Name: Friendtopia - feat. Rachel Bloom, Vella Lovell, & Gabrielle Ruiz - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend @racheldoesstuff
Uploaded: 2026-09-27T08:17:00-05:00
Duration: 8 min 17 s
Description: Friendtopia - feat. Rachel Bloom, Vella Lovell, & Gabrielle Ruiz - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Friendtopia - feat. Rachel Bloom, Vella Lovell, & Gabrielle Ruiz - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2026-09-27 | Friendtopia - feat. Rachel Bloom, Vella Lovell, & Gabrielle Ruiz - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Oh My God I Think Its Over

racheldoesstuff 2022-06-07 | A Crazy Ex-Girlfriend documentary made in 2019 and directed by Katie Hyde.

Remembering Adam Schlesinger

racheldoesstuff 2021-04-21 | On April 1, 2020 Adam Schlesinger passed away from complications due to COVID-19.

I had the unbelievably good fortune to know and work with Adam for 5 years, but my experience just represents a sliver of his unbelievable career.
His versatile talent and gift for songwriting allowed him to straddle multiple genres and musical eras. A successful songwriter for both TV and film, his credits range from the theme songs of your favorite shows to the soundtracks of your favorite films. Beyond the big screen, he took to the stage as a musician in the bands Fountains Of Wayne, Tinted Windows, Fever High, and Ivy. He truly did it all.

This tribute celebrates and emphasizes the magnitude of Schlesinger's work, through the lens of his many collaborators, including myself and:

Jody Porter
Brian Young
Stephen Colbert
Sarah Silverman
Kathy Griffin
David Javerbaum
Ben Lee
Dominique Durand
Kay Hanley
Sam Hollander
Steven Gold
Andy Chase
Anna Nordeen
Aline Brosh McKenna
David Bar Katz
Mean
Julian Velard
Taylor Locke
Josh Stoddard
Meghan Buckley
Fran Drescher

Produced by: Carly Mulvenna
Edited by: Katrina Lim and Josh Stoddard

A Conversation About the Clitoris with Dr. Laurie Mintz

racheldoesstuff 2020-02-27 | In October 2019, I had an amazing conversation at UCLA with Dr. Laurie Mintz about the clitoris and female pleasure. This is a cut-down version of the full conversation. Dr. Mintz is the author of the book Becoming Cliterate and a professor at the University of Florida.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 4 Gag Reel (NSFW)

racheldoesstuff 2019-10-11 | The four season-long saga of Manuel Baca finally wraps up in this gripping finale.

Edited by Kabir Akhtar and the CXG Post Production Team
With Annoying and Nitpick-ey Notes from Rachel Bloom

Answer key to the various inside jokes:

-As in the Season 3 gag reel, "Ira" continues to refer to script supervisor Ira Hurvitz. Ira surprised Rachel by reading the fake texts aloud.

-Rachel could not stop laughing when serious Dr. Roth was speaking, for Dr. Roth was played by her husband, Dan Gregor. Fun fact about Dan Gregor: at the time of this writing, he had recently impregnated Rachel. Nice work, Gregor!

-The part of the prosecutor was played by CXG co-creator and showrunner Aline Brosh McKenna making her network television acting debut.

-Well, that's it. This is the last bit of work I needed to do for the television show "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend." Thank you to everyone for watching.

Im So Happy 4 U - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (feat. Rachel Bloom)

racheldoesstuff 2019-08-07 | This song was cut from episode 405 because Rachel looked TOO good in that tracksuit.

Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen and Adam Schlesinger
Directed by Erin Ehrlich
Edited by AJ Dickerson and Leandra Schatzman
Additional Editing by Kelly Soll
Featuring Rachel Bloom, Donna Lynne Champlin, Vella Lovell, Gabrielle Ruiz and Plant

Rebecca:
O.M.G.
YOU’LL NEVER GUESS
WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME
I JUST HEARD THE NEWS
THE NEWS ABOUT YOU
AND IT’S JUST SO GREAT
OH YEAH
UH-HUH

L.O.L.
I REALLY HAVEN’T BEEN
DOING SO WELL
BUT THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT
RIGHT NOW
‘CAUSE LIKE LOOK AT YOU WOW
YOU’RE STRAIGHT UP KILLING IT
YAY

I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU
I’M JUST SO HAPPY FOR YOU
CAUSE THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU

IT’S NOT ABOUT
ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME
ME-ME-ME-ME
NOT ABOUT
ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME
ME-ME-ME-ME
ME-ME-ME-ME-ME
ME-ME-ME-ME
IT’S NOT ABOUT ME

I CAN’T BELIEVE
WHAT YOU’VE DONE
BEING YOU LOOKS SO FUN
YOU GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT
WHILE ME I’M RIDDLED WITH DOUBT

J.K. J.K.
BUT ACTUALLY FOR REALS
I JUST CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL
THAT GOOD STUFF’S
COMING FOR ME TOO

BUT, NEVERMIND-NEVERMIND-NEVERMIND
THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU.

I’LL BE RIGHT BACK

I REALLY AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU
WISH I WAS HAPPY LIKE YOU
‘CAUSE IT’S ALWAYS ALL ABOUT YOU
GOD FORBID SOMETHING GOOD
SHOULD HAPPEN TO

ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME
ME-ME-ME-ME
HAPPEN TO
ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME
ME-ME-ME

IT DOESN’T MATTER
IT’S NOT ABOUT ME

HERE I GOT YOU THIS PLANT.

West Covina (Live) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | The pretzel is now enjoying a peaceful retirement in Rachel Bloom's backyard.

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Rachel Bloom, Gabrielle Ruiz, David Hull, Burl Moseley, Michael McMillian, Clark Moore, Pete Gardner, Scott Michael Foster, Danny Jolles, Vella Lovell, Esther Povitsky and Skylar Astin
Written by: Rachel Bloom and Jerome Kurtenbach
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

Fit Hot Guys Have Problems, Too (Live) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | TV's Pete Gardner, everyone!

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Pete Gardner
Kinda Also Featuring: Scott Michael Foster and David Hull
Written by: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

Gettin Bi (Live) (feat. Pete Gardner) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | Let That Bi Flag Fly.

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Pete Gardner
Written by Adam Schlesinger
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

I Hate Everything But You (Live) (feat. Skylar Astin) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | Even with lights in his face, Skylar still managed to find the camera and look right down the barrel of the lens like a true theater kid.

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Skylar Astin
Written by: Adam Schlesinger, Jack Dolgen, and Rachel Bloom
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

The Darkness/You Stupid Bitch (Live) (feat. Rachel Bloom) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | Thank you to all of you.

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Rachel Bloom
Written by: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, Jack Dolgen, and Aline Brosh McKenna
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

Heavy Boobs (Live) (The Cut Encore) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | I mean, do you really need a description for this?

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Rachel Bloom, Michael Hyatt, Gabrielle Ruiz, David Hull, Burl Moseley, Michael McMillian, Clark Moore, Pete Gardner, Scott Michael Foster, Danny Jolles, Vella Lovell, Esther Povitsky and Skylar Astin
Written by: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

Im So Good at Yoga (Live) (feat. Gabrielle Ruiz) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | Will I regret putting a video of a mob of people saying "Rachel Bloom sucks" on the Internet because it will likely be used against me in the form of an insulting gif? You bet!

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Gabrielle Ruiz, Rachel Bloom, Gabrielle Ruiz, Burl Moseley, Michael McMillian, Clark Moore, Pete Gardner, Scott Michael Foster, Danny Jolles, Vella Lovell and Esther Povitsky
Written by: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

The Moment is Me (Live) (feat. Vella Lovell and David Hull) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | David Hull, everyone!

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: David Hull, Vella Lovell, David Hull and David Hull
Written by: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

Im a Good Person (Live) (feat. Rachel Bloom and her parents) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | DAD.

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, Alan Bloom and Shelli Bloom
Written by: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

A Diagnosis/Anti-Depressants Medley (Live) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | Yes, it's really us tapping.

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Rachel Bloom, Michael Hyatt, Gabrielle Ruiz, David Hull, Burl Moseley, Michael McMillian, Clark Moore, Pete Gardner, Scott Michael Foster, Danny Jolles, Vella Lovell, Esther Povitsky and Skylar Astin
Written by: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

Head in the Clouds/Angry Mad (Live) (feat. Vincent Rodriguez III) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | If Gene Kelly learned how to fight it would look like this.

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Vincent Rodriguez III and Danny Jolles
Written by: Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen
Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

Lets Generalize About Men (Live) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | Sing along if you know the words. Haha now you're just singing to yourself at work and people are looking at you haha

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Rachel Bloom, Vella Lovell, Donna Lynne Champlin, Gabrielle Ruiz and Esther Povitsky

Written by: Adam Schlesinger, Rachel Bloom and Jack Dolgen

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

The Sexy Getting Medley Song (Live) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | NSFW Probably?

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Rachel Bloom, Scott Michael Foster, Donna Lynne Champlin, Vella Lovell, Gabrielle Ruiz, Michael McMillian, Burl Moseley, Pete Gardner and Vincent Rodriguez III

Written by: Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen and Adam Schlesinger

Choreographed by: Kathryn Burns

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

Maybe This Dream (Extended Version) (feat. Donna Lynne Champlin) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | YES, it's really her singing.

From "Yes, It's Really Us Singing! - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Donna Lynne Champlin
Written by: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

Dannys Turn (Live) (feat. Danny Jolles) - The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-17 | Danny finally gets to finish his so

From "Yes It's Really Us Singing: The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert"

Starring: Danny Jolles
Written by: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen

GET THE ALBUM: lnk.to/cegLiveRa

West Covina (Final Reprise) - feat. Rachel Bloom & Donna Lynne Champlin - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-06 | GET THE SONG: lnk.to/ceg4

West Covina (Final Reprise)
Starring Rachel Bloom & Donna Lynne Champlin
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Jerome Kurtenbach

Paula:
IT’S NOT JUST SOME COINCIDENCE,
NOT RANDOM, NOT BY CHANCE
WHO’D OF THUNK IT
YOU’RE REMARKABLE
NOT WEIRD OR DUMB OR CRAY
WHAT YOU NEED…

Rebecca & Paula:
JUST HAPPENS TO BE HERE

Eleven OClock - feat. Rachel Bloom - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-04-06 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Eleven O'Clock
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, Adam Schlesinger, and Aline Brosh McKenna

Rebecca:

IT’S ELEVEN O’CLOCK
ELEVEN O’CLOCK
AND THE DEADLINE IS ANYTIME TODAY
BUT I WON’T KNOW BY ELEVEN O’CLOCK TONIGHT
JUST LIKE I DIDN’T KNOW AT ELEVEN O’CLOCK YESTERDAY

Oh good, an abstract theatrical space. Now, I can actually think.

IT’S ELEVEN O’CLOCK AND BY ELEVEN O’CLOCK
SHOULDN’T I HAVE EARNED A FRICKIN’ EVER AFTER?
I’VE DONE THE WORKBOOKS, TAKEN THE PILLS
WHAT MORE COULD I DO?
HOW DO I STILL NOT KNOW MYSELF
AFTER ALL THAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH?

I WAS
WORKING HARD AT A NEW YORK JOB
MAKIN’ DOUGH BUT IT MADE ME BLUE
ONE DAY, I WAS CRYING A LOT
AND SO, I DECIDED TO MOVE TO
WEST COVINA, CALIFORNIA
BRAND NEW PALS AND NEW CAREER
I ADMITTED THAT’S WHERE JOSH LIVED
AND THAT’S WHAT BROUGHT ME HERE
‘CAUSE I WAS…

JUST A GIRL IN LOVE
DIDN’T WANT TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS
I HAD MANY UNDERLYING ISSUES TO ADDRESS

AND I DID AND DIDN’T WANT TO BE CRAZY
NO WAIT, I DIDN’T DID WANT TO BE CRAZY
TO CLARIFY, I GOT A

DIAGNOSIS
A DIAGNOSIS
AND I NAMED THE DARKNESS

AND THOUGH I KNEW I’D HAVE PROBLEMS AGAIN,
I know I gotta move on to a new song, but I wanna keep disco-ing.

I WANTED TO

BE A GOOD PERSON
YES, IT’S TRUE
BE A GOOD PERSON
BUT BETTER THAN WHO?

THIS MEDLEY JUST GOT SUPER INTENSE
‘CAUSE LIFE DOESN’T REALLY MAKE NARRATIVE SENSE

IT’S ELEVEN O’CLOCK
ELEVEN O’CLOCK
I NEED TO END THIS SONG, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW

ELEVEN O’CLOCK
STILL ELEVEN O’CLOCK
WELL, REBECCA, YOU’VE DONE IT NOW

YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, YOU STUPID BITCH
UPROOTED EVERYTHING AND SAID YOU’D MADE A SWITCH
BUT YOU’RE STILL A POOPY LITTLE SLUT WHO LIVES IN A DREAM
AND DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE

THIS WHOLE JOURNEY’S BEEN A CROCK

IN CASE YOU CAN’T TELL TIME, IT’S STILL ELEVEN O’CLOCK

Loves Not A Game - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-30 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Love's Not A Game
Starring David Hull, Esther Povitsky, Parvesh Cheena, Donna Lynne Champlin, Michael McMillian, Burl Moseley, Vella Lovell, Erick Lopez, Danny Jolles, Clark Moore, Johnny Meeks, Gabrielle Ruiz, Pete Gardner, Gina Gallego, & Rene Gube
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, Adam Schlesinger, and Dan Gregor

White Josh:
HOW DARE YOU PLAY WITH LOVE?
HAVE YOU NO DECENCY?
LOVE IS WHAT CREATED
HIM AND HIM
AND HER AND ME

HOW DARE YOU PLAY WITH LOVE?
IS NOTHING SACRED TO YOU, LADY SIR?

Paula:
I think the word is just ma’am.

White Josh:
LOVE IS WHAT UNITES
ME AND YOU
AND HIM AND HER

AND HIM AND HIM
AND ME AS WELL

JK LOL.

White Josh:
LOVE’S NOT A GAME
LOVE’S NOT A GAME
NONE OF US WOULD EVER SAY LOVE’S A GAME.

THAT WOULD BE BAD
YOU CAN BE SURE-A
BUT I’M IN THE MOOD TO WEAR THIS COOL FEDORA

Everyone:
LOVE’S NOT A GAME
LOVE’S NOT A GAME
WE WOULD NEVER PLAY WITH LOVE
LIKE IT’S A GAME

Jim:
BUT IF WE DID

Tim:
AND THAT WOULD BE WRONG

Jim & Tim:
WE’D PUT 30 BUCKS DOWN THAT JOSH HAS THE BIGGEST SCHLONG

Hector:
Oh interesting, I’ll double that.

Paula:
I’ll triple that.

Kevin:
LOVE IS NOT OLYMPIANS
SPRINTING DOWN COURSES

Heather:
THEY’RE OUR DEAR FRIENDS
THEY ARE NOT HORSES

Darryl:
THEIR LOVE IS PURE
GROOM MEETS BRIDE

Maya:
SO WE’D NEVER SPOIL IT
WITH A DEATH POOL ON THE SIDE

Mrs. Hernandez:
Josh. Age 52. Parasailing accident.

Maya:
That’s so smart. Same.

White Josh:
LOVE’S AN END GAME
BUT IT’S NOT A GAME

George:
OUR MOUTHS KEEP SAYING THAT
BUT OUR HANDS NEED CHANGE

Valencia:
PUT 30 ON RED
POETICALLY
FOR RED’S THE COLOR
OF A HEART THAT BEATS FREE

Red is also Greg. It – it’s Greg.

Everyone:
WE DEFINITELY SHOULDN’T DO THIS
WE DEFINITELY SHOULDN’T DO THIS
THIS IS BAD, THIS IS BAD
WE’RE GOING TO HELL
THIS IS BAD!

Father Brah:
I WILL GIVE MY COUNSEL
AS A GRADUATE OF PRIEST SCHOOL

AJ:
Pre-school?

Father Brah:
No, priest school.

I JUST TALKED TO JESUS
AND HE SAID THAT IT’S COOL

Everyone:
JESUS SAID IT’S COOL.

Sunil:
BILLS! BILLS! BROADWAY PLAYBILLS!
FLOPS ONLY APPRECIATE OVER TIME.

Everyone:
ODDS! SIXES!
DICE! MONOGAMY!

White Josh:
LOVE’S NOT A GAME
LOVE’S NOT A GAME
THAT BEING SAID, LET’S MAKE IT RAIN!

WHILE CUPID FLIES
IN FROM ABOVE

Everyone:
THE GROUP MIND HAS DECIDED TO BET ON LOVE

LOVE’S NOT A GAME
LOVE’S NOT A GAME
LOVE’S NOT A GAME

JOSH SHOULD BE WARY OF PARASAILS!

Theres No Bathroom - feat. Weird Al Yankovic - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-30 | There's No Bathroom
Starring "Weird Al" Yankovic & Skylar Astin
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, Adam Schlesinger, and Dan Gregor

Bernie:
THERE’S NO BATHROOM
THERE’S NO BATHROOM
IF SHE NEEDS TO USE THE BATHROOM
TELL HER THAT THERE IS NO BATHROOM
PLEASE DON’T PEE IN MY BALLOON
THIS MAY BE A BIT MORE BUMPY
THAN A PLANE RIDE OR A TAXI
BUT I PROMISE IT IS WORTH IT
AND YOUR LADY, SHE WILL SWOON!

Greg:
Ah, alright. Got it.

Bernie:
PLEASE DON’T POOP IN MY BALLOON!

Loves Not A Game (Reprise) - feat. Rachel Bloom - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-30 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Love's Not A Game (Reprise)
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

Rebecca:
LOVE IS A GAME
LOVE IS A GAME
BUT I’VE NEVER ENJOYED PLAYING ANY SORT OF GAME

I HATE ROUND OBJECTS FLYING AT MY HEAD
IN 7TH GRADE
I CONVINCED THE PRINCIPAL
TO LET ME COUNT BAT MITZVAH PREP AS MY PHYS ED.

IN GAMES YOU CAN GET HURT
IN GAMES YOU CAN GET BRUISED
IN ORDER FOR A VICTORY, SOMEONE ELSE MUST LOSE
AND IT’S A SIGN OF WEAKNESS
TO JUST THROW IN THE TOWEL
PEOPLE HATE WHEN YOU PLAY DIRTY
WHICH I THINK IS CALLED A FOUL?

IF LOVE’S A GAME
IF LOVE’S A GAME
THEN IN FORFEITING, I FIND NO SHAME
THIS WHOLE THING IS A POWDER KEG
I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO CANCEL ON… Greg?

JAP Battle (Reprise) - feat. Rachel Bloom & Rachel Grate - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-23 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

JAP Battle (Reprise)
Starring Rachel Bloom & Rachel Grate
Written by Adam Schlesinger, Zach Sherwin, Jack Dolgen & Rachel Bloom

Audra:
ALL OF OUR LIVES YOU WERE TOXIC
OBNOXIOUS
NOW THOUGH, YOU’VE BROUGHT ME FROM NAUSEOUS TO NACHES
I’M PROUD OF YOU, BUNCH
YOU’RE A GROWN-UP, YOU GOT THIS
KOL HAKAVOD, YOU’RE A GODDESS

Rebecca:
ME?!
BUT YOU’RE SO RESPONSIBLE
CAREER’S ON SIZZLE
HUSBAND, DITTO
THREE GREAT KIDDOS
YOU’VE GOT COMPETENCE, CLASS
PLUS A SKINNY-ASS WAIST
AND A TONED-ASS ASS

Audra:
WELL, YOU’VE GOT A FREE SPIRIT, WHICH I SEE AND COMMEND
SO, LIKE 2 CHAINZ WITHOUT THE “NZ” AT THE END
I WISH YOU DOUBLE CHAI
FOR FOLLOWING THE TUG
OF THE HEART BEHIND YOUR 36 TRIPLE-D JUGS

Rebecca:
WOW, WHAT A BOOST FOR MY CONFIDENCE!

Audra:
YEAH, I MEAN, I GOTTA GIVE IT UP
I’M PRETTY GOOD AT GIVING COMPLIMENTS

Rebecca:
NICE BUBBLE, BUBBELEH, I REALLY HATE TO POP IT
BUT NOBODY’S GOT A PLAUDIT ANY HOTTER THAN I DROP IT

Audra & Rebecca:
THIS IS…

Audra:
A JAP PRAISE FIGHT

Audra & Rebecca:
HALF AFFIRMATION

Rebecca:
HALF CAGE FIGHT

Audra & Rebecca:
KILLING YOU WITH KINDNESS

Audra:
YEAH, YOU’RE DANG RIGHT

Audra & Rebecca:
IT’S A HEAD-TO-HEAD YASHER KOACH MAZEL TOV OFF

Rebecca:
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET’S SQUASH IT, YOU’RE AWESOME

Audra:
SECONDED! SAME!
REBECCA-WISE, MY GAME RECOGNIZE GAME

Rebecca:
THANKS, I APPRECIATE THAT

Audra:
YEAH, I MEAN, THERE’S A REASON I’M CALLED “ESTEEM QUEEN LEVINE”

Rebecca:
CAN IT WITH THE ACCOLADES-SLASH-SHADE-CATAPULTING
YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS GREAT AT ADULTING
ALL YOUR HARD WORK, ULTIMATELY RESULTING IN TRIUMPH

Audra:
DAMN, THAT’S SOME SNEAKY INSULTING
SKIP THE EMOTIONAL JUDO
I AM THE B. KNOWLES-CARTER OF KUDOS

Rebecca:
I’M THE LEBRON JAMES OF ACCLAIM

Audra:
THEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL CALL ME THE MICHELLE OF THE KVELL

Rebecca:
GO TO HELL

Audra & Rebecca:
THIS IS…

Audra:
A JAP CHEER SCRIMMAGE

Audra & Rebecca:
LIKE A RAP BATTLE

Rebecca:
BUT THE MIRROR IMAGE

Audra & Rebecca:
BOTH OF US’LL FEEL GREAT

Audra:
WHEN WE’RE FINISHED

Rebecca:
GIVING A DOPE-SLAP OF DAP TO THIS JAP…

Rebecca:
Which does stand for Jewish-American Princess, a term that, on one hand, does reinforce
negative, negative stereotypes about both Jews and women but, on the other hand, is a term
that we want to reclaim and own. Also, should acknowledge that me saying “dap to this jap” is
appropriative and a little problematic, if we’re being honest.

THIS IS TOUCHY STUFF AND IT’S PRETTY COMPLICATED
BUT I NOTICED THE DYNAMIC AND I THOUGHT THAT I SHOULD NAME IT
JUST LIKE I HATED YOU, BUT NOW I KINDA LIKE YOU
THIS SONG’S ANOTHER THING I CAN SEE TWO SIDES TO

Audra:
TERRIFIC SELF-AWARENESS

Rebecca:
KNOCK IT OFF, AUDRA!
YOU NEVER STOP, DO YOU?

Audra:
CAN’T AND DON’T WANNA

Rebecca:
YOU’RE A WONDERFUL LADY,
BUT AN INSUFFERABLE BABY

Audra:
SHOULD WE MAKE OUT?

Rebecca:
WHAT?! NO!
...MAYBE

Slow Motion - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-23 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Slow Motion
Starring Rachel Bloom, Donna Lynne Champlin, Vella Lovell, & Gabrielle Ruiz
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Adam Schlesinger

Rebecca, Paula, Valencia, & Heather:
SLOW MOTION
SLOW MOTION
WE WALKIN’ IN THE ROOM IN SLOW MOTION
SLOW MOTION
SLOW MOTION
THAT’S HOW COOL WE FEEL

Paula:
LOOKING THIS GOOD SHOULD BE A CRIME

Heather:
‘CAUSE MY GIRLS AND I BE STOPPIN’ TIME

Rebecca:
OH MY GOD, WE’RE SO HOT

Rebecca, Paula, Valencia, & Heather:
EVEN BLINKING LOOKS AMAZING!

Valencia:
SLAY!

Rebecca, Paula, Valencia, & Heather:
IF ONLY LIFE WERE AS GOOD AS THIS FEELS
LET’S MAKE THE SLOW MOTION REAL

BACK TO FANTASY SLOW MOTION
SLOW MOTION
DON’T TALK TO US, WE’RE IN SLOW MOTION
SLOW MOTION
SLOW MOTION
FINE, THE MGM’S ACROSS THE STREET

Heather:
DON’T HAVE BILLS TO PAY

Rebecca, Paula, Valencia, & Heather:
IN SLOW MOTION

Valencia:
PROBLEMS GO AWAY

Rebecca, Paula, Valencia, & Heather:
IN SLOW MOTION

Paula:
IF YOU’RE STRESSED, WHY NOT TAKE A TRIP
TO 48 FRAMES PER SECOND

Valencia:
YAAS!

Rebecca:
OH NO, OUR ENTRANCE IS ALMOST OVER

Rebecca, Paula, Valencia, & Heather:
LET’S GO EVEN SLOWER

Rebecca:
NOT SURE THIS WORKS…

Heather:
AGREED

Rebecca, Paula, Valencia, & Heather:
BACK TO NORMAL FANTASY SLOW MOTION

SLOW MOTION
IT WENT FROM SEXY TO BORING SLOW MOTION
SLOW MOTION
SLOW MOTION
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T SNEEZE
BUT DEFINITELY LOOK TO THE SIDE
FLIP YOUR HAIR
PUT ON SUNGLASSES
TAKE OFF THE SUNGLASSES... AND JUST… HOLD THEM... I GUESS?

SLOW MOTION
SLOW MOTION
DAMN, WE’RE OUT OF ROOM!

The Math of Love Quadrangles - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-23 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

The Math of Love Quadrangles
Starring Rachel Bloom, Skylar Astin, Scott Michael Foster, & Vincent Rodriguez III
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Adam Schlesinger

Rebecca:
WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO WHEN SHE’S BACK HERE AGAIN?
AFTER SO MUCH GROWTH, SHE’S STILL STUCK BETWEEN MEN?

SO, SWEEP OFF THE SETS
GOOD, YOU FOUND THE OLD SWING

Just put it anywhere, that’s cool

LET’S SEE IF I REMEMBER THE WORDS TO SING

I’M BACK HERE AGAIN
OH BOY, WHAT FUN!
GUESS IT’S TIME TO MAKE UP MORE GEOMETRY PUNS

Greg, Josh, & Nathaniel:
THE MATH OF LOVE QUADRANGLES
IS WAY MORE FUN THAN TRIG

Rebecca:
BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS?

Greg, Josh, & Nathaniel:
HMM, WE DON’T SEE THOSE ON A FIG
THE MATH OF LOVE QUADRANGLES
IS SO JUICY WHILE IT LASTS

Rebecca:
I CAN’T ASK YOU TO SHARE!

Greg, Josh, & Nathaniel
COME ON, DON’T BE A SQUARE!

Rebecca:
I THOUGHT ALL THIS DRAMA WAS BACK IN MY PAST

Greg, Josh, & Nathaniel:
JOKE’S ON YOU, BITCH, YOU’LL NEVER BE FREE!

The Tick Tock Clock - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-16 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

The Tick Tock Clock
Starring Rachel Bloom, Scott Michael Foster, Michael McMillian, Gabrielle Ruiz
Written by Jack Dolgen and Adam Schlesinger

Group:
TICKETY TOCK GOES THE TICK TOCK CLOCK
ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND

EVERY DAY WHILE OUR AGE INCREASES
HE’S TICKIN’ AWAY
YES, THE CLOCK NEVER CEASES

TICKETY TOCK GOES THE TICK TOCK CLOCK
TICKETY TOCKETY
CLICKETY CLOCKETY

WEEKS GO BY
AND WE KEEP WORKIN’
DAY AFTER DAY
WHILE THE CLOCK’S OBSERVIN’

HALF PAST EIGHT
QUARTER TO THREE
TIME GOES BY
FOR YOU AND FOR ME

TICKETY TOCK GOES THE TICK TOCK CLOCK
ROUND AND ROUND AGAIN!

Etta Maes Lament - feat. Rachel Bloom - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-16 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Etta Mae's Lament
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

Rebecca:
I’M THE LOCAL LADY OF THE EVENING
AND THOUGH I LIKE MY MEN AND MY BOOZE
I PRAY TO ABOVE THAT I’LL FIND TRUE LOVE
BUT NO ONE WANTS A LADY WHO’S USED

OH, CAN SOMEONE LASSO ME A HUSBAND?
I’M NOTHING WITHOUT A HUSBAND
THE MENFOLK GIVE ME A DOLLAR AND A SMILE
BUT THAT DON’T LEAD TO WALKIN’ DOWN THE AISLE!

HEY, COWBOY, CAN YOU LASSO ME A HUSBAND?
THOUGH MY LOVER COUNT IS OVER A DOZEN
YES, THE KISSIN’ IS FUN AND THE WINE IS SWEET
BUT WHAT I REALLY WANT AT NIGHT IS TO RUB A FARMER’S FEET!

GET ME OFF OF MY BACK
AND STANDIN’ UP STRAIGHT
SO I CAN BE THE TYPE OF LADY THAT YOU’RE NOT ASHAMED TO DATE
GET ME OUT OF THE CATHOUSE
AND INTO A KITCHEN
I’LL WEAR WHITE AND PRAY TO MARTYRS
I’LL TRADE IN MY GUNS AND GARTERS

‘CAUSE THERE ARE ONLY TWO TYPES OF WOMEN
ME AND VIRGINS YOU COMMIT TO

CAN SOMEONE LASSO ME A HUSBAND?
WHY ARE YOU ALL BEING SO STUBBIN’?

I’M ANGRY AND PLEASED
AND A LITTLE BIT DISEASED
BUT YOU CAN CURE MY ILLS WITH A HUSBAND!

Im the Bride of the Pirate King - feat. Gabrielle Ruiz - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-16 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

I'm The Bride of the Pirate King
Starring Gabrielle Ruiz
Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

Valencia:
WHEN HE CAME TO MY TOWN UPON HIS SHIP,
HE PILLAGED AND PLUNDERED AND LOOTED
“YOU’RE MINE NOW!” HE SAID, WITH A DEVILISH GRIN
“SUBMIT OR BE EXECUTED!”
YET, NOW THAT I’M HIS BRIDE,
I FEEL NOTHING BUT WARMTH DEEP INSIDE

I LOVE THE PIRATE KING
I SIT ON HIS LAP AND TO HIM I SING
HE CALLS ME HIS SPARROW, HIS LAMB, HIS PET
HIS ROUGH PIRATE KISSES, I’LL NEVER FORGET
HE HITS ME BUT HE DON’T MEAN NO HARM
THOSE SLAPS ARE PART OF HIS PIRATE-ISH CHARM
SOMETIMES I SAY, “STOP IT,” BUT DEEP DOWN I KNOW
IF I DIDN’T LIKE IT, I WOULD HAVE LEFT LONG AGO

I LOVE THE PIRATE KING
HE CALLS MY NAME AND IT MEANS ONE THING
HE’S CRAVING MY TOUCH, WARM AND DEEP
HE TAKES HIS PLEASURE EVEN WHEN I’M ASLEEP
IF I DIE AT HIS HAND, IT WON’T BE A SURPRISE
‘CAUSE MY LOVE FOR THE PIRATE KING IS TRUE AND PURE AND WISE

Let Me Be In Your Show - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-16 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Let Me Be In Your Show
Starring Rachel Bloom, Michael McMillian, Gabrielle Ruiz, Cheri Oteri
Written by Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, Aline Brosh McKenna, Ilana Peña, and Alden Derck

Valencia:
LET ME BE IN YOUR SHOW
I WANNA BE IN YOUR SHOW
THE LIGHTS
THE CURTAINS
THE APPLAUSE
FROM ABOVE AND DOWN BELOW!

Tim:
JUST LIKE EVERYONE KNOWS
NO NEED TO ASSUME OR SUPPOSE

Rebecca:
OH! HOW FUN IT WILL BE
FOR YOU AND ME
TO BE
IN THIS MARVELOUS
SHOWWWW!

Connie
Singing: zero. Commitment: a million.

Etta Maes Lament (Revised) - feat. Scott Michael Foster - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-16 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Etta Mae's Lament (Revised)
Starring Scott Michael Foster
Written by Rachel Bloom and Scott Michael Foster

Nathaniel:
I’M THE LOCAL LADY OF THE EVENING
AND THOUGH I LIKE MY MEN AND MY BOOZE
I PRAY TO ABOVE THAT I’LL FIND TRUE LOVE
A MAN WHO WON’T SAY THAT I’M USED

OH, CAN SOMEONE LASSO ME A HUSBAND?
IT WOULD BE NICE TO SOMEDAY HAVE A HUSBAND

Whatll It Be? (Reprise) - feat. Skylar Astin - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-16 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

What'll It Be? (Reprise)
Starring Skylar Astin
Written by Adam Schlesinger and Jack Dolgen

Greg:
...Still got it

HEY, WEST COVINA
THOUGHT THAT I HAD TO BREAK FREE
WELL, IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS TO SHAKE OFF MY FEARS
AND SEE THAT THE PROBLEM WAS ME

HEY, WEST COVINA
WE MAY NOT ALWAYS AGREE
BUT YOU’RE OKAY, WEST COVINA
SHOULD I STAY, WEST COVINA?

WHADDYA SAY, WEST COVINA?
WHAT’LL IT BE?

Apple Man - feat. Michael McMillian - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-03-16 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Apple Man
Starring Michael McMillian
Written by Jack Dolgen and Adam Schlesinger

Tim:
I’M AN APPLE MAN
I’M AN APPLE MAN
NO OTHER FRUIT CAN DO
QUITE WHAT AN APPLE CAN
TOSS ME THAT APPLE, STAN
‘CAUSE I’M AN APPLE MAN

THEY’RE MARVELOUS IN THE MORNING
THEY’RE LOVELY LATE AT NIGHT
THEY’RE DELECTABLE IN THE DAYTIME
AN APPLE ALWAYS TASTES JUST RIGHT

SO, YOU CAN KEEP YOUR BANANA
IN YOUR PINEAPPLE CABANA
I’D NEVER BE CAUGHT
CHOMPIN’ ON A KUMQUAT
TELL THAT TO YOUR FRIEND SUSANNAH
FROM TALLAHASSEE TO SPOKANE
MADAGASCAR TO JAPAN
I’M STICKING TO MY ONE-FRUIT PLAN

‘CAUSE I’M A
GALA, RED DELICIOUS, CORTLAND,
FUJI, MACINTOSH, GRANNY SMITH, AMBROSIA
APPLE MAN!

End Of The Movie (Reprise) - feat. Rachel Bloom - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-02-09 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

End Of The Movie (Reprise)
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Adam Schlesinger, Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Aline Brosh McKenna

Rebecca:
OK, I GET WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW
NOW, NOW, NOW
I’M LITERALLY FACING THE SPECTER OF DEATH
DEATH, DEATH, DEATH
FOR THE MOST PART, THE UNIVERSE IS CHAOS
AND THAT’S JUST HOW LIFE GOES
BUT OCCASIONALLY, THINGS LINE UP WHERE YOU’RE LIKE,
“EW, LIFE, THAT’S SO ON THE NOSE!”

BECAUSE, SOMETIMES, LIFE DECIDES TO BE ANNOYINGLY OBVIOUS
ABOUT WHEN IT WANTS YOU TO MAKE A CHANGE
AND YOU’RE JUST SUPPOSED TO BE IN AWE LIKE A PUTZ
AND GO, “WOW, LIFE, SOMETIMES YOU’RE MAGICAL AND STRANGE!”

OH MY GOD, THIS CORPSE IS NAMED “REBECCA”
SO IS THIS CORPSE AND SO IS THIS ONE, TOO

Okay, I get it!

OH WAIT, THIS CORPSE IS NAMED “STEVE”
BUT THREE REBECCAS IS STILL SUPER WEIRD

OH, WHOA
SO WHAT’S THE POINT OF ME BEING DOWN HERE?
WHO KNOWS?
I WISH AN OBVIOUS CLUE WOULD APPEAR

Real Life Fighting Is Awkward - feat. Skylar Astin & Vincent Rodriguez III - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-02-09 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Real Life Fighting Is Awkward
Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

Funk Singer:
OOOHHHOOO, OOOHHHOOO

REAL LIFE FIGHTING IS AWKWARD
IT’S NOT LIKE MOVIE FIGHTING
TESTOSTERONE IS RISING
BUT YOU’RE REALLY JUST GRAPPLING AND WRITHING

OH, REAL LIFE FIGHTING IS AWKWARD
THERE ARE NO COOL SOUND EFFECTS
PUNCHING DOESN’T SOUND LIKE ANYTHING
YOU OFTEN HURT YOURSELF
MORE THAN YOU HURT THE OTHER GUY

REAL LIFE FIGHTING IS AWKWARD, YEAH
EVEN IF YOU KNOW KARATE
YOU HAVE TO BOTH AGREE TO USE KARATE
IT CAN’T JUST BE ONE GUY USING KARATE
YOU GOTTA HAVE SOME GROUND RULES

AOOHHHOOO, AOOHHHOOO

IT’S NOT LIKE THEATER FIGHTING
IT’S NOT GRACEFUL
THERE’S NOT A LOT OF LEAPING
YOU DON’T HAVE THE PRESENCE OF MIND TO LEAP
AND THERE’S NO CHOREOGRAPHER
KEEPING THINGS FROM LOOKING AWKWARD

AGAIN, REAL LIFE FIGHTING IS AWKWARD
IT’S NOT LIKE SCI-FI FIGHTING
YOU CAN’T STOP TIME MOMENTARILY
THERE ARE NO FUTURISTIC WEAPONS

AND, EVEN IF YOU HAD A REAL WEAPON,
YOU’D BE FREAKED OUT BY THE WEAPON
A WEAPON MAKES EVERYTHING TOO REAL

BACK TO THAT CLUMSY, AWKWARD FIGHTING!

Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal - feat. Michael Hyatt - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-02-09 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal
Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

Patient Reshma:
FLUOXETINE, FLUOXETINE

Patient Lou:
PAROXETINE, PAROXETINE

Patient Melinda:
CITALOPRAM, CITALOPRAM

Patients:
TAKE ONCE A DAY
FLUOXETINE, FLUOXETINE
PAROXETINE, PAROXETINE
CITALOPRAM, CITALOPRAM
MAY CAUSE DRY MOUTH

Dr. Akopian:
FROM THE MOMENT THAT WE LEARN TO WALK AND SPEAK,
OUR PARENTS TELL US EVERYONE’S UNIQUE
NOW, I’M NOT SAYING THAT ADVICE IS BAD
BUT, HONEY, YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL ‘CAUSE YOU’RE SAD

Patients:
NOT SPECIAL
NO, YOU’RE NOT

Dr. Akopian:
THE BUTCHER, THE BAKER, THE GROCERY CLERK
THEY’RE ALL ON TWENTY MILLIGRAMS OR SO

Mover:
THE MOVERS

Bartender:
THE SHAKERS

Jayma:
THE HAPPY HOMEMAKER

Dr. Akopian:
YOU’D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY OF THEM KNOW

All (Except Rebecca):
ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE SO NOT A BIG DEAL
BIG WHOOP, YOU’RE ON AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT!

Dr. Akopian:
SWEET CHEEKS, HERE’S THE DEAL:

All (Except Rebecca):
WELCOME TO THE CLUB WITH OPEN ADMISSION
YOU’RE CAST IN THE PLAY THAT HAS NO AUDITION
YES, EVERYONE IS SPECIAL
THAT’S USUALLY THE SITCH
BUT, WHEN IT COMES TO MEDS,
YOU’RE SUCH A BASIC BITCH

Butcher:
I LOST MY JOB AND, FOR SIX MONTHS,
I COULDN’T LEAVE MY BED, YEAH!

Patient Lou:
WHEN MY HUSBAND DIED, I STOPPED BATHING
AND WATCHED CHRISTIAN TV INSTEAD, OOH!

Butcher & Patient Lou:
NOW, WE’RE ON PILLS AND IT’S LESS OF A SLOG

Dr. Akopian:
JUST ASK ANY ABUSED RESCUE DOG

Scared Chihuahua:
(WHIMPERING)

All (Except Rebecca):
THE ORIGINS OF LIFE ARE MESSY AND IMPRECISE

Dr. Akopian:
WE’RE ALL THE RESULT OF NATURAL SELECTION

Rebecca:
TRUE!
SO WHY SHOULD I FEEL CRAPPY
ABOUT SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME HAPPY?

Baker:
THOUGH IT MAY BE HARD TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION

Patients:
MAYBE YOU SHOULD ADJUST YOUR DOSAGE!

Baker:
I ALREADY TRIED THAT; DIDN’T WORK

Patients:
HAVE YOU TRIED ANOTHER MEDICATION?

Baker:
YEP, BUT THAT ONE MADE ME GAIN WEIGHT

Patients:
OH, THAT TOTALLY HAPPENED TO ME
IT GOT BETTER WITHIN A FEW MONTHS

Baker:
THANKS, COOL!

All:
ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE SO NOT A BIG DEAL
BIG WHOOP, YOU’RE ON AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT!

Dr. Akopian:
TAKE TWO WITH OR WITHOUT A MEAL

All:
FLUOXETINE, FLUOXETINE
PAROXETINE, PAROXETINE
OUR LAWYERS WON’T LET US SAY BRAND NAMES

ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE SO-SO-SO NOT A BIG DEAL
BIG WHOOP, YOU’RE ON AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT!

Dog Walker:
CONNOR, HEEL!

All:
SOME CRY THAT IN THE PAST
WE DIDN’T MEDICATE EVERYONE

Dr. Akopian:
COOL, WITCH TRIALS AND THE CRUSADES
SOUNDED LIKE SO MUCH FUN

All:
ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE SO COMMON
THAT TAKING THEM IS ALL WE HAVE IN COMMON!

I Hate Everything But You - feat. Skylar Astin - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-02-01 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

I Hate Everything But You
Starring Skylar Astin
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, & Adam Schlesinger

Greg:
THE SMELL OF THE WATER, KIDS SCREAMING WITH JOY
I'VE HATED CRAP LIKE THAT SINCE I WAS A BOY
WHILE EVERYONE WAS LAUGHING AND HAVING SO MUCH FUN
I WOULD MUTTER "THIS SUCKS" TIL THE DAY WAS DONE
I DETESTED MOST STUFF AND I STILL DO
YOU SEE, I HATE EVERYTHING BUT YOU

I HATE THE FEELING OF THE SUN WHEN IT HITS MY SKIN
I DON'T LIKE BANDS THAT HAVE A GUY ON MANDOLIN
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE POST PICTURES WITH THE HASHTAG "MOOD"
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE CALL BLUEBERRIES A SUPERFOOD
I HATE WHEN SOMEONE SAYS, "OOO, IT'S MAGIC HOUR"
OR WHEN PEOPLE ACTUALLY STOP AND SMELL A FLOWER
I HATE WHITE WOMEN WHO CALL THEIR ENGAGEMENT RINGS "BLING"
OH YES, I HATE EVERYTHING... BUT YOU

MORE EXAMPLES!
I HATE GUYS WHO READ MAGAZINES DEVOTED TO GOLF
I HATE FRISBEE GOLF AND WHEN PEOPLE CALL FRISBEE GOLF FROLF
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME IF I'D EVER GET A TATTOO
I HATE COMBINATION CONDITIONER AND SHAMPOO
I HATE DOING THE WAVE AT A BASEBALL GAME
I HATE COUPLES WITH A CUTESY COUPLE NAME
I HATE WHEN SOMEONE SAYS A JOKE AND SOMEONE ELSE SAYS "ZING"
OH YES, I HATE EVERYTHING... BUT YOU

'CAUSE WHEN I LOOK IN YOUR EYES AND I SEE YOU SMILE
WHEN YOU LAUGH AT YOURSELF AND WE TALK FOR A WHILE
JUST FOR A MOMENT, I FORGET
HOW MUCH I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY "GOTTA JET"
EVEN MORE EXAMPLES!

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY'RE GOING "OFF THE GRID"
OR WHEN SOMEONE CALLS THEIR BASEBALL CAP THEIR "LID"
I HATE MODELS WHO JUST HAPPEN TO DATE QUARTERBACKS
I HATE GROWN MEN WHO ALWAYS QUOTE CADDYSHACK

I HATE THE PHRASE LOVE CONQUERS ALL AND I HATE THAT IT'S TRUE
'CAUSE I WANT TO NOT HATE THINGS WHEN I'M WITH YOU
YOU LOVE SO MANY THINGS AND YOU HAVE SO MUCH FUN
IT MAKES ME WISH MY HATING DAYS WERE DONE
AND THERE'S ONE THING I WANT YOU TO KNOW...

I'LL ALWAYS HATE GUYS WHO NAME THEIR CARS

Im Not Sad Youre Sad - feat. Rachel Bloom - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-02-01 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

I'm Not Sad You're Sad
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

Rebecca:
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD...

IF YOU'RE NOT IN MY CREW, YOU'RE GREEN WITH ENVY
CUZ NO ONE'S A NASTY LITTLE FREAK LIKE ME
PUT ON THE LEATHER JACKET THAT I GOT ON SALE
SMOKE OLD WEED THAT'S SUPER STALE
TAKE AN OLD PAIN PILL FROM WHEN MY TOE WAS BROKEN
CAN'T FIND COKE SO I SNORT IBUPROFEN
Oh my god! Ugh! Why did I do that?!

I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD...

BIG NIGHT OUT, NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE-ER
WE GET CUT OFF BY A STUDENT DRIVER
I TELL THE UBER GUY "RACE THAT BITCH"
AS I RANT ABOUT "LILO AND STITCH"
"THAT MOVIE IS CINEMATIC ART"
OOH, PULL OVER, IT'S A TACO CART!
Thank you!

I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, LILO'S SAD

Have you seen "Lilo and Stitch," it's soooo good.
You haven't?! Why?! Wait, what were you doing in 2002 when it came out? Were you sad about 9/11? Wait, I was sad about 9/11 too but "Lilo and Stitch" honestly really helped me through it.

YOU'RE SO SAD THAT YOU'RE NOT THIS COOL
YOUR HAPPY SMILE MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL
YOU'RE SO SAD THAT YOU DON'T ROLL WITH ME
TO QUOTE STITCH, "OHANA MEANS FAMILY"

I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD.
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD.
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD.
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD
I'M NOT SAD, YOU'RE SAD

The Darkness - feat. Rachel Bloom - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-02-01 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

The Darkness
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, Jack Dolgen, and Aline Brosh McKenna

Rebecca:
IN MY LIFE I'VE HAD SO MANY MEN
BUT THERE'S ONE I COME BACK TO AGAIN AND AGAIN
WE'VE BEEN ON AND OFF FOR SUCH A LONG TIME
AND NOW HE'S BACK AND I'M FEELING OH-SO-FINE

HE'S THE DARKNESS
MY FIRST LOVE, MY TRUE LOVE
THE DARKNESS
HE KNOWS ME BETTER THAN ANYONE
HE HOLDS ME CLOSE
AND WHISPERS THINGS
THAT I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
WHEN I FEEL THE BUTTERFLIES OF DREAD
I KNOW THE DARKNESS IS NEAR

WE MET AROUND THE TIME I STARTED FIRST GRADE
EVERY SUMMER AFTER THAT WE'D PLAY SOLITAIRE IN THE SHADE
ON PROM NIGHT HE WAS THE ONLY BOY I KISSED
AND WHEN HE'D VISIT MY DORM I REMEMBERED HOW MUCH I'D MISS

THE DARKNESS
HIS LOVE FOR ME IS PURE
THE DARKNESS
HE'S HANDSOME FOR A METAPHOR
AND HIS NAME IS... TYLER
YEAH, THAT FEELS RIGHT
HIS NAME IS TYLER
HE DRUNK DIALS ME EVERY NIGHT
TYLER, TYLER, TYLER
YOUR KISS FEELS LIKE A CUT
YOU PLAY DRUMS AND WEAR GUYLINER
AND YOUR PET NAME FOR ME IS "SLUT"

FOR SO MANY YEARS I'VE USED THE DARKNESS TO FEEL
BUT NOW THERE ARE THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE ACTUALLY REAL
I GOTTA MAKE A CHOICE, DARLIN' DON'T ASK ME WHY
SO WILL I HAVE THE STRENGTH
TO TELL THE DARKNESS
TO TELL TYLER DARKNESS
GOODBYE?

Gratuitous Karaoke Moment - feat. Scott Michael Foster & Esther Povitsky - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-01-25 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Gratuitous Karaoke Moment
Starring Scott Michael Foster & Esther Povitsky
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Adam Schlesinger

Hello, Nice To Meet You (Reprise) - feat. Rachel Bloom - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-01-21 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Hello, Nice To Meet You (Reprise)
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

Rebecca:
HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU
WE SHARE CHROMOSOMES
HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU
YOU'RE KIND OF ME
SO SINCE YOU'RE BOTH THE FUTURE
AND KIND OF A MIRROR
I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW
THAT LIFE DOESN'T GET CLEARER
ALL I CAN SAY IS HAVE FUN IN THE GRAY
WELL, ANYWAY...
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU

Sports Analogies - feat. Scott Michael Foster & Vincent Rodriguez III - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-01-18 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Sports Analogies
Starring Scott Michael Foster & Vincent Rodriguez III
Written by Jack Dolgen and Adam Schlesinger

Nathaniel:
WE’RE DOWN FOR THE COUNT
IT’S DOWN TO THE WIRE
WE CAN’T DROP THE BALL
WE GOTTA AIM A LITTLE HIGHER

Josh:
‘CAUSE WHEN WE’RE ON THE ROPES
AND IT’S OUR TURN AT BAT
WE GOTTA THROW A HAIL MARY
GOTTA GO TO THE MAT

Nathaniel & Josh:
SPORTS ANALOGIES
SPORTS ANALOGIES

Nathaniel:
WE’VE FOUND THE COMMON GROUND
IN ALL MEN’S PERSONALITIES

Josh:
WE TALK A BIG GAME
THAT’S HOW WE RELATE

Nathaniel & Josh:
IT’S THE EASIEST WAY FOR MEN TO
COMMUNICATE

Nathaniel:
HIKE!

Josh:
IT’S PAR FOR THE COURSE

Nathaniel:
WHEN YOU’RE IN THE HOME STRETCH

Josh:
TO SWING FOR THE FENCES

Nathaniel:
WITH A FULL COURT PRESS

Josh:
WE’RE ON THE ONE YARD LINE

Nathaniel:
INCHES TO GO

Josh:
SO YOU’LL PITCH AND I’LL CATCH

Nathaniel:
‘CAUSE IT’S OUR LEAD TO BLOW

Nathaniel & Josh:
LET’S USE MORE
SPORTS ANALOGIES
SPORTS ANALOGIES
THEY HELP MEN COPE WITH LIFE’S
HARSH REALITIES

Josh:
LET’S SPEW MORE CLICHÉS

Nathaniel:
‘TIL WE RUN OUT THE CLOCK

Josh:
JUST KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL

Nathaniel:
THE PUCK

Josh:
AND MY SHUTTLECOCK

Nathaniel & Josh:
HEY!
SOMETIMES, WHEN WE WATCH SPORTS,
WE GET SAD
AND WE MAKE IT SEEM LIKE
WE’RE SAD ABOUT THE SPORTS

Josh:
BUT WE’RE NOT REALLY CRYING
ABOUT THE GAME AT ALL

Nathaniel:
WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT
A GAME OF BASKETBALL

Nathaniel & Josh:
WE’RE SAD ABOUT OUR DADS
WE COULDN’T TALK TO OUR DADS
UNLESS WE USED
SPORTS ANALOGIES
SPORTS ANALOGIES
MEN FEEL SAFE WITH THESE
EMPTY GENERALITIES

Nathaniel:
LET’S GO FOR THE GOLD

Josh:
AND THEN WE’LL HIT THE LOCKERS

Nathaniel & Josh:
WE’RE AMERICAN MEN
WE LIKE ALL SPORTS
EXCEPT FOR SOCCER
‘CAUSE SOCCER’S JUST A BUNCH
OF FOREIGNERS RUNNING AROUND
YEAH!

Hungry Vagina Metaphor - feat. Riki Lindhome - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-01-15 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Hungry Vagina Metaphor
Starring Riki Lindhome
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen and Adam Schlesinger

Hungry Cat:
I AM THE HUNGRY CAT
I HAVEN’T EATEN IN MONTHS
I’M ROAMING THROUGH THE STREETS
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO MUNCH
I’M FILLED WITH DESIRE
I NEED TO BE FED
DON’T BE MAD IF YOU FIND CRUMBS
‘CAUSE I LIKE TO EAT IN BED
I’M A LONELY LITTLE KITTY
STROKE MY FUR, IT’S SOFT AS SILK
THEN BRING ME WHAT I REALLY WANT
A SAUCER OF YOUR MILK
IT’S NIBBLE TIME, MISTER
WE DON’T NEED TO CHASE OR CHAT
MY CAVITY NEEDS FILLING
'CAUSE I’M THE HUNGRY CAT

Itchy Vagina Metaphor - feat. Fred Armisen - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-01-15 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Itchy Vagina Metaphor
Starring Fred Armisen
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Adam Schlesinger

Itchy Cat:
IF YOU HAVEN’T GUESSED, I’M THE ITCHY CAT!
NEED ALOE OR SOME MONISTAT
OTHERWISE I’LL STAY AND MONISCAT
SCABBADOO BABADOO SKEEDLELEEEE
SCRATCHY SCATTY SCRATCH
YOU WORE THOSE CHEAP OLD SHODDY PANTS
NOW I’M DOING AN EXPERIMENTAL ITCHY DANCE
I HAVE TO HIDE MYSELF AWAY
THIS FELINE CAN’T COME OUT TO PLAY
SO GET ME SOME LOTION POTION STAT
TO SCRATCH THIS SCRATCHY SCATTY CAT
THIS ITCHY SCRATCHY SCATTY CAT
GET THAT DISSOLVING EGG
THAT RUNS DOWN YOUR LEG
SO I CAN STOP BEING THE ITCHY CAT

Elated Vagina Metaphor - feat. Rebekka Johnson - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2019-01-15 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Elated Vagina Metaphor
Starring Rebekka Johnson
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Adam Schlesinger

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 3 Gag Reel (NSFW)

racheldoesstuff 2018-12-11 | The saga of Manuel Baca continues.

Featuring Rachel Bloom, Vincent Rodriguez III, Scott Michael Foster, Pete Gardner, Donna Lynne Champlin, Danny Jolles, Amy Hill, Jay Hayden, David Hull, Lyndon Smith, Gabrielle Ruiz, Vella Lovell, Manuel Baca, Michael Hyatt, Paul Welsh, Michael McMillian, John Gatins, Stuart McDonald, Burl Moseley, Esther Povitsky, Parvesh Cheena, Sarah Lowe, Kathryn Burns, Tovah Feldshuh, Todd Dos Reis, Roger Udwin, and the rest of the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend crew!

Gag Reel mainly edited and masterminded by Kabir Ahktar and Kyla Plewes

Answer key to the various inside jokes:

-Kabir Akhtar's assistant editor was Kyla Plewes, who often handled the editing of his episodes while he was prepping to direct (Kyla also received co-editor credit on these episodes). In season 4, Kyla is credited as a full editor.

-"Ira" refers to script supervisor Ira Hurvitz. Part of Ira's job is to stay on book for the actors.

-"Todd" refers to Season 3 DP Todd Dos Reis

-Rachel yells at both Erin (director) and Aaron (boom operator). The two are not related.

-The elevator cannot possibly be stuck between floors as it is a one story building.

-The character of Sunil was originally in the Skype montage in episode 310, hence Parvesh Cheena's failed self-tape.

-"My Friend's Dad" is being rehearsed for camera by choreographer Kathryn Burns and her assistant Sarah Lowe.

-Rachel has very good hearing and often hears noises during filming that other people can't hear. It's very annoying to both her and everyone else. Rachel is the one typing this right now and feels very bad that she will often stop filming for inconsequential sounds. She also can't stop talking in the third person. Help her.

Hello, Nice To Meet You - feat. Skylar Astin & Rachel Bloom - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2018-12-08 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

Hello, Nice To Meet You
Starring Skylar Astin and Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

Rebecca:
HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU
YOU'VE BEEN INSIDE OF ME

Greg:
HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU
YOU BROKE MY HEART

Rebecca & Greg:
PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE, STRANGER
I'VE SPENT MANY YEARS PROCESSING MY ANGER
WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THE PERSON I KNEW
BUT IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU

Greg:
Oh, ma'am, your baguette!

Rebecca:
IT'S FUNNY, YOU REMIND ME OF THIS GUY
WHOM I LABELED AS TOXIC

Greg:
YEAH, IN A CERTAIN LIGHT YOU LOOK LIKE
THIS GIRL WHO SCREWED MY BEST FRIEND

Rebecca:
Ugh, she sounds like a bitch.

Greg:
Yeah, she kinda was.

Rebecca & Greg:
WE'VE MET BEFORE
BUT I REALLY CAN'T PLACE IT

Greg:
OH, WAS IT THAT TIME
WE ATE PIZZA NAKED?

Rebecca:
RIGHT! THAT NIGHT WAS SICK
I ATE SAUCE OFF YOUR--

Greg:
YES, AND THAT BURNED

Rebecca:
Ouch.

Rebecca & Greg:
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU

I MEAN IS ANYONE WE MEET
REALLY THAT NEW TO US
WE'RE ALL THE SAME SPECIES
THAT GREW IN A UTERUS

Rebecca:
A KISS IS A KISS

Greg:
BUT TO BE FAIR
IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOUR DOC ASKS,
"HOW DID SAUCE GET IN THERE?"

Rebecca:
HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU
YOU SEEM REALLY COOL

Greg:
HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU
I AM INDEED REALLY COOL

Rebecca & Greg:
IF YOU HAVE A MESSAGE
FOR MY DOPPELGANGER
I'M HAPPY TO PASS IT
ALONG AS A FAVOR

Greg:
TELL HER I HAVE HER SCRUNCHIE

Rebecca:
I STILL HAVE HIS COAT

Greg:
TELL HER SHE KISSED GOOD

Rebecca:
TELL HIM I HAVE NOTES

Greg:
Ouch.

Rebecca:
TELL HIM IT'S SAD
THAT HE HAD TO HIDE

Greg:
TELL HER ARRABBIATA
IS NOT FOR INSIDE

Rebecca:
TELL HIM I'M SORRY

Greg:
TELL HER I AM TOO

Rebecca & Greg:
NOW THAT THAT'S SETTLED
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU
IN VARIOUS MEET CUTES
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU

What U Missed While U Were PopUlar - feat. Danny Jolles - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

racheldoesstuff 2018-12-08 | Buy the season 4 album here: lnk.to/ceg4

What U Missed While U Were PopUlar
Starring Danny Jolles
Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Adam Schlesinger

George:
WE WEREN'T COOL BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL
BUT WE PARTIED TOO AND IT'S TIME YOU KNEW
WHAT YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR
WHAT YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR

YEAH, WE WEREN’T COOL BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL
BUT WE PARTIED TOO AND IT’S TIME YOU KNEW
WHAT YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR
WHAT YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR

CHECK THE MORNING NEWS TEAM
WITH THEIR SASSY MUTTON CHOPS
THEY REPORTED ON A LOCAL EMBEZZLEMENT SCANDAL
TILL THE PRINCIPAL MADE THEM STOP

News Kids:
HARDCORE!

George:
YEAH, THEY WEREN’T COOL BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL
BUT THEY PARTIED TOO AND IT’S TIME YOU KNEW

News Kids:
WHAT YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR
WHAT YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR

George:
NOT ALL KIDS ARE ATHLETES
SOME KIDS JOIN BAND INSTEAD
WHILE YOU PLAYED ALL THOSE GENDERED SPORTS,
THEY ALL GOT VERY CO-ED

SPORTS ARE OVERRATED
THEY LEAVE YOU RED IN THE FACE
WHILE YOU WERE SLIDING INTO FIRST
THE BAND KIDS ROUNDED THIRD BASE

Bass!

George, News Kids, & Band Kids:
WE WEREN’T COOL BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL
BUT WE PARTIED TOO AND IT’S TIME YOU KNEW
WHAT YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR
WHAT YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR

George:
RIGHT OVER HERE ARE THE ARTY GOTHS
A REAL TIGHT-KNIT PACK
WHILE YOU WERE WEARING TANK TOPS

Goths:
WE WERE WEARING BLACK

George:
WHILE YOU WERE WEARING CARGO SHORTS

Goths:
WE WERE WEARING BLACK

George:
WHILE YOU WERE WEARING FLIP FLOPS

Goths:
WE WERE WEARING BLACK FLIP FLOPS

George:
THE BIGGEST THING YOU MISSED
WHILE YOU WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME
IS EXPERIENCING SHAME, MISERY AND DEPRESSION
FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME

NOW YOU MIGHT FIND IT HARD
THAT ADULTHOOD GETS SO REAL
WHILE THE NERDY KIDS FROM HIGH SCHOOL ARE LIKE,
I GOT THIS, NO BIG DEAL!

Jock:
Actually, my parents got divorced when I was 14 and it really destroyed me. I just acted super confident to cover the unbearable flood of emotions I wasn’t prepared to handle. I’m sorry I made fun of your ska band.

George:
Thank you so much, Zack!

George:
NO ONE’S SAYING YOU WEREN’T FLY
BUT DID POETRY NIGHT MAKE YOU CRY?

George/News Kids/Band Kids/Goths:
WE LEARNED TO CRY WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR
GREW EMOTIONALLY WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR

George:
YOU WERE COOL WHILE WE WERE NOT
BUT OUR MASSAGE CIRCLES WERE SUPER HOT

George/News Kids/Band Kids/Goths:
WE MASSAGED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR
AND GOT MASSAGED WHILE YOU WERE POPULAR