Episode 96 - Book 16 Announcement: The Quilters Push Back 372 Pages 2021-03-23 | Get the book here (Free on Kindle Unlimited!): amzn.to/3NBzwCqThe task: announce book number sixteen. Forty-seven minutes later the job is done! Why? Because Conor and Mike are incredibly enthusiastic about the new title. I mean, one of our favorite "Real or FanFics" before we even crack the book open?!This is going to be great!For the first ep, we're reading through Chapter 10
Ep 173 - Tek Kill - Ep 3 372 Pages 2024-10-01 | Support the podcast on Patreon, where you get every episode early as well as all the other fun stuff we talk about on these eps! patreon.com/372pagesWe have what you all crave: tantalizing new facts about Sid. Also, without noting it we meet what we have to imagine is the 750th character in this relatively short book.Dumb Sentences join our final Real or FanFic of this book, and, at long last, the full clip that should put to rest the eternal question, "Who is Jim Dalen?"
Ep 172 - Tek Kill - Ep 2 372 Pages 2024-09-17 | Support the podcast on Patreon. Special guest have started joining us for 280 Mysteries! patreon.com/372pagesWe've kept you waiting long enough: time to find out the moisture level of Sid's facial hair and to name the implement or implements he uses to groom it.Also, our experimental Real or FanFic continues to go swimmingly / terribly, depending on whether you're Team Conor or Team Mike.ASSIGNMENT: Read thru Chapter 31
Ep 171 - Tek Kill - Ep 1 372 Pages 2024-07-24 | Support the podcast on Patreon so you can hear our recap of the previous 7 books in the series, Encyclopedia Brown mysteries, and all the other stuff we talk about in this episode! http://patreon.com/372pagesSo many characters! Why?Ok, we've calmed down now. We're back in the Tek-verse. We're happy, I wouldn't hesitate to say, to be here.Get the book here.READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through Chap. 21
Ep 170 - Book 30 Announcement 372 Pages 2024-07-09 | If you were on Patreon this would be old news because we announced it there a week ago! Support the podcast here: patreon.com/372pagesThe new book is announced! Since it is one of a series, we bring everyone up to date with excerpts of previous books AND Mike tells another story about his dad (squeamish discretion advised.)Get the book here but no peeking 'til you've heard us reveal it! amzn.to/3Y6dS0z (affiliate link)ASSIGNMENT: Read thru Chapter 11
Ep 169 - Bridge to Bat City - Ep 5 - Bat Dance 372 Pages 2024-06-20 | Support the podcast on Patreon, where you can hear us chat with Paul Scheer and find out what our next book is before anybody else! http://patreon.com/372pagesOur final episode of Ernest Cline's Bridge to Bat City and it may not surprise you learn that Cline wraps everything up in exactly the way you'd expect him to.There's a lot of Listener Mail, including some pretty good theories #cough harperlee cough trumancapote#, as well as a load of Dumb Sentences, and statistics on Mike's Real or Fanfic.But to start it all off, many people wrote in with some truly stunning news ripped right from today's headlines. (I don't think we've EVER had anything quite this on the nose before.)NOTE: We had some minor audio issues (blame on some new gear in Mike's rig.) so we'll make it up to y'all with a Bonus tbd. Thanks.
Ep 168 - Bridge to Bat City - Ep 4 - Welcoming 372 Pages 2024-06-06 | Don't be a Muckerno, support the Podcast on Patreon! Get every episode a week early, plus a ton of other bonus stuff that we don't put on the free feed! patreon.com/372pagesShocking - truly SHOCKING - news that will shake up the 372 community almost as much as the scandal surrounding our last cozy mystery. Not since Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Academy Awards while that guy streaked across the stage behind David Niven has there been anything this "watercooler-talk-worthy" ( huh, kids? 8 year-olds, you're eating this up, aren't you?)Mike and Conor continue to delve into the story of Opal and how she can communicate with bats because she was sucked up into a UFO, and now she rambles (i.e., "drives around in a car") with her uncle Roscoe, a serious loser who destroyed his family farm, owes thousands in back taxes, and sneaks into alleys behind music clubs so he doesn't have to pay the seventy-five cent cover charge.All the departments are here and as a final reading assignment, FINISH THE BOOK!(And yes, Mike forgot that a kind listener had already done a "We Didn't Start the Fire" parody. Could we have edited it out? Sure, but why not mock him instead?)Gallery of illustration "similarities" submitted by Jay: imgur.com/a/wUajGQP
Ep 167 - Bridge to Bat City - Ep 3 - Weird 372 Pages 2024-05-23 | Support the podcast on Patreon! Get every episode early, plus hear Mike's Bat Story, Conor's Paul Harvey tapes, an entire bonus podcast about Encyclopedia Brown and more! patreon.com/372pagesBats can read! Or they can't! But we know they spread mojo which causes people to groove. That's just science.Mike does Real or Fanfic ("does" in this context means "participates in"), we have Dumb Sentences, and we read some mail!Finally, a reminder from the CDC: Bats are the leading cause of rabies deaths in people in the United States. People and domestic animals should avoid contact with bats. Bats should never be kept as pets. Rabies can spread to people from bats after minor, seemingly unimportant, or unrecognized bites or scratches.ASSIGNMENT: Read until the sentence "And that’s how Opal and the bats made friends with Richard Linklater and Lee Daniel and helped out the crew of Slacker, one of the best films ever made about Austin and the people who live there."
Ep 166 - Bridge to Bat City - Ep 2 - Suddenly 372 Pages 2024-05-09 | Support the podcast on Patreon and get to hear stuff we don't post anywhere else! This week included Mike's dramatic courtroom reading of a Prince song and Conor's epic roast of a 70 year old folk son. http://patreon.com/372pagesWitness the exact moment that Cline fully becomes Cline! Also, lots of mean-spirited men in hard hats, as well as tons of references to classic 80s songs from the 60s and 70s. The Dark Web is pressed into service, and Mike just might up his batting average at Real or Fanfic.READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through Chapter 15 PANIC ON THE STREETS OF AUSTINGet the big ole beautiful book here: amzn.to/3TRVmoL (affiliate link)
Ep 165 - Bridge to Bat City - Ep 1 - Yucking the Yums 372 Pages 2024-04-17 | Support the Patreon to mainline Cline before anyone else! You'll also get to hear our other podcast 280 Mysteries We'll Never Get Back on off weeks! patreon.com/372pagesErnest Cline, the founder of our feast here at 372 Pages, is back with another book, Bridge to Bat City. A day after its release, Conor and Mike review the first few chapters, take on some Dumb Sentences, Mike fails at Real or Fanfic and Conor reads some mail.In other words, despite barely dipping a toe in, it's a jam packed episode.Get the big ole beautiful book here: amzn.to/3TRVmoL (affiliate link)Assignment: Read thru Chapter 10
Ep 164 - Kailebs Dream - Ep 5 - Monchi 372 Pages 2024-03-27 | Thank you to everyone who supports the podcast on Patreon! Get every episode a week early, get an entire other podcast you won't find anywhere else, and learn about the next book before anyone else! You'd have to be a real U-ket to miss out! patreon.com/372pagesWe end it. The book, that is. Not the world itself. That's up to the Demon Witches and Monchi. And the humans. And the mages. And Theo. And Jennifer. And Jasmine. And the girls. And the undead Egyptians. And the Nryphons. And the eagles. And the people of Telmar. And the Lords (you know, the ones we hold "the festival" for, even during the very darkest times of war?") And the ever-present pork - look, we're all happy this is over.If you still want to read the book, it's available here http://amzn.to/43NY0Rb . (affiliate link)
Ep 163 - Kailebs Dream - Ep 4 - Justly 372 Pages 2024-03-14 | Support the Patreon and get every episode a week early, plus access to an entire second podcast, contests, and more! http://patreon.com/372pages Look, yes, it's longer than a normal episode. But to answer your question we're less picky about the typos than we have been for the last three episodes!! There is in the middle of this reading one of the most insane things that has ever happened in any book. Any book we've yet read. Truly. And for what it's worth Conor tackles Real or Fanfic this time and whether or not he does better than Mike is neither here nor there, why are you asking?
Ep 162 - Kailebs Dream - Ep 3 - Miel 372 Pages 2024-02-29 | Don't be a Monchi, support the podcast with a Patreon subscription! patreon.com/372pagesHey, hey! Under three hours, a truly compact episode. But the creatures mentioned continue to get stranger and more macabre: Demons, Gryphons, Nryphons, the Balls (Fire and Sylvia), Clam Woman, Man Mom and Almost Dad.Plus, listeners continue to absolutely pummel Mike at Real or FanFic. I mean, like a mace-to-his-face pummel, blood everywhere, skull shattered. Happily Zoser was there to make things right.Also, many, many, many Dumb Sentences featuring a new theme!ASSIGNMENT: Read thru the chapter "In the third world"
Ep 161 - Kailebs Dream - Ep 2 - De Nada 372 Pages 2024-02-14 | Support the podcast on Patreon! It's what Sylvia Ball would do. http://patreon.com/372pagesLook, we can explain - there's just so much to cover! Every single sentence, every exchange, every plot advancement brings whole new galaxies of madness.Included in the mighty length of this episode are some Dumb Sentences (along with a new theme!) and see if Mike can improve upon his dismal Real or FanFic score.Many thanks to listener Jonathan for his Dumb Sentence theme (we will probably debut others as well in the coming weeks.) Thanks, Jonathan!Get the book here http://amzn.to/3OBTbnv (affiliate link)READING ASSIGNMENT: Read Chap 5 Messenger of the King
Ep #160 - Kailebs Dream - Ep 1: A Beef Stew Amuse Bouche 372 Pages 2024-01-30 | Support the podcast on Patreon to gain our eternal trust and respect: http://patreon.com/372pagesThus, an epic episode. The, longest, maybe, ever? (just making sure your reading the book.......)True and utter madness, like nothing we've ever read before on 372 Pages. Seriously. It is not hyperbole; this is deranged, and you must read along, if only to prove we're not going slowly insane.Get the book here amzn.to/3On890y (affiliate link)Assignment: Read the next two chapters.
Ep 159 - New Year, New Book! (Book 28: Kailebs Dream) 372 Pages 2024-01-16 | Join the 372 Patreon where all the crazy stuff happens! Get every episode a week early, plus our sub-podcast where we try to solve insane Encyclopedia Brown mysteries, and much more! http://patreon.com/372pagesSpoiler: frosting is discussed at some length. As are dreams, and if there's anything more exciting than hearing about someone else's dream, I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT IT IS!!If you don't want to listen to the nonsense, you can find the new book here (affiliate link) amzn.to/48w8uWFAssignment: read up to the chapter titled "The Realm of Eris"
Ep 158- A Christmas Killer Affair - Ep 2 372 Pages 2023-12-26 | Thanks to everyone who supported the podcast on Patreon this year. We absolutely would not do it if you weren't there for us. Join the fun next year! http://patreon.com/372pagesWe end the year with absolutely blockbuster news. Seriously, a twist so shocking that no cozy writer could ever conceive of it. I won't spoil it, but we tackle the revelation at the very beginning so be prepared to be stunned.That aside, this reading is full of hot shoulders, chilled breasts and lots of folksy Uncle Kidd wisdom. Not to mention the solution to the central mystery!Get the book on kindle and paperback amzn.to/3Ny7n0hGet How to Write and Market a Christmas Cozy Mystery here amzn.to/41xmRqU (affiliate links)T. Lockhaven's "Resource" page for "writing" your own: christmascozymystery.com/resources
Ep 157- A Killer Christmas Affair - Ep 1 372 Pages 2023-12-20 | Support the podcast on Patreon! By the time this posts, we'll already have posted the next episode on there! http://patreon.com/372pagesTime to check in with Murphy, Carmen, Ophelia, Uncle Kidd, Marisol, Granddaddy, Aunt Lucy, Aunt Lindy, Darbie Grimes, Darbie Grimes' mother, three dead husbands killed in an unknown accident, Simon, Lawrence Galloway, Miquel, Douglas, Judge Ed Simpson, Paul Turner, Phyllis Newton, Bailey Fox, Jerry, Mandy, Charles Deever, Dan Stevens, Mrs. Dan Stevens, Dr. Garrett, Melva Brooks, Lorine Reynolds, Pastor Mark Reed, Janet Crosby, Sherriff Ken Grayson, and Walter Green of Sunflower, Texas.Santa dies, the blood pools around his head, his hair and presumably some flesh are stuck on the bedpost of our narrator and the handsome sheriff is covering up the fact that obviously foul play is involved.In other words, cozy!READING ASSIGNMENT: Finish the book.Get the book here amzn.to/3Tai24N (affiliate link)
Ep 156 – Christmas 2023 Cozy announcement! 372 Pages 2023-12-11 | Support the podcast on Patreon where they found out what this book is a week ago! patreon.com/372pagesIn real time, Mike and Conor select their next book - and we guarantee it will be cozy! Select your hugest, fuzziest slippers (preferably cartoon-based), your giant cup of cocoa, we're talking soup bowl sized with a handle on the side, and get a fire going, anywhere. Even if you don't have a fireplace.It's cozy time!If you don't want to listen, you can find the book in paperback and on kindle http://amzn.to/3Tai24N (affiliate links)ASSIGNMENT: Read thru Chapter 7
Ep 155 – The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists Ep 4 – Slenderman Gorilla 372 Pages 2023-11-29 | Support the podcast on Patreon! We have a video tier now so you can see us mispronounce things in real time! http://patreon.com/372pagesAn absolutely epic end to an epic book. Let's list them off: giant gorillas, chimpanzees, giant ostriches, gigantic komodo-looking dragons, witch princesses in sheer linen gowns: it's obvious Larry got a little excited and wrote the end of this one.No Real or Fanfic; however Mike's stats on this are discussed. Spoiler alert. They are not good.New book announcement coming very soon. Here's Denise's Moepek rewrite/reimagining that we talk about at the beginning of the show: amzn.to/3sNig7b (affiliate link!)
Ep 154 – The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists Ep 3 – The Blinding Underground Sun 372 Pages 2023-11-10 | Support the podcast on Patreon, where you'll get every episode a week early, extra stuff you can't get anywhere else, contests, and more! http://patreon.com/372pagesIncredible - truly incredible - Larry and Denise stuff in this section. The vast majority of this reading could have been submitted as Real or Fanfic and fooled Mike every time. And speaking of, please listen in if only to hear Mike fail miserably at Real or Fanfic!READING ASSIGNMENT: *sigh* Finish the book.
Episode 153 - Adventures of the Teen Archaeologists Ep 2 - The Tri-Moepek Cup 372 Pages 2023-10-30 | Like jumping into a waterfall and landing in a Nile River of madness, The Adventures of the Teen Archaeologists (Book 1) The Land of the Moepeks by Larry and Denise Ellis does not disappoint. The character names come at you fast and furious, there's a disproportionate amount of yelling, a ton of sarcasm, some non-caring remarks, and best of all, flying dinosaurs from Flying Dinosaur Island which is right next door to the Land of the Moepeks.A lot of great Fanfic, Dumb Sentences and Listener Mail to boot.Assignment: Read thru Chapter 11
Ep 152 - The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists Ep 1 372 Pages 2023-10-12 | Join us on Patreon, where every episode comes out a week early and you get to hear all the other bonus stuff we only put on there! http://patreon.com/372pagesAnd check out "The Naked Clone" a book that Mike & Conor co-authored with Kevin, Bill, and Sean from RiffTrax! amzn.to/45pGnWTYes, a long episode, but this book more than earns it. So much to talk about, so many Real or Fanfics, so many Dumb Sentences, so many slaps on so many teenage faces...And folks, you may not believe it, but Larry and Denise actually innovate a new redundancy in writing that must be read and re-read to be believed.[Very slight audio note: toward the end, there's a blip in Conor's track where he disappears for about a half a second. Just so you know you're not hallucinating.]Archived Antigua websiteArchived Moepek websiteREADING ASSIGNMENT: Read thru Chapter 7
Ep 151 - The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists- Intro 372 Pages 2023-10-05 | Join the fun on Patreon, where you get every episode a week early and other fun bonus stuff! patreon.com/372pagesMore info on the book here: amzn.to/3F8fnAhTo prepare for what we can only assume is an epic reading of Larry and Denise's The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists (Book 1) The Land of the Moepeck we asked you to submit your favorite moments from Antigua. Gordle the Gorilla, Nasty Fox, forcing people into trees (with the "forces" from their wands), all of these make the cut!Again, read the first two chapters; a new episode is coming soon.
Ep 150 – The Starlight Barking Ep 3 – Roly Poly Does Paris 372 Pages 2023-09-07 | Help us pick the next book! We'll be running a poll on the 372 Patreon: http://patreon.com/372pagesThe Bark Squad wraps up Dodie Smith's fever nightmare of a sequel in this final episode covering The Starlight Barking. Sirius the Dogstar visits, promising a lifetime of bliss in outer space. Unfortunately, some whiny mangey strays are all like "Uh, no, we like having owners who mistreat and starve us" and so Pongo is forced to make a decision on behalf of all dogdom. Also Missus "invents" the High Swoosh and we reach "closure" on what the hell was up with Cruella's metal clothes. There may be a list of dog names at some point.Thanks to everyone who took the journey with us, we can't wait until Disney finally releases their animated version. As threatened, we'll be back soon with a Patreon poll to pick the next book!
Episode 149 - The Starlight Barking Ep 2 - Sleeping Devils 372 Pages 2023-08-22 | Support the podcast on Patreon and get every new episode a week early PLUS access to our entire archive of five years of bonus material: patreon.com/372pagesWe learn a lot of new things in this episode: mostly Mike is terrible at Real or Fanfic! Seriously, all sorts of new rules about physis and metaphysics are explained, but they all boil down to how terrible Mike is at Real or Fanfic. Who is causing "The Sleep"? Is Cruella actually a demon from Hell? Doesn't matter, because Mike stinks at Real or Fanfic.Also, Dumb Sentences of the Week. And Conor dives to the Dark Web. OH, also, I'm bad at this, but Conor and Mike are heading to Nashville to do this show, which will prove to be fun and funny and fun! fathomevents.com/events/RiffTrax-Live-Rad
Episode 148 - The Starlight Barking Ep 1: Dalmatians Be Whooshing 372 Pages 2023-08-04 | Support the podcast on Patreon where you can get every episode a week early as well as other fun stuff like Mike trying to solve the world's most diabolical Encyclopedia Brown mysteries! patreon.com/372pagesThe first full episode of The Starlight Barking goes in, shall we say, some unexpected directions. Lots more talk of pure bloodlines and hastily assembled coups than we expected in the sequel to 101 Dalmatians. Fortunately there's also a healthy amount of whooshing, humping, and implied scooting thrown in! And that's just by Conor during a surprisingly challenging Real or Fanfic segment!Note: Mike's microphone encountered some issues that resulted in reduced audio quality on his end. The source has been found and it won't happen again. Feel free to roast him in the comments.Assignment: Read thru Chapter 8Get the book here: http://amzn.to/3KhWSg5 Link we mentioned: nationalpurebreddogday.com/the-smallest-of-the-101-dalmatians-what-was-her-namePictures we mentioned: imgur.com/a/TX3nKO2
Ep 147 - Book 25 announcement! 372 Pages 2023-07-21 | If you were on Patreon, you'd have known what the new book was a week ago! Join the fun at patreon.com/372pagesLet's figure out what the TWENTY-FIFTH book we're going to read together will be, but first, Conor quizzes Mike on some direct to VHS Real or Fanfic.Link to buy Book 25: amzn.to/3NQG5S7Reading Assignment: Thru Chapter 4
Ep 146 - Artemis - Ep 5 - Blerianad 372 Pages 2023-06-30 | Be the first to find out what's next by supporting the podcast on Patreon. You'll also hear a new subpodcast where Mike tries to solve Encyclopedia Brown mysteries: http://patreon.com/372pagesWe finished Artemis! And we ranked Artemis as compares to all the other books covered in this podcast: you won't believe what happens next!!And we're just going to get ahead of it: Chekov's re-usable condom does not pay off.There's some mail from listeners as well, and one of them brings us up to date on Mike's Real or Fanfic stats. I don't think anyone is going to be impressed.
Ep 145 - Artemis Ep 4 - Dale and Bob and Loretta and Welding 372 Pages 2023-06-16 | Join the few, the proud, the jackals and support the podcast on Patreon! Every episode a week early and other fun stuff: http://patreon.com/372pagesThe penultimate Artemis episode! Mike's final attempt at Real or Fanfic has to compete with those red-hot references to Emily Post! Listener's weigh in and there are Dumb Sentences of the Week.ASSIGNMENT: Finish the damn book!
Ep 144 - Artemis Ep 3 - Rudy Explained, Kinda! 372 Pages 2023-06-01 | Join the fun on Patreon, where last week we watched Forrest Gump together, Mike for the very first time! http://patreon.com/372pagesIn this episode:-Spontaneous jackals bearing conspiracy theories-Conor's appearance on Jeopardy? Premonition?-Insanely difficult Real or Fanfic-Dumb Sentences of the Flexible Time Period-And much more, including this general question for readers / listeners: are we supposed to like Jazz?!READING ASSIGNMENT: Through chapter 14[NOTE: Probably goes without saying, but our protagonist swears a good deal in this and we do quote her, fyi]Get the book here: amzn.to/3Bx9kn4
372 Pages Ep 143 - Artemis - Ep 2 - Sean Meets the Morals Brigade 372 Pages 2023-05-19 | Support the podcast on Patreon! Because of you, Mike watched Forrest Gump for the first time this week! patreon.com/372pagesThere is nothing that could prepare you for the, ahem, choices Mr. Weir makes in these chapters so may as well dig in. Though we will say Mike slightly improves his fortunes in Real or Fanfic.Get the book here: amzn.to/3Bx9kn4ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 10
372 Pages Ep 142 - Artemis - Ep 1: Mounties on the Moon 372 Pages 2023-05-04 | Thanks to everyone who supports the podcast on patreon! http://patreon.com/372pagesGet the book here: amzn.to/43s7S2qWhat if Garrett P. Serviss dictated a story to Ernest Cline? We think it would go a little something... like this. Plus a Dark Web appearance by a 372 favorite author and an extremely challenging Real or Fanfic!NEXT ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 6.
Episode 141 - Book 24: Artemis by Andy Weir 372 Pages 2023-04-18 | Support the podcast on Patreon, where they've already known the new book for a week! http://patreon.com/372pagesAlright, NOW it's time for Book 24! This one did very well in our Patreon poll a few years ago, so we're excited to finally tackle it. But first, Mike listens patiently while Conor rants about Goombas or something.Get the book here: amzn.to/43s7S2qAssignment: Read thru Chapter 3
Episode 139 - Edisons Conquest Ep 4 - Suddenly! 372 Pages 2023-03-24 | Find out what our next book is going to be a week before everyone else! Join the 372 Patreon: patreon.com/372pagesWOW! Really no words to describe the insane events in the final chapters of Edison's Conquest of Mars, but we can attempt to sum it up with one syllable; Tom.No Real or Fanfic here but as a bonus you'll get Conor's reimagining of this stone classic:youtube.com/watch?v=LXmShIyjJvg
Episode 138 - Edisons Conquest Ep 3 - Zest and Interest! 372 Pages 2023-03-06 | Support the Podcast on Patreon and hear all about the *first* arson Mike committed! Plus get every episode a week early and lots of other non-arson content. http://patreon.com/372pagesMartians, space battles, disintegrators, heat rays, murdered crows -- the only thing missing from this story? Colonel Alonzo Jefferson Smith! Sylphan harp players! Compressed food, stolen and eaten with great care!Also, Mike does pretty well at Real or FanFic, heh heh...READING ASSIGNMENT finish the book!Get the book here: amzn.to/3VTJUYPOr download the free ebook here: gutenberg.org/files/19141/19141-h/19141-h.htm
Episode #137 - Edisons Conquest Ep 2 - Australian Mine Owners! 372 Pages 2023-02-17 | Support the Podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early and hear fun stuff like our pitches for Groundhog Day themed Cozy Mysteries! http://patreon.com/372pagesCome for the Thrilling Story of an Encounter that Nearly Ended the Great Expedition. Stay for Mike's Thrilling Performance in Real or Fanfic.If you love the character of Tom. If you can't get enough of Sylvanus P. Thompson. If Lord Kelvin makes you giggle with delight, you will love this episode.Get the book here: amzn.to/3VTJUYP or download for free here: gutenberg.org/files/19141/19141-h/19141-h.htmAssignment: For next time read up to “A Tedious Language Lesson" in Chapter 13
Episode #136 - Edisons Conquest Ep 1 - Serviss is Selling 372 Pages 2023-02-03 | Support the podcast on Patreon and get every episode a week early and other fun stuff! http://patreon.com/372pagesOur first reading of Garrett P. Serviss' Edison's Conquest of Mars is a real cracker jack, a tip-top lally-cooler! Truly, an enjoyable book if for nothing more than the action movie quipping of Professor Sylvanus P. Thompson.All the departments are here, as well as a description of Mike's brother-in-law's actual Edison cylinder mechanism! (Possible Patreon extra demonstration of it to come.)Buy the book here: amzn.to/3VTJUYP or read for free online: gutenberg.org/files/19141/19141-h/19141-h.htmReading assignment: Read up until "The Prisoner Teaches" in chapter 9
Episode #135 - Book 23: Edisons Conquest of Mars 372 Pages 2023-01-18 | Shake off your weighted blanket and put down that spoon you're licking yogurt off the back of. It's no longer cozy season, dammit! It's time for Book 23 and we've got a listener recommendation that promises to be absolutely as uncozy as Christmas River was cozy. In fact, we're not even certain Coziness had been invented when this book came out!Buy the book here: amzn.to/3VTJUYPor read for free online: gutenberg.org/files/19141/19141-h/19141-h.htmHere is gallery of images we discuss in this episode: imgur.com/a/sP2l3R4First assignment: Read thru Chapter 5
Episode #134 - Murder in Christmas River Ep. 3: Dehydrated Mummies 372 Pages 2022-12-23 | Support the podcast on Patreon where you'll get every episode a week early and hear our recaps of the two other cozy Christmas mysteries we read this December! patreon.com/372pagesOur final reading of this cozy mystery answers the deep, impenetrable puzzle at the heart of the book: How many people will show up to a cheesy tourist village the night after a massive three-foot snowstorm to view the judging of a gingerbread house competition? Turns out, a lot. Like, shoulder to shoulder to the point that the oddly bearded sheriff has almost no room to commit his wrongful arrests.Will our hero Cinnamon Peters be convicted of a murder or will she simply bake more of those things we all talk about on a daily basis, those things that have no other name, cookie panels?Conor and Mike wrap it up with all the departments sans Real or Fanfic of course, but as always, thank you to everyone and special thanks to Patreon supporters! Happy Holidays and many meat pies to all!
Episode #133 - Murder in Christmas River Ep. 2 - Old Man Things to Talk About 372 Pages 2022-12-09 | Support the podcast on Patreon and hear all about the batshit crazy cozy mystery we read last week: patreon.com/372pagesGet the current book here: amzn.to/3Ura5W6After 16 chapters we finally get a mystery! Who killed the fancy-dressing Gingerbread House judge who flew into town from Arizona? Sure, it's a cliché as old as "The butler did it", but we're about to find out how they do things in Christmas River!And the answer is apparently booze, and lots of it. Everyone in this book, from the rugged ex-cop to the adorkable pie baker, is just plastered all the time. During the brief moments of sobriety, will Cinnamon pull it together in time to solve the mystery? She will not, frankly, despite being named the primary suspect, she doesn't even really seem to care. She's too busy pining over teenage crushes and cattily insulting her former co-worker. AND WE ARE HERE FOR IT!Loads of Christmas cheer (dogs with indigestion, meth, and potentially despondent tourists stepping in front of buses.) Plus a very tricky Real or Fanfic and video of drunk Ed McMahon, who would fit in quite well in Christmas River. Assignment: Finish the damn book!
Episode #132 Murder in Christmas River - Ep 1 - Drunk Daniel 372 Pages 2022-11-23 | Support the podcast on Patreon and get some EXTRA cozy this Christmas season! patreon.com/372pagesGet the book HERE (it's free on Kindle Unlimited): amzn.to/3DpGmGAWell, Conor and Mike are back in Cozyville where they tick off the cozy cliches:Sentient dogDrunk, unpleasant, misanthropic grandfatherHorrible touristsMoney-grubbing shop ownersPlatinum blonde pie shop workers who "date" every man in townHandsome, divorced podiatrists who work for freeHorny young men who spill coffee on their horny selvesGerman doctors who prescribe Melba toast to their patientsYou know, the same old routine.Bonus: Mike does NOT do well at Real or Fanfic.Get the book HERE (it's free on Kindle Unlimited)READING ASSIGNMENT: Through Chapter 30 for next time (chapters are very short!)
Episode 131 - Book 22 Announcement - Christmas River Murder 372 Pages 2022-11-08 | Our patreon supporters have been reading this book for a week already! Join the fun at patreon.com/372pagesGet the book here (Free on Kindle Unlimited) amzn.to/3DpGmGASuper Constitution behind them, Mike and Conor look toward a future of cabins that have beds with way too many pillows on them, you know, where you go to sleep and have to spend five minutes figuring out where to pile the pillows so you don't step on them and slip in the dark of night; like, so many pillows that you become angry and start questioning the need for any pillow at all, anywhere? And your significant other starts insisting you keep your voice down because the hosts are just one room away, so you stage whisper as you hold up a non-functional pillow that's sheathed in a frilly covering, "I mean, what is the goal here? Whose life is made better by this?!" so eventually you manage to cram them in a closet and barely close it...But! The next morning it snowed and you're cozy and you have baking powder biscuits and fresh fruit and tea and you sit on cane-back chairs and eat yogurt from the back of a spoon!!!!!!!!! JUST COZY AS ALL #$%$(*&%!!!Assignment: Read through Chapter 13
Episode 130 - Super Constitution Ep 5 - Welcome Back, Troika! 372 Pages 2022-10-21 | Find out our next book before everyone else when you support the podcast on Patreon! patreon.com/372pagesGet the book here: amzn.to/3WFNUhcTo quote the perpetually stoned kid who sawed his finger off in my high school Shop Class and had it surgically re-attached, writing in my year book, "What a long, strange trip it's been!" Emphasis on the long. (Note to author: EDIT!!)We wrap up our reading of the manifesto and as with all other readings find hidden delights among the endless monologues on tax rates and troop deployments. Thanks to you all who read along, or didn't but contributed Real or Fanfic, sent in Dumb Sentences or your emails, we appreciate it immensely!On to the next book!
Episode 129 - Super Constitution Ep 4 - Miss Sequoia, AOOOOgaaaa! 372 Pages 2022-10-07 | Support the podcast on Patreon! Once we hit 1000 supporters, Mike will watch Forrest Gump for the first time as a live watchalong! patreon.com/372pagesGet the book here: amzn.to/3WFNUhcWell, we're one ep away from being done with Charles Kim's ̶i̶n̶s̶a̶n̶e̶, u̶n̶h̶i̶n̶g̶e̶d̶ m̶a̶n̶i̶f̶e̶s̶t̶o̶ novel and one thing is becoming clear: unless you hold multiple degrees from Ivy League institutions he thinks you are human garbage and wants you dead.Other things you'll learn: there's nothing that can't be solved by throwing a cozy cocktail party. Always allow attendants at your meetings to bite ham and cheese sandwich (but only after the lunch hour, and only after consulting with U.S. President!!) And finally, if you're a fan of people describing proposed military division numbers at great length, your ship has come in!READING ASSIGNMENT: Finish the ̶i̶n̶s̶a̶n̶e̶, u̶n̶h̶i̶n̶g̶e̶d̶ m̶a̶n̶i̶f̶e̶s̶t̶o̶ book!
Episode #128 - Super Constitution Ep 3 - Miss OHaras Smiling Body 372 Pages 2022-09-23 | Join the 372 fun on Patreon! See our visit to Bubba Gump, get every episode early, and all sorts of other stuff! patreon.com/372pagesGet the book here: amzn.to/3WFNUhcWe're deep into Super Constitution now and this is our chance to see how the sausage is made (HINT: it requires a killing ray). Another big question is answered as Miss O'Hara makes a visual appearance and... spoiler alert, she's hot. We're talking Pepperidge Farm-guy hot!Also, Mike's Real or Fanfic score takes an adjustment, despite having a new theme song sent in by a listener.NEXT ASSIGNMENT: Read Articles 13 through 16, inclusive.
#127 - Super Constitution Ep 2 - LONG MONOLOGUES!! 372 Pages 2022-09-01 | Support the podcast on Patreon! Get every episode early and other exclusive fun stuff! patreon.com/372pagesGet the book here: amzn.to/3WFNUhcWell, after a rough start we’re back on track. Super Constitution was a little strange out of the gate but now it’s nothing more than a classic sci-fi nov-- haha, I can’t finish that sentence. It is of course a baffling, shocking, hilarious stew of words that somehow manages to get weirder as it goes along!You simply must read along.AND you simply must hear Mike’s Real or Fanfic results…Reading Assignment: Read through Article 12
#126 - Super Constitution Ep 1 - Octopus Tentacles 372 Pages 2022-08-08 | Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode early, hear our recent live show from Minneapolis, and more great stuff! patreon.com/372pagesGet the book here: amzn.to/3WFNUhcWebster's defines "insane" as THIS BOOK!Find out how a book titled SUPER CONSTITUTION is hornier than The Mister, Susan Fletcher, and a Moon People date at Red Lobster combined. We'll also meet (and then quickly abandon) a being from a galaxy 21 light years away, witness the most impressive Karate display be a five year old in history, and read a sentence that will insure you never look at an octopus the same way every again.For next time read thru Chapter, er, we mean Article 8!
Episode #125 - Book 21: Super Constitution 372 Pages 2022-07-15 | (This book may be a little hard to find because our Patreon supporters learned what it was a week ago and bought up all the copies. Join them so you don't miss out in the future! patreon.com/372pages )Get the book here: amzn.to/3WFNUhcThe podcast is now officially old enough to legally drink, if you are going by the number of books we've covered and not episodes, which would probably be the more accurate way of doing it. But that's a good thing, because it might need a few to deal with this book!We're pleased to announce Book 21. We have no record of how it came to be recommended to us, so please let us know if it was you so we can tell who to blame. It sounds very promising and we're excited to dive in.
Episode #124 – Gump & Co Ep 5 372 Pages 2022-06-17 | Come see us do our first LIVE PODCAST in three years, Friday 7/22 at Bryant Lake Bowl in Minneapolis! Tickets on sale soon, details on our facebook and twitter pages.patreon.com/372pagesSorry Mr. King, but Gump & Co comes to an end in this episode. Console yourself by interviewing Freedom Williams of C&C Music Factory. But not until you've listened to this episode, because there's a ton going on!Well, there's mostly: A) oysters B) asses & shit C) escalating degrees of assin' around. But there's also a healthy does of real time word count padding in between beloved characters dying and or hitting their kids while speculating what type of underwear said kids are wearing. Here's the updated document with Real or Fanfic Statistics, courtesy of Lucas. And here's the trailer for the Indian Gump remake.Thanks for taking the GUMPANY journey with us, we'll be back soon with another book to read together.
Episode 123 - Gump & Co Ep 4 372 Pages 2022-06-01 | Support the podcast on Patreon, where you can watch Conor drink gross New Coke variants, hear Mike's story teased in this ep, and so much more! patreon.com/372pagesWe're past the halfway point in Gump & Co., and in this episode, so much Gump, so much Co., so much ass!! Seriously, could there be anymore ass in this book?All the departments are here, Real or Fanfic, Dumb Sentences, and Stealing Mail, and also thrill as Mike misses one of Groom's dumb jokes in real time!READING ASSIGNMENT: Finish the damn book.
