Name: {meds. @xmercimissALICE
Uploaded: 2026-09-23T08:17:00-05:00
Duration: 8 min 17 s
Description: {meds.

{meds.

xmercimissALICE 2026-09-23 | {meds.

knives and bones.

xmercimissALICE 2014-06-11 | | I can hold the weight of the worlds
if that's what you need
be your everything |

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Theme: There will always be people that we want to make proud, that we can't stand to disappoint. We want to be everything for them and do whatever it takes to make them happy, even if it's bad for oneself or unhealthy. You want to get good grades, get into a good school, get a good job, be prettier, be smarter, whatever it takes. But you're only human, and sometimes you just can't please everyone and you should never feel like you aren't good enough because of one person. Some people just expect too much, and you can't be that for them. A lot of times no one can, it's important to understand that it's nothing wrong that you did but maybe more an inner conflict with that person or they just aren't a good person. It's okay to want to do better for people and to try and make them happy, but there is a fine line when enough is enough and you can't handle the world and you shouldn't fall apart of feel less about yourself because of it

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the theme is really relevant in my life right now
and maybe i'll be able to vid about it more because I finally have a laptop now
this is my part for cms human mep
it's nothing too fancy but I haven't uploaded anything in awhile so here's something to show i'm still alive haha

torn up.

xmercimissALICE 2014-04-16 | | something filled up
my heart with nothing
someone told me not to cry |

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Theme: We all repress past experiences, problems, emotions. We bottle them up. We sit around and wait for things to change and get better or we wait for things to go back to how they once were. But it doesn't always work out like that. You have to let things go, move on, heal. You have to face them. You can't carry on that way. Things won't better on their own. And if something changes, it won't ever be the same. You have to come to terms with your problems and face them.

my part for cms
I hand pick all of the songs and type up all of the themes myself
but idk this one
I was really feeling this one
like it needed to happen
and this song
and just
so I really like my part
and i'm still alive
just busy
I wish I had more time to make videos but I do what I can
so anyway
regarding the video and the theme
i guess i've been on this roller coaster of battling with depression and it went away for awhile and then came back pretty hard a few months ago and everything was really hard and stressful and I was holding on to everything that ever hurt me and just making it worse
but i've managed to let a lot of it go and very suddenly, I was happy again
so I hope it continues on this way but i'm happy now and I felt like this was just something important for everyone to try to grasp and work with. I guess this past year since being broken up with i've grown a lot as a person and was really happy with myself. But there were certainly a lot of things I needed to work on and a lot of times when I would get lonely, I would throw myself at boys.
In the past few months I pulled myself out of my depression again and I've come to really like the woman I am now. I'm breaking up with guys because they don't love me and they don't treat me well, and I'm not putting up with as much shit anymore. I respect myself a lot more and I like my body and my attitude and I also still really like sleeping with people and I know that's okay too and now i'm doing it because I want to and not because i'm lonely.
I'm just really happy with who I am now I guess and I know not everyone from my past really sees it and I still have a long way to go but I've figured out a lot about myself these past few months and i've met some great people and lost some people too.
And that's all okay.

absence of words.

xmercimissALICE 2014-03-04 | | I'll be the one,
if you want me to |

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we would have sat there
in silence
if I had let us
but instead
I tore out my heart

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i'm happy now, so why is it still about you?

postcards to a ghost

xmercimissALICE 2014-02-26 | | And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name |

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vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent

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It took a month of not speaking to you
and when you finally chose to again
for me to realize
I had almost forgiven you
and with moving on
and deleting all of our pictures
and letting you go
and never listening to those songs
I used to listen to with you
and started to because of you
but there's not a lot of time that goes by
where I don't miss you
and it seemed funny
and a little bit sad to me
that I had been so heartbroken
over this boy three years younger than me
and he was doing just fine
like every other time
but he just mattered so much
that I looked for pieces of him
in each and everything
and wondered if he still missed me
and thought of me
it took a month without speaking to him
because I told him never to talk to me again
when I was mad and he listened
it took a month
and when I saw his name
when I had so desperately wanted to see it before
it didn't fill with me that relieving happiness anymore
just some sort of pain
and I knew that there wasn't a place left for him anymore
I fell in love with a boy
and never loved anyone quite like I love you
but you never could make up your mind
and you forgot the color of my eyes
when I was sure that yours were green
aside from pictures
I never see your face anymore
and you stopped calling
so I don't hear from you
I watched you grow
and change
in the short time that we were together
and now I hardly recognize you
but you still live
about 15 minutes away
on the town that I grew up in
in your nice house
you're just a boy
who's a coward
and runs away
you could never tell me anything
until you were drunk
and I know that you hate
that I drink more now
and that I used to throw myself at boys
the first time we broke up
but you're just a boy
and now you are a ghost
and I am still doing my best
to let go from loving a ghost

thats fine.

xmercimissALICE 2014-01-26 | | And I heard you said one time
that I never even fucking cross your mind
and I guess I'll act like that's just fine
but you should know you cross mine all the time |

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I think it was finally time for me to address the break up. And that I'm in love with you and I miss you every day and I think of you every day
and you're okay and you're fine without me
and you'll always be fine
and also, i'm sorry for the lack of videos
it's just hard with two jobs and everything

clairvoyant.

xmercimissALICE 2013-11-19 | | The way that you left me, is alright
it's alright |

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I know that
the world won't always be lovely
and you won't always be there
you won't always be golden
telling me how wonderful love is
staying positive
sometimes
you'll be so very apathetic
so disinterested
in me
and this lovely world around us
and you won't always see it
how you see it
but I promised i'd be there
i'd hold your hand
when you hated everything
when nothing seemed beautiful
and you didn't care at all
but I guess you noticed
and if you say that you're trying
and you'll do better from now on
and this is really just how you are
then that's okay
i'll be more independent
let you go off on your own
I won't give up
even if you do again
and you decide that we simply can't work
i'll always love you
and i'll always be here
holding your hand
as your best friend
who sees the world in you
I was happy before you
and I can be happy on my own, eventually
but I want to be happy with you

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a little bit of a vent
I know it's been like over a month since i uploaded something
and I wish I could upload multiple things a day like the good old days
but sadly I have two jobs
and a boyfriend that i'd like to see as much as possible
and I'm using my roommates laptop
AND WE DON'T HAVE A LAPTOP MOUSE??
so i'm doing the best I can
and I still love making videos
I just don't have as much time as before

wires of the brain.

xmercimissALICE 2013-10-05 | | I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me, and I swear,
that not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand |

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I mean
I just really like la dispute
and I didn't want to go another month without uploading something
I WAS A BIT IFFY ON THIS I THOUGHT IT WOULD TURN OUT AWFUL
but i really like it yah
this song makes me sad in places
most of their songs do

our hearts.

xmercimissALICE 2013-09-13 | | And when we sing our songs right, will they sing along?
And when we tell our stories, will they speak the truth? |

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just wanting to state here that I am not sad or anything and this is not a vent
I JUST REALLY LOVE THIS BAND AND WANTED TO MAKE A VIDEO
I am doing well and happy!
i'm not sure I super love this or anything
but I wanted to upload something for you all!

wasted love.

xmercimissALICE 2013-09-02 | | Come on, skinny love
what happened here? |

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Theme: Being with someone because you need help and not because you really need to be with them. You are desperate and you want it to work but it can't. It is untrue. It is not nourished. you do not need each other. You are trying to hold on to a feeling that is not there

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here is my late part for catalyst miracles studio
because life is hectic and I work two jobs
and I also have a boyfriend now like wow right
i'm so sorry I haven't uploaded anything in awhile
I started a project but the laptop it was on broke!
i'm going to try to get more things up it's just very hard since my schedule is so tight
anyways on to the video
i've always felt really attached to this song
and I always really wanted to make a video for it
the theme I typed up for it was as close to the actual meaning of the song as I could get
and though it was about relations and love and blah blah blah
I feel like it was a little different than a normal love related theme
and I really wanted everyone to do it
despite most people wanted to do the birdy version
which like ew wow guys
since this is my video i'm just going to come right out and say THAT VERSION IS TERRIBLE COMPARED TO THE ORIGINAL LIKE COME ON NOW
it doesn't even have a fraction of the emotion Justin Vernon conveyed in the original.
so I chose the original
and if we pick a certain version of a song
you don't need to tell us how you would rather do the other
we got a lot of people do that and everyone has their own opinion, i understand
but we picked the version we picked for a reason
sorry about the rant that was just kinda irritating to me
the full mep will be up soon
a little late
BUT
o well

the ground.

xmercimissALICE 2013-07-03 | | don't end my life
you're all I need|

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my part for the cms mep
i pick all of the themes but this one was very personal for me

lasting ache.

xmercimissALICE 2013-06-01 | l and this is far from joy |

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vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.

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give me some time
and i will no longer need you
and i can't say
i was really happy anyways

suffocater.

xmercimissALICE 2013-05-10 | | In the darkness I will meet my creators
and they will all agree, that i'm a suffocater |

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vent. vent. vent. vent. vent. vent. vent. vent. vent. vent.

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Each person, every single person shapes you
All those boys you spent time with, trying hard to love and make it work
You know that they shaped you into this woman
You are how you are because of their rules and your shared mistakes and all of their anger
You became a fragile little thing so needing of love
So needing of his love because he is the one
But you pushed a little harder
And complained a little too much
And perhaps you destroyed a wonderful thing
Because you hold on tight, you clamp down your teeth, and you cling.
You hold on with everything and you cry and you complain and you drain the life out of him
Because that's who you are now
That's who you became
And I don't mean to push so hard
And I don't mean to take away your affection for me because of my faults
I didn't mean to push so hard
Maybe I was too emotional and you weren't emotional enough
And we show our love in different ways
But we can't be wrong

close.

xmercimissALICE 2013-05-02 | kaaay this is my part for the catalyst miracles studios closer mep
yah yah
took me all day but ya know

picture when

xmercimissALICE 2013-04-29 | This is my part for Red Raven Studio's mep
the theme was to make our parts as sort of a tribute you a character
and it could be about their whole life or just one certain scene
mine was mostly focusing back on that one scene but also trying to include things from Leanne's present life
just sort of looking back on it and triggering memories
she is so cute
and I am mostly okay with this
I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO DO COOLER THINGS BUT YA KNOW I'M LEARNING
. . .
six year later
or seven
idk i've been editing six or seven years now whew such a long time

I wanted to get something up because i'm currently working on another video
that dun dun dun dunnn
contains masking!
gasp
but i'm having a little trouble at the moment (because i never mask and i'm not going to put it up unless is almost perfect so i'm trying to master it in one video even thought it takes people like months and months but this video needs to be perfect)
I don't really want to give up on the video
or scrap the masking idea so we'll see
anyways i'm trying to dedicate all of my editing time to it
so aside from mep parts
I might not have anything up for a bit unless i give up
which i don't want to do
okay done rambling

the killing kind.

xmercimissALICE 2013-04-11 | | I've punished him from ear to ear
now i've saved the best for you |

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I didn't know you
or the person you were
and you might have been a nice girl
that could do whatever she wanted with her body
and that's not my business
until you made it mine
and this may be harsh
but i'm sure you know that you deserve it
and you might have been a nice girl
but you took him away from me

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yes, I suddenly got better at editing
no big deal or anything

tire swing.

xmercimissALICE 2013-03-28 | | I don't know what it is about you
what kind of demons do you run through |

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I think that, perhaps I could taste all the memories
when I was with you
they were foggy
and stuck on my tongue
they were gone just like that
but I thought I could remember
and you thought that no one would go

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this minute this song came on I was like OKAY FAVORITE SONG FROM THE ALBUM
this and back to bed
anyways this album is great and just leighton's voice and just
so I tried really hard to do this song justice

spiraling.

xmercimissALICE 2013-03-28 | | I'll wrap up my bones
and leave them
out of this home |

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It should have been so easy to repair
like when you're still so young
and your favorite toy broke so simply
and you wish so fiercely for it to be okay again
and you swear and you promise that if it were to be okay,
you would be careful this time around
you wouldn't make the same mistake
but sometimes it just gets so lost
and it seems so easy but it's not
and you don't really want to try

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Theme: Settlement. Sometimes in life you find yourself settling for second best, for something which does not make you happy. There was a time when you were happy in the same situation - maybe even when you were in love. You're so desperate to cling to that feeling so you'll stay, even though you feel more and more every day that those feelings are gone. But you're trapped; you can't let go. "Darkness falls and leaves nowhere to go."

useless metaphors.

xmercimissALICE 2013-03-23 | | I know that she don't mind if I,
go away and I don't call
I know that she don't mind
if i'm absent through it all |

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I don't think I could pretend that it hurt
because we were just simply passing the time
and it was because we were both lonely
and found a warmth in each other
that only burned for so long

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this guys voice tho
I'm like super duper flippen proud of this

time.

xmercimissALICE 2013-03-11 | | Take this sinking boat
and point it home
we've still got time|

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I really miss my sister
and this song is so lovely and amazing on so many levels

the war.

xmercimissALICE 2013-03-07 | | I'll give you everything you need
but I don't think I need you |

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Theme: The theme is just that. Anything could happen. You can plan for everything and you can assume and hope that your life will go according to plan but in reality, one small thing could change it. Whether it be thinking you'll graduate and dropping out or thinking you'll stay with your high school sweet heart forever and get married and then breaking up. Maybe it is your whole life full of twist and turns. Maybe a sudden death you never expected. And you'll never know, you'll never be able to see it coming. Anything could happen.

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I don't think I prepared for any of this. I had an idea of how my life would play out and I would be happy. And I would fall in love and I would lose my virginity to that person and it would be romantic and we would be happy.
I never planned that person would cheat on me the entire time or him, or my other boyfriends that followed would hit me.
I never planned to be homeless multiple times or that my mom would simply just give up on being a parent when I was in 8th grade and so my sister had to raise me and take care of me. Because my mom rather party and do drugs then feed us.
I never planned to be attacked several times, to be so unlucky. Or maybe lucky because I survived it all.
And I never planned to drop out of school because I was too depressed and for it and my anxiety to rule my life.
But I also never planned that I would meet the love of my life shortly before I turned 18. That he would love me just the same. That we would build up and now we are living together and I have a job that I enjoy and i'm back on track and will be getting my ged soon. Of course I'm still scared and somedays are terrible and I just want to die but I have him and I have my two best friends even if I only see one of them every week.
Things aren't perfect for me, i'm not perfect. I'm a mess and I didn't plan on it and it's hard. But i'm making it through.
And I had no idea any of this would happen.
There were people I thought i'd spend my life with and it took me a long time to realize that I didn't need them. They were only contributing bad things towards my life. And I made that mistake over and over again.
But somewhere along the lines I finally got it right.

to keep.

xmercimissALICE 2013-02-14 | | And when you cry, a piece of my heart dies
knowing that I might have been the cause|

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this song has been stuck in my head lately so I thought I would make
a simple nice little diddy for valentines day
and for my boyfriend but of course he will never see this xD
so happy valentines day everyone!

The girl with the nipped wings.

xmercimissALICE 2013-02-08 | | Have I found you?
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding
or lost you, american mouth
big pill stuck going down |

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This is a story about a girl; a lovely but self-destructive and lonely girl. But for my sake, I pretended that she was happy. I pretended that I made her happy though I never really was sure what had made her so sad. So for my sake, I told her to ignore all of the pain and I told her to be happy with me. Until one day, very suddenly, she was gone. I knew that I had to find her. But the girl that I found was not her. Instead of her I found another lovely girl. A lovely girl that was so self-destructive and afraid of being alone that she could not take it anymore. She could not handle the pain anymore. And it was too late. I could not save her. She had gone. And that girl that I loved seemed to float in and out of my memories in a vague blur for a long time, until I did not know who she was anymore. But I don't think I ever really knew who she was.

know.

xmercimissALICE 2013-02-05 | | You could be happy,
I hope you are |

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I'll tell myself it's for the best
even though I know that's only true for you
I always said I'd miss you the most
because I loved you the most

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I pretty much only vid namora
ya know
oh well
this song came on on my way to work
and i was like wait this is snow patrol i never knew that
and then I wanted to vent with it
but I kept losing motivation
but I had today off and got up at 8 because I had to let the bright house guy in
we just moved and shit
so i was like might as well finish it
then slept the entire time it was saving
then got up and one clip wasn't the right size
so i saved it and slept again until it was done
so yeah anyways i'm proud of it which is good
because the entire time i was making it i was like
THIS SUCKS HOW CAN I MAKE IT BETTER
but my lack of knowing how to do cool effects paid off
I JUST WOKE UP SO I'M RAMBLING OKAY
it's also kinda weird that I edit namora only
because nami/riku is kinda my otp
well i guess they both are like lenalee/lavi and lenalee/kanda
but then kanali i'll always love a little bit more
okay i'm done

the storm.

xmercimissALICE 2013-01-19 | | And I will die alone
and be left there |

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a vent of sorts

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And one day
perhaps it will be better for you
and you carry yourself so well
that no one knows
but one day it will not just be that
it will not just be that you carry yourself with a smile
but you'll be happy and whole
and the pain will be distant
and not sharp in your side
and you are scared now
you are so scared
but one day you will be okay
and you won't cry in the middle of the night
and the unsure pain
won't cripple you
one day, i'll be okay

silent. | cms |

xmercimissALICE 2013-01-18 | | I found my head
roll down the dumps of twenty seventh street |

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The idea of this worm is that we all are venting about whatever we want
so i'm venting about something that i vent about on occasions and never makes much sense in videos
but it doesn't really make much sense in my head
and I feel silly
but it's getting worse

lately, I lose track of my thoughts
and then I am there
but before I was not
I don't know where I went
but all of the thought in the time I was gone
only play back in my head very far off and distant
as if they belong to someone else
and i'm certain that they do
i've been certain for awhile now
it seems silly to think that there is someone else in my head
but I lose track of time
and I think horrible things that aren't my own
and I can feel her back there
something that i'm most afraid of
is that I will go crazy
and I will be trapped in my mind
and it doesn't make much sense
and I feel silly talking about it
but it's very real to me

blind.

xmercimissALICE 2013-01-17 | | And I am blind
I can not find the heart I gave to you |

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I could have sworn,
I remembered loving you
I remember pacing the floor with you
I remember your steps in sync with mine
I remember a man and I swore that I loved him
and we swore that our future was ours
but now I see you
and you pass by me
and I pass by you
and I don't see you at all any longer
and I don't remember loving you at all anymore

decay. | 500+ subs |

xmercimissALICE 2013-01-08 | | Let us be entertained
let me believe it ends this way |

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You have to understand, I did it because it was best for me. And even though I love you, it was best. This was how I was taught. This was the only way. And it was all I knew until I was sure all I knew was loving you. But that isn't quite right, is it? Please know I'm okay with this and I'll be happy like this. Don't doubt for a moment my love for you and please don't think that I love him. I really can't stand him. I don't love him. I don't love the way that he speaks or the sounds of his feet on the floor when he hears me. And I do not love the way that he touches my skin. He is not you. And this is why I know we are wrong. He can't hurt me this way. He can't because I love you. But now I'll be safe. And I'll grow up and I'll grow old and I'll die. And then I will rot. And I'll have been happy. This is how it's supposed to be and I'm okay with it, I really am. I'm prepared for it. You must understand that I seek the safety of illusions and lies. I'd rather the illusions. I'd rather grow old and die then die from a broken heart. We were not meant to fall in love. We're meant to be happy without love. So I'm choosing the illusions and the comfort in the safety. And I will no longer hear your words, spoken in your voice. And my heart will no longer ache. And I'm sorry. Believe me, I'm sorry. I'm aching already. I love you but I'm sorry. I want to be happy. I want to be safe. So please let me go where you voice, your touch, and your warmth can not reach me and scar me. I was not meant to fall in love with you. And I'm so sorry. I do not love him so I'll go to him because that is where it is safe and that is what everyone expects of me.

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The story kinda has to do with this really good book series I'm reading where love is treated as a disease.

And I'll always believe this song was about settling. We all have the way we think love should be and our fairy tales and then we end up with someone we don't really love at all. We want to be happy so we accept it, we lie to ourselves ad we deceive ourselves to be happy. In this, Serah loves Noel but is suppose to marry Snow. And is raised believing that you are not supposed to fall in love.

On to the thanks.

I've realize that the first 100 or so of you have been with me through so much. Through my first three terrible relationships, all of the abuse and pain, and all of the relationships that never quite made it. You've seen my friendships fall and new ones come. You've seen me go through so much pain and a lot of you have been there for me. And as I've gotten more subscribers, more people could see what I went through and all of my hopes and all of my ideas and they could watch them in vents or just stories and poems I made up.

A lot of you have come such a long way with me. For me, making videos was never about getting subscribers. Even if I had none, I would continue to make videos because it is a way of venting for me. I put out little pieces of my life into each and every video that I make. And even ones that are just for one or have a story, still have a piece of my heart and a part of me that relates to it in some sort of way. There are so many of my videos that I put everything into. I think as far as viding wise, this year has been great for me. I think I've come along way and though I'm envious of a lot of editors, I really do love my style. I've made some pretty great and important videos to me. And I've also met a lot of wonderful and talented editors and I'm very happy for that. And I'm so grateful that you all have stayed with me for as long as you have or decided that you like what I make enough to want to subscribe to me. So no, I don't need subscribers. But it does make me very happy.

I've been viding since seventh grade so that's about six or seven years. And I have naturally come along way. And my editing style has changed since I started. But I think I really do try to stick close to emotions. I really do try to convey them into every single one of my videos and give everyone something raw that they can relate to. My music taste has really changed since then as well. I chose to do this song because it has always been one of my favorite Meg and Dia songs. And because I wanted this year for me to try and make videos using some of the older artists that I love. Or even to use the ones I love know and don't make enough videos for like Lyida and Christina Perri. Of course, I'm still going to edit with my newer music but I really would like to try and do this.
Anyways, thank you all so much. All of your comments and words honestly mean so much to me and I really do try to reply to everyone. Thank you the ones have been here forever and thank you to the ones who are new and I really hope you like what I put out.

pattern.

xmercimissALICE 2012-12-28 | | I hope that there's more left in me. |

wasted on you.

xmercimissALICE 2012-12-23 | | I know that you want me to want you I want to |

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It was as if. .
well it was sorta like
one night he had gone to sleep
and the next morning I awoke without him
and he never woke up
he just kept dreaming
but he did wake up
and something had changed
like things tend to do over the course of five years
and I didn't want him to go
no, of course not
but it wasn't really him anymore
it was as if. .
he never really woke up that morning
and I could crawl in beside him
and I would take my place and curl up beside him
I would rest my head on his chest and feel him breathe beneath me
as he stood in the door way and wondered what was wrong
and I would lay there
and I would just keep wishing
it was sorta like. . he never woke up
and I awoke that morning
and every morning after that
and lived with him and moved with him
but he never woke up

I really cant stay.

xmercimissALICE 2012-12-19 | | I outta say no, no, no, sir
at least i'm gonna say that I tried |

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okay so this is probably the first christmas in two/three years i'm looking forward to and not hating
because i usually do hate christmas
but it's the first one with living with my baby
and we have a christmas tree
and i bought presents
so i'm putting aside my hate for it right now
and hoping it will be a proper one because it's probably been six years since i've had a good one
so i wanted to make a video
and there was a version of this song that came on all the time at work
they both had such sweet voices
i couldn't find it
but i thought this one was nice
anyways
merry christmas everyone and happy new year
and happy holidays
and all of that c':

with you.

xmercimissALICE 2012-12-08 | This video is dedicated to my best friend in the entire world, viktoriaiscompanyx.

Because she is wonderful and amazing. I'm not exactly sure why I made this, I was watching the voice and cassadee song this song and I just had this overwhelming desire to vid with it. And as soon as the whole vanilla/namine idea came into my head I thought of her. And since the birthday video I made for her back in august was just such crap I can make it up now with this little thing. Because she both love Cassadee and I love her and this was a pretty great rendition of the song (personally I think it was better than avril's) and since Melanie went home of course Cassadee needs to win this now. And if I haven't said this yet, I apologize if the chroma keyer scenes are weird. Like I tried. I TRIED OKAY.

So anyways the rest is to Vikki and you don't have to read it.

Dear Vikki,
You should know there aren't a lot of days where I don't miss you, where I don't think about you. I'm nostalgic for all of the times that we used to spend together. It's very hard spending everyday with someone for a long period of time, spending almost everyday with someone for a good amount of years, and then seeing them every couple of months. I miss every little thing about you and the time that we spent together. I miss our silly little fights over accidentally hitting each other in ctr and our bigger fights over the terrible guys I dated and my friends that you didn't like, or your friends that I didn't like. I miss all of our creative games and playing them in the way too hot weather of florida or the cold weather with our noses running. I remember one time we even got into a fight and you walked off and I just kinda stood by the basketball court freezing. But you came back for me like you always did. There were a lot of times we didn't agree, there are still a lot of times we don't agree. But you have always been there 100 % no matter what. And I know you always will be. And though I didn't grow up with you in your neighborhood, I did grow up with you. We matured together and a lot of times, we hurt together. I never wanted to be a bad friend to you, and I know there were times that I was. I can't take them back but I am sorry. I couldn't see how foolish I was being back then. And I couldn't tell myself to let it go and simply just not fight with you. But I always had to fight you on things. I don't think I'll ever have the bond I had with you, with anyone else. And you are so smart, adorable, and funny. I know one time you said you hated yourself, but you're a really great person. You have grown so much. And if you don't see it now, hopefully you do. I feel like this isn't coming out as good as I wanted it to but oh well. I love you and I miss you so much. I always miss you. You really are my best friend.

seventeen.

xmercimissALICE 2012-12-02 | | But i'm not seventeen
and I lost it in between |

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this is a vent too
I have a lot of emotions right now
i'm just very depressed.

cough syrup.

xmercimissALICE 2012-12-02 | | one more spoon of cough syrup now. .
one more spoon of cough syrup now |

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vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent.vent

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i'm just really depressed
usually when I vid with a song and i'm venting with it
I really like to get down the meaning or interpretations of the meaning
but for this I just kinda saw my own meaning and went with it

on another note i've been meaning to edit with one of melanie's renditions
literally every time she sings on the voice i'm like
wow I love this I need to edit with it
and then never get around to it
this rendition in particular was one of my favorites by far
her voice is so beautiful and so is she
and i'm very happy she's made it to the top 6
like as much as I love cassadee i'd rather her not win because I feel like she could get a record deal no matter what
but melanie is so unique
I mean I listen to a lot of female indie artists but as far as famous singers go
there aren't enough out there with a voice even close to hers
SO EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH THE VOICE AND VOTE FOR HER
like what am I doing this is a vent and i'm going off about melanie
but like she is perfect
also different effects and transitions then normal for me
yah well like one new effect and transition. . whatever.
I explore at my own pace

slamming doors.

xmercimissALICE 2012-11-28 | | They were kids that I once knew
now they're all dead hearts to you |

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Theme: Theme: It's a common part of life to lose people. You had these friends that have been there since you were young, since middle school, maybe they were only your friend for a year or so. Maybe you weren't even that close. But these were people that you may have grown up with, spent a good amount of time with. These are people that made up a good part of your life for some amount of time. You cared about them so much. But things happen and friendships fall apart. And sometimes people move on and you don't. It's as if you are stuck in a place, watching their backs as they walk away from you. You can't even say that they think about you anymore, that they even miss you. But you miss them. Your heart aches for them. They were there and now they are gone. They are still out there, they are living their life and you are not a part of it anymore though you wish to be. And it hurts. Because you care and they don't.

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I'm sure most of you guessed that I came up with this theme, well I come up with most of them but I thought that. . I think that this was a very important and good theme for us all. For me, caring about people comes very easily and I get attached very easily. There are people who I barley know or talk to that I care very much for because that's just the type of person I am. I turned 19 last week. For as long as I can remember I constantly watched people I care about walk out of my life, my best friends from childhood, my best friends from middle school, my best friends from high school, and even my not so close friends. They all moved on. And once they made up a great deal of my life, my days revolved around them. And now they are gone. And I can't say they think about me anymore. But I think about them often. There aren't a lot of nights where I lay awake thinking about the time I spent with them and how they are now. And I miss them. They were people I was so close with for a time, people I shared so many thoughts and ideas with. They were people I loved. They were my friends but the moved on. They left me behind. They left me to miss them and they may not even care. But I care. I care and I will always care. I tell stories of them. I knew them all once. But they are gone now and it hurts. I still care and it hurts. I see them and it hurts. I wish that they still cared to try. But it's not like they're really even there anymore. They have all gone and I have a memory of what I knew. But they have gone. They are gone. So in case any one else is feeling this way or has felt this way, I thought it was important that we made a video about it.

happy.

xmercimissALICE 2012-11-27 | | You'll just throw away
every word I say |

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this is a very misleading title and so I apology
but on another note me and my boyfriend are mostly back to /normal/
as normal as you can get at this point
but we will be back to normal in time
I just wanted to vid something
and this is a very lovely song

darling.

xmercimissALICE 2012-11-13 | | So I curse you, my vampire heart
for letting me love you
love you
for letting me love you from the start |

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I don't even know how to explain it to anyways
because i don't get it
i'm confused myself
how could I have not seen that you were unhappy?
how could it have gone on for so long?
and what do I do now?
you're the one
you will always be the one
what can I hope to do now?
I can't hope to love anyone again
I can only love you
how can you do it?
we were so happy
I thought we were happy
If I hadn't loved you then maybe
but
how will I be happy again
you were the only one

the ghost.

xmercimissALICE 2012-11-09 | | But I swear you didn't care
because we were in love |

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it's not going anywhere
it hasn't for awhile
I think it's time I give up
and let it go
move on
but i'm not sure I ever could
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This song came on while Vikki was taking me home
and it was just kinda like "wow I use to really love this song"
because I did
I made a video for it back in the old days before my psycho ex of the time deleted all of my videos
it was a kanda and rinali one and I didn't have dgm clips on this computer
but I felt like I really needed to make a video again for it
I couldn't tell you what the last one was about
or maybe I could
I think I know who because that person meant a lot to me
I just really needed to make this
and I know i've been making a lot of like break upey videos
me and my boyfriend are fine
they just end up being the things I vent about
also this is dedicated to vikki since it came on in her boyfriend's car

I would have

xmercimissALICE 2012-11-05 | | I touched your lips and held your hands
when they were shaking |

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I think you must have not known me
because if you had told me all of these troubles
all of the emotions and places you were stuck in
you fought with
a daily battle
I would have let you leave

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as good as it gets.

xmercimissALICE 2012-11-02 | | The bitter in you
and the quitter in me
is bigger than the both of us |

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aside from a bit of circle overdose through the second half of the video
I AM SO PROUD OF THIS
/sob
I didn't know the actual meaning of the song before I started this
I assumed it was about about a relationship but it turns out it is a love letter to his heroin addiction
which I think is very interesting
so I think maybe when I feel like venting about one of my problems i'll make another video for this song
I really liked the bridge and the ending and would have loved to do them as well
this actually only took me three or so hours
it was also nice doing something in sora's pov
of course there was a bit of nami's towards the end

folding chair.

xmercimissALICE 2012-10-21 | | There's a shadow you can't see my eyes
And the sea is just a wetter version of the skies |

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just a little diddy took me about 20 minutes idk maybe less
I JUST WANTED TO DO SOMETHING CUTE OKAY
anyways i'm only up to episode 12 so maybe something serious after my heart breaks
because i'm sure it will once I continue
so there will probably be another asuna/kirito feels video later
possibly
don't hold me to it
but i'm home all day by myself
so yah
but more serious and probably a lot more painful then this one
do you guys remember when I only edited with anime?
no? me either
jk it was like two years ago
but i'm watching a lot more anime now like the good ol days
so expect some sukitte ii na yo and more sao and maybe tonari whatever the rest of the name is because i never remember

love you.

xmercimissALICE 2012-10-19 | | But no one is ever gonna
love you more than I do |

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just had to do this part of the song
real quick and get this out there
for mine and my boyfriend's one year
which is monday
yay

walls.

xmercimissALICE 2012-10-18 | | Eyes are open the mouth cries
I haven't slept since summer |

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Theme: Imprisonment or to be trapped.

Red Raven Studio's halloween mep
oh wow I don't hate my part for once c':
anyways this theme was very personal for me
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I'm sure at the time, and the whole time since, you really believe that you could forget. And try as I might, I can't seem to shake away those terrible memories. It was so long ago but at night when I think back to it, it seems like it only happened the day before. And I can't seem to forget. I can't bury or lock away the memories. So you should know, that just because you survived and just because you got away, you aren't really free. The door is still closed and you'll always be trapped.

unexpected.

xmercimissALICE 2012-10-18 | | What's wrong with me?
I keep on letting you down. |

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But you can't have both of them

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This was requested by foudroyantsun. Go subscribe to her because she is amazing. http://www.youtube.com/user/FoudroyantSun

I this this is my first request. Maybe like ever. Hopefully she loves this ;w;
When I first listened to the song, an idea immediately popped into my head as the plot for this. So if it's not obvious I'll break it down for you. We all interpret songs in our own way and especially when it comes to make videos, we think us all of these crazy ideas. So I thought what if I made a video on a very common human "mistake". Sometimes when you're in a relationship you still hold on to a past love for someone else and you can't quite give the person you are currently with you're all. Or sometimes you're just guilty of loving more then one person. And it's okay, it happens. You're human. I know this has happened to me before (not in my current relationship because I'm fully in love with my boyfriend but in past ones) so this is what that video is about. Namine isn't really with either of them but she wants both of them because she loves them so much. They both make her feel different things and she loves them for different reasons. But she couldn't hold onto them both forever so she had to let one of them go.
KINDA LIKE HOW IT WAS FOR ELENA WITH STEFAN AND DAMON.

love + loss.

xmercimissALICE 2012-10-17 | | I pray that you will find peace of mind
And I'll find you another time
I'll love you, another time |

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this is a vent
i'm just unsure of what i'm in need of venting of
and just that I must
I probably should have made something a bit happier
my one year with my boyfriend is coming up in about a week
maybe later i'll work on something for that
or tomorrow
and i'm sorry my transitions always fade out weird
like they fade out and then they flicker back on
I assume it's my coloring but usually I can fix it with making them fade to black
but I used a texture this time so idk it made it more noticeable
but it didn't look bad or anything so I didn't see a reason to fix it
any who
enjoy

attempt number two at uploading this
youtube fuck your shit

i'm so mad I had to pitch this

the cracks.

xmercimissALICE 2012-10-06 | | No one believes me
I can't even trust me |

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mep part for Catalyst Miracles halloween mep

Theme: Paranoia/fear of the unexplained or fear that you are crazy. At one point in time something has happened to you that makes you rethink everything. That you whole heartedly believe but no one else seems to. You start to wonder if you're crazy. You wonder if everyone else thinks you're crazy. Not only are you scared of this but you're also scared of the truth. What really happened? What did I really experience? Am I crazy? Or was something actually there?

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I need to stop venting about this
I need to stop acknowledging this

its-me&you.

xmercimissALICE 2012-10-02 | | Same as I love you,
you'll always love me too
this love isn't good unless
it's me and you |

tricycle.

xmercimissALICE 2012-10-02 | | You don't want me around
to tie you up |

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okay so a few things
I feel like I don't give this pairing enough love so I decided to vid it
also
this cover
happens to be sung by a girl I know
I went to middle school with her, was fairly close with her, and I sat next to her everyday at lunch
yet I never knew she sang so beautiful and had so a wonderful voice
so it's probably a tad bit creepy to use her cover?
idk
her voice is just so nice
if you want to listen to some of her other covers
this is her soundcloud http://soundcloud.com/rebekah-grinstead

star.

xmercimissALICE 2012-09-30 | | You don't love me, big fucking deal
i'll never tell, you how I feel |

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this is what happens when I listen to marina and the diamonds
the acoustic versions of her songs are so wonderful
I really like this one

other.

xmercimissALICE 2012-09-30 | | And I will claim that I love you
and I am the one who birthed you |

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Sometimes I feel like I might be crazy
and I'm so scared of it now
that i'm sure when i'm older it will be worse
and that she will get worse
and I don't really understand it yet
maybe I should be acknowledging it
but I can feel her there
and sometimes I don't really feel like me
sometimes I don't really think like me
I think these horrible things
and right after I know I wasn't the one who thought that way
as if they belonged to another girl
she's not me
and I feel crazy for even thinking she might be there
but sometimes it really feels like it
and it must be my fault
maybe if I had protected myself better
maybe if I had walked away from things sooner
maybe I wouldn't have become a monster like them
maybe this is her revenge
but i'm probably just crazy
and I don't think she's really there
probably.

father.

xmercimissALICE 2012-09-22 | | But I just don't know
what to do without you anymore |

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I never knew you thought about those things. I guess to me you always seemed like a distant man. You didn't really bother with trivial things. You didn't care about what happened after. But I guess that's not like you at all.

You left a long time ago and at first I couldn't understand and I think I cried. But it was so long ago. And then I couldn't understand why I always feared that everyone would leave me. But it all came back to you. So then I think I was angry and I must have cried. And then I saw you trying and in all honesty, I missed you so much. So I think I must have cried.

I hadn't talk to you in almost two weeks and I had been meaning to hear your voice, let you know work was well, my boyfriend and I were well, my life was well. But we got caught up in this conversation.

And I just want you to come back. I always thought you would. I always dreamed you would.