ARE THERE ANSWERS TO LIFES BIG QUESTIONS?? Yes. There are two kinds. Here are both of them: Zen Confidential 2026-09-22 | ARE THERE ANSWERS TO LIFES BIG QUESTIONS?? Yes. There are two kinds. Here are both of them:
Desperately Seeking Satori! | I just had an enlightenment experience! Now what?? Zen Confidential 2025-10-14 | Zen Buddhism is ALL about enlightenment, right??Not so much.I recently helped to lead a pair of retreats. During Dokusan, the private practice meetings, several students told me about the deep openings or "enlightenment experiences" they had had in their lives. These experiences varied from a student who experienced Jesus Christ as the ultimate Bodhisattva, to a student who felt the boundaries between self and other completely dissolve for almost forty minutes."Is this normal?" some students asked me. "Am I crazy?" others wanted to know. "I'm kinda enlightened now, yeah?" a few seemed to be hinting at.I sat down with my best Zen friend recently to talk about such experiences. He is working with an old-school Japanese Rinzai Zen master who has a certain approach to them. The Zen master's advice when you have an enlightement experience?"Forget about it completely!"The experience, he says, is already working on you. It's doing its thing inside you. You don't need to do anything. And in fact the more you cling to and try to unpack the experience, the more you treasure it or talk about it or chew on it, the greater the chance you will get completely stuck on the experience.And then you're that guy. That guy (or woman) who can't let the Great Kensho go. That guy who gets addicted to retreats as he tries to recreate the Big Moment. That guy who clings to the enlightenment experience for years and years because his normal everyday regular life -- his job, his spouse, the birth of his kids -- just isn't quite good enough for him anymore.You become a Satori Chaser.Don't become a Satori Chaser. At birth we were given these strange, confusing, mundane, normie lives, with vegetables and day jobs and family problems and lame politicians, for a reason. It means something that we are here in this form, as human beings. I've never seen convincing evidence that the whole point of our existence is to ignore our human lives completely so that we can chase after a few exquisite moments of cosmic connection.A practice like Zen takes place over a lifetime. There are moments when you feel like a Buddha and moments when you feel like a huge loser. Keep going, no matter what, through the great openings and the many small failures. Zen is about meeting every moment completely, not chasing after some moments like they're the whole point of your existence and throwing other moments out like they're just trash.Don't get stuck desperately seeking Satori!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Lets ZAZEN!!! Zen Confidential 2025-10-13 | I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Hittin my B spot!! | My Brad Warner Zen Retreat!! Zen Confidential 2025-10-09 | There were inkin bells ringing! There were Zen students singing (well, chanting)! There were numb toes tingling! We came. We saw. We sat.A few weeks ago I had the privilege of filling in for the Zen priest Brad Warner at his Sit Down and Shut Up retreat in Germany. Today I unpack and share that experience with you, including the most interesting part of the retreat, which was . . . ?Dokusan! A fancy Japanese word that simply means private practice discussion between a retreat leader and participant. One thing I learned, as many bright and dedicated Zen students shared their retreat questions, problems, and insights with me, was that almost everyone has more or less the same questions when it comes to Zen practice and meditation.This is heartening. We're all in it together, no one is uniquely struggling (generally speaking) at a retreat. Some of the questions that students had, then, became open questions that the whole retreat group "worked on" -- or just held -- together. Airing this stuff can be really helpful, I found. "Hey, I'm not the ONLY one feeling this way, okay, cool!" -- that sort of thing.This retreat helped me to clarify the practice of Zen by reexamining the Buddha's story, too. The Buddha was born with a strong story that was given to him at his birthbed by a prophet: He'll either be a great king or a great spiritual teacher. The Buddha's dad wants his son to be a great king, but the Buddha rejects that story later in life and embraces the narrative around his spiritual leadership destiny.Well, guess what? He fails at that, too! The harder he tries to become a Big Spiritual Kahuna, the stronger his ego gets, and the weaker his body gets. So, he's failed to fulfill both prophecies given to him at his birthbed, and now he is straight-up OUT of stories he can tell himself about himself. And what does he do?He finds a milkmaid and asks her for some rice milk. He, you know, eats dinner! Simple. Basic. Human. To me, this is one of the most important moments in the historical Buddha figure's story.Find out why today on Patreon!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
How to Live & Die like a Zen Master Zen Confidential 2025-10-01 | Well friends, it's that time of year again. Time to discuss death!! My teacher used to tell us that the dharma activity has two functions, living and dying. He said that we privilege one of these activities -- the living -- but it's crucial to make the other -- the dying activity -- our content.But what does that mean, to make the dying activity our "content."In today's "content" here on Patreon, I once again return to my teacher's deathbed, which was a trippy place to be, but taught me a lot about the difficult topic of death.1) Man, deathbeds can be trippy places. In my experience the regular rules of conventional reality can -- not must, but can -- get a bit scrambled. Be ready for it, but don't make anything out of it. It's like "makyo" or hallucinatory distractions on the cushion. Bring your attention back to the task at hand and let the weird stuff come and go.2) Don't cling to the dying. They can tell if you're holding on to them, that's why they often wait to die until you're the heck out of the room. Part of your job on the deathbed is to be quiet and empty of expectation or devoid of that "sticky thick red pre-grief drama" mindset, and just let the natural death process take its course.3) Grief. Is. Real. It has a life of its own. The memories of the deceased; our feelings toward them; our sadness; our complicated emotions: these are like the bones of the dead, and our hearts are the soil those bones are dissolving into. It takes a while for this process to work itself out. Give it time.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1intro: 0:00What happens after we die?: 1:46Deathbeds: You Ain't in Kansas Anymore!!: 6:41Let the Dying GO, BRO!: 14:09Grief. Is. Real.: 23:51
Can You Meditate 15% Better?? Zen Confidential 2025-09-23 | Rinzai Zen: Tough Samurai!! Soto Zen: Laid-Back Farmer . . . These are the stereotypes. Yet there's a bit of truth in them, I've found, when it comes to the approaches the two different schools take to Zazen. Soto practitioners have told me, "You Rinzai monks can be kind of, um, intense in your approach to Zazen," and to their point, various Rinzai monks have instructed me to: "SIT LIKE YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE, RUBE!!!"So, is effort helpful when it comes to meditation? Or is it counterproductive?I once had a monk tell me, "Exhale 15% more than what you think is natural when you sit." This, because, "What you think is natural is not natural. Your breathing is constricted due to all the trauma and problems you've experienced in your life. To get to natural, you need to give 15% more."To some extent I've found it helpful to think this way about Zen practice -- and maybe even life -- in general. Give 15% more, because what I think of as "natural" is maybe just "personal," which is to say provincial or limited. A lot of my beliefs and preconceptions and hangups and issues, well, they feel perfectly natural! My mind as I sit on the cushion and it begins to wander . . . this feels organic sometimes! I'm thinking about cool good interesting ME-type stuff! This is natural, right??Depends how you define natural. I've found that repeated attention given to a distracted mind causes suffering. Period.T.S. Elliot has a great poem where he talks about "the still point of the turning world" He claims that "Except for the point, the still point, there would be no dance. And there is only the dance."Zazen has more to do with Elliot's "still point," from which all thought and action issue, than with some of our let's call them "lesser" motivations. I'm talkin' 'bout revenge fantasies, endless inner complaints, or concerns about what we'll be eating for lunch. Not that I've ever experienced any of these on the cushion . . . So, lately that's what I've been doing. Putting in that extra 15% on the cushion. It takes a little work sometimes to be natural!! It's kind of like what Dolly Parton said about dressing up:"It takes a lot of money to look this cheap."I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-10:00 Intro5:22 The 15% Teaching8:33 Natural or Merely Personal?11:53 Doing Nothing, Moment after Moment15:58 Catch Yourself Being Yourself19:45 The Still Point of the Turning World22:23 Don't. Beat. Yourself. UP!!!!
Feeling lonely? Its not you! Its America!! (& Zen can help bro) Zen Confidential 2025-09-16 | Elliot emailed me. He's lonely. Why? Since discovering Zen, he's noticed that a lot of his relationships seem superficial and lame. He's wondering how to deal with the fact that a deeper Zen practice seems to be linked to his dissatisfaction with friends and family.Been there Elliot! The spiritual path is lonely. Especially Zen! Not many people want to just sit on a cushion and do nothing and if they move get pulled aside and yelled at by some bald creeper with bad teeth and a weirdly-shaped skull. If you know what I mean!Now, on the question of loneliness . . . You're a young man, and you state that a lot of your relationships revolve around "sense pleasures," and I get that this can seem like friend and family time feels like people just stuffing garbage into their faces and talking nonsense. But! A lot of our human rituals around connection focus on "breaking bread." This desire to "sit around the campfire" sharing food and connecting with each other runs deep, even if our current expression of it can seem pretty shallow.I think too that when we engage in "superficial conversations" its often a way of strengthening what I call baseline relationships. We come together, we gossip, we share Netflix recommendations, we talk about the weather . . . what we're really doing is expressing how -- and making sure that -- everything is okay. As long we're chatting and chilling, the dangerous weird harsh world is at bay. Often what we're looking for in our baseline family and friend relationships is safety, comfort, support. This ain't a bad thing.Now! That said? Sometimes you just need to cut people out of your life. Do it if you have to. Don't wimp out on this. A relationship that's not going anywhere, that takes time and energy but isn't nourishing, important to you, or even interesting . . . dude, life's short. Buh-bye.Over the years I've run into lots of people who feel alone on the spiritual path. I can see why. I think Western culture, especially American culture, offers materialistic solutions to spiritual problems. Why? Because the economy is all-in on our suffering. If you suffer, you will seek a product to alleviate that suffering. Coke! Boob jobs! A new phone, a better car, that freakin' Labubu! Actually? The culture may be a little bit sick, and you may be kind of okay.In sum:1) Cherish truly loving relationships. Always and forever.2) Release the LOOZERS!!3) Feed. Your. Heart & Soul!!!!4) Be there for other lonely seekers. Because as you stake out your own path, others are going to do the same, and they'll need a spiritual friend. Sometimes we all do. I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Make Like a Monk & Get the Girl?? | Zen & the Art of Relationships! Zen Confidential 2025-09-11 | Believe it or not, a Zen monastery is a pretty good place to learn how to be in a relationship. So good, in fact, that my Zen teacher used to say, "The only true monastery in the West is marriage." (Now that I think about it maybe we were all just really bad monks -- ANYHEW!!)Today's video gives us 7 Zen Tips for Better Relationships.You're probably thinking...Gosh, that sounds BORING. Well, you know what? I've included a story FOR YOU at the very end of this video. In it I talk about the worst date I ever went on wherein a fine young literary woman told me about how she was Chief Editor of a magazine you probably have (NOT) heard of called . . . drumroll please . . . Poop Quarterly.But first!! Before the laughs, LOVE. My 7 Zen tips for better relationships are:1) DUDE, IT'S JUST KARMA!Seriously. My definition of karma here is: your situation. And by situation I mean: birthplace, gender, body type, sex drive, sexual orientation, biochemistry, mental capacity, IQ, EQ, personality, geography, income level, upbringing, blah blah etc. In other words, I think some of us worry and fret and get angry at ourselves and our partners and our love lives, but guess what? We ALL show up every day for each other with a big fat bag of good and bad karma. So my point is, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF -- OR YOUR PARNTER -- UP. Accept your karma, make it work, do your best, show up every day for your partner . . . or move on, because the best way to change your karma is to END a relationship.2) YOU COMPLETE ME? NAH.Long ago Tom "couch hopper" Cruise via Jerry Maguire told his beloved: "You complete me." As usual, Tom Cruise was wrong. A partner is not responsible for completing you. A partner is there to be your companion. They're not there to affirm delusions or fulfill fantasies. Your happiness is your own responsibility, not your spouse's.3) HAVE ZERO EXPECTATIONS! I mean it! Don't count up merit points in a relationship, i.e. who's doing more dishes/laundry/dog-walking etc. DO stuff for each other freely! It feels great, like you're serving the relationship, not SERVING TIME in a relationship. This is easier to do if ya don't have kids. Speaking of which . . .4) DON'T HAVE KIDS! This works wonders for a relationship!! (I'm kidding of course kind of not really.)5) ZERO PROJECTIONS, BUDDY!When you're close to someone it's really easy to make them the cause for your problems and unhappiness. They're right there, after all! Your mental state MUST be their fault. It's not. Take care of your side of the street, don't make your partner responsible for your fulfillment, happiness, or problems.6) ABC: ALWAYS BE CLEARIN' . . . THE AIR!!!!When you fight, don't let it fester. Cos that sh** can go bad quickly. Apologize, or ask for an apology, open up the can of worms, sit down, hash it out. Sometimes, yes, letting a problem "sit" means it will dissolve or cool off, okay, but when something really needs to be addressed, baby, address it!! Otherwise it festers and rots.7) And finally, HAVE FUN!!! I DO NOT believe in a relationship as something that "takes work." Phooey!! Have fun with your partner, and if they're not fun, dump 'em. Speaking of dumps......We close this video with the worst funniest dating story you will ever hear. It involves a woman, me, and the magazine she claimed to edit, a magazine about, um, #2. I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
How to Shift Your Paradigm with ZEN Zen Confidential 2025-09-04 | A young kid recently gave me her view on religion. She said that if you lead a bad life, after you die St. Peter takes you aside and helps you see that you DESERVE to go to Hell. And off to Hell you go, happy for the honor thanks to perspicacious Peter's Saintsplaining."This makes sense to me," the young person said. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I reflected once more on how wide the gulf is between what many people think of as religion and what Zen Buddhism offers as a spiritual practice. I'll be leading a couple of Zen retreats this September, and in today's video I talk about the essence of Zen practice -- something I've been trying to get at in recent videos, and something we'll be trying to put into practice in these upcoming retreats.At the monastery I was taught that every aspect of monastic life is Zen in action. In the kitchen, the tenzo puts "cooking Zen" into practice. In the Sutra hall, the Densu puts "ceremonial/chanting Zen" into practice, and so on. In lay life, then, we put "lay life Zen" into practice. But what does this mean?Lately for me it means catching the ego as it manifests!The ego has a lot of cunning and unhelpful ways of interjecting in our daily lives. Ego itself is a tricky word, but for me, anyway, I know it when I see it in myself. It's a kind of self-centeredness, a lunkheaded-ness, a sloppy, unaware moment where I say or do something selfish, stoopid, or just plain unconscious.For example! I recently told a dumb joke! No big deal, right? Well, let's just say that my "BuddhaNature" -- my innate, natural non-lunkheaded-ness -- caught the joke as it was coming out. And I became aware that this lame quip came from a place of insecurity and discomfort. With this information I was able to then reorient my attention and give it to the people at the dinner table instead of unthinkingly casting about for their attention.And?? I felt much better, contributed a whole lot more to the dinner party, and basically manifested Zen. I've come to see Zen not as a religion, but a paradigm shift in the spiritual perspective. St. Peter and his future judgments notwithstanding, when the immediate moment is cared for, deeply and with full attention, then perhaps those concerns that religion traditionally takes up just take care of themselves?I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Dont Know How to Meditate? YES YOU DO!! Zen Confidential 2025-08-27 | Today's adventure takes us on a bike ride through Prater Park as we navigate rocky paths and try not to crash while addressing the question: What the heck do you say when someone who has been meditating for twenty years tells you, "I don't know how to meditate!"The answer, methinks, is simple: You DO know how to meditate. You just don't like what's happening when you meditate. So you're running away from it, running towards some idea of satori or enlightenment or "good meditation" etc. Running toward that stuff and (probably) AWAY from yourself!These days I'm of the opinion that it's not "my job" to meditate. That's too much pressure and there are too many expectations that come with a big fancy word like MeDiTAtiOn . . . MED...itaTION....MEEEDEEETAAAATIOOOON. See? Too fancy a word.Rather, my job is simply to take the posture. To do this very simple activity of Zazen or sitting Zen with as much focus and sincerity and non-distraction as possible. If something like "meditation" shows up? Great! If not, so be it. But my job is to sit there and with full attention do this very simple posture and breath. The rest, as they say, is up to the gods. Or chance. Or Buddha. Or whatever.Speaking of Buddha, they say that we are not becoming Buddhas, but that we already have Buddha Nature and thus are already Buddhas. So maybe if you don't know how to meditate, you're just, you know, a BAD Buddha. No shame! Be a bad Buddha! Be a bad meditator. Just do it fully, with all your heart. Sit badly like a mofo!! You're still a Buddha, no matter what. You're a bad Buddha? OWN it, dude!!!!In other words, we find all kinds of reasons to distract ourselves and put ourselves down and create drama and expectations etc., but the practice of "just sitting" or Zazen is simple, straightforward, and direct. So often when I think back to my time as a monk on the cushion, it's like I was auditioning before God or Buddha or something, trying to be perfect practitioner. Not these days, baby! These days I'm a Bad Buddha and owning it!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Can You Stop Your Crazy-A** Mind from Thinking? Yes! Yes You Cant!! Zen Confidential 2025-08-21 | Can you stop your mind from thinking? The general wisdom on this is: no. As the kidney filters blood, and the pancreas produces insulin, the brain excretes thoughts. It's what it does! But!! Can you, as a Zen master put it at a retreat I attended recently, "Cut off thinking at the root?"What does that even mean?? Find out, in today's video!! Here on YouTube, a dude named Who Is the Gaucho asked me a question about thinking and Zazen/meditation, and he got me thinking about thinking. When I sit on the cushion, my mind is often overrun with worries, concerns, anxieties, problems, fears etc. The mind is just doing its thing, right? However, what always happens, if I am paying attention (or lucky), is that sooner or later I "catch myself" thinking. This is what the Zen masters call "buddha nature" or our "natural goodness" manifesting.To wit, there is a part of us that naturally, spontaneously awakens to the fact that we are suffering, or that we are manifesting a suffering mind. Now! Here we go!! You ready?? I was taught that what one does in this moment is simple. We don't try and prolong this moment of awakening, or think about it or create a religion around it, etc. Our job now is simply to forget ourselves, so to speak. We give our attention back to the task at hand. Which is?Sitting. Just sitting.And so it goes in our daily life. Time and time again, the little homunculus in our heads turns the crank of Overthinking and floods our brain with some serious bull****. BUT! Just wait, sooner or later you awaken to this fact. And then your job is to give your attention back to the present moment, to your life, to whatever your responsibility is right then and right there.Do this, over and over, and problems tend to sort themselves out. Yes, our lives are still filled with pain and challenges, sure, but maybe there's less worrying/perseverating/fear/guilt/anxiety/overthinking, i.e. less suffering.Today's video features a rant wherein I refer to the "infinite vagina" and the "infinite erection." You're welcome.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
The Future of Zen Buddhism in America Zen Confidential 2025-08-14 | Someone's been hitting me up on my socials with this:"What's the future of Zen in America??"It's a dumb question. BUT!! I'm a dumb man and so I'M HERE for it!!Okay, it's not so much a "dumb" question as a question that deals with "speculative" matters. Zen and Buddhism in general try to steer one away from these kinds of queries, which can distract from practice and its purpose: the cessation of suffering.However...in unpacking this question in today's video we are going to get at the very beating sloppy heart of Zen practice itself! You ready??Today's video journey will take us to three different continents and three different countries where I have practiced Zen in three very different ways.1) Japan, 2) Vienna, & 3) California.After my teacher died a few of us monks visited a bunch of temples in Japan. There I discovered a very different Zen than the one I had been expecting. Temple after temple, we participated in ceremonies and rituals, but didn't always do a lot of Zazen, or sitting practice. My experience of Rinzai Zen in Japan was that it had a lot to do with funeral ceremonies and temple transmission between ordained fathers and their new-monk sons (an observation recently confirmed by a Japanese-American friend of mine who spent four years in Kyoto).And yet. From the temple politics and Myoshin-ji/Kyoto bureaucracy, genuine Zen masters are sometimes born. I know of no other place or context that produces Zen masters like the ones that come from -- or the ones that I have met, anyway -- the Japanese monastic system.Then there's Vienna! A very different style of Zen is practiced here, in the city where I live. It's based in many ways on the Viennese character. The only way I know how to talk about the Viennese character is that in many ways it is the exact opposite of the Californian character!Californians hate rules! They want to do it THEIR way. The Viennese love rules! They are less averse to getting in line behind a teacher and doing it his or her way. This leads to different styles of practice, different practice environments, and, ultimately, different Zens!My point is...you can't separate Zen from the context in which it is practiced. So, ultimately, as individual Zennies hacking it out in our own bespoke lay practices, we have to ask: what does our one-person Zen practice look like from day-to-day? I offer three possibilities:1) As the great Zen poet Ikkyu said, Zen is about: Attention, attention, attention. Moment after moment after moment. You manifest that, arguably you're doing Zen, regardless of the context.2) Don't just go through the motions of your life. Mostly we have an invisible numbers game going on: "I'll give the world 40% of myself and take 60% from it!" Zen? Is about trying to reverse that number; it's about learning to give more and take less.3) (See 2)Warning-ish! This video contains a very dubious, inelegant, and unnecessary story about a Zen Buddhist Osho who was also conscripted into the Nazi army. You're welcome!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1intro: 0:00Zen in Japan: 2:23Zen in Austria: 8:39Zen in California, Man: 14:38Zen in YOUR Life: 20:18Three Ways to Practice Zen: 23:10
Meditate when your life is FALLING APART!! (a video for Brad Warners channel...on my channel) Zen Confidential 2025-08-06 | Well friends, today is a joint effort brought to you by Hardcore Zen and Zen Confidential.My friend Brad Warner contacted me this week and said, “Make a video for me while I take care of some business!”I said sure! What ensued was a day of terrible mistakes, a health scare, fights with a neighbor, and bad weather!Sometimes life does not comply. What do you do then? What happens when all of our plans go right out the dang window! How do you meditate when everything is falling apart.We’re going to talk about snakes and snake bites and developing antibodies to poisonous venom. This is going to be a metaphor for Zen practice. Also, this is one of those videos that will be delivered from the park as I ride my bike on the run from the many demons that have been chasing me today!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
How to Reach SAMADHI! | Meditation Instruction from a Zen Master! Zen Confidential 2025-07-30 | There I was, cleaning the dustbunnies from under my bed, as I often do every 18-20 years...and I found a SECRET ZEN BUDDHIST TEXT!! Truly. I don't know where I got this two-page, printed-out Zazen instruction, but dudes . . . ? It's GOLD!And so today we are going to read and explore this Secret Zen Text. Found under my bed. Beside old dusty Christmas mugs. Now, I find it extremely boring when someone on the interwebs reads something, so be assured: as I share this Profound & Secret Zen Buddhist Meditation Instruction with you, I intersperse it with idiotic and absurd comments of my own, some of which might even be helpful!! Most interestingly, there is, buried in this text three-quarters of the way through, a really nice jewel. Thereabouts the teacher giving this teaching -- and I'm not sure WHO he was, exactly...where did this text COME from, anyway?? someone I trained yes with BUT WHOM!!? -- offers a unique and insightful take on the Buddhist concept of Samadhi.You heard me right. Samadhi.Samadhi is a really difficult term to translate, and whoever gave the talk this text is transcribed from does so with aplomb.So! Come for the amazing zazen instruction, which includes a discussion on mind, body, and breath . . . and stay for the crown jewel of this video: a Zen master unpacking and explaining what the heck Samadhi is.Also? Bonus!! This teacher explains Susokkan, or "breath counting," in a really unique way that gave me new insight into a practice which, frankly, I've always found to be kind of annoying and boring. He links Susokkan to the truth of math/science and brings his talk full circle with a discussion of humans using math to land on the moon!Today we land on our own moon, the one shining brightly in . . . inner space . . . as we explore a Secret Zen Buddhist text which I now dub the "Dustbunnies Sutra"!0:00: Intro4:26: Posture, or, How to Freakin' Sit6:59: Lower Back & Belly12:51: Susokkan Breath Counting Practice17:05: Let's Talk About Samadhi!!20:38: The Math of Zen & the Zen of Math25:10: Dude! Don't Space Out!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Saying NO to Evil Zen B*stards!! Zen Confidential 2025-07-24 | So I got a friend, see, and she's got a new spiritual teacher. And the teacher has arguably just made a very subtle/not-so-subtle power play that might affect my friend's role as a teacher within her OWN spiritual community!And so it goes! The new teacher comes and muscles out the old teacher! A tale as old as time itself! So, what IS the proper relationship between a teacher and a student? How much "power" as a student should you give your teacher? In today's video we dive deep into the pros and cons of saying HAI (yes) and NO (no) to those in spiritual authority.It's a tricky issue. I had a monk friend who was lazy. Smart, kind, funny, but man, this dude was indolent! And one day my teacher WHACKED him with a stick and chewed him out for said sloth. "Best thing that ever happened to me," my monk friend later said. So was this *whack* physical abuse? Or was it a skillful teaching?In my experience, you have to learn how to give an unconditional YES and an unconditional NO to your teacher. You have to know where and when to draw boundaries, and where and when to let those boundaries go. If you can't let your boundaries go, you'll never be a true Zen student. If you have no boundaries, however, you can become prey to an evil Zen bastard . . . like the one I met after my teacher died (but that's another story).In my experience, a good spiritual teacher can help to broaden your horizons beyond your limited provincial ego. It's the like the guy who's never been to, say, Chicago, but he still thinks that his hometown has the BEST hotdogs ever. He needs to get out more, travel, see the world! Most likely his hometown does NOT have the best hotdogs ever. So too, when you think that your point of view, the world as your limited provincial ego presents it, is absolute, all there is to it, you miss out on the Big Picture.A teacher can help you get the Big Picture that puts your tiny POV into perspective. But if you give them too much power over you, you will never grow up, and man, I've seen those students. 70 year old men crying tears of joy because their teacher of 50 years gave them a tiny bit of affirmation. It ain't pretty. These dudes never grow up. So! Here on the 'Tube today I get realllllly heated as I discuss evil zen bastards and how and when to say NO and YES to them.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1Intro: 0:00The Pros of Saying HAI ROSHI!!: 7:17That time, uh, my teacher BEAT a student: 8:47Leggo my Ego: 14:18Boundaries with your teacher: 16:28Going Beyond your Little EGO: 20:54Returning to your Awesome Little EGO: 23:24
Everything I learned at my HELLISH ZEN RETREAT!!! Zen Confidential 2025-07-15 | 0:00 Intro3:45 Running into YOUR EX at a Zen retreat!!7:36 Wut happens in a nutshell at a Zen retreat??11:02 Why is meditation so dang hard?14:29 Zen ain't about thinking &/or feeling20:55 Here's why Zen retreats HAVE to be hard!28:53 On enlightenment experiences, having & not having them30:43 Let the wind of God blow through you, my friend34:53 Will I ever do another Zen retreat again? Hopefully NOT!!I have a new theory. Stay with me. If you don't HATE Zen practice, well, you're not doing it right. Why? Because Zen practice kinda sucks. You sit on cushion, stock-still. Your hips hurt, your knees ache, your back is breaking . . . and then there's the mental suffering. The exquisite PAIN between your ears of having to continually choose, over and over, moment after moment, to do absolutely nothing but posture. And breath. Posture. And breath.Posture breath posture breath posturebreath -- just sitting sitting sitting. . . .For eternity. Or half an hour. Okay. As perhaps you can tell . . . I just got back from a very intense if shorter Rinzai Zen retreat/Sesshin. I learned something at this retreat. What I learned is that Zen is not about what you THINK and it is not about what you FEEL. So if you are putting energy into these things during a retreat you will suffer. It's not that you DON'T think (good luck with that). It's not that you DON'T feel (it's impossible not to feel!). It's that you do not get attached to all these messy ongoing thoughts or feelings, you don't pump a lot of energy into them, you don't give them all your credulous attention, you don't believe that you ARE your thoughts/feelings/emotions and then set about performing them and acting them out in the world or in your head. Etc.And then what? What happens when you get a moment or two away from your thinking mind?Openings. Ease. Insights. Relief . . . from? The suffering mind.And this is nice. This is deep. This is true. One moment without thought, where, as the teacher at this retreat said, "there is no space for thought." What happens then? Your heart is as big as the cosmos, perhaps. These moments are perhaps the jewels spoken of in Buddhist texts, the jewels of the dharma. These moments teach us or show us that we don't have to live as prisoners to our overthinking neurotic anxious minds. Instead, our minds can serve us and others in loving, intelligent, open, creative, truthful ways.The retreat ended with some beautiful classical music. And as it played, I thought of Rumi's quote, "God picks up the reed-flute world and blows." We are like those flutes and the wind of God is blowing through us. Making music. You don't need to make your own music ON TOP OF God's music. Don't put thinking on top of thinking! Let the thoughts and feelings come, let them go, let the Source of this great big messy mystery come up through you and sing that cosmic love song . . . or something.It was a good retreat. But hard. Today on the 'Tube I unpack it for ya.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Zazen Zen Meditation THIS SUNDAY! Zen Confidential 2025-07-14 | I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
What to Expect at a Zen Buddhist Retreat | Drop yer clocks & grab yer socks, its sittin time!! Zen Confidential 2025-07-09 | Tomorrow morning I'm heading to my first Zen retreat with a Rinzai Roshi in a long time! What should one expect from such an affair? Glad you asked!!In this video, well, first I introduce you to my robes. All the many layers! I put 'em on and show 'em off! Then, before getting into the nitty gritty details of an actual Zen retreat, I share one of the more salient and important things I've learned over the years about Zen retreats, mainly . . . Lesson #1 . . . You Can't Win! So don't try! In other words, surrender to the practice completely. In my experience a Zen retreat is hard and it doesn't get easier if you hope or wish for something groovy/"spiritual" to happen, i.e. kensho/satori/enlightenment/uber-insights etc. The group practice will lead you if you let it. So, surrender to the practice -- what the form is asking you to do with your body -- moment after moment after moment. . . . Then we unpack every moment of an actual retreat, from 3AM wakeup to 9PM close. Every minute (more or less) of a retreat entails formal Zen practice of some kind. I've tried to go as granularly as possible into every bow and bell and wooden-clapper-clack, because Zen is highly structured, and the form has something crucial to teach us. It holds the mind in place and by eliminating options helps us be in the present moment fully, without having to choose/think etc. It teaches us to give, you could say.Friends, I could go on all day. But I have TWO FULL SETS of robes to pack, including my formal ceremony robes (a nice shiny purple, like bubble gum) and my black practice robes; and I have to find a ride up the mountain to the retreat center; and I have to watch a video about koan practice/sanzen form. So I gotta scoot! I'll see you next week for a full report!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Should You Be Celibate? A Zen Monk Investigates!! Zen Confidential 2025-07-01 | Intro: 0:00Sex & Celibacy at my Monastery: 2:30Not Being a Sexual Being? No Such Thing!!: 9:29Making Peace with Desire: 11:48Lessons from the Celibacy Zone: 20:44The Celibate Single: 22:41Celibacy in a Relationship: 23:51My girlfriend's out of town! Which leads us to today's video topic: Celibacy!!We're gonna do a deep dive . . . we're gonna get all the way up in there . . . right up into this topic! (Sorry I'll stop.) It's a serious practice, celibacy. We monks did it at the monastery (kinda), but there were no hard and fast rules. As with all things in Zen Buddhism, the middle way is the way. Meaning?For starters, in my experience there's no such thing as being a non-sexual being. That's not what celibacy means. So a lot of folks have come to me asking about celibacy and I found myself thinking, "Bro, you're not talking about celibacy. What you're talking about is repression." And guess what? If you try to repress your natural sexual instincts, them instincts gonna rise up inside you like the head of a serpent and strike!!Respect the serpent.To wit, in this video I speak about -- which is to say, I overshare -- how to find your natural sexual balance. I tell some personal stories, including the one about how I went to buy prophylactics in my under-robes on the day of my ordination.Anywho!We then pivot to a discussion about practicing celibacy when you're single . . . basically, don't fap. Or, fap judiciously, preferably without porn. AND we discuss celibacy within a relationship. Again, don't fap, stay away from "distractions," single-pointedly focus (that sounds psycho but you know what I mean) on your relationship and partner instead of "leaking" your energies elsewhere.Friends, I don't know about you, but that was intense. Now I need a cigarette (kidding I don't smoke anymore). Check out this video for a full undressing of today's hot topic: Celibacy!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
The 3 Things You Need for Zen Practice! Zen Confidential 2025-06-24 | My Zen mentor once told me that you need three things to do Zen practice:1) Half a brain.2) Desperation.3) Sincerity.And so today we unpack these three points, starting with half a brain. A lot of blockheads take up Zen practice. I met many at the monastery. The thing is, you can't just do stuff like sit on a cushion or chant or partake in koan practice without really knowing what you're doing and why you're doing it. In other words, you can't just go through the motions. To have half a brain means to practice with a certain awareness or sensitivity when it comes to Buddhist teachings and the Zen lineage -- not to mention an awareness/sensitivity when it comes to your own motivations, habit patterns, blind spots, and strong points.Also, though? You just need HALF a brain. A whole brain is too much -- you wind up talking yourself OUT of doing Zen practice if you think about it too much.As for sincerity, well, I once knew a very rich man who came to practice at the monastery. He lasted about three weeks. He had ulterior motives that undermined his practice and he wound up leaving in a huff. (But not before he let all of us monks swim in his pool and watch movies on his big TV and drink his bottled water one weekend . . . which was cool!!) Finally, you gotta be desperate to sit on a cushion for hour after hour, day after day. This might be the most important element to a Zen practice. Let me explain! When I was on my teacher's deathbed, doctors and specialists from the hospital came into his room for about four days. On day five, someone else came in the room. She was young. She was pensive. She was not very medical. Finally I figured it out: she was the chaplain!! The day will come when we are all on our deathbeds. And that's when the hospital professionals will send in the chaplains, because even they don't know what else to do on a deathbed. We practice Zen, then, to get a jump on this moment. Because time is precious, life is precious, and the clock is ticking . . . I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Sunday Zazen: Sit like Mt. Sumeru!! Zen Confidential 2025-06-23 | I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Byung-Chul Han & the POWER OF NO! Zen Confidential 2025-06-17 | My girlfriend tells me the story of how on her grandmother's farm there was always one out of every five dogs that couldn't be trained. Their fate was to be put down. So too in our society, we isolate, ostracize, and in our own way "put down" those who don't fit in. In his short, slim, Zen-friendly books, contemporary philsopher Byung-Chul Han has diagnosed our current condition as the "burnout society." Yes, it's time for another "Byul" session!! In this video we dive into Han's "The Burnout Society" to explore how our notions of "absolute freedom" are actually methods used in late capitalism (yes I hate that phrase too but anyway) to turn us into production machines who work work work and never let up. Han claims that the twist, however, is that instead of someone else working us to death, we work ourselves to death. "We carry the work camp inside us," Han claims.Han points out the various ways we do this, including multitasking, which is pretty much the state of the animal who has to a) eat b) watch his/her back so a competing animal doesn't eat him/her c) make sure other animals don't eat the food you're eating d) keep an eye out for potential mates e) make sure predators are not eating your kin, and so on!As opposed to the animalistic state of the multitasker, there is the meditator. Being able to focus in on one thing instead of being endlessly distracted. Han points out the power of saying NO to our culture of relentless positivity. What he means by no is what we mean by single pointed concentration in Zen. And so it is that the fifth dog finds his/her place in this society without being "put down"!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Interview with Muho! Zen Confidential 2025-06-10 | 00:00 Intro02:04 1) Who are you?07:21 2) What is enlightenment?16:24 3) Are there any qualifications for enlightenment?18:50 How do you define the ego?26:15 4) What is the role of zazen and how do you practice it?30:47 5) Who is a teacher? What is the teacher's role? How to recognize a true teacher?41:24 6) How can we, as human beings, overcome suffering?43:04 7) What does it mean to transcend the ego?43:49 8) What is the role of devotion in Zen Buddhism?48:26 9) How does one practice Zen in daily life?50:47 10) When you meet someone who seeks for the way, what would your short advice be?56:04 What happened to Zen in the West?1:01:15 Does Zen not address personal problems?I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
How to Survive the AI Apocalypse: a Zen Monk Investigates!! Zen Confidential 2025-06-05 | 3 things happened to me, in this order, to get me thinking about the impending Artificial Intelligence apocalypse.One them involved a creepy ad for an AI girlfriend; one involved a creepy monologue by ZuckerBORG; and one involved a kid I know of who now identifies as an animal, which identification said kid cargoed from the internet into real life (is that what we're still calling it?? Real life??).Okay. Let's investigate the Zen approach to our technological moment. For one thing, Zen and Buddhism in general ain't got nothin' against tools, widgets, gadgets, and gewgaws. After all, the oldest paper book on planet earth is . . . ? The Buddhist Diamond Sutra!! So, long ago, a bunch of forward-thinking monks used cutting edge technology to preserve their teachings.Pretty cool!The problem as I see it is that the institutions that are nurturing and giving rise to what may very well be the final tool that the human race creates -- artificial general intelligence -- are based on self-perpetuation, i.e. they're corporate entities whose primary "operating code," if you will, is grow grow grow or die die die!This corporate "operating code" does not support human flourishing. It supports corporations. What does support human flourishing? Well, I know that as a monk I met enough wise people -- they came through the monastery over the years -- to know that the people I'd like running things in our society are contemplative, compassionate, and self-aware in the sense that they know, basically, when they're being greedy a*holes and regulate their behavior accordingly.We need more wise people. We need them desperately and we need them right now.So, cool! It seems that we are, through our technological creations, begetting a world where wisdom is going to become absolutely necessary. Without it, we may . . . oh, hmm, I don't know . . . cause the elimination of our species!!! All that said? Strangely, I'm really hopeful. Find out why here on ZenCon today! I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
The Great American Spiritual Dumpster Fire!! (& what to do about it) Zen Confidential 2025-05-30 | I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Interview with Hope!! (see what I did there??) Zen Confidential 2025-05-26 | I spent a delightful hour with the inimitable Hope Blosser of the Ordinary Mind Zen Community. She asked good questions and recorded it, and I'm sharing it here.In Hope's words (to her community re the event):"Shozan discussed his mother's energetic change of heart and embrace of pre-Vatican II Catholicism when he was two years old. When asked what he retains from the religion of his youth, he mentioned his mother's energy and commitment as important guides. Shozan also described how seeing 'Pulp Fiction' while in college - and having a friend with a brother in Redondo Beach who was looking for a roommate - was the push he needed to start his writing career in Hollywood.After trying out Diamond Way and the Shambhala Center, Shozan met his mentor and began sitting zazen in a community room in a parking garage. His initial three-year commitment to the Mt. Baldy Zen Center, a former Boy Scout camp, evolved into ten years as head monk and primary caretaker to its founder, Kyozan Joshu Sasaki Roshi. As always, my final question is about three books to recommend to our audience. Shozan won my heart as a fellow Tolstoy aficionado. He recommends: Anna Karenina, the short story, "Father Sergius" (also by Tolstoy), and The Teacup and the Skullcap by Chogyam Trungpa."I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
How to Be Enlightened Around Your Family (in ONE word!!) Zen Confidential 2025-05-21 | This video is brought to you compliments of America. Where I do not live. But am visiting. Visiting whom?? Family!! Nobody but nobody can trigger deep feelings and emotions like Mama and Papa! And so it has been, during this trip, that I have had the opportunity to take a good, deep, clean look at myself in a different context, which is to say the one I grew up in and left long ago.Now, normally when deep feelings are triggered there is an impulse to not have those feelings. To be a different way in that moment. To behave differently around one's family members, or whomever is triggering this tricky stuff. But here's the truth (for me, anyway): sometimes our thoughts, feelings, and emotions run deeper than our desire to be different than them, deeper than our desire to NOT have them in any given moment.In other words, sometimes, frankly, we can't change. We are who are in a given moment. And guess what? It HURTS being that person!And here's where Zazen/Zen meditation comes in real handy.During this family trip, as some intense stuff was dealt with and some deep processing was done, I found great value in manifesting in the moment what we learn on the cushion. Which is?? (Drumroll....) Paying attention!! Sounds simple, but I've found that it's worth putting into practice! Because sometimes paying attention is the only weapon you've got. You can't leave an uncomfortable situation, and you can't change an uncomfortable situation, nor can you get comfortable or OK with this situation. So what do you do?Pay attention. On the inside. Get to know yourself. Watch the thoughts and feelings and ideas and reactions arise. Take Dogen's backward step. And be with the pain, the discomfort, hold it, attend to it, give it space, let it be, see it. Over and over. Let it teach you about yourself. Listen to the lesson. Sometimes that's all you can do, and boy is it helpful!It's been my experience that practicing with insurmountable pain like this, moment-by-moment, inspires compassion for others as well as for ourselves; and it inculcates wisdom. It allows us to see the moment as it truly is, not as we wish it to be through our egoic reality distortion filters. And very often, a miracle happens. A day later, a week later, a moment later...eventually...the situation shifts, changes. WE change. On the inside. How??It was attention that did it. Not our efforts at self-improvement. Not our deep desire to be someone else, and not our deep desire for our family members to be someone else. Not all those self-help podcasts we listened to or those self-dev books we read. No, it was just clear seeing, i.e. full attention that did it.Describe Zen in three words, someone asked the old Zen Master Ikkyu. He simply said "attention attention attention." Dude was the GOAT.Warning. This video is delivered in a cowboy hat. Well, not a cowboy hat exactly, I didn't have one of those...it's more of a "hipster on a first date" fedora-type situation. This, in honor of my time here in the land of tarrifs and tiaras, the good ol' US of goll-darn A!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1Intro: 0:00Getting to know yourself through meditation: 4:20A Gerbel Tangent: 6:22Practicing Zen with & Through Family: 11:58Attention, Attention, Attention, PAY ATTENTION: 18:27
Is Zen Buddhism a SCAM?? | When You Lose Faith... Zen Confidential 2025-05-15 | A friend shot me an email saying that he's lost faith in Zen practice! For one thing, he's unable to manifest the same level of commitment and energy of the Zen masters in a lot of the classical Zen texts. Which brings us to my favorite topic...deconstructing Zen masters!!In Catholicism, the priest enacts the rituals. In certain Tibetan Buddhist traditions, the Lamas offer sophisticated teachings and practices. But the leaders in Zen practice are always, in my experience, trying to strip away crutches, teachings, scriptures, words etc. They're trying to help us stand on our own feet and realize our "true self" or "Buddha Nature" for ourselves.It's a sticky wicket! In my experience, certain Zen masters manifest as "larger than life" figures to inspire us, draw us out of ourselves and into certain truths and experiences that are bigger than us. Their confidence can seem like hubris, or at least come across as "a bit much." Some students try to imitate them (Zen master cosplay -- a common malady at monasteries). Others just hold the Zen master in total awe and never grow in their own understanding.In the end, though, the role of a Zen master isn't the same thing as Zen. Sounds weird, but there it is (for me, anyway). Zen masters manifest a great deal of energy and enthusiasm, but Buddhist truths have nothing to do with that. Those truths are simple, clear, and timeless. And when it comes to Zen, the practice can be hard, and sometimes you CAN'T give 100%. So you give 80%, and that 80% is your 100% for that day. Ultimately, your Zen practice belongs to you, not the Zen masters or the lineage. It is, as I've said before, you-sized. And it's very simple. Sitting, breathing; O2 in, CO2 out. Nothing to have or lose faith in there. Doing things, activities, completely, so that the self that usually separates us from our surroundings, the scheming overthinking worrying self -- THAT person -- dissolves into the doing.In other words...don't be intimidated by the BSD -- Big Swinging Dharma -- at your local Zen Center! Today on ZenCon!Intro: 0:00The Chutzpah of a Zen Master: 4:48Is Zen a Scam??: 8:52Another Crazy Zen Student Story: 11:10The Privilege of a Zen Master: 12:51Wait! Zen Master Zen Ain't REAL Zen?:16:36Don't Worry if you Can't Give 100%: 18:10You Can't Have (or Lose) Faith in Zen: 22:27I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
How to Speak to Christians as a Buddhist! Zen Confidential 2025-05-08 | A Patron sends me an email that says, basically, "I have a friend who just found Jesus and she's driving me CRAZY!!" Why's she driving him crazy? Because my Patron's friend is convinced that there is only one true religion or way/path, and she thinks anyone who doesn't follow it -- i.e. anyone who doesn't go "full Jesus" -- is on the highway to hell.So! Is there just ONE TRUE WAY? That's what my Patron wants to know.Yes, is my answer. There IS just one true way. Unfortunately, it's different for absolutely everyone!! In this video we touch upon a lot of the basics that make Zen different from many "religions." For one thing, in Zen there is nothing to believe in. There is a practice, and there are principles, and you put those principles into practice. That's kinda it. The main practice is Zazen meditation. Through this practice attention is cultivated, but even that is saying too much. In fact, speaking of not speaking, we could say that Zen is the practice of not filling silences. To wit, there is the Great Silence from which we all come and to which we all go. And religion kinda sorta sometimes puts, for example, a great big Jesus statue right in the middle of that silence, or a great big Buddha statue right there in the middle of that silence. It tries to fill the silence, to paper over the gaps and blanks, to pretend that we can fill the not-knowing with some kind of knowing.But in the end, I don't think the job of a spiritual practice is to remove uncertainty. Rather, in my experience a practice humbles you before uncertainty. There's a big difference. Every time I think I've found the One True Way, something changes -- me, the world around me, life, the situation -- and I have to change along with it, grow, and keep going, keep living, keep not knowing.No fake certainty! Today, on YouTube!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
I had an enlightenment experience! Why am I still an A**H***E?? Zen Confidential 2025-04-30 | Well, the title of today's video probably says it all...but let me explain!!Enlightenment experiences or "openings" (let's call them openings -- less pretentious) do not always translate into everyday life. To wit, you can have an opening on the cushion, see deeply into your true nature, and then exit the Zendo...and still be a jerk! And still be, well, horny. And still be afraid of death, or spiders, or your mother-in-law, or whatever.Also, openings do not always translate into flawless emotional intelligence, i.e. you can be a great meditator with decades of practice under your belt, but then something really intense happens in your personal life and you freak out!!To wit, today's video covers a recent highly emotional experience I shared with a group of people I'm close to, how we all tried to process a bit of big news together -- and how my emotions were all over the place. In this video, which I have shot in Prater Park and which features nature and plum tree blossoms and even, well, a joke involving "farts, feet, and foofnicks," I take you back to my brief studies in LA with a Vedantic Guru who was supposedly permanently enlightened, to which I conclude? No thanks! We are humans born into the human world, meant to live human lives. For me, Zen and Buddhism at its best helps us get a little distance from our human selves so that we can see our lives more clearly and experience them more directly; the practice and teachings do not guide us to some perma-satori state where we no longer resemble human beings. I'm very grateful to have a practice founded not on escaping human reality, but on experiencing it fully while not getting caught up in the details. I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
The Insights of a Failed Zen Monk, or: Ordinary Mind IS THE WAY, BAY-BAY!! Zen Confidential 2025-04-25 | There's a book of Zen koans called the Mumonkan, and in this book we get one of the finest pieces of wisdom available anywhere on this here third rock from the sun. It is, basically:"Relax, striver! It's right here, right now. What is? Ordinary mind!! I.e. THE WAY!"Mumonkan Case #19, "Ordinary Mind is the way!!"A few reasons this koan is on my (ordinary) mind today. . . .I met with a friend who met a Great Tibetan Lama, and he made sure to point out to me that "This guy is like on a whole different level than a lightweight Zen monk like you."(Thanks, bro.)Alas, he is not wrong. I am a failed monk from a failed lineage. To wit, I did not receive full teaching transmission from my teacher, who failed to pass his lineage on to any of us, his dumb-a** students. And you know what? Thank GOD for that!There's a great (actually a mediocre) movie from the 90's called As Good as It Gets wherein a character realizes something like: "This ordinary banal life/present moment is as good as it gets!" So too, I think at some point a Zen monk/student must realize the same thing. This moment is it. This moment is everything. Stop seeking the Big E. Manifest the little ME! Because this is as good as it gets! And this is everything!The universe has reduced itself -- its Great Big Infinite Ineffable Selfless Self -- aaaaallllllllll the way down to this. To this tiny little body and life called [insert your name here]. Form is emptiness, the Heart Sutra tells us. But emptiness is also form. It is THIS form, the form I am taking right now, and you too.Yes yes yes! Me writing this, you reading this. This is Buddha. Buddha is imperfection. Buddha is impermanence. Here. Now. Gone. Moment after precious, passing moment.At some point the seeking has to stop, and the manifestation has to begin. Otherwise you're a permanent Zen student, you're always looking down the road to when your enlightenment will finally arrive. Enough! Go ahead! FAIL at Zen!! It's a great way to truly start practicing. A shoutout to my friend and fellow writer and Patron Curtis White, whose new book I draw from for this video!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Why Los Angeles Spirituality SUCKS!! Zen Confidential 2025-04-17 | I got pretty sick! It was awesome in the sense that it reminded me of exactly what Zen practice is all about. Here's how . . .Oftentimes I suffer from the terrible malady of what I call Los Angeles Spirituality. Which is to say, spiritual striving, trying too hard, attempting to build a persona around your practice. Getting sick, though, you can forget about all that! Being sick brings you back into your body completely, and back into the moment 100%. You're sick! You don't have the energy to fake it! This is a great lesson.Feverish. Ready to sob! Sitting on my cushion this morning . . . I got it. Ah, my attention, my practice, must go into where life is in THIS moment. Not into any notion of health, tomorrow, a perfect life, the future, my Buddhanature, koan practice -- none of that -- but right here and right now. So much of sitting is just letting "it" be, yourself, your body, your mind. Not trying. Something interesting can happen, when you let go of striving. When I finished up my feverish/sick sitting this morning, I went and had my breakfast egg. And the egg before me had life within it. And the life within the egg, and the life within me, were the same. I could feel it! Striving separates. "Letting be," unites.Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go take an Ibuprofen and pass out!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Is Donald Trump a Trickster?! | Zen Teachers and the Trickster Role Zen Confidential 2025-04-10 | Intro: 0:00A Tale of Monastic Madness: 8:48What NOT to do when life goes nuts: 25:36Back to You, Lewis Hyde!: 28:30In his great work Trickster Makes the World, the writer Lewis Hyde asks the question: What is the difference between the trickster archetype (the coyote spirit, the clown, the holy fool) and a psychopath? I was listening to this book on audio, half asleep, and as Hyde limned the differences between tricksters and psychos I found myself thinking, "Wake up! Write this down! Make a video! This is important! Is our current Prez the spiritual archetype of a trickster? Or just a psychopath? Or both? Or neither?"This video is about an episode I had as a monk where a peer went ballistic with monastic resources, remodeling a cabin on the monastery's dime so that he and his wife could live there and preside like a king and queen. The situation got bad. A worker fell from the roof and was permanently disabled. The carpenter proved to be a cocaine addict and wreaked havoc everywhere on camp. The project ballooned to tens of thousands of dollars we didn't have. Meanwhile, the monk and his wife terrorized the other monks and students at every turn.And yet, the whole time my teacher seemed to be down with it all, playing along, even while knowing the situation was crazy. Which I told him:"Roshi, this is crazy!!"You know what he said? "Hmmm, yeah. But sometimes crazy okay."What was he up to? You get the FULL STORY here.I learned a lot from that episode. Sometimes life goes crazy on you. In those moments, especially when it seems like there is one specific person responsible for the crazy, it doesn't help to grip one's fists and close one's eyes and shout to the rooftops, This! Is! Not! Okay!! You have to move with the crazy, maybe get a little crazy yourself; you can't stand still and stay the same and wish things back to normal. I think that the trickster archetype refers to how one can see certain situations or moments as filled, yes, with risk, but also possibly with renewal.You can't fight crazy people. They always win. But you can beat them at their own game every time. By manifesting coyote spirit!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
13 Years of Zen Meditation in 26.44 Minutes GOOOO!!! Zen Confidential 2025-04-03 | There she was, my family member: lying on the floor, heating pad on eyes, ASMR music...and the sound issuing through her phone nearby of a Guided Meditation Instructor. I wanted to grab her and say "I can help you! I know how to do this meditation thing! You don't need Sam Harris/Waking up!! You don't need Andy Puddycombe/Headspace!! Let meeee heeeelllllp yoouuuuuu!!"I did not say this. But I'm saying it to YOU!!Listen. There's nothing wrong whatsoever with a meditation app. The thing is, in the end a meditation practice is not something you can outsource to an app (I know you know this, I'm just reminding myself). And once you know how to do it/meditate/sit Zazen, it's a skill that stays with you for life. Sort of like riding a bike. With your lungs. And butt. (Bad analogy.)So! In this video I reduce 13 years of Zen monastic practice to twenty some odd minutes wherein we sit down and I lead you through the Zazen practice as it was taught to me. We take our seat, we focus our minds, and we do our sitting. Taitoku, my teacher called it. "To apprehend with your whole body." We sit with strength and relaxation, "strengthy relaxation" as my monk friend used to say. Sort of like when you hold a tiny infant in your arms. With total attention; complete awareness and power, but quite gentle, too.That's how sit!! Today on Zen Confidential!!Intro: 0:00Part I, On Guided Meditation: 00:29A Guided Meditation: 9:09The Secret to Meditation: 23:54I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Are Identity Politics Anti-Buddhist?? Im lookin at you Elon! Im lookin at you Ibram! Zen Confidential 2025-03-27 | Chainsaw-wielding Elon gutting DEI programs from the US government . . . Ocasio Cortez sneakily removing her pronouns from her X profile . . . No matter what side you're on, the American Culture Wars are coming for you!In this video we cover the issue of identity politics from the angle of anatta, the Buddhist teaching of no/not-self. But first! Some personal stories!!My cultural upbringing/lived experience is: Midwestern hyper-conservative Catholic suburban/rural white boy. My K-12 teacher Mrs. Zukoswski used to lecture to us kids that human society is modeled after the universe's hierarchy, mainly: God, Men, Mothers, Kids. This, she assured us, was a GOOD thing! A few weeks ago, I got lectured by a woman who was wearing very much the same outfit as Mrs. Zukowski used to wear -- black sweater vest, severe hairdo, stern eyebrows -- who told me that human society is modeled after the Catholic hierarchy/patriarchy, aka: God, Men, Mothers, Kids. This, she assured me, was a BAD thing!And so the political wheels turn, one side saying the bad thing is the good thing, the other side saying the good thing is the bad thing. And both sides keep lecturing me about it!!In the kind of Zen that I was taught, there are two sides to reality, the relative and the absolute. They're both true. So, I am a white dude with brown hair and a weak upper body. BUT! I am also not that. I am the air I breathe, the society I pay taxes in, the people sitting across from me who reflect me back to myself. We have our own personal identities, yes, sure, uh-huh, but we also give rise to the identities of those around us, and they give rise to our identities, because me and you and us and them are unitied -- we are one -- we are share the same dang Universe!"We all share one cosmos," my teacher used to say. He longed for the day when "true democracy" would be born in America, but feared it would never happen. Why? Americans, he claimed (he was from Japan), were self-absorbed, individualistic, materialistic, and status-obsessed. In our society we wind up competing with each other over everything, including our identities. Thus we ignore the unitary aspect of reality. So. It's simple. Repeat after me. We're different but we're also the same. Seems we've forgotten that "the same."This video ends with a story about my time as a drag queen. In fact, I think the whole point of this video was just to tell that story. Hope you enjoy!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1Intro: 0:00Growing up white boy Catholic in the Midwest: 1:48Is who you are what you are? 8:07How to radicalize someone: 9:45Another Charlie Brown-esque run at the football of no-self: 12:34Relative and Absolute: 15:33My inner Beeeyyyotch: 19:01
The Only Spiritual Technique Youll Ever Need!! | Welcome to Buddhas Toolbox! Zen Confidential 2025-03-20 | Got an email from a Patron and a friend. Said friend is toggling between two different techniques when it comes to Zazen meditation. So, let's talk techniques! In this video we unpack "hara breathing," as well as "opening the hand of thought." We also go off book and explore the Centering Prayer of Catholic monks, the Whirling practice of the Sufi dervishes, and the mantra chanting in Transcendental Meditation. Then we get to the Zen approach to spiritual techniques. To put it simply, less is better. And none is best. In Zen, the tool or technique has to dissolve along with the person doing it. "Zen has few moving parts," my teacher used to say. Put another way, Zen is radical. The saying "If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha" means this: if it's Buddhist it's not Buddhist (or at least it's not Zen). This frees us from religion. From gurus and techniques and spirituality itself. Frees us to live our lives completely, in the moment, moment after moment.So when we sit in Zen, we are just doing the simplest thing possible with the most focus and sincerity possible. If, as we sit, we get lost or confused as to what to do next, we're taught to put our attention on the breath. Gentle awareness; gentle, by the way, is not weak -- it is intimate! And intimate attention is the absolute strongest kind!Listen! There are between 200 billion (2×1011) to 2 trillion galaxies in the observable universe. Most galaxies are 1,000 to 100,000 parsecs in diameter (approximately 3,000 to 300,000 light years) and are separated by distances in the order of millions of parsecs (or megaparsecs).You hear what I'm saying?It's a BIG FREAKING UNIVERSE...and you are HERE! NOW! In this solar system! On this planet! In this body! In this moment!! My friend!! We do not need special spiritual techniques to take us somewhere or to turn us into someone else!! All we need is a little help to get out of our own way. That's when the fun begins.Today we do a deep dive into the technique of no-technique of Zen.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1Intro: 0:00Bad Impersonation of a Texan: 1:233 Different Spiritual Techniques in Sufism, Catholicism, & Hinduism (wrong word but oh well): 8:44The Zen Approach to ALL Spiritual Techniques: 14:28Learning & Unlearning Monastery Stuff: 21:56The Secret to Practicing in the Moment: 25:33Our GRAND FINALE!!!!: 34:21
Were all going to die & lifes amazing! Zen Confidential 2025-03-13 | This video began...a week ago. When I got triggered by Trump and Zelenski going at it Real Housewives-style in the Oval Office. See, my girlfriend lived through a war with Serbia in her childhood. Rat-eating refugees came to her school! Bomb shelters! Serbs attacked the airport in her city! My point is, she got triggered by the Trump/Zelenski showdown and possible unrest and further war on this continent -- she has a son and fears he might get pulled into any such conflict -- which in turn triggered ME!!And thus I tried to make a video about how Zen practice can help you through really scary and difficult times. And guess what? I couldn't do it because I didn't believe myself! And so! This is a video about failure. The failure to practice. The failure to beat life, as it were, at its own game. Sometimes your practice/religion has to take a knee before life, which is bigger than all our schemes, spiritual and otherwise, to contain and control it.Realizing the limitations of one's own practice is salubrious. It's helpful. It's cleansing. It means we get to surrender, give up, stop faking it, and see the challenging situation -- see LIFE -- as it is. I got into Zen practice to learn how to work with life as it is, minus religious beliefs and promises. What I discovered this week is that sometimes life is so big and so powerful and meaningful and uncontrollable that it far supersedes the magnitude of Zen. Maybe that's true Zen?And so, this video is a video about the failure of Zen which is Zen at its finest.Also? This video features several appearances by none other than Uncle Creepy. You, I promise(ish), are absolutely going to love/be horrified by this person. And his voice. And his "tickle paddles" and "giggle flippers."I pre-apologize for any trauma Uncle Creepy causes you.0:00 Intro2:02 Meet Uncle Creepy with his Tickle Paddles!!2:57 The Art, Spirit, Practice, and Reality of Living in Europe10:48 Welcome to my Video FAIL!!16:48 The Creepiest Funniest Part of this Failed VideoI offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
My Friendship with Leonard Cohen Zen Confidential 2025-03-06 | Early this week I decided to sit down hellbent for speed and record an epic (read: LONG) video about my friendship with Leonard Cohen. Why? Because he belongs to all of us, he's part of our cultural family, and I had a one-in-a-billion opportunity to spend a few years in his company, and now I want to share those stories with you...because I'm already forgetting them!! And they should be out there!!We start with the day I met Leonard in the walking meditation line at our Los Angeles Zen temple, wherein I made the worst first impression ever by imitating his gravelly voice!! But ten years later he reentered my life, and we spent many intimate moments caring for our dying teacher together. We became friends, and I learned so much about art, writing, life, and spirituality from him, which I try to share here.I also share stories. Like that time Ford offered him four million bucks for "Hallelujah" for one of their truck commericals (he passed on the offer). Or the time he gave us a private concert with his full band and he self-censored his dirtiest lyric. Or his insights into his Vedanta teacher Ramesh Balsekar. Or that time I made fun of one of his friends, though I didn't know they were friends....it was Mick Jagger. Mostly I try in this video to get across the vibe I got from Jikan Leonard Cohen during his final years, where I think he pulled off his best work as an artist, proving that you can do it right up until the day you die. He showed me how Zen practice and our teacher had profoundly influenced his music and life, helping him to forget himself in the service of his art, which, finally, was to write and sing beautiful love songs to God. (And, you know, to some lovers, too.)I remember LC performing 4 hour concerts on his last tour, and then telling me, "Always give 'em more than they paid for, that's the secret." In this case, I'm using that line as an excuse for giving you more than you paid for with this hour-plus video. Though I have included chapter headings if you want to skip around. . . .I hope you enjoy.0:00 Intro1:05 How I met Leonard8:29 Leonard the caregiver15:19 Seeing Leonard's creative process live19:02 Leonard and Ramesh Balsekar25:00 Leonard as a man, writer, artist, and friend34:43 Leonard and Oliver Stone37:37 That time Leonard imitated Bugs Bunny40:56 A nice big collection of Leonard stories HERE WE GO!!46:19 The second to last time I saw Leonard49:34 The last time I saw Leonard54:00 Some final Leonard stories58:46 Was Leonard a "happy" artist? The answer may surprise you!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Heres What Happened When My Tweet Went VIRAL!! Zen Confidential 2025-02-26 | The year is 2024. The month is September. The platform is Twitter. And?? I Tweeted something out and baby...it went viral!!! (By my humble standards, anyway!)And so, today's video takes us on my viral journey, which leads...to?...uh, not really anywhere. Cos that's (spoiler alert!) what happens when your Tweet goes viral. Nada.The Buddhist thinker David Loy has a great teaching about the 3 Poisons that perfectly pertains to this topic. The three poisons in Buddhism are greed, anger, and delusion. Normally we think of these poisons as having to do with our personal practice (I do, anyway). David Lloyd however makes the point that in our culture/society we have institutionalized the 3 Poisons: Greed, via materialism; anger, via our military industrial complex; and delusion via our media.Media!! You fiend!!Which brings us to Twitter! As part of the American Delusion Industrial Complex, Twitter/X/Elon's Empire of Verbal Flatulence makes you feel like you are doing and saying important things. That you are engaging with people! That you are part of the ... drumroll ... CONVERSATION. But in reality, there is absolutely no net effect from having a popular tweet other than: you waste a lotta time and Elon Musk gets richer.This is the delusion of our internet age and the bad incentives that power it. In this video I try to cover how, in many ways, our media, social and otherwise, is the engine for the Buddhist poison of delusion, and how the tech barons use all three poisons -- greed, anger, and delusion -- to keep us hooked to their platforms.This video also includes helpful homemade recipes for screwing Elon, Mark et al. out of your engagement. And? A surprise ending. That includes time travel and a toilet. And the voices of children. Today here on ZenCon!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1Intro: 0:00The 3 Poisons in Buddhism w. a SHOUTOUT to David Loy: 2:36What Happens When Ya Tweet Goes Viral BABY!!: Practical Tips for Screwing Elon and Mark: 13:38Mommy Where Do Tweets Come From?: 20:37
Zen Buddhism is a MISTAKE!!!! Zen Confidential 2025-02-20 | Let us begin with the precepts!There are 5 precepts in Zen Buddhism. Typically they are given as: 1) Dude, don’t steal. 2) Bro! Don’t friggin’ kill! 3) Hey, use right speech, man. 4) Sexual misconduct? Not on MY watch! 5) Yikes, lay off the sauce, i.e. intoxicants!When I was ordained, however, the precepts I said were a little different. Pay attention now… They were along the lines of: 1) Don’t be attached to things, yours or others. 2) Don’t be attached to killing, and don’t be attached to peace. 3) Don’t be attached to speech or words of any kind, good or bad words. 4) Don’t be attached to sexual stuff, and don’t be attached to purity. 5) Don’t be attached to intoxicants, and don’t be attached to no-intoxicants.The Zen precepts I took at my ordination were different than the 10 Commandments I learned in my Catholic youth. Alas, today’s video comes with a gripping tale of discovery at age 7 of a box of Playboys hidden in my friend’s garage. Catholic morality dictated that I reject these profane pictures, and reject them I did! In fact, most religious morality (all?) tells us to reject stuff – which stuff to reject and why. We often learn, through religion, how to say NO and what to say no to. But is this approach complete? Not so much. See, I was a good little Catholic boy. I knew how to say no. But then I went to college and fell in love and discovered that you also have to learn how to say yes in life. If you don’t, part of your soul dies, frankly. You cut off paths to growth. You live in a cowardly way. The path, then, in Zen – the path I committed to when I took those funky precepts!! – is the path of both good and bad, yes and no, right and wrong. This is the path of ego death. In other words, hang on to your hat, here we go, this is life – mistakes WILL BE MADE!! You cannot game life, you cannot just say “I will follow these specific religious rules, chart a straight line through this life, and go right to heaven after I die.” The Zen way is often difficult, messy, and full of errors and mistakes. But this is how you grow. This is how you live. The Zen path and the precepts that I took are about learning to say NO when it is difficult, and learning to say YES when it is difficult. Walking that crooked-straight line? That is the Middle Way.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
The Problem with Jesus Christ Zen Confidential 2025-02-13 | There I was, on my 33rd birthday, sitting in a wooden chair in the sanzen waiting room...waiting to go see my 101 year old Zen teacher...when it hit me:"I'm as old as Jesus Christ was when he died!!"A pair of insights unfolded in that moment.1) I'm so dang grateful that I get to, well, keep going. Studying, practicing, growing, living. I'm glad I get a chance to grow old and wise, or at least old.2) It means something -- it matters -- that Jesus Christ, the lodestone basically of the Western Spiritual tradition -- died young.The young, ahhh...what can be said about the young?? They're kinda sometimes melodramatic. Romantic. They, yanno, sorta fall in love with their own suffering. They have not yet worked through that hard-charging youthful energy and matured into a mellow, spacious, geezer dotage. And one can, if one looks, see how a spiritual lineage based on a young teacher can suffer from the drawbacks of youth. Fear not! After some minor blasphemy, this video pivots into my time as a Zen monk wherein I turned on my Eastern Buddhist lineage entirely and prayed like a baptized fiend in the Christian tradition because, frankly, I was SICK OF ZEN!! And then I went to visit my teacher, and he must've seen Christ in my eyes, because he mentioned that he knew I'd been praying, and he told me:"There is NO true religion without resurrection."At which point, I got it. The principles of Zen and those at the heart of Christianity are the same. Death and resurrection. Zen asks that we not get all caught up in stories of our suffering, that we die into each moment, through relationship with our surroundings.Die into the tea you are drinking, the ground you're walking across, the cushion you're sitting on -- just as Christ died on his cross. Buddhism, Christianity. Same story, with a little more or a little less drama, depending on your taste. Today on ZenCon.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1Intro: 0:00The Day I Became Christ's Age: 3:03The Problem with Young Jesus: 7:08Jesus and the 27 Club: 8:49The Sacred and the Profane: 11:30The Zen Monk's Prayer: 13:04There Is No True Religion Without Resurrection: 17:26Zen and Jesus, 2 Peas in a Dang Pod: 18:33How to Die on Your Cross: 24:20
What Happens After We Die? A Zen Monk Investigates!! Zen Confidential 2025-02-06 | Sometimes, you find yourself in the death zone. One person dies, another person dies...suddenly a ton of people are dying in your life! With death, comes weirdness. Synchronistic experiences; visions; dreams. When people are dying, s*** can get strange! Our culture isn't very wise when it comes to helping us deal with these experiences, nor is it very wise when it comes to death in general.So, what's the Zen Buddhist take on death, anyway? In this video I attempt to give...well...no clear answers to that question. Instead, I try to unpack some of the core teachings of Rinzai Tathagata Zen as I received them from my teacher. These teachings give us valuable clues when it comes to ddddddddd-death!!We begin with teachings around the "big picture," the Absolute, the Source, or the God question. My teacher often used the word God when speaking with Westerners, but he made it pretty clear: in Zen, God is the condition of the Absolute, and that condition is will-less and desire-less. And it is from this will-less, desire-less condition that we creatures with will and desire arise. And so, to "experience the Absolute" we must manifest a state of no will, no desire. Sounds a little esoteric, but whenever we lose ourselves with intention in a simple activity, we are manifesting without desire or will, i.e. without ego. That's why, in Zen, we do the simplest activity possible with as much sincerity and focus as possibe -- sitting and breathing.Let's talk inhale and exhale. Let's talk breath. There's a reason we sit and breathe in Zen. In breath, the inhale and exhale work together to give rise to the living, breathing self. The inhale and exhale are mutually opposing but complimentary activities that provide the basis for our biological person here on planet earth!! In the Zen that I learned, the principle manifested in breathing is at the core of the universe. One breath ends, the next begins. But where does the previous breath GO? From where does the following breath COME? When the inhale ends, right before the exhale begins...what is that space? Where is it? That nothingness, that pregnant emptiness, that shunyuta?The unconditioned Absolute, the Source: it's with us with every breath. When we die? My guess is that we go there. And the good news is, it's been with us all along.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Improve Your SPIRITUAL WORK ETHIC!! | Zen & the Art of Kicking A** | Sit Better, NOW! Zen Confidential 2025-01-30 | Pills vs. Practice!! Recently on a whim I popped a Xanax! Why not?! (Plenty of reasons why not, actually. Anyway...) This experience got me thinkin' about what it means to have a spiritual work ethic, which is to say a plan for practice that plays out over time and -- fortunately -- takes on a life of its own after a while.So, what is a Spiritual Work Ethic? In today's video I break this concept down into three parts per my own experience.1) Don't meditate with a fear of failure. Just sit down, without expectation, and do the dang work. Which is: just sitting. Rain or shine (on your inside), just hold your posture and return the sometimes wonderfully, sometimes horribly distracted mind back to the breath/posture. If cool insights or deep experiences or even your own dang Buddhanature show up? Great! But none of that is your concern or job. Your job? Just sit!2) Repetition! Repetition!! Repetition!!! When it comes to meditation (and many other things, in my experience) you become the kind of person who can do it, by doing it. Doesn't matter so much what your mindset or beliefs or point of view or religion are. In my experience, Buddhist teachings make sense in the light of Buddhist practice. Otherwise? It's just words words words!3) Work Ethic = You Over a Period of Time. Meaning, some days your sits suck. Some days they're awesome. But no matter what, you show up and do the work, and over time there is almost something like a "practice you" that is more than the sum of your daily efforts. So never be discouraged by a "bad" practice day. Those days are vital in creating the overall "practice you," who is bigger than the sum of those parts.Sweat equity, the Zen way!! Today over on Patreon.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-10:00: intro4:40: The Difference between popping a pill & having a spiritual work ethic11:08: Don't meditate from a fear a failure mindset17:54: Repetition, Repetition, Repetition!!22:42: Work Ethic ='s YOU OVER TIME!
Psychedelic ZEN! | That Time I Grew a Third Eye on the Cushion!! Zen Confidential 2025-01-23 | When I first moved to the monastery, I felt a Third Eye forming inside my skull as I sat meditation. Cool, huh?! Not really. It was just Makyo, or another day at the office for a Zen monk.In Zen we call hallucinations on the cushion Makyo. There is a long and storied tradition in Buddhism of stuff coming up -- sometimes really wild and interesting stuff -- when one devotes one's self to a period of silent sitting, or Zazen/meditation. The teaching in these cases? Sit through it. Don't attribute meaning or interpretations to these wild visions. Let 'em be! In fact, any idea or thought-product -- an emotion, a storyline, a memory...you name it! -- ALL of these are Makyo if we let them delude us. If we believe a thought/emotion/feeling enough to attach to it, then it is a delusion, a hallucination: Makyo.In today's Patreon video I use some...I mean, I think they're AWESOME, but I'm biased...I use some groovy Lynchian psychedelic special effects to highlight and dramatize my exploration of Makyo phenomena on the Zazen cushion. We go deep into the psychic darkness and come out the other side. In the end, the wildest hallucinations imaginable...are just another day at the office for me, you, and the Zen monk.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
How to Become a Roshi | The Art of Aging & Becoming Your Own Zen Master!! Zen Confidential 2025-01-16 | We kick off today's video with a RANT from Grandpa Jack about what it's like to grow old! When I was young, why, I used to think about traveling all over the world. These days? I don't think about traveling ANYWHERE -- not even down the darn street!! -- without considering my proximity to a bathroom. And so on...Ah, BUT! The great thing about growing old -- the thing that no one talks about -- is that your Zen practice just gets better and better. And that's the focus of today's video. The fruit of old age, which is? You guessed it: wisdom.First of all, as you age you start to finally let go of your "MacGuffins." When I worked in Hollywood we talked about how the hero of a story always has a MacGuffin, which is the thing he or she wants that gets the story going and keeps it going. The love interest to be won over (any romcom), the letters of transit (Casablanca), the Lost Ark (Raiders of the Lost Ark), destroying the Death Star (Star Wars). So too, young people let their heads swarm with MacGuffins, i.e. love interests, new experiences, dream jobs, a trip to Belize, material stuff like a big house, a shiny Tesla etc. When you get old, though, the grip of your youthful MacGuffins fade. You begin to see life for what it is. Ups, downs, gains, losses -- with no exception. With some years behind you, you now have the opportunity to live your life as it is, moment after moment, without illusions and dreamy ambitions. The trick to old age is to stay engaged without giving up. Letting go of expectations -- surrendering all the MacGuffins you've outgrown -- while still remaining plugged into the world around you.My teacher used to call this the dying activity, and when you can do it, you become your own Zen master or "Roshi," a term which simply means "venerable old person."This video comes complete with old person jokes about BHP, perimenopause, and young kids these days with their bad music and weird clothes and effortlessly perfect bodies!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
The Secret to Life in ONE WORD guess what it is?? Zen Confidential 2025-01-08 | Well, dang. Here we are. 2025!At the monastery we would spend all of New Year's Eve sitting in the Zendo. The whole night! Then we'd usher in the new year with a talk from our teacher. He gave a talk on January 1, 2000, which I share in full at the end of today's video.But first! What is dana? It is the practice of cultivating generosity. Or, you could say, the practice of giving. "Giving practice" was central to life at the Mount Baldy Zen Center. But what IS giving? In this video I unpack the practice of giving as it was taught to me.To wit, giving has two components, initiating and receiving. You have to be able to do both equally, my teacher used to say. If you can only initiate but you can't receive, you become a tyrant. If you can only receive but you can't initiate, you become a victim.The practice of giving is everything, and my teacher used to practice it with me through the ancient esoteric action of...um...shaking my hand. Not so esoteric, actually. But everything was in that handshake. Reaching out, initiating -- and taking, or receiving -- at the same time.Touch.Meeting the world, moment after moment, exactly as it is. In that January 1, 2000 talk my teacher claimed that chickens never say Happy New Year because every day is happy new year to a chicken, for they lay an egg every day of the year. Egg by egg, then. Moment after moment, day after day, we will live our lives in 2025, manifesting Dana, the practice of giving!Timestamps:0:00 Intro3:13 The Practice of Giving and Receiving5:07 Which brings us to KOAN practice!12:20 Deep Deep Dana, or SUPERGIVING17:05 The Last Time My Teacher Went Out Before He Died....25:56 A Greeting for the New Year!!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Don’t get spiritual burnout!!...and also? Lets do some PICKLE PRACTICE, BABY!!! Zen Confidential 2025-01-02 | Merry BELATED Christmas!! (Wait, are we still allowed to say Merry Christmas?) Happy "Prince Shotoku Day," as my Zen teacher used to say on Christmas morning....when we got to drink some cold green tea and then have a normal Zen work day. Listen! I shot a video this past Christmas morning to say HELLO I LOVE YOU and to address, quickly, a nice question I got from a Patron re: burnout when it comes to Zen/meditation/formal practice.I discovered something interesting re: Zen practice burnout. I find that I experience burnout with formal Zen practice -- meditation, contemplation, chanting, koan practice etc -- when I am not bringing the practice into my daily regular life. Sounds almost counterintutive, but by golly, it's true!!Thus, when I'm burned out on Zen I am being called to focus in a deeper way on areas in my life that my Zen practice doesn't seem to be touching. Which areas, you want to know? I'm glad you asked! Here are two:1) Dude. My phone. I compulsively check my phone. Yeah yeah, like all of us I have my reasons for doing so, but let's face it, there are ways to do things, and that's what Zen's all about -- HOW you do something. And the way I check my phone? It ain't mindful. It's compulsive. So bringing my practice into my life in this area means "holding the compulsion," or being aware of it, and cultivating awareness of this compulsion before doing the activity of phone-checking.2) Well, while we're on the topic of compulsion, let's talk about how I sometimes compulsively TALK to fill a silence. Unmindfully opening my mouth to get attention, or because I'm uncomfortable letting a moment with my girlfriend just be. Compelling people to respond to my need for attention in a moment through pointless yacking?? NOT Zen practice, baby!So, how specifically do you bring Zen practice into the world? Like, for example, when you're eating a pickle...or a pile of pickles...as I was just last night?? Shizznizzle, homes, I'm glad you asked about pickle-eating-practice, because I talk about it here in the climax of this extempore-as-heck video!! Which I shot in Croatia, on a nice chilly mountainside with a Croatian village spread out behind me!Hey, peeps! What are some ways YOU can bring your Zen practice more deeply into your life? Lemme know, Joe, in the comments below!Okay. I'm outta here. Let's hit 2025 with both feet on the ground, running!! I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
A Tale of Two Monasteries | The Peoples Republic of Chigo vs The Patriarchy!! Zen Confidential 2024-12-26 | Today's video is an epic character study + cautionary tale that involves the wildest, weirdest, most stubborn/idealistic monk I have ever known, and this dude's brief but terrible reign of comical Communistic horror at the Mount Baldy Zen Center.I am speaking, now, of that moment when our monastery became the People's Republic of Chigo.But first....! We discuss my many layers of underwear. And then....! A synchronistic moment involving Leonard Cohen and a diss-track on his album (which I dreamed of). And then? We go back in time to that moment at MBZC when Chigo became head monk. Dude was weird. To wit: he dumped "urinal ice" into a beautiful pea soup and served it to guests. And he cut windows into the monastery showerhouse so that, well, people outside the showerhouse could watch people inside the showerhouse strip and bathe.Chigo was a good man, and a nut, and a Communist, and the second he became head monk he decided that he was going to throw out thousands of years of monastic tradition and turn our Zen Center into a democracy. In practice this meant that every idiot on the grounds now had a vote in the schedule and practice. I must say, I had always considered myself a "rebel" and a friend of the "little man" (being such a little man myself), but during the People's Republic of Chigo I came to understand that I had, throughout my life, relied on strong authority figures far more than I had ever admitted to myself.Eventually Chigo's turn at the wheel of dharma leadership came to an ignominious end and I was put in charge of the monastery. Things were then returned to a patriarchy under my teacher. Which is to say, the old problematic structure was restored! And many years later, when our community began to fall apart, I alas thought of old Chigo, and even gave him a little head nod in the bottom of my heart, for he had anticipated what would become of our community's leadership under one person/patriarch, and he had tried to head off these future problems at the pass.Friends. We have arrived at a moment in history when democracy is imperiled. And yet. If my time under Chigo's Communistic Rule taught me anything about democracy it's that, well, people are idiots. I'm a person, I'm an idiot! And so...I wonder...if deep down we don't kinda sorta want someone to tell us what to do. I wonder if democracy is really our deepest wish, or if we aren't secretly jonesing for powerful people and structures to dictate our lives.Welcome to the Era of Scale!! Where more and more power is being condensed into a smaller and smaller number of hands. Corporations like Google owning search; authoritarian political figures from Putin to Xi to Milei becoming the norm; Taylor Swift absolutely dominating the charts/Spotify; medical-political figures like Fauci or RFK or Huberman dictating to their faithful on issues of health and well-being.There are a lot of voices out there now due to the democratization of communication made possible by tech, and yet it seems to me like fewer and fewer of these voices are coming to dominate. And fewer and fewer hands are on the levers of power, dictating life for the rest of us -- BILLIONS of us! Is this really what we want?We're entering a new year -- and a new American Presidency -- and perhaps even a new post-WWII/post-neoliberal era -- and these are some of the issues on my mind today. Happy Flipping Holidays indeed!! PS -- I know, I know, it's a long video. But I included chapter headings so you can skip the ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS "Crazy Chigo" stories...if you MUST!I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-10:00 Intro2:57 A Tale of 2 Monasteries6:03 Urinal Ice, My Nudity Hangup, & Crazy Chigo!13:43 Chigo's Reign of Communistic Terror BEGINS!19:07 The Uncomfortable Topic of Spiritual Authority25:25 Was Chigo Ahead of His Time??28:51 On Trump, Musk, Zuck, Fauci, RFK JR. & our Current Moment -- DO WE JUST WANT TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO?
The Four Stages of a Zen Center Scandal Zen Confidential 2024-12-19 | I was sittin' around minding my own business when a friend forwarded me two very foreboding emails, one from the guiding teacher of a famous Zen Center, and one from the same famous Zen Center's Board of Directors.Yes, it's that time of year again! Xmas, you say...? No! It's that time of year where we discuss Zen Centers and sex scandals! This is, unfortunately, a perennial theme, because for as long as there are spiritual communities, there will be sex scandals within those communities.Having been through a sex scandal in my own Zen community, I decided it was time to make a video about the stages of a sex scandal within a Zen community. This way, when (oops, I mean if) it happens to you, you're ready for it.Okay, here we go!1) Denial! Denial comes in three forms. a) Denial that any sexual misconduct ever happened at all (lotsa your peers will take this approach). b) Denial that the sexual misconduct was at all a big deal, and c) Denial that the sexual misconduct, although a big deal, will have a big effect on the community's future.These are all forms of denial that will plague your Zen center once the scandal hits.2) Infinite Endless Conversation, aka Let the War of Words Begin!Zen Centers. They are places where you sit IN SILENCE together, right? Not anymore! Once a sex scandal hits, the community can't stop talking. Fighting. Arguing. Triangulating. Everything anyone has ever thought about sex and/or spirituality will now be aired. Also? Folks OUTSIDE your community will be doing the same thing -- talking about YOU. Get ready for press attention. None of it good.3) Infinite Endless Meeeeeeetings!I don't know about you, but I am not the greatest fan of meetings. Well, once a sex scandal breaks in your sangha, meetings will occupy 99% of your waking hours. Board meetings, meetings between staff and students, meetings between board, staff, and students, meetings between board, staff, and students, and the greater public… Private meetings amongst the ordained; public meetings with donors; meetings very carefully designed to help the Reporters of Harm who were directly affected by the sexual misconduct. . . .4) A Radical Restructuring of Spiritual LeadershipThe old head honcho -- assuming he/she/they were directly responsible for the misconduct -- will now be un-honcho'd. Buh-bye. Or, said honcho will be severely disciplined (and nevermore very much trusted). Either way, something now shifts forever within the community. Boards of Directors become far more involved in the spiritual life of the community (usually not for the better). Secondary or tertiary teachers assume more prominent roles, leading to the walk-outs of many (usually more senior) members within the community. And, generally speaking, what WAS in terms of spiritual leadership most definitely no longer IS.And this is important. What WAS no longer IS.There is, in other words, a kind of death within the community, and the sooner this death is accepted, the better.I'll tell you what. There's very little about a scandal within a spiritual community that can be deemed "positive." There's no upside, no happy ending. But you know what? Truth trumps happiness. Truth is what brought you to the meditation cushion in the first place, and truth will get you through a scandal when it hits your community. Truth is bigger than you or your teacher or even your tradition. When a scandal hits, you have the opportunity to do something remarkable: transcend the limitations of your lineage and move on, manifesting what is best within that tradition and leaving all the baggage behind. Good luck!0:00 Intro5:09 Disclaimer!5:47 1) Denial6:06 The 3 Forms of Denial8:11 2) The Neverending War of Words11:01 3) Infinite Endless Meeeeeeeetings14:48 4) The Radical Restructuring of Spiritual Leadership20:26 Happy Endings? Nah...25:54 And Now We Come to the KOANI offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
The Eightfold Buddhist Path in ONE WORD! (Word, bro!!) Zen Confidential 2024-12-12 | The 4 Noble Truths! Perhaps you've heard of them?? They're a pretty big deal in Buddhism. Today's video takes up the 4th of these truths, the Eightfold Path -- and reduces all eight components of this path to three categories...and then?? I'll TELL you what then: we reduce all three categories of the Eightfold path to one word!It's a fun video! Why, you ask? Weelllll...first of all, I incorporate music from an adult film from the 1970s. What's not fun about that! Also? We begin the video in one month...and end it in another, so: today's video features TIME TRAVEL!! And finally?? There is an appearance in today's offering from none other than Jerry Seinfeld!! (Sort of.)Listen! Zen Buddhism is a practical, earthy spiritual discipline "outside of scriptures," as the tradition's founder Bodhidharma put it. One of the great gifts of Zen (for me) is that it takes ornate and heady concepts and makes them actionable. The Eightfold Path is one of Buddhism's most profound teachings, but it never really meant that much to me until my teacher helped me reduce all its components to one word, and then...the ultimate magic trick...he made that one word disappear, too!Today, here on the 'Tube. See ya there! (Which is to say, here.)I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
Is Buddhism Good for Nothing? Hellz yes-ish!! Notes from a Spiritual Crisis! (Yr welcome) Zen Confidential 2024-12-04 | From the depths of an insanely chilly Wisconsin morning I bring you...a spiritual crisis!! Spending time with my friend's daughter I realized that her generation (or at least she) has a different take on spirituality, mental health, and wisdom than I do. Her dad has a ton of anxiety. So does her granddad. So does she. To deal with her condition she has eschewed the spiritual practices of her father and grandfather, who are new agers and Catholics respectively, and she has taken to therapy and medication.And you know what? It worked! So she tells me. Which leads to me wonder ... in focusing so much on the Zen Buddhist path, have I missed something that the younger generation has picked up on, i.e. that there are easier ways to find peace, or at least mental health, than locking one's self away in a monastery for thirteen years?This video comes with a small waterfall. It comes with footage from deep within a Door County forest. And it also comes with some video of a wonderful tree that is growing in a very strange and interesting way. And the video concludes with some thoughts on how each of us, in our own way, grow like these strange and interesting Door County trees. The spiritual path for me has not been about achieving mental health or even finding peace. It has been, essentially, a path that is good for nothing. And that is exactly what makes this path so priceless and unique.I offer these videos for free, but you can support my work here:paypal.com/donate/?business=2TDEMUWSYMFG2&no_recurring=0¤cy_code=USDYou can find essays, blogs, and videos here:patreon.com/ShozanJackHaubnerAnd buy my books here:amazon.com/Shozan-Jack-Haubner/e/B00BU82XU6?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1632966931&sr=8-1
