From Emotional Slavery to Emotional Liberation @SimonsBookClub

Simons Book Club For this last video in my series on Lisa Feldman Barrett’s “How Emotions Are Made,” I’m looking back to “Nonviolent Communication” to see how we can deepen our understanding of the ideas in that book. Nonviolent Communication guides us to talk about our feelings and not our judgments. How Emotions Are Made shows us how our feelings emerge, and with this knowledge comes an understanding of how we can master our Emotions.

With this idea of Mastering Our Emotions, we don’t learn how to tighten our control of our emotions, but we learn how to be kinder to our bodies, so that these challenging emotions don’t arise as much. In being a better master, we don’t beat down the uprising that emerges from discontent, but we make sure we’re satisfied, so this uprising doesn’t happen to begin with. It’s better to learn prevention than cures.

Going back to Nonviolent Communication, we can start looking at emotions from a different perspective and framework, by understanding what Emotional Liberation is about. Instead of coming from the position that others are responsible for our emotions, once we realize that they’re neither responsible for our emotions, nor are we responsible for theirs, then a new, beautiful way to connect with others emerges. I’ll talk about that in this video here.

If you’ve missed out on the other videos in this series, check out the full playlist here, including interviews with the author as well!
☞ youtube.com/watch?v=Z_6WkCDrIAk&list=PLWQq9lbJ29_3Ayx9SEQQgwiACpMX3Mb8S

If you liked this video, and found any of the ideas in this series helpful, please consider joining my Patreon, so I can keep making videos like these in the future. Patrons get these videos ad free, a day in advance before they go live on YouTube, along with bonus content, scripts, and more. Check it out!
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

Otherwise, come join the Discord, where we’ve been discussing these books and more, such as Robert Greene’s “Laws of Human Nature,” and more.
☞ discord.gg/dYSBUAF2wK

Also, if you liked the ideas in these videos, you’ll love Lisa Feldman Barrett’s books, “How Emotions Are Made” and “Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain,” both of which will totally change how you view the world. Check them out:
☞ http://www.lisafeldmanbarrett.com

#psychology #emotions #booktube

updated 1 year ago

From Emotional Slavery to Emotional Liberation

Simons Book Club 2023-03-16 | For this last video in my series on Lisa Feldman Barrett’s “How Emotions Are Made,” I’m looking back to “Nonviolent Communication” to see how we can deepen our understanding of the ideas in that book. Nonviolent Communication guides us to talk about our feelings and not our judgments. How Emotions Are Made shows us how our feelings emerge, and with this knowledge comes an understanding of how we can master our Emotions.

With this idea of Mastering Our Emotions, we don’t learn how to tighten our control of our emotions, but we learn how to be kinder to our bodies, so that these challenging emotions don’t arise as much. In being a better master, we don’t beat down the uprising that emerges from discontent, but we make sure we’re satisfied, so this uprising doesn’t happen to begin with. It’s better to learn prevention than cures.

Going back to Nonviolent Communication, we can start looking at emotions from a different perspective and framework, by understanding what Emotional Liberation is about. Instead of coming from the position that others are responsible for our emotions, once we realize that they’re neither responsible for our emotions, nor are we responsible for theirs, then a new, beautiful way to connect with others emerges. I’ll talk about that in this video here.

If you’ve missed out on the other videos in this series, check out the full playlist here, including interviews with the author as well!
☞ youtube.com/watch?v=Z_6WkCDrIAk&list=PLWQq9lbJ29_3Ayx9SEQQgwiACpMX3Mb8S

If you liked this video, and found any of the ideas in this series helpful, please consider joining my Patreon, so I can keep making videos like these in the future. Patrons get these videos ad free, a day in advance before they go live on YouTube, along with bonus content, scripts, and more. Check it out!
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

Otherwise, come join the Discord, where we’ve been discussing these books and more, such as Robert Greene’s “Laws of Human Nature,” and more.
☞ discord.gg/dYSBUAF2wK

Also, if you liked the ideas in these videos, you’ll love Lisa Feldman Barrett’s books, “How Emotions Are Made” and “Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain,” both of which will totally change how you view the world. Check them out:
☞ http://www.lisafeldmanbarrett.com

#psychology #emotions #booktube

Talking for Attention vs Connection

Simons Book Club 2024-06-19 | Are you talking because you want to connect with someone, to resonate with what's alive in them, to understand them, or are you talking because you want to be seen and heard?

Affirmations and the Salience Network

Simons Book Club 2024-06-19 | After my video on Thoughts Without a Thinker, where I talked about how patterns perform niche construction and mentioned how this really sounds like another way of describing affirmations and manifestation, a commenter asked for a more in depth video about it. And so, here are some more thoughts on the matter.

I think patterns construct their niches in us, or thoughts find ways to perpetuate themselves, through a few ways, one of which is by activating our salience network. The idea of the salience network isn't my own. I was inspired by James Doty. He just wrote a book about manifestation, which I haven't read, but I did watch his video here
- https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2024/05/james-doty-on-the-neuroscience-of-manifestation

If any of this video resonated with you, let me know. I'd be happy to keep the conversation going :D

Thoughts Perform Niche Construction

Simons Book Club 2024-05-16 | Here’s a small clip from a video I was really inspired to do after hearing a talk between Michael Pollan, whose books I love, and Michael Levin, who is the most exciting scientist creating content online now, for me. I love Michael Levin’s work and the way he understands life and consciousness from a biologist’s perspective. I think a lot of people are overindexing on what neuroscientists have to say, with a brain-first approach to everything, and Michael Levin is really coming at life, agency, and growth from a very refreshing and exciting angle.

In this clip, I’ll talk a bit about how he views thoughts as patterns that perform niche construction. I’m talking about one area on the continuum of thought that he lays out. If you want to see the whole continuum explained, I did a video about it, and it’s now on my YouTube channel. Check it out and let me know what you think! What Levin is proposing is, I think, really transformational.

Can You Have Thoughts Without a Thinker?

Simons Book Club 2024-05-16 | Here’s some more of Michael Levin:

First, here’s his talk with Michael Pollan - youtube.com/watch?v=HQD3hVG8mO0

Before you dive into that talk, you can watch this gorgeous intro to his ideas - youtube.com/watch?v=U93x9AWeuOA
If you check the other Big Think videos on him, you’ll see more gorgeous content and get more of his ideas

And now that you’ve got your feet wet, let’s get deep:
My fav - youtu.be/44W9Mw4AGT8
Are you ready for pills that can regrow limbs, or maybe an extra heart? - youtube.com/watch?v=9pG6V4SagZE

And from there, just keep digging. Let me know what you think

Santos Populares #portugal #travel #lisbon

Simons Book Club 2023-06-30 | Lisbon during Santos Populares is a symphony of colors and sounds, where tradition and joy come together and overflow out to the narrow city streets. People dance, drink, and feast on sardines being grilled everywhere. June is prime season for them, as the warmer temperatures bring the sardines closer to the shore, and make them abundant during the festival.

The festival is not just about food and merriment, though. Santos Populares honors popular patron saints, with St. Anthony of Padua being the most celebrated in Lisbon. On the night of June 12th, locals take to the streets to commemorate St. Anthony’s Day. The city becomes a platform for expressing devotion and joy, with locals even hosting a mass wedding ceremony known as ‘St. Anthony’s Weddings’, reflecting his status as the patron saint of love and marriage.

My neighbourhood hosts one of the most popular locations for it, and the streets become full of people dancing and partying till 4AM…right outside of my apartment as well lol. Though I miss the energy and joy, I am very much enjoying being able to sleep again. Until next year!

Jacaranda Season in Lisbon

Simons Book Club 2023-06-22 | This is my second year in Lisbon, and there's something truly special about this time of year. From late spring to early summer, the Jacaranda trees color the city with their vivid purple blooms, an annual phenomenon that turns regular streets into magical, vibrant corridors. These trees originally come from South America and only found their way here in the 19th century, so they’re not that old, but now, they're a cherished part of Lisbon's urban landscape. Every gust of wind creates a magical wash of purple rain, and the grounds become a royal carpet of fallen flowers.

It's these quiet moments of nature's artistry in the midst of the busy city that continue to inspire me. So I made this little video here to show you a bit of what it looks like. I hope you like it, and get the chance to visit Lisbon one day and to see them for yourselves 💜

Feira da Ladra

Simons Book Club 2023-05-18 | Feira da Ladra is a vibrant world of treasures and a true haven for seekers of unique finds and antique enthusiasts. I just spoke with someone who bought a few Portuguese tiles from the 1720s, for a few Euro a piece. This bustling market is open every Tuesday and Saturday, and from vibrant tapestries to vintage jewelry, the diversity of items on display are mesmerizing color bomb. Whether you're on the lookout for a charming keepsake or a statement piece to adorn your home, Feira da Ladra never disappoints. Here’s a small look at this kaleidoscope of history, art, and timeless treasures.

Trams in Lisbon

Simons Book Club 2023-05-16 | Journey through Lisbon's charming streets on the timeless tracks of history. 🚃✨

Immerse yourself in the captivating rhythm of trams as they gracefully navigate the city's vibrant neighborhoods, blending tradition with modernity. Let the nostalgic melodies of the tram's gentle clatter transport you to a bygone era, where cobblestones and colorful facades create an artistic backdrop for your urban adventures. Explore Lisbon's soul through the window of its iconic trams, and let the city's charm unfold before your eyes. 🌆💛

#lisbon #portugal #tram

The Book Kiosk in Jardim da Estrela

Simons Book Club 2023-05-12 | Lost in the leaves, found in forest. 📚✨

Exploring the enchanting Biblioteca-Quiosque do Jardim da Estrela, where the aroma of books mix with the whispers of nature. Step into a world where coffee and beer give way to literary treasures, and invites you to indulge in the magic of words amidst the serenity of the garden. 🌿📖

Palácio Nacional de Mafra

Simons Book Club 2023-05-01 | I made a list of Portugal’s best libraries and bookstores, and Mafra’s Library is right up there. Plus, it’s nested in the National Palace of Mafra, which is always stunning to look at. So I decided to check out both.

After a 6€ entry fee, I walked up four flights of stairs, and through huge halls for quite a while, until I finally made it to the place I wanted to be.

Sadly, it’s not a library you can walk around in. You can enter through the doors and then, behind a rope and guard, look at the huge sweeping hall of old books from a distance.

I would have loved to get a closer look, to see the names of books that I probably couldn’t even read, and to imagine what it was like for scholars back in the day.

#portugal #mafra #palace

Praia da Ursa: Hidden Beach in Portugal

Simons Book Club 2023-04-26 | I spent the day at the most beautiful beach I ever experienced, at the edge of the Western World.

📍 Praia da Ursa

I parked near Cabo da Roca, and Fudgy and I took the half hour hike 130m down, through sharp angles and steep rocks, with rope to help us get down to this hidden beach. Giant rock formations jut out of the water, with one looking like Godzilla breaching the shores. I spent the afternoon there, eating fruit, playing fetch with Fudgy, and drinking the sun through my skin.

Getting back out is a small lesson in heartbreak: we didn’t want to leave, but we all had to lace our boots back up, and start the Sisyphean work to climb out of paradise. We can’t play forever, and it takes work to get back out into the rest of the world. Though I know this place will be here for me when I need it again.

#portugal #praiadaursa #beachvibes

Livraria Sá Da Costa

Simons Book Club 2023-04-17 | When the streets of Chiado are crowded on a Sunday afternoon, and tourists gather to Bertrand Bookstore, the oldest bookstore in the world, Fudgy and I cross the street Livraria sá da Costa, and explore old maps, postcards and portraits, negatives and stills, and dusty leather bound books. I found a book for Fudgy, but I think he was more interested in the smells of of dust and pages from the time before either of us were born.

📍 R. Garrett 100, 1200-273 Lisboa

#books #lisbon #portugal

How Emotions Are Made: Interview with the Author Part 2 - Dissolving Emotions

Simons Book Club 2023-02-21 | Here's part 2 of my interview with Lisa Feldman Barrett, where we talk about some of the consequences from the ideas in her book "How Emotions Are Made." We kick off this half of the interview with a question I was having difficulty with: how would learning emotional concepts in other languages help me connect with others more, when how I connect with others is primarily through being mindful, present, curious, and compassionate?

Dr. Barrett takes the conversation in an interesting direction, and offers me an answer that surprised me. We then get into Buddhism and Mindfulness, breaking down emotion into physical sensations, into Alexithymia, and then into the Glorious Circumplex. It's a really interesting talk, one that I was so very happy to have, and one that I loved putting together into this video here today. I hope you like it too.

If you missed the first half of the interview, check out part 1 here:
☞ youtu.be/7686weIa6fc

And if you’re new to this series, here’s the playlist with all of the videos so far, which cover many of the concepts we've discussed in these interviews:
☞ youtube.com/watch?v=Z_6WkCDrIAk&list=PLWQq9lbJ29_3Ayx9SEQQgwiACpMX3Mb8S

This video series here is my attempt to really understand this Theory of Constructed Emotion. One thing I learned in Teacher's College was that the best way to learn something is to teach it, and - you know - I think I'm a lot more comfortable with these ideas now than before. But there's still a lot of the book that I didn't cover. If you're interested in Illness and Chronic Conditions, Animal Rights, or the Criminal System, Dr. Barrett applies her understanding of the brain and emotions in these areas, with really interesting conclusions that I won't cover in these videos. Check out her books "How Emotions Are Made" and "Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain".
☞ lisafeldmanbarrett.com

Otherwise, if you found this interview interesting, it's my dream to do more of them with the authors that I'm reading, and I'd love your support on Patreon. Patrons get these videos ad-free, and a day in advance, along with the scripts as well.
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

If you'd like to talk about these ideas some more, we're discussing this book, and the other books I've covered, over on the Discord. We're recently getting more into looking at Alexithymia. Check it out!
☞ discord.gg/dYSBUAF2wK

0:00 Intro and Recap
1:45 Physical and Mental Health
2:53 Learning More Emotion Words
5:34 The Health Benefits of Emotional Intelligence
6:51 Mindfulness and Buddhism
9:57 Dissolving Emotions
11:57 Anxiety Reappraisal
12:55 Affect and the Brain
14:13 The Benefits of Reappraisal
15:26 What About Alexityhmia?
18:32 Pathologizing Neurodiversity
21:11 Different Cultures Approach to Emotion
22:32 Using the Circumplex
26:02 More Praise of the Circumplex
27:12 Final Thoughts

#psychology #booktube #neuroscience

ALL HAIL THE CIRCUMPLEX!

Simons Book Club 2023-01-29 | In Part 6 of this deep dive into Lisa Feldman Barrett’s “How Emotions Are Made,” we’re going to look at what I think is one of the most useful tools when it comes to understanding our emotions, and in connecting with the emotions of others. Ladies and Gentlemen, ALL HAIL THE CIRCUMPLEX!

The Circumplex is a tool that, once you understand how it works, allows you to express what you’re feeling with clear language, and to understand what others are feeling as well. The Circumplex focuses on Affect, rather than overly specific emotional concepts that aren’t universal. Affect is universal, and the more we focus on that, the easier communication can become. I’ll talk about the circumplex and affect and more in this video. I hope you like it!

If you’re new to this series, here’s the playlist with the first four videos so far:
☞ youtube.com/watch?v=Z_6WkCDrIAk&list=PLWQq9lbJ29_3Ayx9SEQQgwiACpMX3Mb8S

Now, I’ve been working with this book and these ideas for a while now, and I think I’ve been getting pretty creative in my interpretation of it. And so, I invited Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett, the author of How Emotions Are Made, and a scientist just dripping in credentials and prestige, to help guide my understanding a bit more. Those videos will be coming up next. Stay tuned!

If you like this video series, please consider joining my Patreon, where you’ll get access to these videos before they’re on YouTube, and you’ll get them ad-free as well, along with the scripts to these videos in advance, and some of the extra footage and content that didn’t make it in these videos.
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

Otherwise, there are some subjects in this book that I’m not discussing, like what this understanding of emotions means for our understanding of animals, as well as our understanding of the legal system, and both examinations are super fascinating. The book covers those topics in very interesting ways. Do check it out:
☞ amzn.to/3i9HHuB

I'm also inviting you to join the Discord, where we're discussing a lot of these ideas, and more, amongst a group of really cool, smart people, all in the spirit of nonviolence and curiosity.
☞ discord.gg/dYSBUAF2wK

0:00 Intro & Recap
1:08 ALL HAIL THE CIRCUMPLEX
1:49 Examples on the Circumplex
3:27 The Circumplex and Affect
4:19 Understanding Melancholy and Other Emotions
5:59 For Those of You Who Need It
7:27 Plotting Happiness on the Circumplex
8:58 Chasing the Dragon
11:02 The Emotional Wheel
11:55 Emotional Acceptance
13:12 Rethinking Emotional Mastery
14:10 For Next Week…

#psychology #neuroscience #booktube

How Emotions Are Made: The Problem with Emotions

Simons Book Club 2023-01-14 | In Part 4 of this video series on Lisa Feldman Barrett's "How Emotions Are Made," I'm going to be talking about some of the issues that arise with emotions. Namely, there's a lot of confusion with our feelings, our sensations, which are a direct result of changes in our body budgets, which I described in Part 3. The main question is, how do we determine if our emotions are worth our attention, or if they're just signals to us that our body budgets have been depleted, and how can we make this distinction without being entirely dismissive of our emotional experience? It's a tough question, really, and I'll be talking about it a bunch in this video, and in the videos to come.

If you missed out on the talk about Body Budgets, check out part 3 here.
☞ youtu.be/binjwjIPYqo

In the first two parts of the series, I worked on debunking some of the outdated myths and misconceptions about emotion, and laid out the Theory of Constructed Emotion. Check them out here if you missed them:
☞ youtube.com/watch?v=Z_6WkCDrIAk&list=PLWQq9lbJ29_3Ayx9SEQQgwiACpMX3Mb8S

In Parts 5 and 6, we're going to take all of these ideas about interoception, body budgets, and how emotions are made, and work towards an understanding of how to master our emotions. The author has a whole section dedicated to it, and it's very useful information, and it's really useful, I think.

If you're into this series so far, and want to get into parts 5 and 6 sooner, please consider joining my Patreon. I'm uploading all of my videos there, ad free, before these videos go live on YouTube, and I'm sharing the scripts there in advance as well, in case you prefer reading to watching.
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

I'm also inviting you to join the Discord, where we're discussing a lot of these ideas, and more, amongst a group of really cool, smart people, all in the spirit of nonviolence and curiosity.
☞ discord.gg/dYSBUAF2wK

If you want to read more about the Theory of Constructed Emotion, you'll love the book "How Emotions Are Made" by Lisa Feldman Barrett. It's a beautifully articulate description of emotional construction, and is super thorough, with a bibliography longer than some books. Check it out:
☞ amzn.to/3i9HHuB

You can read more about the book here:
☞ how-emotions-are-made.com

#booktube #psychology #neuroscience

How Emotions Are Learned: Interoception, Inferencing, and Babies

Simons Book Club 2023-01-06 | Here's part 2 of my video series on Lisa Feldman Barrett's "How Emotions Are Made," which is an amazing book by one of the world's most respected neuroscientists, where she debunks some of the myths about emotions, and gives us a better understanding of what emotions actually are. In this video, I'm going to be talking about the interoceptive network, which is a very important idea for us to understand when it comes to emotions. After all, how is it that we FEEL a feeling? What is it that we are, in fact, feeling, and how are we feeling it, with our bodies?

If you missed out on part 1 of the video series, check it out here:
☞ youtu.be/Z_6WkCDrIAk

Next week, I'll be publishing parts 3 and 4 of the series. In part 3 I'll be discussing how emotions are made as adults, what the process is like, and we'll look at the crucial role that language plays in emotion. In part 4, we'll be looking at the implications of our body budgets, how crucial they are to the experience of emotion, and - at the same time - how they interfere with our emotions. This is all neat stuff, and I love it!

If you're liking this video series so far, please consider supporting this project on Patreon, where you'll get the scripts to each of the videos in advance, as well as early access to the videos - ad-free - before I publish them on YouTube.
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

Otherwise, come join the Discord! We've got some cool people there discussing some of these ideas, amongst others, and we're all in the spirit of nonviolence, compassion, and curiosity. If that sounds like your jam, we'd be happy to see you there
☞ discord.gg/dYSBUAF2wK

If you want to learn more about the Theory of Constructed Emotion, or just to learn about emotions in general, Lisa Feldman Barrett's work is definitely something worth checking out. I'm talking about her book "How Emotions Are Made" here, and it's very thorough and super thought provoking. I'll be talking about the ideas in it for the next few weeks. She also has a great book, much shorter, called Seven and A Half Lessons About the Brain, which is a quick read and also chock full of profound ideas. Check out her work here:
☞ how-emotions-are-made.com

I mentioned the Mental Inference Fallacy. Here's her post about it (I love the Frankenstein section!)
☞ lisafeldmanbarrett.com/2017/05/24/mental-inference-fallacy

0:00 Intro and Recap of last two books
0:42 The Four Humors
2:08 Bad metaphors for the brain
4:03 Variation vs Essentialism
5:13 Babies Learning Words
6:44 The Interoceptive Network
7:54 “Sophie, are you angry?”
8:48 The Power of Projection
9:22 The Importance of Words
10:38 Some Cultures Don’t Feel Anger or Sadness
11:56 The Whirlpool of Faces
13:19 The Mental Inference Fallacy
14:01 For the Next Video…

#psychology #emotions #neuroscience

6 Books to Give for Christmas

Simons Book Club 2022-11-25 | I’ve got a lot of books that I’d love to talk about, and so I figured I’d give a short list of them here, with the idea of this being a Christmas shopping list of sorts. If you can’t think of a better gift to get someone, then how about buying them a book? Here’s a list of a few that I’ve really enjoyed, and I think would be great to share with others.

The Body Keeps the Score
☞ amzn.to/3F2YBDO

Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art
☞ amzn.to/3F2lgA7

Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind
☞ amzn.to/3F09MNi

Bringing Home the Dharma
☞ amzn.to/3tXdQHN

Being You: A New Science of Consciousness
☞ amzn.to/3U8C3pj
--- Here’s that Ted Talk I told you about by Anil Seth:
☞ youtube.com/watch?v=lyu7v7nWzfo

Midnight Library
☞ amzn.to/3U8C6kZ

I've got a bonus clip as well

If you liked this video, and want to support the growth of this little project I’m doing, please join my Patreon for early access to scripts, and deeper engagement with a lot of these ideas ❤️
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

If you've read any of these books and want to talk about them, come join my Discord!
☞ discord.gg/dYSBUAF2wK

0:00 Intro
0:53 The Body Keeps the Score
4:15 Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art
6:01 Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind
8:42 Bringing Home the Dharma
11:31 Being You: A New Science of Consciousness
14:11 Midnight Library

#books #booktube #consciousness

How to Speak with Nonviolent Communication

Simons Book Club 2022-11-11 | Nonviolent Communication flows in four steps: Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests. Just following those steps doesn’t guarantee nonviolence, though, as these steps can still be done with the intent to control people, and to make them do what we want, which isn’t what Nonviolence is about. So, I’m going to expand on these steps, and to explain the compassionate intent behind each.

In my first video, I talked about how violence gets in the way of empathy, and how the violence in our language blocks compassionate connection, and so this guide here to Nonviolent Communication expands on that video, and outlines the NVC process, with the intent to stay compassionate and connected, and without falling back into old patterns of violence. If you haven’t seen the first video over @eatyourkimchi and you’re unsure what I mean when I talk about “violence,” check it out here.
☞ youtu.be/J8yLEC6uhN8

I mentioned in my video on “All About Love,” how I want to dedicate my life to love. With these videos, I want to put my time into spreading messages of love, compassion, empathy, mindfulness, presence, connection, and peace, and I plan to do so through sharing the ideas of very impactful books. This is a project that I find great meaning in, and I hope it’s something that resonates with you as well. If it does, I ask that you please support me and this project on Patreon:
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

If Nonviolent Communication interests you, check out the book. There’s so much more in there than I could talk about in these videos, and I’ll get back to these ideas in future videos.
☞ cnvc.org/bookstore/books/NVC-A-Language-of-Life-3rd-Edition
☞ amzn.to/3A7EGR1

Here’s that video on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs I mentioned
☞ youtu.be/oJGqhcE3r7A

And along with that, here’s NVC’s List of Feelings..
☞ cnvc.org/training/resource/feelings-inventory

…and their List of Needs
☞ cnvc.org/training/resource/needs-inventory

Both lists are from
(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication☞ Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org☞ Phone: +1.505-244-4041

If you’re interested in Nonviolent Communication, the Center for Nonviolent Communication is starting a ten month program this weekend, as of November 12th. I’ll be participating in it as well. Check it out!
☞ community.nvcrising.org/registration

0:00 Introduction
44:05 Nonviolent Communication used Violently
1:54 The spirit of Nonviolent Communication
2:40 The Four Steps of the Nonviolent Communication Process
4:21 Step 1: Observations
5:53 Separating Judgments from Observations
6:40 Double Standards
8:09 Violence preventing growth
9:32 Step 2: Feelings
10:28 Lack of Emotional Education
11:34 Hiding Judgments in our Feelings
12:51 Feeling vs Non-Feeling words
14:31 Emotional Responsibility
16:37 Emotional Slavery
19:02 Step 3: Needs
21:50 Connecting with Our Needs
23:22 Listening with Empathy to People’s Needs
24:42 Shame in Expressing Needs
25:52 Santa Claus Attitude
27:45 The Joy in Fulfilling the Needs of Others
29:24 Closing this already long video
31:12 How Emotions Are Made

#nonviolentcommuncation #compassion #communication

All About Love Part 2: Polyamory and Self-Love

Simons Book Club 2022-09-21 | Heya. If you made it here from the first video, thank you! I hope you liked the first video. I really am passionate about this topic and talk and write about it all the time, and so I really enjoyed creating these videos where I can express myself and share some of my thoughts and beliefs. I’ve got a few more things to say about Bell Hooks’ “All About Love” that I couldn’t fit into the first video. If you missed the first video, here’s the link:
☞ youtu.be/-uMllR2kOzk

In this video here I’ll be discussing how love is the same across any relationship, and the ingredients of love can be offered to your friends, to your parents, children, relatives, romantic partners, strangers, and even yourself.

My strong beliefs in the unlimiting nature of love has opened me up to polyamory, while before this book, for the entirety of my life, I’ve been monogamous and faithful. Now, I offer love to all of the people in my life, even when I’m in a partnership with someone. I’ve been practicing polyamory for the last year, and while I do still identify as polyamorous, I found managing both my time, and the expectations of multiple romantic partners, a bit challenging. That’s not new to me, though. You’ll hear about that in the polyamory forums as well.

I’m very open to talking about this, and have been talking about this a bunch, with the people over at the Discord. From many of the discussions I’ve had about polyamory, it’s reduced to the idea of “ethical cheating,” and thought of only sexually, which isn’t how I think of it at all. If you’re interested in talking about it, come join us. We’ve got a really nice group of open minded, non judgmental people. We hold space. We empathize. We connect. I’d love to see you there as well:
☞ discord.gg/dYSBUAF2wK

I talk a lot about self-love here as well, and how I knew about it’s importance from Ru Paul’s Drag Race, though I didn’t really see healthy examples of how to practice self-love. I’ve applied Hook’s definitions of love here as well, and have found that it truly helped me connect with a love of myself that isn’t self-aggrandizement. I’ll explain how in this video, as well.

That’s it. I hope you enjoy this video, and that some of it resonates with you, and inspires you to think about love differently. I’ve got a clear direction of where I’m going with these books and videos lately, with a message of compassion and nonviolence that I’m very keen on sharing, and I’ve been spending all of my days reading and writing about these ideas, and planning how to share them. I’ll be spending my time and energy focusing on healthy communication, the history of emotion, building empathy, modern science on how the brain actually works (and debunking the junk science), destigmatizing mental illness, and discussions of polyamory as well. If you found any value in this message, in this goal, please consider supporting me on Patreon.
☞ patreon.com/simonsbookclub

Oh! And here’s that Alain de Botton video on Romanticism I suggested:
☞ youtube.com/watch?v=sPOuIyEJnbE

For the next book club, I’ll be discussion Marshall Rosenburg’s “Nonviolent Communication,” which is huge for me. I live and breathe this book. I’ve read it three times, listened to the audiobook three times, done the workbook. I’m even looking into attending a Nonviolent Communication retreat workshop. For real. I think the more I embody the ideas of Nonviolent Communication, the better I can connect with what’s alive in the people in my life, and the more easily compassion can flow between us. Words of judgment, criticism, shame, blame, shoulds, comparison, measurement, are tragic expressions of our own unmet needs. Sadly, we’re more fluent in telling others what’s wrong with them than we are in describing what’s alive in us. I’ll talk about this a lot more in the next book club video. I hope to see you there.
☞ youtube.com/watch?v=sPOuIyEJnbE

0:00 Intro
0:41 Love Outside of Romance
2:11 To Love Well
3:24 Leaving our Friends for our Lovers
4:24 No Different Kinds of Love
5:40 Denying Love to Children
7:25 Men Lacking Affection
9:18 Lack of Affection Breeds Codependence
10:13 My Experience with Polyamory
11:10 Offering Love to EVERYONE
11:53 Ru Paul and Self-Love
13:15 What Does My Self-Love Look Like?
16:02 B-Love vs Deficient Love
17:28 Wrapping Up
18:12 Where We’re Going Next

#love #relationship #polyamory

Whats Wrong with a Growth Mindset?

Simons Book Club 2022-02-17 | Carol Dweck's "Mindset" is a pretty big deal lately, and Growth Mindset is a big buzzword, especially in business settings. I took the time to read Mindset and to see what it was about, and - really - I have some issues with the ideas behind it.

There are a few things I agree with in the book, primarily in not defining yourself by your actions, but there are also a few things I disagree with, particularly in how effort is goal oriented. Does goal setting get in the way of what naturally may emerge? Where does self acceptance come into the picture?

I'm going to talk about where I stand with this book, along a bit about the role of criticism, and my approach on how I handle my fixed mindset (and other challenges) with RAIN.

If you like what I'm saying here, and want to support this project of mine, please consider becoming a Patron:
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

I've been having a discussion about this book with others on the Discord, with the question of where self-acceptance fits into Dweck's model. I'd like to hear what you think as well.

I've made the Discord channel now open to all, so come and share your thoughts on the books we're reading and discussing.

And please, be kind. If you don't like me, that's ok, but please leave me some space on the internet where I can feel safe and not be harassed. Here's the link
☞ discord.gg/ctHHJ2jc

If you're in Lisbon, come to a Meetup and let's talk
☞ http://www.meetup.com/simonsbookclub

This month we're discussing All About Love. Check it out!
☞ amzn.to/3Brip07

#mindset #growth #development

How Psychologically Flexible Are You?

Simons Book Club 2022-01-06 | This is the second part of the video I made for Steven Hayes' "A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot Towards What Matters." This part of the video deals a lot more with Acceptance Commitment Therapy, and what psychological flexibility vs inflexibility look like, along with a couple suggestions of the exercises.

In the first part of the video, I went over Relational Frame Theory, and how it explains how we got the voice in our heads, and how that voice is causing us a lot of suffering. Check it out here
☞ youtu.be/iqiyU3eC62s

If you liked this video, consider joining the book club, where we have discussions about the book, the values writing workshop, and more to come:
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub

For January, we're reading Carol Dweck's "Mindset". Check it out here:
☞ amzn.to/3zxnXVL

Pick up your copy of A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot Towards What Matters:
☞ amzn.to/3JOsAPQ

Also, check out the podcast I mentioned that explains these concepts better, from the mouth of Hayes himself:
☞ podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-psychology-podcast/id942777522?i=1000386538101

If you're interested in finding an ACT Therapist, no matter where you are in the world, check out the link here:
☞ bit.ly/FindanACTtherapist

#RelationalFrameTheory #Act #AcceptanceCommitmentTherapy

Introducing: Simons Book Club

Simons Book Club 2021-12-13 | Heya. I've started a book club, where we'll read and discuss the latest books on psychology, the science of wellbeing, neuroscience, and consciousness. We'll be having monthly book club meetups as well, both online and in person. And, I'll be posting videos here for each book that we discuss.

Watch the first video here:
☞ youtube.com/watch?v=oJGqhcE3r7A

Come join us over at
☞ http://www.patreon.com/simonsbookclub