was 12, she was given a pet rabbit for Christmas. She named it "Just Pass Away Already," which it promptly did, right around the time she discovered how to mix the perfect poma-tini at age 12 1/2.War Wh*res #parody #comedyshorts #horses5secondfilms2024-05-10 | A four-hanky epic about that terrible, bloody invention of man that tears countries apart, pits man against animal, and shatters families. Of course, we are talking about wh*res.Idiot in the Dictionary5secondfilms2024-05-08 | Coincidentally, the word "Idiot" is just a picture of a hat. Mighty high horse for the writers of this smug dictionary to be sitting on, especially if a highly intelligent person just wanted the definition of the word "hat." Now, would an intelligent person need a definition of "hat," or to read an example of how it's used in a sentence? Probably not. But intelligent people own dictionaries, which must mean on some level they need the definitions for many words, which makes them dumb. Actually, I have become dumber writing this.Idiot in the Dictionary #comedyshorts #vines #dumb5secondfilms2024-05-08 | Coincidentally, the word "Idiot" is just a picture of a hat. Mighty high horse for the writers of this smug dictionary to be sitting on, especially if a highly intelligent person just wanted the definition of the word "hat." Now, would an intelligent person need a definition of "hat," or to read an example of how it's used in a sentence? Probably not. But intelligent people own dictionaries, which must mean on some level they need the definitions for many words, which makes them dumb. Actually, I have become dumber writing this.Rumble in the Jungle #comedyshorts #adventure #travel5secondfilms2024-05-06 | He was on a journey to find relics from the Ottoman Empire, laid to armrest in the fabled Lost Sitty of Z. Instead, he got himself into a stand-up fight that he was barely table to handle - and that's us being chairitable.Guilt Food #comedyshorts #icecream #diet5secondfilms2024-05-03 | Interestingly, the puppies are also offered as a separate flavor, which you wouldn't think would taste good. However, they were chocolate labs, so it all worked out.Please Shhhinco de Mayo #comedyshorts #5sf #cincodemayo5secondfilms2024-05-01 | Some of you aren't paying attention to the rules, which are listed at the entrance. In fact, it's only one rule, and it you can't ask about it because then you're breaking it. Actually, you know what? Get out. No, we're not even going to scream the rule back at you, not this year, you don't deserve it. Think about what you've done.
(But if you're feeling raw about it, and want some real Cinco action, then join our Patreon now and get a special EXTRA Cinco de Mayo 5-Second Film, exclusive to our subs only! No one else will ever see it, we really wasted our time! Plus of course you get to hang out with us on livestreams, watch 5SFs get made and so much more.)Please Shhhinco de Mayo5secondfilms2024-05-01 | Some of you aren't paying attention to the rules, which are listed at the entrance. In fact, it's only one rule, and it you can't ask about it because then you're breaking it. Actually, you know what? Get out. No, we're not even going to scream the rule back at you, not this year, you don't deserve it. Think about what you've done.
(But if you're feeling raw about it, and want some real Cinco action, then join our Patreon now and get a special EXTRA Cinco de Mayo 5-Second Film, exclusive to our subs only! No one else will ever see it, we really wasted our time! Plus of course you get to hang out with us on livestreams, watch 5SFs get made and so much more. http://patreon.com/5sf)Hungry Hungry Hungry Hungry Hippos #games #nostalgia #pattonoswalt5secondfilms2024-04-26 | On the day of the last white pellet, Yellow Hippo pulled out his harmonica and trilled a little ditty. It wafted into the boxy night sky, aided only by the small crackling fire that Blue Hippo started for warmth. They shared stories of games past, when life was but a larkish competition. Green Hippo laughed grimly, a small glimmer of hope flickering as fast and intangibly as the billowing flame before them. Then the true Hungry Hungry Hunger set in.Steves New Look5secondfilms2024-04-24 | Steve may have been shunned for his poor fashion instincts to grow a person, but it's nothing compared to the treatment that Alan got when he chose to grow male genitalia underneath him. Even with the pants, the two of them inspired such horrified reactions amongst their friends that they were forced to spend the rest of their lives in strange, unfamiliar places like "brunch spot" and "polycule in Echo Park."Steves New Look #mensfashion #grooming #comedyshorts5secondfilms2024-04-24 | Steve may have been shunned for his poor fashion instincts to grow a person, but it's nothing compared to the treatment that Alan got when he chose to grow male genitalia underneath him. Even with the pants, the two of them inspired such horrified reactions amongst their friends that they were forced to spend the rest of their lives in strange, unfamiliar places like "brunch spot" and "polycule in Echo Park."Edward 40-Hands #comedy #parody #timburton5secondfilms2024-04-22 | The haunting, goth-lite romantic tale of a girl who felt like an outcast in her own world, and a bro who took the whole "frat game" thing way too far.Hand in Hand #comedyshorts #love #bros5secondfilms2024-04-19 | They've never really completed a high-five. Not at a baseball game, not at an international high-five competition (they lost), not even at their own wedding.The Hungy Games #comedy #parody #jackquaid5secondfilms2024-04-17 | In Panem, it's a common request in the outer districts to "pass the arrow," as that's where all the arrows are made. And closer to the Capitol, where the hair is purple, it's frankly a lot more common to pass the milk! So you see, this is one of the many mix-ups that happens frequently in the laugh-a-minute comedy "The Hunger Games," a book that I'm sure I've read.The Hungy Games5secondfilms2024-04-17 | In Panem, it's a common request in the outer districts to "pass the arrow," as that's where all the arrows are made. And closer to the Capitol, where the hair is purple, it's frankly a lot more common to pass the milk! So you see, this is one of the many mix-ups that happens frequently in the laugh-a-minute comedy "The Hunger Games," a book that I'm sure I've read.Rob & Bob #comedyshorts #comedy #bros5secondfilms2024-04-15 | Eventually they tempted each other into the expensive daycare, trading in the Camaro for an SUV, the family trips to Disneyland, and paying for college. Many magazines were slapped, but the love never died.Fred Alarmisen #comedyshorts #comedy #fredarmisen5secondfilms2024-04-12 | The company was immediately sued into bankruptcy, and oblivion, after their latest brand extension, the "First Alarmisen Senior's Emergency Button," failed to alert any ambulances when old people would fall and break their hips, choosing instead to yell "Help, this guy's fallen over and his kids never visit" to an empty house.Nailed It5secondfilms2024-04-11 | This is how compromise works in relationships: When you're both utterly face-janked but in different jank-ass ways, it's important to meet in the middle and find a janked-up way to hang stuff that you can both walk away from happily. And it applies to other stuff to, because it's like: So what if she puts jelly on the bread first, then the peanut butter? You're the one who likes your sandwiches cut diagonally. You're both freaks, really. I am a good relationship consultant guy.Nailed It #comedyshorts #comedy #dadjokesforlife5secondfilms2024-04-10 | This is how compromise works in relationships: When you're both utterly face-janked but in different jank-ass ways, it's important to meet in the middle and find a janked-up way to hang stuff that you can both walk away from happily. And it applies to other stuff to, because it's like: So what if she puts jelly on the bread first, then the peanut butter? You're the one who likes your sandwiches cut diagonally. You're both freaks, really. I am a good relationship consultant guy.Cooking With Crazy #comedyshorts #weirdalyankovic #weirdal5secondfilms2024-04-08 | Please don't let him cook.Forgettingtown #comedy #chinatown #movies5secondfilms2024-04-05 | It all started on a night where it might have been raining and dark and such, when a sexy, smoldering woman (maybe a smoldering man? Will research later) walked in the door. I think I worked there. She was asking about a door. Wait, no, she walked in the door. I was the one asking about the door, because I don't know what a door is. One thing I did know was, I had to take the case. This door conspiracy wasn't going to solve itself.You Cant Leave Like This #comedyshorts #fantasy #magic5secondfilms2024-04-03 | She sent a gnome to serve him the divorce papers (who cleverly disguised himself on the lawn for a week before approaching) and hired the best minotaur lawyer in town. This was no figment of the imagination: She was coming for the heffalumps, the woozles, the pumpkin carriage and the whole damn shire. And you know what? Good for her.You Cant Leave Like This5secondfilms2024-04-03 | She sent a gnome to serve him the divorce papers (who cleverly disguised himself on the lawn for a week before approaching) and hired the best minotaur lawyer in town. This was no figment of the imagination: She was coming for the heffalumps, the woozles, the pumpkin carriage and the whole damn shire. And you know what? Good for her.Hacker Cat: Episode One - A Meow Hope #comedyshorts #cats #kitty5secondfilms2024-04-01 | YouTube Shorts has recently added an ad-free subscription tier to their service - since you haven't purchased that yet, please enjoy today's free 5SF with limited commercial interruption.Betty’s Coffee #comedyshorts #juliettelewis #fyp5secondfilms2024-03-30 | Putting to rest the age-old mystery of “Your Mom” jokes, and in its place begins a new regime of terror.I Got Wood5secondfilms2024-03-27 | How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck cucked a wood guy by pretending to have bucks for wood? That's how the joke goes, I remember it perfectly from memory. I said this in third grade, aloud to the entire class, and they made me the new teacher because it was so correct. Cucking was a word back then as well, and there were more woodchucks because we hadn't yet killed so many of them to make our hats. Guys had mustaches like this, and they ran like that when they were befuddled or cucked. It was a wild time, 1992. I taught third grade and wore a hat.I Got Wood #comedyshorts #animals #jokes5secondfilms2024-03-27 | How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck cucked a wood guy by pretending to have bucks for wood? That's how the joke goes, I remember it perfectly from memory. I said this in third grade, aloud to the entire class, and they made me the new teacher because it was so correct. Cucking was a word back then as well, and there were more woodchucks because we hadn't yet killed so many of them to make our hats. Guys had mustaches like this, and they ran like that when they were befuddled or cucked. It was a wild time, 1992. I taught third grade and wore a hat.