Uploaded July 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
When people think about anger, they usually picture the eruption, the yelling, the blow up, the moment everyone can see. But there's a second part that gets missed a lot of the time, and it's actually the more important one.
Think of anger like a volcano. There's the eruption, and then there's the lava underneath, the stuff that's been building for years without you even realizing it. For a lot of people with Complex Trauma, that layer of repressed anger has been sitting there since childhood. Most people go looking for tools to stop the eruptions, but here's the thing, you can't actually stop the eruptions until you start dealing with the lava underneath.
That lava built up for a reason. Anger is supposed to be a healthy signal. It's there to tell you I'm not safe, my needs aren't being met, somebody is disrespecting me, neglecting me, or violating what love is supposed to look like. As a kid, if that anger wasn't safe to feel or express, it didn't just disappear. It got repressed instead, because repressing it was how you survived.
The problem is that repression doesn't stay in childhood. It follows you into adult life and messes with relationships, emotional regulation, and self-worth without you always knowing why.
Healing often starts with going back to those moments, the ones where love was violated, where you weren't safe, where your needs weren't met, and letting yourself actually feel what that little kid had to push down. Not to stay stuck there, but to finally help that part of you heal instead of carrying it forward.
→ We've got a fresh new series on anger with new parts coming out every Friday on YouTube. If you're ready to get in touch with what's underneath the eruptions, reach out to us at timfletcher.ca.
When people think about anger, they usually picture the eruption, the yelling, the blow up, the moment everyone can see. But there's a second part that gets missed a lot of the time, and it's actually the more important one.
Think of anger like a volcano. There's the eruption, and then there's the lava underneath, the stuff that's been building for years without you even realizing it. For a lot of people with Complex Trauma, that layer of repressed anger has been sitting there since childhood. Most people go looking for tools to stop the eruptions, but here's the thing, you can't actually stop the eruptions until you start dealing with the lava underneath.
That lava built up for a reason. Anger is supposed to be a healthy signal. It's there to tell you I'm not safe, my needs aren't being met, somebody is disrespecting me, neglecting me, or violating what love is supposed to look like. As a kid, if that anger wasn't safe to feel or express, it didn't just disappear. It got repressed instead, because repressing it was how you survived.
The problem is that repression doesn't stay in childhood. It follows you into adult life and messes with relationships, emotional regulation, and self-worth without you always knowing why.
Healing often starts with going back to those moments, the ones where love was violated, where you weren't safe, where your needs weren't met, and letting yourself actually feel what that little kid had to push down. Not to stay stuck there, but to finally help that part of you heal instead of carrying it forward.
→ We've got a fresh new series on anger with new parts coming out every Friday on YouTube. If you're ready to get in touch with what's underneath the eruptions, reach out to us at timfletcher.ca.
