Attacking in with a 2/2 zombie Blocking with an ape, looks like Harambe I cleared his whole board up I’ll beat this dumb-dumb Wait—where’d all those creatures come from?
And he said
They come from a land down under I don’t draw cards I just plunder Can’t you hear? Can’t you hear the thunder?? You better run, you better take cover
Played a dude for some brand new tussles He was six and four—full of muscles I said “you used all your Paths” He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich
And he said
FLASHBACK FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER! He don’t draw cards, he just plunders Can’t you hear? Can’t you hear the thunder?? You better run, you better take cover
Passing with a cat from Bombay And a Snapjaw with not much to say I said to the man “are you trying to tempt me?” Yes, I just want to bring back these 3/3’s
And he said
Exile all your land down under It don’t have costs, it just plunders No not my, no not my Hell’s Thunder! You better run…you better take cover…
Living in a land down under (URO!) You don’t draw cards you just plunder Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder? (No not my, no not my Hell’s Thunder!) You better run, you better take cover
Music tracks, background vocals, and mastering by Ben Karlstrom
Attacking in with a 2/2 zombie Blocking with an ape, looks like Harambe I cleared his whole board up I’ll beat this dumb-dumb Wait—where’d all those creatures come from?
And he said
They come from a land down under I don’t draw cards I just plunder Can’t you hear? Can’t you hear the thunder?? You better run, you better take cover
Played a dude for some brand new tussles He was six and four—full of muscles I said “you used all your Paths” He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich
And he said
FLASHBACK FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER! He don’t draw cards, he just plunders Can’t you hear? Can’t you hear the thunder?? You better run, you better take cover
Passing with a cat from Bombay And a Snapjaw with not much to say I said to the man “are you trying to tempt me?” Yes, I just want to bring back these 3/3’s
And he said
Exile all your land down under It don’t have costs, it just plunders No not my, no not my Hell’s Thunder! You better run…you better take cover…
Living in a land down under (URO!) You don’t draw cards you just plunder Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder? (No not my, no not my Hell’s Thunder!) You better run, you better take cover
Music tracks, background vocals, and mastering by Ben Karlstrom
Yeah! Uh-huh… Play my commander Uh-huh… Are you even playing, Remy? Uh-huh… You’re gonna be way behind…
Attack with Krosa’s Heart I’ll cast a Rip Apart That spell only does three It’s also sorcery (It’s a Remy video, I figured I could—)
Use this card from The Dark To crew my shiny car Your board state’s really bare I don’t really care (Why?)
Because!
Though your Impersonator’s Clever And he’s got a big Loam Dweller I don’t even need a friend I don’t mind I’ll be alive in the end Though I’m behind now more than ever I’ll exile all your cards forever How’d you do that? With my Lagrella
Wait, where’d they go?
Under my Lagrella-ella-ella Hey! Hey! Hey! Under my Lagrella-ella-ella Hey! Hey! Hey!
Under my Lagrella-ella-ella Hey! Hey! Hey! Under my Lagrella-ella-ella Hey! Hey! Hey!
Enchanted Tiamat Goes right under her butt My Glistening Oil is gone Good Diddy impression
Exile!
Brokkos, Apex of Forever And your Heartwood Storyteller That’s our delivery garlic bread Don’t get up, I clicked “leave it on my doorstep”
Evades your in-hand Spell Queller Exiles Bilious Sulkdweller They forgot to put on mozzarella They all go under my Lagrella
Under my Lagrella-ella-ella Hey! Hey! Hey! Under my Lagrella-ella-ella Hey! Hey! Hey!
Sleeving up Jodah, the Unifier will make you lead the crazy life.
LYRICS:
He’s into pumping creatures With a historic theme It prominently features a lot of synergies
Who’s that guy in my house?
When you cast Legendaries You grab the card you wish I’m finding more Chromium Than Erin Brokovich
He’ll make you take your hat off and then Throw it down in pain Try it in your command zone You’ll never be the same That card kind of is insane
I know!
White, Blue, Black, Red, Green Livin' La Vida Jodah! Swing in with the team Livin' La Vida Jodah! He’s 20/20 Like the show with Barbara Walters Pump Legendaries Livin' La Vida Jodah! Livin' La Vida Jodah! Livin' La Vida Jodah!
But seriously, is he with you?
Cast Desychronization Attach Excalibur Do you have any blockers? Just a Doomed Traveler
He’ll get you discounts on large swords Like Costco in Japan And just look at their faces when they cast Urza’s Ruinous Blast Well that didn’t go as planned
I know!
White, Blue, Black, Red, Green Livin' la Vida Jodah! Pump Calamity Livin' la Vida Jodah! He’s a base 5/5 And has a pleasant aroma Adding one to cart Livin' la Vida Jodah! Livin' la Vida Jodah! Livin' la Vida Jodah!
Some cards aren’t on the commander banned list…but playgroups tend to work these things out.
LYRICS:
There are days when this game is so cold That I'm forced to return to my hand my Questing Druid and Ishkanah Grafwidow
There are turns when your friend is so cruel That they bounce Wall of Dust And I knew my Ink Eyes was coming back forever
I started crying in the instant it was cast Then I realized two turns ago somehow You had countered every creature he and I had ever played
When you Cyclonic Rift Overloaded like that I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me
When you Cyclonic Rift overloaded like that It's so hard to believe that it's all coming back to me
It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now There were Dragons of Gold and there were Banishing Lights There were cards I wouldn't play again but at the time it felt right There were knights of endless pleasure A forbidden love on which is frowned Remy, Remy
When you Cyclonic Rift Overloaded like that I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me
When you Cyclonic Rift Overloaded like that Swiftfoot Boots and Rhystic, oh it's all coming back to me My foil Orzhov Signet, oh it’s all coming back to me My Esper Sentinel, oh it’s all coming back to me now Coming back to me now…
Move over Drake and Kendrick Lamar—Shrieking Drake and Kendrick Llama also have beef.
LYRICS:
Yo I’m a Shrieking Drake and I’m Kendrick Llama And this is my diss track please forgive the drama I’m better than you lyrically, apostrophe and comma But you’re tiny not a fattie That’s right—I’m not yo mamma
I’m a lean mean drake I take to the skies Aw but you can’t fly? Poor guy, I hear your cries You’re a wee little weenie, where’d you come from? An ant farm? You’re a tiny 1/1 Son, you die to Bant Charm!
A common from Visions, talk about a sad sentence That’s like if Homelands and a token were your descendents One-toughness drakes, your creature type’s sissified To your whole family a Blazing Volley’s a genocide!
You ain’t even got a color, and blue is the best We run counters over here, play em close to the vest Artifacts belong in museums, next to King Tut You should be at Smithsonian’s latest: “Cards that Suck”
You’re just a common—I’m a borderless rare! You’re a bulk unplayable, I was in a Secret Lair! Oh you’re borderless?? Well you’re talentless too The fact you have friends is miraculous, dude
An exploding piñata—talk about a real smarty Is this a game of Magic or a birthday party?? You’re like those tiny little gnats I’m always swatting away I’ve seen more silver-bordered cards in tournament play
Ooh, a Vedalken Artificer! Man, how is that going? I’d rather major in repeatedly being kicked in the groin Yeah I’d buy you for 10 cents—if I got a dime kick back I’m a Drake! I’m a llama! How do they end diss tracks?
Last night I cast a creature, favorite one that I adore I sat it on the table and he bolted it for four He had a loud long laugh as I placed it into my graveyard He don’t know I’ll soon be diggin’ up bones…
So I went through my hand and cast Jegantha, the Wellspring He cast an Act of Treason, and he gave it a Fling Across this messy board state to my now-growing graveyard He don’t know I’ll soon be diggin’ up bones...
I’m diggin’ up bones I’m diggin’ up bones Exhuming things that’s better left alone I’m resurrecting memories of a creature dead and gone Yeah tonight I’m sitting alone Diggin’ up bones
He cast an Inquisition and made me discard an elf And he seemed real confused when I high-fived myself It’s like a Foxconn factory—workers falling into the graveyard He don’t know I’ll soon be diggin’ up bones…
I’m diggin’ up bones I’m diggin’ up bones Exhuming things that’s better left alone I’m reassembling skel’tons coming straight from the Rot Farm Yeah tonight I’m sitting alone Diggin’ up bones
Hey! Who put their buffalo wings in the garbage disposal?
I’m diggin’ up bones I’m diggin’ up bones Exhuming wings that’s better left alone I’m reassembling poultry that I thought was drained and gone Yeah tonight I’m sitting alone just Diggin’ up bones
When you love a card so much you need to get a rules exemption.
LYRICS:
Got a full quintet of mambas about to spread some blight There’s some penta-beats around the corner The rules say only four copies of a card But I really don’t wanna
The rules say four but that don’t jive So when I’m playing blue green infect I just maindeck 5 I sleeved up Angela Pamela Sandra and Rita And as I continued, my life kept getting sweeter
So what can I do? I really beg you, my Lord I’ve tried everything but I just cannot stop at 4 A bad habit that is not good and I’ve tried to dump it No other quantity can trump it
If you even try Go For the Throat I don’t even mind I got four more If you try to cast that Heartless Act Yours truly has three more cards in hand
I will cast Dismember on my dude Wait, I just remembered—still got two I’ll kill one with my Defenestrate And Murder that—tap two Regenerate
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Hanoody Djinn is back to reveal the five worst Christmas gifts in Magic.
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Facing a creature with protection, hexproof, or shroud? Here’s one way to beat it…
LYRICS:
They told him don’t you ever come around here Got protection from black you better disappear When you can’t target their guy cuz the word is really clear Just edict Just edict
They’re out the get you better do what you can They’re swinging with a big ol’ bogle macho man You want to be tough, better do what you can
Just edict Got an Angel of Wrath?
Just edict, edict No creature can beat an edict Flashback a Chainer’s Hard cast a Cruel Split Second Sudden They’ll sac a dude
Just edict. Just edict. Just edict. Just edict.
You’ve got removal that you can’t even cast? Don’t shrapnel blast your pants—you’ve got a second chance You want to stay alive, better do what you can
So edict Just edict
He’s got two creatures, the other’s a 1/1 Maybe he’ll kindly sacrifice the better one Just go for the sac like a hernia check and
Edict When their creature’s not bad
Just edict, edict Sleeve up Mono-Edict Edict Make them sac Timmy Make them sac Bob They’ll do more sac’ing than JJ Watt
Just edict, edict No creature can beat an edict (that’s not entirely true—) Edict their Bogle Edict their pup Technically Leyline of Sanctity — Shut the heck up
Needle I play, I keep it in check Summon one Dandan, you have one less Empty the Pits, put it in your deck Bring this back with blitz and, Settle the Wreck
Riverglide Pathway, flashback Earth Rift Play a lot of green spells, I have Deathgrip Someone took a big well, don’t know how that felt Looking at you sideways, you seem on tilt
Ooh Now my life’s down to two But I just have this one dude And I’m not trying to lose
And you’ll be left in the dust If this guy snuck by ya But I’m just one power My toughness never be enough But we’ll be left in the dust If it snuck by ya I’m just one power, it’s just one power
Every time you’re calling on me You don’t make it easy, no Last time you sacrificed me Just so you could draw two
No, it is always “go chump block” Turning me around to pay the Convoke cost Asking me to block, I guess I won’t back down Even if I gotta risk it all right now
I know you’re scared of the unknown You don’t have to block alone He’ll lose if he don’t win this turn Well we’re raising the Alarm
But you’ll be left in the dust If this guy snuck by ya But we’re all one power Our toughness gonna be enough But I’ll be left in the dust If I don’t get by ya We’re all one power We’re all one power