Uploaded July 2022 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
"Everyone knows" that it's important to talk about you're feelings when you're in a relationship.
BUT just because you start a sentence with "I feel..." doesn't mean that what you're about to describe is actually a feeling.
If you're saying "I feel LIKE" or "I feel THAT," what follows is almost certainly not a feeling.
It might be...
⛔️ Metaphor ("I feel like I’m going to explode")
⛔️ Observation ("I feel that you were late")
⛔️ Judgement ("I feel like you don’t care about me")
⛔️ Analysis ("I feel you're cheating on me")
Those are useful but not feelings (I'll share more on what to do with metaphors, observations, and judgements in another video)
So if you find yourself saying (or wanting to say) “I feel like…” or “I feel that…”
Keep going!
What’s the feeling underneath that? When you get there, no one can argue with it. Your partner can sit with you in it. It doesn’t have to be justified or denied… it just is.
And then once you know the feeling, you can work on soothing it, decide how to respond to it, and work on cultivating a new feeling.
Can’t quite figure out you're feeling? I made a big ole list of feelings. Sometimes I need to look at the list to help me narrow in on what I'm actually feeling. You can download it for free at briangerald.com/feelings
"Everyone knows" that it's important to talk about you're feelings when you're in a relationship.
BUT just because you start a sentence with "I feel..." doesn't mean that what you're about to describe is actually a feeling.
If you're saying "I feel LIKE" or "I feel THAT," what follows is almost certainly not a feeling.
It might be...
⛔️ Metaphor ("I feel like I’m going to explode")
⛔️ Observation ("I feel that you were late")
⛔️ Judgement ("I feel like you don’t care about me")
⛔️ Analysis ("I feel you're cheating on me")
Those are useful but not feelings (I'll share more on what to do with metaphors, observations, and judgements in another video)
So if you find yourself saying (or wanting to say) “I feel like…” or “I feel that…”
Keep going!
What’s the feeling underneath that? When you get there, no one can argue with it. Your partner can sit with you in it. It doesn’t have to be justified or denied… it just is.
And then once you know the feeling, you can work on soothing it, decide how to respond to it, and work on cultivating a new feeling.
Can’t quite figure out you're feeling? I made a big ole list of feelings. Sometimes I need to look at the list to help me narrow in on what I'm actually feeling. You can download it for free at briangerald.com/feelings
