Uploaded June 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Are you setting real boundaries, or are you accidentally using threats, manipulation, or control? In this episode of The Terri Cole Show, I’m breaking down the 5 most common "boundary imposters" that are destroying your relationships—and how to fix them today.
If you've ever given someone the silent treatment, felt forced to write 14 paragraphs to justify your "no," or hurled a vague "I need space" text, you aren't actually setting a boundary. I’m giving you the real, therapeutic definition of what a boundary is (hint: it’s your preferences, desires, limits, and deal-breakers) and showing you how to become a true Boundary Boss without guilt or self-abandonment.
📝 Get this episode guide: terricole.com/guide
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
Time Stamps
00:00 - The Shocking Truth About Internet "Boundaries"
01:48 - Why Misusing Boundary Words Destroys Relationships
02:30 - Imposter #1: The Ultimatum vs. The Real Deal-Breaker
04:40 - Imposter #2: The Toxic Nature of the Silent Treatment
06:35 - Imposter #3: Overexplanation (Why "No" Is NOT Always a Full Sentence)
09:44 - Imposter #4: Preemptive Cancellation & Self-Abandonment
14:30 - Imposter #5: The Danger of Saying "I Just Need Space"
16:34 - How to Stop Controlling Others and Honor Yourself
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
youtu.be/ccF6VFIdPCg?si=-KH2gef4L3vWVZyK - How to Set Boundaries with Impossible People including Narcissists
youtu.be/obdyTUYkGpQ?si=t60ZZ-a_CA3WCHsl - How to Set Boundaries with Parents at Any Age
youtu.be/UHKa_9CPrNY?si=udQhQLDghgcbtPTK - Struggle to Set Boundaries With Friends? Try This
youtu.be/iHsYUDSmBDo?si=nALm2xa43x4PkWM5 - 10 Boundary Practices to Go From Self-Abandoning to Empowered
🪔 Meditate with me: insighttimer.com/terricole
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
Are you setting real boundaries, or are you accidentally using threats, manipulation, or control? In this episode of The Terri Cole Show, I’m breaking down the 5 most common "boundary imposters" that are destroying your relationships—and how to fix them today.
If you've ever given someone the silent treatment, felt forced to write 14 paragraphs to justify your "no," or hurled a vague "I need space" text, you aren't actually setting a boundary. I’m giving you the real, therapeutic definition of what a boundary is (hint: it’s your preferences, desires, limits, and deal-breakers) and showing you how to become a true Boundary Boss without guilt or self-abandonment.
📝 Get this episode guide: terricole.com/guide
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
Time Stamps
00:00 - The Shocking Truth About Internet "Boundaries"
01:48 - Why Misusing Boundary Words Destroys Relationships
02:30 - Imposter #1: The Ultimatum vs. The Real Deal-Breaker
04:40 - Imposter #2: The Toxic Nature of the Silent Treatment
06:35 - Imposter #3: Overexplanation (Why "No" Is NOT Always a Full Sentence)
09:44 - Imposter #4: Preemptive Cancellation & Self-Abandonment
14:30 - Imposter #5: The Danger of Saying "I Just Need Space"
16:34 - How to Stop Controlling Others and Honor Yourself
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
youtu.be/ccF6VFIdPCg?si=-KH2gef4L3vWVZyK - How to Set Boundaries with Impossible People including Narcissists
youtu.be/obdyTUYkGpQ?si=t60ZZ-a_CA3WCHsl - How to Set Boundaries with Parents at Any Age
youtu.be/UHKa_9CPrNY?si=udQhQLDghgcbtPTK - Struggle to Set Boundaries With Friends? Try This
youtu.be/iHsYUDSmBDo?si=nALm2xa43x4PkWM5 - 10 Boundary Practices to Go From Self-Abandoning to Empowered
🪔 Meditate with me: insighttimer.com/terricole
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
