Uploaded June 2019 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago

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"I'm only filling the spaces in your bored time.
So meet me in Montauk if you want me to stay the night."

Adults are like, this mess of sadness.

Why do I fall in love with every man I see who shows me the least bit of attention?

I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest

I don't see anything that I don't like about you.
But you will! You will think of things and I'll get bored of you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.

You looked happy. Happy with a secret.

By morning I'll be gone
Remember me, try your best.

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd"
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Music: youtube.com/watch?v=f_fKEMx1JWk
Voice Over: youtube.com/watch?v=IGYwf7e_cr8&t=45s
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Why is this movie filled with such great quotes!!! Ughh the feels. I actually spent like 4 days editing a video with Your Lie in April to No Angels with Bastille but when I was finishing it up I completely hated it and I constantly felt something was off or missing or something. When rendering, it crashed so I took it as a sign to just let it go and not work on it anymore. Instead I started playing around with music and audio quotes. Eartha Kitt's interview about love and compromising has been close to my heart since I heard it earlier this year because its so empowering so I really wanted to find something that could potentially work with it. Daughter has been popping up on my music recs again and I found a lofi remix of youth (kina - I feel empty) and I knew I wanted to use something with the same feel and Conan popped up with his candles cover. His rendition is so beautiful and always just gives me chest pain when I listen to it because the vocals are just so beautiful and passionate. So yesterday, I sat back down and was determined to create something I was content with. So here it is! 3hrs of editing later, I had it done. When I'm able to edit something in a day thats when I know it came somewhere from my heart. It was too late to render yesterday so I did it today and as it rendered, I saw a bit of the Jim Carrey's documentary with his art. He explained that sometimes he doesn't understand what he's created/painted/sculpted, he just does it but doesn't know what it exactly means at the time, until maybe a year later. I feel a bit the same way when I edit now a days. If I'm able to finish a complete video idea in a day, I feel like my body is just doing it on its own, the ideas, the music, the choice of footage. Its not until I see it the next day or even weeks/months later I reflect on the time and how I was feeling. I think that's why I never was able to get super into Candy Style or any other editing style besides raw really because I really just always want to edit to express something. I do a lot of love stories/love/unrequited love/melancholy edits but that doesn't always mean I'm editing out of personal situations. Its just what comes to mind.

Anyways, sorry for the word vomit. I'm just trying to understand myself lately so I think I'm also just trying to find meaning as to why I still edit.